Recently I moved and when I did I left a fully furnished apartment. After getting a bed frame off craigslist, the air mattress I was using didn't exactly hold the air like I'd like it to. And it's kind of weird to sleep in the pull out bed downstairs for the long term. As such it was time for me, at the noble age of 27, to pony up and buy a big girl bed. Naturally I looked up places on Yelp and found a few not far from me.

There were a ton of places along this one strip. One place in particular was advertising that they were going out of business. Being the cheapskate I am, of course I went here. The best part was the signs placed everywhere on all the merchandise. Please observe:

Wait, I'm confused. This mattress is NOT 50% off? Do I have to double the price listed or cut it in half? This is too much math! Now I know you are going out of business so good job on that part of the ticket but why is there a "NOT" pre printed? And NOT (get it?) to tell you your business but just because you are going out of business doesn't mean you shouldn't still try. Get some white out on that ish!

But it doesn't end there. You see there were plenty of others to choose from. This one seemed like it could work but upon reading the sign I had to check if it was opposite day. It wasn't.

Let's be honest, I really don't want to be dealing with an angry/mean mattress. It's just not worth the savings. Yet I believe this one was my favorite because it doesn't work either way.

You: "Nice mattress."
Me: Thanks, I got the "yikes" special. And at 238, it was a steal!

Last week I babysat for a friend who has 2 young kids. I really don't know how people do it. It was exhausting. All I did was play ref and keep them distracted from getting into a fight with each other over who could play with the toy truck and/or convincing one to not get mad at the other for looking at them.

Oy.

They are super adorable though so all is forgiven when they play nice. The five year old little boy asked me the following three questions throughout the 5 hours I was there.

1. "Are you pregnant?"
He thought my stomach stuck out a bit and couldn't understand why. It's called being a woman. And also fro-yo. Hey, I'm only human after all.

2. "Can you take a bath with me?"
Whatever gets him in the tub... I didn't actually join him, but I did get pretty soaked to where I might as well have. Especially when he wanted to fill the tub to the brim - you know, like a fountain.

3. "Can you sleep over?"
This is the second time he's asked me to do so. What can I say? I'm charming and in demand. His mom did mention that usually all these questions go in the reverse order. I tend to agree.