So last Tues I walked into Culture and Media noticing the teacher was handing out something that looked like a test, but thought it couldnt be bc I totally forgot and wasn't ready to take this test. But it was.

I debated whether or not I should just leave, or try my luck. I tried it. I did well on the 5 mult choice but I dodged many parts to the essay question because I didnt know the difference between a more and a folktale in social terms OR what the word subversive meant. I was embarassed for my sub-par argument which I made up on the spot.

All this week I have been dreading getting the test back with curious anticipation thinking maybe there was a chance I did well on it.

I got it back Thursday. Before the teacher handed it to me I said, "this outta be interesting because I forgot all about this test."

I looked at the grade. Cartoon double take with boing sound. It was the best grade I got so far in this class.

So I study and I get a B, I dont and somehow in my incoherent rambling I get an A.
Say wha?

A 1AM Convo....

EOR1313: it'd have to be something like ah your devil start not being your mom
EOR1313: last night in my trailer
Lactaid Lady: i dont even know what you are talking about anymore
EOR1313: that's cos i'm tripping

Moments Later....

EOR1313: but i decided the opposite of omg (oh my god) is "ah your devil"
EOR1313: so maybe i'll start saying ayd instead of omg
Lactaid Lady: yeah
EOR1313: and then because the opposite of my dad is your mom
EOR1313: it triggered my need to tack on "last night in my trailer"
Lactaid Lady: its too late now to redeem yourself
EOR1313: i'm just attempting to demonstrate a logical progression of thoughts
Lactaid Lady: there is no hope

Yesterday it was decided that my RA staff will start a band called Emotional Round house.

I will play the cow bell and be lead singer.

Remember the days when I had a quote of the week each week? Yeah well that probably won't come back as much as I'd like it to, but every so often a phrase is said that stays with me. This week it came from a tallcott resident who was quoted before about the lack of donuts on campus and this week did it again.

I was coming back to my room and there was Matt outside talking to my neighbor Sandra. The first thing I hear him say is "I will wear pants." I wasted no time, putting it directly onto my wipe board. It has remained there the whole week, warm and safe in my heart, and it shall remain there for all eternity....

or until monday when the week begins yet again.

For whatever reason I got the Cheers theme song in my head.

Sometimes you wanna go
Where everybody knows your name
(bah bah bah)
And they're always glad you came...
(bah bah bah)
(awkward pause as I forget how the song goes)

Oh well.

I also feel I should mention that TJ IMed me recently saying he now knew which celebrity he wanted to fight; it was asked several months ago in his home. He said Kelly and Jack Osbourne. AND he wants to do it with his feet (possibly arms, I forget) tied up, because if it wasn't, lets be honest, it wouldnt be much of a fight.

Update away!

Red Lightning made it through radiator cap replacement surgery. She's already up and at 'em. Thanks for your prayers and inspirational letters!

Moving on...I think a better name for Kidnapping is people stealing. It has a better, more interesting ring to it. Plus not all kids are stolen. Sometimes women who are 30 are taken and I don't consider them to be kids. So just imagine turning on the news and hearing:
"A person was stolen last night outside of Joe's Coffee Hut."

Or perhaps you want to go people stealing so you say to your buddy/accomplice:
"Hey I feel like going people stealin' tonight, are you in?"

Or maybe you are Barbara Walters and are interviewing someone and you ask:
"What was it like to be stolen?"


It's just SO much better than boring old kidnapping.

You know whats fun?

When you are 2 miles away from college and suddenly your car overheats and when you pop the hood your cap to the radiator is gone...and then people stop to help and you drive the next two miles saying really nice things to your car as you go a top speed of 35 mph.

I hope Red Lightning* surives this ordeal.

*the red '91 Toyota Carrola stick shift driven by one Colleen Evanson.

Couple of things.

1) I went to Philly to see Merry at Villanova. Twas great. We discovered new vocab:

J-hole: which I called Merry, she asked me what it meant, and I laughted histerically because I had no idea. It was later suggested it was jelly filling.

Monk-hole: I dunno, same as j-hole, makes no sense.

Ex: shortened version of Excellent

opin: shortened version of opinion, most often used as "in my opin"

Abrase: shortened version of abrasive often used with "in my opin that's abrase"

Fizz Market: a place in which crazy things are sold at. Example: You can't sell that here, take that to the Fizz Market.

Lunch Box: A place in which to put something. "Why don't you stick that in your lunch box"

2) While at Villanova I watched several episodes of The Golden Girls. It is def better than I thought it was. And we made bets on what would happen. I bet a 2 minute massage that Bea Arthur's character Dorithy would go on a date and she TOTALLY did.

3) Pat and I were watching Extreme Makeover, which is one of the most depressing shows I've ever seen...Anyway this guy got plastic surgery and when he revealed his "new" self one of his friends said, "he has lips now!" Needless to say, Pat and I convulsed in laughter on the couch.

As I walked into my brothers room to return the checkered red and black dress he claimed was "moms" which one Merry McOlvin wore last night as her, Lisa, and I pretended we were middle aged women on the way to the church social, my brother Shawn and cousin Patrick were playing a video game. The conversation went as follows:

Colleen: I'm just returning your dress.
Pat: Did you iron it?
Colleen: No.
(she puts the dress into the closet)
Colleen: Are you guys playing that 007 game?
Shawn: Yeah
(all watch the television screen)
Colleen: I didn't know it's a two player.
(she looks carefully at the characters)
Colleen: (to Pat) Are you a woman?
Shawn: We both are. He's Mya and I'm Regina.

(she left the room with the determination to quote the hell out of that)

CURTAIN

I got some complaints about not updating. I won't say from who, but it was my mom. So let's fix that before she cuts me off...

Today I got my boss to laugh so hard she began to cry. In addition, she thinks she may have peed a little. How did I do this? Well let me tell you.

Now I am often fond of saying I will round house someone in the throat. I just think its funnier and more orginal than jokingly telling someone to shut up. Sometimes I even say it randomly and today we got into talking about it. There came a point when I visually demonstrated what I THOUGHT a round house was. I brought my arm up and circled it wide before punching. Meg and several others began to laugh histerically as I stood there perplexed. I didn't realize my puching skills were so funny. But no, they were laughing AT me.
Appearently a round house involves a kick. And it is very complex and difficult to be able to get someone in the throat since you are high kicking and turning at the same time. It's like a Mortal Combat move.

Now I know I learned a valuable lesson today but I still think my punch could be considered a round house. Plus it's easier to accomplish and more functional in society.

Ponder that my friends....ponder that.

Quote o' the day goes to a tallcott resident named Matt who has a fond place in my heart...here is another reason why he rocks:

"Did you guys realize there were no donuts all day on campus?!"

Now this is a man who knows his priorities.

I've been sneezing a lot. And since all my sneezes are crazy big it reminds me of my dear friend Liz's comment to me about the sound and power behind them. She said, "it sounds like your brain is trying to escape."

Perhaps it is. But I've always been good to it, so I dont see why it would want to leave me. But whatever, I'll be fine on my own. Though I'll probably not be able to function in society anymore, but I hear being a vegetable isn't so bad.

However, in the practical world, the sneezes are from one of two things.

1. My room is kinda dusty. And I dunno how to fix that beyond wiping it away with my hand or blowing it off my desk because I don't have the supplies to do anything else. Plus I'm lazy.

2. I gots me a cold. As if the cold that has been lingering around in my body for the past month isn't bad enough, now it invited its friend over to hang out, eat all my hot fries, and drink my Arizona Green Tea, and watch my DVDs while laying in their underwear on the couch.

So it appears I am doomed either way.
(sigh)

Today I had a marvelous idea. Everyone knows about those patches you can buy if you want to quit smoking, well what if you don't have any friends or you got ditched by your friends or they died...whichever.
You are lonely, no one to laugh with, no one to comment on your outfit, or watch tv with. Just head over to a convient store and buy yourself the Friendship patch. It fills you with good thoughts making you feel like you have a purpose to life.

I also think it should be made out of candy. Kinda like a piece of a fruit by the foot. Oh delicious friendship.

At this moment I think I understand the morbidly obesse people of the world and why they ask Maury for help.

I think a great new style would be getting the opposite of bangs. How do you do that? Well I'll tell you, just shave the very front of your head.

Ask your hairdresser about it!

Though some may argue if you don't have bangs then getting the opposite of that would be to GET bangs. But to all of those people....stop ruinging everything. Just shave the front of your head, ok? It'll be cool I swear. I saw Jennifer Aniston do it this weekend.

I finished my Orientation Leader application. For the last part of the question section it allows for addition comments. This is what I wrote:

For the additional comments I would just like to say…
I'm lactose intolerant and proud
Love ice tea and other assorted juices
Jealous of cats since they sleep 16 hours out of a day
Can quote SNL sketches as if it is my job
An active recycler
Am 1/64 Cherokee Indian
Own a blue members only jacket
Coldplay is the soundtrack of my soul
And sneakers are my foot ware of choice

I don't see how they could logically and rationally turn me down.

I'm proud of this joke I wrote for my TV show:

Bryan Singer director of the X-Men films is in talks to direct Fox's untitled drama pilot about a team of doctors who diagnose the toughest medical cases that other doctors have not been able to crack. Many of the plots will center around issues such as cancer, AIDS, and why Judith Light looks like a man.

ZING!

It's been a few days, but I've had lots of work to do. I thought being on duty would make me get my work done on Friday and Saturday, but amazingly that didn't happen.

So my question for all is: How does a crazy person drive?

Do they scream constantly, do they swirve, to they mumble to themselves, do they drive slow thinking this is a new planet that their rocket ship just landed on. Do they throw things? If so why type of things?

Once you have answered all the questions imagine it happening, it's hilarious.

Spike Lee came to Ithaca College. Jealous? He was really cool. Good speaker, down to earth, funny. However, 27,000 dollars for about an hour and a half is kinda ridiculous. That's someone's tuition...almost. As RA Mike says this school costs thirty-two much. I concur.

I think the best part was when Spike went off on a Red Socks fan who claimed using 1918 was not original. Spike told him it's a fact. The sky is blue. And the red sock haven't won since 1918.

I apologize if that date is wrong. It's just been such a long time since they won anything that I can't recall when it was.

Oh Snap!

In the following the SN ProffesorChaos23 plays the part of my brother...


ProffesorChaos23: idky
Lactaid Lady: idky?
ProffesorChaos23: i dont know why
Lactaid Lady: oh boy, now i know how mom feels

"I am sorry if anyone was offended by the wardrobe malfunction during the halftime performance at the Super Bowl," Timberlake said of the incident.

I love that it is referred to as a "wardrobe malfunction," like its this really advanced technology that is difficult to control. The engineers are looking into the incodent to make sure it doesn't happen again. A loose button within the chestal region allowed for the easy departure of the breast material to disapate thus leaving thousands to see Janet Jackson's boob.

the GASP heard 'round the world.

Gloom Doggy: 20 years old. Thats disgusting
Lactaid Lady: i know
Gloom Doggy: eugh, how does it feel?
Lactaid Lady: i'm totally in the majority demographic that the media aims at

Last night I had SO much work and I procrastinated but got it all done at 2am, which aint bad because I would have been up til then anyway. 2 papers and a long ass chapter for field production=Done. And today was so wonderful because I didnt have to worry about anything being due tomorrow since I don't have class.

HA HA SUCK ON THAT SCHOOL!

In a related topic, I'd like to send a special message to my main lady up in Ithaca:

WTF, Mother Nature, WTF?

Its been snowing like it's no ones business in the beginning of the week, and then the wind decides, hey I'm not getting enough play so I'm going to be ALL over the place. I think Wind and Snow are in an alliance to kick off Sun. They are just jealous because everyone likes Sun.

I might look into purchasing some leggings or long johns, whatever they are called because too often while out in the frozen tundra I wish I had some more pants on. It's just too damn cold out.

Perhaps I'll write to my Congress Man.

A recent discussion.


OEEPing: And who wants to read?
Lactaid Lady: exactly
Lactaid Lady: reading is for losers
OEEPing: And nerds. Don't forget about them.
Lactaid Lady: oh i haven't
OEEPing: I'm sure.
Lactaid Lady: being able to read wont get you ANYWHERE in life
Lactaid Lady: picture books are where it's at
OEEPing: Books. Pshaw. Things of the past.
OEEPing: The future is in electromographic gizmos

Curtain

So I took this quiz online when I was bored. It was called, What movie do you belong in? It tells me I belong in Aladdin and naturally I'm very excited because it's my favorite Disney movie. But then it tells me WHY i belong there.

"Lying, cheating, and stealing. You won't stop until you get what you want."

...I think I'm offended. Aladdin is about befriending monkeys, about flying on a magic carpet, about friendship, about tricking people into thinking you are something you are not and then confronting it and setting a genie free and getting to be the Saltin of Agrabah.

So screw you Quizzilla, you don't know WHAT you're talking about!

Well I dropped Personal Essay. No more turtle man. Damn. So now I'm in Culture and Media which, from my understanding, we analyze tv and such. Hopefully it doesnt bite me on the ass and I have to go crawling back to Personal Essay and everyone is all looking at me with squinty mean eyes and they call me Jane and I tell them that's not my name but they call me that anyway. Cuz that would suck.

The Outcast song "Hey Ya" has the constant ability to make me shake it like a polaroid picture.

I'm working right now in the office doing RA stuff for duty. I have my own personal project in here. I fart on the main office persons chair and leave a sign up that just has the number on it so she'll be all like, "what?" And every so often it will go up as I fart more in it. Right now it's at 8 but a few minutes ago it became 9. By the end of the year on the back of the paper I will write that "this is how many times I farted on your chair." And not sign it. So she will feel gross.

I'm so sweet.

First day o' classes are going rather well so far. I get up at 10am M-Th and then get to sleep til 2 on Friday. So I figure I can stay up til at least 2am each night and still get enough sleep for the morning. Super! Or wait, make that...Choice!

My personal writing class I'm not so sure about. The professor is kinda like an old turtle. I think hes got some personality in him but it's hard to tell since all he did was read directly from the syllabus. Thats always fun. However I might replace that class with some Acting IV action. POW!

does everyone enjoy the new opening picture? I say that since the POW took me back to the days of the fox lady and her kick. I enjoy the instructions and the gun that is in mid-air. Hurray for potential violence!

Other news: It's DAMN cold out. And all the salt they put down stains the bottom of my pants white. Which means I have to wash them...or just the bottoms (Yeah Liz). But don't worry I won't allow the salt to take over my life. I do have good news. I believe that I will manage to spend less than 100 on books this semester. Take that, THE MAN!

Appearently I have been working too hard since I strained my left foot muscle. Now I look funny when I walk. And I didn't do anything like run a marathon or lift weights or operate heavy machinary. I dont get it. All I did was walk around. I am falling apart.

Segway!

Feeling slightly annoyed by the wind howling its way into my room from a small crack in my no-so-effecient dorm window, I got up and tried to push it closed some more. No such luck. I then pushed it in and realized that the sounds wasn't unbearable, however, once I let go it was back. So I looked around for something I could stick in the little space and lo and behold I reached down and the Everybody Poops book found its way to my hand. It was just thin enough to hold the window closed. And it did so all night. Thank you Everybody Poops, not only for the wonder of showing fecal matter but for helping out when I needed it most.

At the 80s training dinner/dance party I got online to get some food. I was sporting my blue members only jacket and a fellow RD noticed that it was genuine and exclaimed with excitement, "That's CHOICE!"

This is an excellent 80s word that is often forgotten from the sea of other great words such as "Totally" "Rad" "Bodacious" "Narley" "Wicked" "Bitchin"

As a goal I have set for myself, I plan to include "Choice" into my everyday vocabulary. It's time for a rebirth.

RA training started today. We had our first session which was about Motovation. It was full of cheesy lessons and so I didn't do any of the exercises seriously. For one of the things the woman held up two containers with different amounts of water in them. It was the old..half full or half empty deal. She asked us to take a moment to write down descriptions of the containers. Here is what I wrote.

Half Empty
Half Dollar
H-D
H-Dolla'
Half-D
Hasselhoff
Cookies
Fred is Asian
Molly is hitting on me

The whole rant of Half Dollar is from earlier when our staff had lunch together and they were talking about 50 Cent and I said he should have a sidekick named Half Dolla'....And so I have abandoned my old name "Colleen" and will only respond to any form of Half Dolla' as seen above. The cookies, I just wanted one, and Hasselhoff...I dunno. Fred is an actual person and YES he IS asian. And Molly was winking and licking her lips at me so she indeed was hitting on me.

Basically the lesson from the session is as follows...

Optimism=Life
Pessimism=Death

There you go.

check out ma new pics....scroll down!

First of all I must give a Massive Shout Out to the one and only Sundstroms. Not only was Friday night full of witty banter, but cake as well. And you can never go wrong with that.

They voiced their concerns about my site and the lack of updates. They were worried for Oldschool's health. It appears I haven't spend enough time with it and it's been turning to the streets for comfort. So now I will only go to work for half days and make sure I cook at least one meal a week that isn't instant mac and cheese. And I'll also quit drinking and selling drugs out of the back of my car. It's a real nasty habit.

Also today I discovered the beauty of VH1's Super Secret TV Formulas. It's like so many of VH1's programs...a clip show where comedians say funny things about cheesy/bad/iconic shows. And here they have the wonderful landscape of 70 and 80s sitcoms. I recommend to people of all ages. Although I must say, what is the deal with plugging their website? I was suckered into checking it out and to be honest, it's not THAT great.

VH1's Overall Colleen Rating: Four Sugar Cookies

**Scale based on Five Sugar Cookie Scale**

Sorry old friend. Here's what happens....

I wake up around 12, eat a bagel, watch tv, take a shower, hop online, check my email which is mostly full of excellent morgage deals for me - you know since I have that house n all. Oh and sometimes there is this way for me to loose all that extra holiday weight in a week. Amazing huh? So that stuff gets deleted right away and that process makes me hungry again so I go eat a chipwich, its like a turkey sandwich, only the turkey and bread are replaced by chocolate chip cookies and ice cream. And all that chewing makes me thirsty for some ice tea - Arizona Green Tea that is....

Then I'll go out to one of the following:

Blockbuster
Starbucks
The Mall
A Fast Food Establishment
Dollar/Thrift Store

Speaking of which...My cousin Pat and I were watching "I love the 80s" on VH1 and they were talking about fashions of the decade and we decided we were going to find ourselves some mighty fine Members Only jackets. So we hit up the thrift store and found not only one but TWO and a couple of knock-off brands. So we cleared them out of their Members Only appearal - one blue and one mustard yellow.
Jealous?

So basically the rest of my day is spent watching movies, or going to someone elses house and watching a movie and or TV, then we'll go to starbucks, and then more tv, and then we go home and I go online again...to check out what other amazing deals i'm being offered in my emails, then I top my day off with some tv.

Curtain.

hello all. I apologize that within my busy schedual of sleeping, eating, and watching tv I am unable to update. There just isn't enough time. Imagine that? Well as you can probably gather, that's a lie. I am lazy. But this is my time to be lazy and I was just sick for the past week so pity me. In conclusion, nothing interesting is going on at this point. There is witty banter had between myself and others such as my dad, mom, brother, cousin pat, and friends. However, my memory just isn't what it used to be back when I was 18 and now that I'm pushing 20 I'm afraid I don't remember much of anything except the tv channels. A shame.

Otay I'm going to go put on some more weight. I can't wait to hit the gym when I get back....

That is also a lie. There is no such thing as the gym.

oh no they didn't!

Oh yes, they did. NBC I congradulate you on not only creating Average Joe, the reality show in which you TRICK attractive girls into thinking they are going on a show to meet hunky men only to disappoint them with ave looking guys. But oh no, what's this? At some point the girl might realize she is shallow and then has feelings for these men...but oh wait then they sneek on some hot looking guys and she chooses one of them proving that if you aren't hot you are not worth loving.

So after bringing forth so much joy and goodness into the world, they went and made Average Joe 2: Hawaii.
As if calling average Joe 2 wasn't enough. they had to add the punch of Hawaii. Was that really necessary? I mean cmon...you're not Baywatch.

I still don't know who's hotter. But its ok, I dont really feel the need to answer such a huge life question at this time.

Being sick is no fun. But me thinks I'm getting better. hor-ray!

In addition, yes, today was the day that my toe nail finally bid itself goodbye to my toe. Tis a shame, but this came about not from being hit again in some unfortunate accident. No no, twas me. I had decided the time had come. My toe looks nasty having half the nail but that's where my friend Mr. Bandaid comes in.

ok i'm hungie and thats something that shant be ignored.

While checking my email i noticed this little thing in the corner of the hotmail website that said, "Britney or J.Lo, who's hotter?"

I thought for a moment. I dont want to choose either of them bc i hate them both. This truely is a tough question for me. It's basically, "who do you hate less?" And I hate them equaly. As of yet I still have no answer....

I have a confession to make....

I don't wear flip flops in the shower. All the girls on my floor wear them, the bathroom is cleaned everyday, and I have yet to contract any foot disease. So I encourage you all to put your fears aside and shower the way you were meant to. Throw down your flip flops and be free.

Hey there blog. I hope you're not mad at me. I've been busy lately and havent been able to stop by. But I still consider you to be a really good friend.

OK stop.

While writing that last sentence and this one as well, my computer decides it wants to click the cursor over to somewhere else and I have to re-click the box. And ALSO sometimes it randomly makes me type in all caps and I'm totally not using Caps Lock. So I run a virus scan, and nothing. What is the deal? It's only when I access the internet.

Damn you Ithaca College and your crappy internet. It is rapidly becoming the bane of my existance....that and static.

i have work to do this week, but last week was so lacks that I dont want to do any of it. That and I have outlines for all the things I have to do so technically its already done. Motivation is a hard thing to find now a days

Oh well, at least I'm not Paris Hilton...

I had henna on my hands and arms in India and it stays on your skin for a pretty long time. The henna dyed my finger nails so they look this redish color and it doesnt come out. It has to grow out. The patterns are mostly gone from my arms and are faintly on my hands...but my fingertips are still a bit red. But to many it looks like I'm dirty or addicted to a narcotic substance like crack.

It's fun, I go to India and get stared at and then come back and get stared at.
I think a quick solution to this would be to paint my fingernails.

In other news:

I have recently discovered the WONDER that is Coffee Health Bar Crunch ice cream. My god, Ben and Jerry's what have you done?!

Back.

One of the greatest things I saw in India was when i went into a music store, a brand of them, and saw along with other bad american DVDs...the Jane Fonda work out video. Why India, why?

I started to film it but bc we were in a brand name chain, I was asked to stop. But it was filmed long enough to be on tape. HA HA!

India here I go!

I thought of my own Deep Thought the other day. (The original Deep Thoughts being from Jack Handey on SNL) It goes a little something like this...

I don't think it's ok to curse profusely in front of children, unless they are deaf.

What would we do without scotch tape?

Surely the stock for masking tape would increase, but no one would know anything beyond stickly beige adhesive for everything. Although, masking tape's rival would be duct tape. The almightly all purpose duct tape which would more than likely destroy several paint jobs when removed from the walls. So I guess people would opt for masking.

Thank God, we don't live in that world...

In other news...

I'm SO glad Meg and I kept our promise of going to the Gym at least 3 times a week. Because that has DEF happened and I DEF didnt feel like a fatty McGee today when I ran for about 45 seconds and almost had a heart attack.


NOTE: The above contains sarcasm.

Dear Ithaca Weather,

Calm down. You're going to hurt yourself with all this blowing around with the wind. Go back to the Indian Summer thing you were doing, that suits you MUCH better. Personally, this whole cold and windy thing, make you look fat.

Your friend,
Colleen Evanson

I have gotten some interesting feedback on the "snap" issue addressed in the last post that I'd like to share:


My Dad, Stevey-E says, "old school mentality (or insanity) argues that the proper opposite to snap would have to be, 'boing.' Another elastic sound but slowerand heavier."

Dave Syracuse writes, "mightn't the oppisite of 'snap' be 'pans'? It's snap backwards."

Dave then proceeded to show me the wonder that is this site (copy and paste it), perfect for when you want to procrastinate.
Just click on the horses and enjoy as the minutes fly by.

http://svt.se/hogafflahage/hogafflaHage_site/Kor/hestekor.swf

PS - Aunt Dot if you are reading this. The whole BRT RA Staff appreciates your cookies. They all dearly love you for it and were addicted to eating them claiming they were the best cookies ever. Mad props to you and your cookie making ability!

Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you, a late night conversation

Lactaid Lady: played by Me
EOR1313: played by Mary

EOR1313: damn it Colleen! now i have "your song" in my head
Lactaid Lady: snap
EOR1313: antisnap
EOR1313: [i felt like that needed a comeback, and really, what is a comeback to snap?]
Lactaid Lady: truely a statement to ponder about
EOR1313: i suppose i could have gone with unsnap
EOR1313: but that sort of sounds like i'm stripping
Lactaid Lady: but it does roll off the tongue a bit easier
EOR1313: yes, but it doesn't exactly have the comeback attitude
Lactaid Lady: not the same punch as Anti-snap
EOR1313: instead of "hey, check yourself before you wreck yourself," it's like "hi, let me undress for you"
Lactaid Lady: but that almost sounds political
Lactaid Lady: yes, I am anti-snap
EOR1313: i see your point
Lactaid Lady: so what else could be the arch nemi of snap?
EOR1313: hmm
EOR1313: snap back!
Lactaid Lady: mmmm...no, not so much, that sounds like 80s slang
Lactaid Lady: whats the opposite sound of snap?
EOR1313: i suppose one could always retort with "your mom"
Lactaid Lady: the perfect all purpose come back
Lactaid Lady: if we ever had to advertise phrases, that's what the slogan for it would be
EOR1313: true story

(Curtain)

Ok I got a bunch of stuff to discuss.

First, went to the doctors to finish up shots for India. Meg came with me, thank god otherwise I would have been a complete mess; one from the paperwork and two from the shots. I dislike getting them like many ppl, but I tense up and close my eyes and go "AHHH!" when they hurt. It's quite a sight to behold.

The malaria immunization is in the form of pills and I had two choices. I could take one each day but run the risk of an upset stomach and since my stomach already blows I went for the once a week dose. But ready for these side effects? Weird dreams OR halucinations! SCORE! When the dr said that I was close to saying to Meg, I'll be trippin' out of my mind, as if a hippy would say it. But I figured the DR might think I really did drugs and it would be awkward to explain that I only joke about it. She would never believe me.

Oh and BONUS....the Dr's name was Niziol, but pronounced Nizzle. How amazing is that?

That's all for now.

Last night I had some crazy dreams. Mostly because I had to direct a big project today for a major production class. It's basically a music video and I chose the song, Material Girl by the one and only Madonna. There is all this pre production work, like camera angles and lighting and all that jazz. I got everything done. But I was nervous about it b/c it was more difficult than things we had done before.

So I go to bed all anxious. And I had dreams of missing the class, which is at 8am. Then I'd dream about getting lost is some crazy office at the school and being late to class. Each time I would wake up and think, just think of something else, and as I'd begin to sleep the lines, "Living in a material world, and I am a material girl" would float into my head.

But the dream that takes the cake is the one where I was pregnant. Don't worry, it wasn't mine. I was a surrogate mother. And I had been pregnant for about a month or so. Now I know they say you cant really feel in dreams but my body felt diffferent, weighted down a little. My thoughts were, oh I forgot to tell my mom about this. Then I was worried that people in school would think I got knocked up and stare at me, meanwhile I was just doing something nice for someone.....When will people learn to understand. Best part is that I woke up and had to realize that I wasnt really pregnant.

Silly dream.

There is someone at my school who has the last name of Westerhorstmann. How unfortunate....

While eating our wonderful dining hall breakfast Mary and I looked back on our youth to the music. The times of Wilson Phillips, Milly Vanilly, early Janet Jackson, the New Kids on the Block Craze - which I just wasn't a part of for whatever reason, and Ace of Base. Songs like "100 Percent True Love," and "Boom Boom Boom, Let me hear you say WAY-Oh!"

WAY-OH!

It was then that Mary declared with a sigh, "Oh early ninty's, what a wealth of fabulous music"

I told myself that I would start my work for my Video Project. It's all in my head but it needs to be put on the page and I'm really tempted to just leave it to Sunday, but I'm going to be smart and break it in half to tomorrow doesnt suck.

Ok here I go!

2 Things from the day that make me say, "What?!"

1) It's raining out and whenever that happens the worms come out. They think they will drown so they seek shelter on the pavement where many people can smash them into pieces. But then again....they ARE worms. But still I attempt not to step on them. I dont want to have the guilt of being a worm murderer weighing me down.

2) In the dining hall there was a sign on some of the drink dispensers that said, "Out of Order, Thank You (smiley face)"
Ok. Thank You? Shouldnt that be, Sorry. Why are you thanking me? That phrase doesn't belong there. I'm thinking one of the dining hall employees wrote that, which assures them the right to work there.

Stressful, busy week. What else is new? So in sum here are some highlights:

1) Got a necklace for 50 cents at Wegmans (supermarket upstate) and it says "Diva" on it. Yes I wear it. How could I not?!

2) Saw a pigeon poop. He wasn't flying. Just walking along and did his thing.

3) Got three articles of clothing for FREE! Double score. No I didn't steal them. My boss, Meg, was giving them away.

4) I've been sneezing alot and its bc the right side of my nose is faulty or something. Either that or there is some sneezing device someone put up there. I blow my nose and all that jazz and nothing is there. It's prob an implant.

5) I have sugar cookies from Ms.Marie. Awesome. Big Ups on that. See, I dont like regular ol' Choco Chip Cookies, I likes ma sugar. And it's rare that I find them in many social gathering situation. But these babies are home made. And I can feel like my taste in cookies if fully valued and supported.

The End.

My floor bathroom smells like crap. And yeah you could say, "well it's a bathroom." But no this is too much. So much that the housekeeper and tried to cover it up with Lemon Pine Sol, or something to that effect, but it's not really working. I think it has to do with the leeky middle toilet, perhaps I should do something about that.

Long time back I stubbed my toe going up the stairs, during RA training. Perhaps some of ya'll remember. Well they told me it wouldn't fall off, Mary (other RA - Rowland represent!) said it would and she would know being a Bio major n such. I was determined to keep my toe nail, cuz a toe without a nail is just wrong. So I'd like to think it was my will power which helped it stay on for so long. When I got my shots for India (one month!) the nurse took a look and said I had a 50/50 chance of it falling off.

Listen up Toe Nail: I won't give up on you. You are staying put and that's that. So don't flake out. Thanks, bye
Love Always - Col

PS: I ate a stale bagel today which is unfortunate because it was from Friday and I wish I had the chance to eat it sooner. I'm sorry Mr. Bagel. Next time I promise.

Kick it!

STOP.
COLLABORATE.
AND LISTEN.
Ice is back with a brand new edition.

Oh Vanilla Ice. Such a shame.

Last night I watched one of the weirdest things I've ever seen on TV. Second to that man who had a tree branch up his ass is MTV's True Life series. This one was called, I have a phobia. It showcased 4 people; one afraid of cats, talking to girls, flying, and of course...midgets.

What?

You want to know her rational behind it. She said, "they could be anywhere and jump out and attach themselves to my leg or something."
I can't even tell you how many times midgets have just jumped from the bushes and grabbed my leg and held on for MILES.

Throughout the show I kept thinking..."Wow, I'm so lucky I'm not you."

I would just like to have it known that I just listened to Can't Touch This by MC Hammer in my room. There was many a head bobble.

I havent updated because I dont feel like I have anything interesting to report on. Things keep moving, my weeks are so packed that suddenly I'm like.."Holy crap! It's Wed, the week is half over."

I was leaving to go to class and one of my residents came out of her room with pig tales and a pink spandex jumper. It was like she was taken straight out of an 80s exercise video. I stopped short and actually said, "What the...?"

She told me it was exaggeration day in her class. She seemed embarrassed, and rightfully so...But I told her it was awesome.

My residents are really cool.

I hath recently discovered how odd my little toe is. Its trying to burrow under my other toe. I am a freak of nature....woe is me. It's like this little fetus.

I recently was struck down by an evil evil cold virus. I felt like crap for the past two days, I'm a bit better now, but that idea of writing when i couldnt even breath kinda stopped me. Sleep took the "update blog" time.

I found it rather amusing since my nose was so clogged its harder to breath and I didnt want to breath threw my mouth bc then my throat would get sore and dry...which it already was, so I attempted to just breath threw the one side of my nose that wasn't clogged and I would get so fatigued. I felt like a fat kid trying to get up a flight of stairs...only it wasn't a flight but rather 4/5 stairs. How sad is that?

Ok I must away...with lots of tissues. Yay goobers!

I went to 80s night at the Haunt last night. Oh wow. Ain't nothing like shaking it to Billy Jean.

Also...If i were in charge, I'd call blueberries purpleberries, because after all....they ARE purple. A dark purple, but purple none the less.

Updates are few and far between. Of this I am aware. Fix this I must, but time to do it I have not.

Ok enough Yoda talk. Yesterday had the first taping for Backstage....my college TV show I'm producing this year. OMG it was INSANE. We get into the studio at 8:45pm, we have the studio until 11pm. We were going to tape it at 10pm. But no...the still store (which is like the litte box thing next to the reporters in the news) was taking FOREVER cuz there were so many. So after about 32 of them, I said screw it, we dont have time. We didnt get to do a complete run through of the show. It was 10:25, we pushed back taping til 10:30pm. I wasnt sure if we'd have enough time to get out of the studio by 11, if we didnt I would be in trouble. The show is a half hour long. We just went for it.

And it was amazing. There was such a high probability of disaster and it went swimmingly. My talent rocks the house, writing was great. Still stores worked.

I was so stressed and so in shock that we pulled it off that I almost went into shock. I couldnt believe I pulled it off. Oh boy. Producin' be crazy. Then after been exhausted...I couldnt go to bed. I kept thinking about the show, what to improve. My brain wouldnt shut down. Really annoying.

But I am very happy. Anyone from Ithaca College reads this, we are airing the show tonight, 6:30pm on Channel 16. watch it, it's good stuff.

over and out

YIKES!!! Never had I ever imagined such a situation would occur in my life. As some may know I have an away message which makes reference to my lactose intolerance and the way it transformed me into a superhero. Because of what happened I dont want to name myself because this guy might find it somewhere.

Confused?

Ok here it is. I'm minding my own business at 130am and I get this IM from Tigerbiker922. He is doing this role playing thing where he is a superhero known as Wonderboy. He tells me his story. We are joking around like friends. I figure it's someone from school got my SN and is messing with me. OH no, its a 39 year old man who gave me a description of himself and then proceeded to ask me my age...this is a little portion of it:

Lactaid Lady: 19
Tigerbiker922: college student?
Lactaid Lady: yep
Tigerbiker922: wanna trade pics just for fun?

Now up til that point I thought, ok he's 39 maybe he's cool, maybe he's still living in my parents houseing surfing the next night and day to seek human contact through computers. Maybe he's not a HUGE nerd.

Nope. He was, and he was also creepy. Yaye for me. I'm SO glad I got hit by the world's finest.

For the second installment of the Theatre Teacher Cronicals...

He dressed up as a pimp in a leapard print robe with shimmering red around the cuffs and along the bottom. As if that weren't enough, a wig also got involved along with a witch hat.

Quotes:

"Cursed, spoiled again!"
"'F' this, 'F' that."

Note: some of these are out of context. And he didnt drop the F-bomb, just used the letter.

I finally got my media book today that cost a pretty penny. So now I must put it to use.
If you are looking for an interesting thing to do, I suggest looking up Jack Handey's Deep Thoughts. Here are some I heard recently:

Consider the dandelion, while you do that I'll be over here going through ALL your stuff.

The earliest fly swatter was probably a flat surface with a long stick attached to it.


That's all I remember. Do the rest on your own.

Today in Intro to Theatre....my STUNNING hour 15 min lecture class with 300 ppl...I decided to make use of my time by writing a few comments down about my teacher. To Preface...He is young and new at this. He often makes jokes that arent funny which after the moment of silence he follows with a nervous, "So anyway," or "Eh Whatever."
I did my evaluation is elementary school teacher style.

Comments: Jim often strays away from the topic with stories of himself. Must learn to stay on task. He has an hour and 15 mins and we only get to HW question 2 out of 5.
Bravo.

In addition there are some fun quotes:

"I can touch you. I can sit on someone's lap. I can do anything"
"I can't fart on cue"
"Danish castles are dangerous places."

Thank you and good night!

I have a relatively new pair of pants and the fly is constantly a little down. It's really annoying. I have to keep zipping it back while its halfway down because if I ignore it for too long it will go all the way down. However, the material covering the fly works as such that it is hard to see that its down. So to some, it will look like I am constantly touching my crotch. And to that I say, Excellent.

what up G's? Aint nothing new going on 'round hea. Sorry for lack of updates, I know how it may trouble you so. But alas, I am at a loss as to what to write. I am staying busy with school, working, and the like. I love that phrase..."and the like" Who came up with that? I'd like to meet them and say "hey, thats a stupid phrase, you are the last person who should be thinking up saying. Have you done any other work or are you a one hit wonder." I hope he/she doesnt read this site and start to cry.

Read this, it will make you happy.

http://www.february-7.com/features/conan.htm

I read a story today that went like this...

There once was a boy named Internet and one day he got lost and NEVER came back.

Well HOLD THE PRESSES cuz he's back in town!

In other news, while waking up this morning I was perplexed as to how deaf people wake up. Seriously, they can't hear the alarm. Does their bed shake? Does someone have to come and wake them up? Anyone know?

ok i'm gonna hang out with ma friend Internet.

Ok so here is the deal. Ithaca College has no internet right now bc of this thing known as the Blaster virus. I'm only able to access it since I am an RA and can use the official offices with compooders in it. So it might be awhile before I can really update. Its all busy-like now that the residents moved it. but at least I can walk without a limp. Toe is A-OK.

I'm hungry...it seems the cheerios I ate an hour ago will not surfice for the night.
DRAT!

Oh and David Sedaris is coming to Ithaca soon. How amazing?! He's a writer and his sister did that show Strangers with Candy. I am so excited that I could see him perform some readings from his book. Rock!

Warning! Since my injury of last week there has been many more instances. This raises concerns and talks of a curse. Could it be that just my toe being injured somehow off set the world's rotation causing people to walk into things? It's a big possibility. Since my injury, a fellow staff member hit her foot and bruised it. My ENTIRE immediate family has hit their toe. Another RA dropped a bottle on his, and Yvone hit hers as well. Now either this is some weird phenomenon OR everyone things it's "hip" to injury the toe region.

If that is the case. Tisk tisk America...and the World. POSERS! Get your own way to hurt yourself.

I'm so graceful it hurts.

Literally. Because I have mastered the skill of walking up stairs SO Well I am capable of stubbing my big toe so badly it bleeds, oozes white blood cells, hurts like a bitch enough for me to leave RA training go to the Health Center and have the Doctor tell me that there is blood under my nail that is causing pressure and lots of pain. Only I can have a lame store of falling UP the stairs, busting my toe, have it NOT be broken but get the most pain I could from something that in the long run wont cause future hospital visits.

GO ME!

Oh no....I did it again. Allow me to explain. I picked a theme for my door tags today to be Saved by the Bell because honestly, Who didnt love that show? I can't go wrong. So I decide, 'hey I'll hop online and see if I can find some pictures of the cast.' Head to google and there is this quiz to tell you which character you would be. I take it. And what does Colleen get?

A.C. Slater...a MAN! A JOCK! This definately doesnt help my lesbian complex

I had to pack to go back to college. It's for RA training so they snatch 2 weeks of summer for that. And this time I got lost. Went with Merry and we had no problem, but that was bc there wasnt insane traffic on the LIE and the Cross Island had an exit sign. So then I turned around and took it South figuring it would be ok since I was going the other way. Nope. I then took it north, didnt see signs for the Trogs Neck, so I went south again. Then, I dont even know how, I was at JFK in the cargo area or something. I was on the verge of freaking out hardcore after I couldnt find my mom's cell phone that she gave me in case such a situation should arrive.
So I asked ppl at the terminal how to get there, and BAM then in was easy as pie.

We get to name our vacuume. Naturally calling it Your Mom would be hilarious but some might take offense. As such, Herbert is a very big possibility.

On a "What the Hell?!" note: I still can't access my ithaca mail account on my computer, so Dana I feel your pain. I can go on other computer and it works but mine doesnt want me to check my mail. Maybe I got a bad email that might hurt my feelings so this fine machine is trying to save me from emotional turmoil.
Yo no se.*

*Spanish, Transation: I don't know.

See you learn something everyday.

This evening I had some people come over to the house I'm watching and when my one friend arrived he said he had to poop. I showed him the bathroom and his name shall be stricken from the record in case Dave is ashamed of his work. Ooops. I slipped. So later on in the night after they left I noticed there was this sound of running water. I investigated, and it took me until I came to check my email for me to realize it was coming from the bathroom. The VERY same bathroom you know who used.

As such, I went inside and noticed the toilet seemed to be having some trouble. I opened the top, and lo and behold, the water that is usually inside twas no where to be found. I thought, oh no Dave clogged it. Followed shortly by, Will I have to unclog it. Then concluded with, Hell no I'm not, he can come here and do it.

I then left the room, going to get a glass of water to help refill the inside with that chain and pump thing, thinking well at least this way it could actually flush. Then the sound stops. It's truely a christmas miracle! All the toilet needed was somebody to listen and care for it.

Can I get an Amen!?

Hey kids! I am currently house sitting and on the flipside working. ITs crazy yo. The house is really nice and they keep telling me to have ppl over and go in the pool so how could i refuse them? Only thing is the weather isnt so nice.

In other news:
I gotta put gas in my car but I am not familiar with this area so I dont know where to get a good deal. There is a station by my house that I go to all the time. I hate going to new gas stations because I dont know where the self serve is and its a tiny area to move around in so its a hassle to turn around especially if its crowded...which could be only 3 cars. Then the pumps could be different. I went to this one and I didnt realize I had to lift the nossel holder thing up, so I'm standing there going, what the hell? And I dont want some weird gas station guy to come over and be like...oh this girl doesnt know what she's doing. I want to be a self sufficient woman...of the future!

My other fear includes going into an elevator for several floors. The reason why is because, what if it breaks and then I have to pee. Then I'm stuck in this tiny box with other people and I cant go in front of them and even if there wasnt anyone else, you pee on the floor and you will see it and smell it. This is a constant reminder of what you did. Then someone gets you out and they will be like...ok you wizzed on the floor? Gross. Then its in the papers and no one talks to me cuz they think I'll pee in their elevator.
But I take the risk anyway cuz I dont want to walk up 20 floors. Then I'd be all sweaty by the time I got to where I needed to be.

What a dilema?

Once again I found myself in front of a tv. Imagine that? And MTV has this basketball show and this white guy is on it and his name is White Chocolate. And I thought....'how unoriginal. There was nothing else he could think of?' There are no good names for white ppl doing things that are considered to be "black," people dont want to work that hard anymore to get something new. Then I thought..."hmm what would my name be?"

BAM

It hit me. Chalk. My name would be Chalk. Rapper/bball player...or better yet playa.
Word
Chalk in da hizzzzzouse! Gonna write all up in your FACE!

Awhile ago my mom asked me, "You know what would be a good name for a dog?"
I sat on the couch waiting to hear the answer.
"Booger"
Then she laughed and we started to call to an invisible dog named booger for the next 5 minutes.

Yvone: Feel free to bother me once you get to ithaca.

When I dont post, I dont do it to upset the people, I do it because I have nothing to comment on. And then, BOOM today, I get myself some material by just looking outside. Allow me to explain...

I'm sure the people up the block had nothing but good intentions when they bought their two children bikes to ride on. They thought it would be constant smiles and screams of happiness would come out of their mouths from the hair whipping their faces as they went down a hill. Well, today, not so much. I finished my shower and was getting dressed in my room upstairs when I heard screams of temper tandrum. I hear, "Get away from me!" So naturally I look out the window. There on the street a child in over the shoulder of his dad. The dad wasnt trying to fight back or reason with him. He was just carrying him as he screamed "HELP!" "MOMMY!" and "NO!!!"
Now at first I thought....hmmm maybe this is a kidnapper who doesnt care if he gets caught since he lets the kid scream. Maybe he wants us to think he's the dad. But then behind them was the mom with the other kid, riding slowly behind, trying to avoid the danger of the little boy. Either way it was bad news. You either got screaming kid, angry/frustrated parent. Or kidnaps and the lady was just helping out.

Oh the wonder of children.

I saw this candy bar or something today on tv, what it was isnt really important. The part that I am concerned with is that they said it was Beyond Crunchy. Now, how can it be beyond crunchy? What happens there? It's not crunchy anymore once it reaches beyond the crunchy point. Then it's like impossible to eat, like a big brick of .....chewiness. I picture it being a huge block of taffy or carmel that almost breaks your teeth when you try to get a chunk out and then sticks in your teeth and you chew it for 10 mins before swollowing. So count me out of this trip to going BEYOND the Crunch.

Letterman is great. For the second time ever they played a game called Millionaire of Kenny. The premise is that this guy stands there and he is either a millionaire or a guy named kenny. So he comes out with his nice yellow golf shirt tucked into his kahki pants. He didnt look like a Kenny. And I was right. He was a millionaire.

Recently I got a pair of shorts from Delia's in the Tanger outlet. They were only 7 bucks. Not too shabby. But as of late I have discovered that they have a faulty fly. A shame. I go zip down the fly when I gots ta pee and lo and behold they are already down. Oh well. You cant beat 7 bucks. I'll take the faulty fly any day.

Lastly, I asked my mom this question: If you were in a car stuck in traffic and you really had to pee, what would you do? What would you pee in?

She answered: a coffee cup, I then told her NO there are no cups. So she thought awhile and thought out loud, hmm what would i pee in....
The coin holder.

Me, I'd do the same OR take out an old rag from the truck and pee on that.

How about you?

I saw Urinetown the musical today. It was awesome. And on the way there Liz got a little sick and threw up something that was hunter green. So on the way back we tried to figure out what it was. I asked if she had any gumdrops or jujubees. She said no. We concluded it must have been bile. I told her that was gross. ANd that it prob ate away at her mouth and she would prob die. I think its possible. And I should know, I am a doctor.

Hmm what else? I had a hot dog and it was awesome. Then about 15 mins later I wanted another so I said, I'll tell you whut I want a hot dog. Saying whut in place of what tis a huge amout o fun. I suggest it to all. Doctor's orders.

I am Biz-ack from the bizeach hizzy. For shizzle. Yep.

Dude, I totally went without internet for 5 days. Crazy, yo. OMG to the max!
Ok enough with teeny bopper talk. But serious. It's kinda crazy to think that I was having internet withdrawls. What do they put in this stuff? And I also watched a tv that had about 5 channels, one of which was the home shopping channel, so right away you are like...what a waste. So that only really makes it 4 channels. AND get this....sometimes the signal was fuzzy. There was fuzz! Can you believe it? Incredible that I am still alive. I dont know how I did it. But I'll tell you what I did do...Got some sun burn and did the Cryptaquote in Newsday, its over by the games and comics. I suggest everyone check it out. It's good for your brain.

Yeah, I'm a nerd.

The following post goes out to Yvone, my asian lovah! Well...she's not my lover, yet.
HEY-O! You know in order for people not to think i am a lesbian i should stop saying things like that. But its true. I would be gay for Yvone, and I mean that in a totally heterosexual way.

The reason the posts have fallen behind is that I went road trippin' to Ithaca. Yeah baby. 7 hours going there, but Merry pointed out the name Von Cornhole spray painted on a tunnel near the city which provided us to ask Who is this Von? And what does he do? Then we hung with Suds. I spent about 100 bucks in 2 days. Watched movies, talked til 3am, saw my ticket to india. Ate indian food and thai food and soda and sweet popcorn. Then drove home 5 and a half back. Not too shabby. Had the windows down, going 70, and singing to music. I love doing that.

Quote from the trip! OMG!
From: Suds
Why he say dat?: We were watching Monsoon Wedding, very good movie find it and watch it. It's about an Indian Wedding and since I am going to see one it was very interesting. So afterwards Suds is telling Merry and I how people will be dancing and I thought...I hope I dont offend anyone with my "american" dance moves. There is one move in which you pretend to be slapping someone, the kids know what i'm talking about. And I asked about that move. Suds said:

They wont even know that you're slapping the bitches.

Priceless. I plan on video taping everything. Including the bitch slapping. A whole montage of it!

Thus concludes my update. Questions, comments, email me...or SHOVE IT!
If for the rest of the week there is a lack of updates it is because Colleen will be out east at the beach house with the fam. I shall be back by Friday. Dont fret.

bye

Dear Diary,

Today I called my mom a crazy ho.

Last night I killed AT LEAST 5 mosquitos....with my bare hands.
Call me the ASSASSinator.
Killing's the game.
Mosquitos suck.
Suck your blood.
And I kill them.
As my revenge.
I think that this is too long.
Too many sentences after another.
Now it's being forced.
And I feel awkward.
Like a convo that should end.
But doesnt.
So you wanna get a cup of coffee?
Yeah, me neither.
Dont like coffee much.
I gotta go.

When I was little I had a speak and spell. You could type in a word and it would say it. Naturally we tried to get it to say things like Ass or Sh*t, but failed. It seemed to be one step ahead of us. However, there was one word which worked in every day speech that provided us with amusement for hours. One Word....BUT
And when I typed in BUTT, it would double up on the T sound.
Thank you Speak and Spell.

This is in my profile but I find it rather amusing so since I am too lazy to think of my own witty or seemingly "funny" thing to say I will have someone else do the work for me. But I can't be busted for plagerizing since I will use quotes. Ha-HA! You lose, anal retentive english teacher. (that's assuming I didnt misspell anything....which i doubt.)

"Let me tell you doing nothing is not as easy as it looks. You have to be careful. Because the idea of doing anything, which could easily lead to doing something, that would cut into your nothing...and that would force me to have to drop everything."
-Jerry Seinfeld

I fordot about this. Enjoy!

GDspunkyduck: so yesterday my neighbor comes over and wanted me to teach her how to use her new digital camera binoculars
Lactaid Lady: since you are an expert
GDspunkyduck: she is gonna like spy on them for god knows what
GDspunkyduck: well she slike pushing 65
GDspunkyduck: and has no idea
Lactaid Lady: lol
GDspunkyduck: so i like read the directions to her slowly
Lactaid Lady: what a scene
GDspunkyduck: yea the best scene is her in her dark house watching this poor innocent family
Lactaid Lady: lol
Lactaid Lady: crazy old bitch
GDspunkyduck: well i have to watch out cause her bedroom window looks into mine
GDspunkyduck: she might be a crazy old bitch watching me undress now

Yesterday my friends and I set off illegal contraband in the front yard. It was as if we were taunting the po-po to come and get us. And they failed miserably. It was rather amusing when we couldnt figure out why the jumping firecrackers didnt go. Then we read the instructions and removed the wrapper and BEHOLD the fuse in all its glory. We lit it and ba boom, one of them made a bee-line towards me and liz. Thing went crazy. Had to put him down after that. Got the rabies.
I had rabies once. Foamin' and such all over. It was messy. And occassionally I would kill someone and infect them, no big whoop. I got a shot and everything was O-Tay.

I ate a waffle today.

goodbye.

Today I saw the trailer for the Ben and J-Lo movie they did together. Cuz they need more money.

How this came to be: (my theory)

Ben: Hey J-Lo, wanna make a movie together?
J-Lo: Aw, what a great idea. What kinda movie you thinking of?
Ben: A romantic comedy.
J-Lo: I want to play the girl.
Ben: oh you are so funny, thats what we need. We will be funny and I will love to do that! Get it, the love relates to it being romantic and us being funny is like...
J-Lo: yeah i get it. Now lets go buy more things that are really expensive.
Ben: OK

The end.

Ok check this out. I was just watching this Emergency Trauma show on TLC. God bless The Learning Channel and the wonderous shows that grace the screen. What was on today? Well they go from case to case and its all ER style with the guy yelling in pain and a swarm of doctors all around. Then lo an behold we discover this here guy has a branch up his ass. I kid you not. They had X rays and everything. He was working some contruction job, fell off the ladder, and landed in on a tree....which then got better acquainted with him.

Now as if that alone isnt bad enough. Those TV Networks get involved and they get to capture it all on film. Yaye! This way people like me get to watch. This must be a great moment for him. Congrats guy with tree branch in his bum. Congrats.

I'm house sitting this weekend. This post is not being written in my house. That is interesting huh? Ok whatever. Maybe I wont post at all.

Ahh who am i kidding? WIth a face like that...how could i not?
So this Pop up add comes up and it says that I can get a FREE NINJA SCANNING CAMERA MOUNT! Now I think ok. What the hell is that? I've heard of cameras, and that you can scan them. I know what a ninja is. But all those things put together to make this new mount. I dont trust it.
Honestly, I think they are just exploiting the word Ninja cuz they know its cool.

So....I'm going to India for thanksgiving break.
Jealous?!

I just finished HP5. Wow man. Craziness. And 6 comes out in 2 years.

When I was reading the other night I left an away message that mentioned I was reading HP5 and my friend from college, Gina, left a message for me. She said that when she read page 634 she thought of me.
I got to 634 yesterday. And laughed. I shall show you what it was....

A Sample of HP - Don't worry it doesnt give away anything....

"Harry could still hear the distant bangs of escaped firecrackers when he and Ron went to bed an hour later, and as he got undressed a sparkler floated past the tower, still resolutely spelling out the word POO."

Awesome. Simply amazing. Harry Potter and Poo. What could be greater? Perhaps golf with the gator? (chorus chimes in) Gator Golf!

(that was an obscure reference to a commerical we all saw as kids. Don't repress your childhood. Think back to Nickolodeon!)

And now I present...Masterpiece Theatre!

Lactaid Lady: i laid out
Cookies4Grandma: really?
Lactaid Lady: for 2 hours
Lactaid Lady: reading
Cookies4Grandma: tan?
Lactaid Lady: little bit
Cookies4Grandma: nice
Lactaid Lady: but i dont think you can really tell...
Cookies4Grandma: lol thus is the curse of the irish
Lactaid Lady: luck my ass

posts will probably take awhile as Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix has taken up lots of my potential online time. I am sorry. But I must read. I must be a nerd. And so the book becons me.

Oh and note: I am a slow reader. This book is 870 pages. You do the math.