YIKES!!! Never had I ever imagined such a situation would occur in my life. As some may know I have an away message which makes reference to my lactose intolerance and the way it transformed me into a superhero. Because of what happened I dont want to name myself because this guy might find it somewhere.

Confused?

Ok here it is. I'm minding my own business at 130am and I get this IM from Tigerbiker922. He is doing this role playing thing where he is a superhero known as Wonderboy. He tells me his story. We are joking around like friends. I figure it's someone from school got my SN and is messing with me. OH no, its a 39 year old man who gave me a description of himself and then proceeded to ask me my age...this is a little portion of it:

Lactaid Lady: 19
Tigerbiker922: college student?
Lactaid Lady: yep
Tigerbiker922: wanna trade pics just for fun?

Now up til that point I thought, ok he's 39 maybe he's cool, maybe he's still living in my parents houseing surfing the next night and day to seek human contact through computers. Maybe he's not a HUGE nerd.

Nope. He was, and he was also creepy. Yaye for me. I'm SO glad I got hit by the world's finest.

For the second installment of the Theatre Teacher Cronicals...

He dressed up as a pimp in a leapard print robe with shimmering red around the cuffs and along the bottom. As if that weren't enough, a wig also got involved along with a witch hat.

Quotes:

"Cursed, spoiled again!"
"'F' this, 'F' that."

Note: some of these are out of context. And he didnt drop the F-bomb, just used the letter.

I finally got my media book today that cost a pretty penny. So now I must put it to use.
If you are looking for an interesting thing to do, I suggest looking up Jack Handey's Deep Thoughts. Here are some I heard recently:

Consider the dandelion, while you do that I'll be over here going through ALL your stuff.

The earliest fly swatter was probably a flat surface with a long stick attached to it.


That's all I remember. Do the rest on your own.

Today in Intro to Theatre....my STUNNING hour 15 min lecture class with 300 ppl...I decided to make use of my time by writing a few comments down about my teacher. To Preface...He is young and new at this. He often makes jokes that arent funny which after the moment of silence he follows with a nervous, "So anyway," or "Eh Whatever."
I did my evaluation is elementary school teacher style.

Comments: Jim often strays away from the topic with stories of himself. Must learn to stay on task. He has an hour and 15 mins and we only get to HW question 2 out of 5.
Bravo.

In addition there are some fun quotes:

"I can touch you. I can sit on someone's lap. I can do anything"
"I can't fart on cue"
"Danish castles are dangerous places."

Thank you and good night!

I have a relatively new pair of pants and the fly is constantly a little down. It's really annoying. I have to keep zipping it back while its halfway down because if I ignore it for too long it will go all the way down. However, the material covering the fly works as such that it is hard to see that its down. So to some, it will look like I am constantly touching my crotch. And to that I say, Excellent.

what up G's? Aint nothing new going on 'round hea. Sorry for lack of updates, I know how it may trouble you so. But alas, I am at a loss as to what to write. I am staying busy with school, working, and the like. I love that phrase..."and the like" Who came up with that? I'd like to meet them and say "hey, thats a stupid phrase, you are the last person who should be thinking up saying. Have you done any other work or are you a one hit wonder." I hope he/she doesnt read this site and start to cry.

Read this, it will make you happy.

http://www.february-7.com/features/conan.htm

I read a story today that went like this...

There once was a boy named Internet and one day he got lost and NEVER came back.

Well HOLD THE PRESSES cuz he's back in town!

In other news, while waking up this morning I was perplexed as to how deaf people wake up. Seriously, they can't hear the alarm. Does their bed shake? Does someone have to come and wake them up? Anyone know?

ok i'm gonna hang out with ma friend Internet.

Ok so here is the deal. Ithaca College has no internet right now bc of this thing known as the Blaster virus. I'm only able to access it since I am an RA and can use the official offices with compooders in it. So it might be awhile before I can really update. Its all busy-like now that the residents moved it. but at least I can walk without a limp. Toe is A-OK.

I'm hungry...it seems the cheerios I ate an hour ago will not surfice for the night.
DRAT!

Oh and David Sedaris is coming to Ithaca soon. How amazing?! He's a writer and his sister did that show Strangers with Candy. I am so excited that I could see him perform some readings from his book. Rock!

Warning! Since my injury of last week there has been many more instances. This raises concerns and talks of a curse. Could it be that just my toe being injured somehow off set the world's rotation causing people to walk into things? It's a big possibility. Since my injury, a fellow staff member hit her foot and bruised it. My ENTIRE immediate family has hit their toe. Another RA dropped a bottle on his, and Yvone hit hers as well. Now either this is some weird phenomenon OR everyone things it's "hip" to injury the toe region.

If that is the case. Tisk tisk America...and the World. POSERS! Get your own way to hurt yourself.

I'm so graceful it hurts.

Literally. Because I have mastered the skill of walking up stairs SO Well I am capable of stubbing my big toe so badly it bleeds, oozes white blood cells, hurts like a bitch enough for me to leave RA training go to the Health Center and have the Doctor tell me that there is blood under my nail that is causing pressure and lots of pain. Only I can have a lame store of falling UP the stairs, busting my toe, have it NOT be broken but get the most pain I could from something that in the long run wont cause future hospital visits.

GO ME!

Oh no....I did it again. Allow me to explain. I picked a theme for my door tags today to be Saved by the Bell because honestly, Who didnt love that show? I can't go wrong. So I decide, 'hey I'll hop online and see if I can find some pictures of the cast.' Head to google and there is this quiz to tell you which character you would be. I take it. And what does Colleen get?

A.C. Slater...a MAN! A JOCK! This definately doesnt help my lesbian complex

I had to pack to go back to college. It's for RA training so they snatch 2 weeks of summer for that. And this time I got lost. Went with Merry and we had no problem, but that was bc there wasnt insane traffic on the LIE and the Cross Island had an exit sign. So then I turned around and took it South figuring it would be ok since I was going the other way. Nope. I then took it north, didnt see signs for the Trogs Neck, so I went south again. Then, I dont even know how, I was at JFK in the cargo area or something. I was on the verge of freaking out hardcore after I couldnt find my mom's cell phone that she gave me in case such a situation should arrive.
So I asked ppl at the terminal how to get there, and BAM then in was easy as pie.

We get to name our vacuume. Naturally calling it Your Mom would be hilarious but some might take offense. As such, Herbert is a very big possibility.

On a "What the Hell?!" note: I still can't access my ithaca mail account on my computer, so Dana I feel your pain. I can go on other computer and it works but mine doesnt want me to check my mail. Maybe I got a bad email that might hurt my feelings so this fine machine is trying to save me from emotional turmoil.
Yo no se.*

*Spanish, Transation: I don't know.

See you learn something everyday.

This evening I had some people come over to the house I'm watching and when my one friend arrived he said he had to poop. I showed him the bathroom and his name shall be stricken from the record in case Dave is ashamed of his work. Ooops. I slipped. So later on in the night after they left I noticed there was this sound of running water. I investigated, and it took me until I came to check my email for me to realize it was coming from the bathroom. The VERY same bathroom you know who used.

As such, I went inside and noticed the toilet seemed to be having some trouble. I opened the top, and lo and behold, the water that is usually inside twas no where to be found. I thought, oh no Dave clogged it. Followed shortly by, Will I have to unclog it. Then concluded with, Hell no I'm not, he can come here and do it.

I then left the room, going to get a glass of water to help refill the inside with that chain and pump thing, thinking well at least this way it could actually flush. Then the sound stops. It's truely a christmas miracle! All the toilet needed was somebody to listen and care for it.

Can I get an Amen!?

Hey kids! I am currently house sitting and on the flipside working. ITs crazy yo. The house is really nice and they keep telling me to have ppl over and go in the pool so how could i refuse them? Only thing is the weather isnt so nice.

In other news:
I gotta put gas in my car but I am not familiar with this area so I dont know where to get a good deal. There is a station by my house that I go to all the time. I hate going to new gas stations because I dont know where the self serve is and its a tiny area to move around in so its a hassle to turn around especially if its crowded...which could be only 3 cars. Then the pumps could be different. I went to this one and I didnt realize I had to lift the nossel holder thing up, so I'm standing there going, what the hell? And I dont want some weird gas station guy to come over and be like...oh this girl doesnt know what she's doing. I want to be a self sufficient woman...of the future!

My other fear includes going into an elevator for several floors. The reason why is because, what if it breaks and then I have to pee. Then I'm stuck in this tiny box with other people and I cant go in front of them and even if there wasnt anyone else, you pee on the floor and you will see it and smell it. This is a constant reminder of what you did. Then someone gets you out and they will be like...ok you wizzed on the floor? Gross. Then its in the papers and no one talks to me cuz they think I'll pee in their elevator.
But I take the risk anyway cuz I dont want to walk up 20 floors. Then I'd be all sweaty by the time I got to where I needed to be.

What a dilema?

Once again I found myself in front of a tv. Imagine that? And MTV has this basketball show and this white guy is on it and his name is White Chocolate. And I thought....'how unoriginal. There was nothing else he could think of?' There are no good names for white ppl doing things that are considered to be "black," people dont want to work that hard anymore to get something new. Then I thought..."hmm what would my name be?"

BAM

It hit me. Chalk. My name would be Chalk. Rapper/bball player...or better yet playa.
Word
Chalk in da hizzzzzouse! Gonna write all up in your FACE!

Awhile ago my mom asked me, "You know what would be a good name for a dog?"
I sat on the couch waiting to hear the answer.
"Booger"
Then she laughed and we started to call to an invisible dog named booger for the next 5 minutes.

Yvone: Feel free to bother me once you get to ithaca.

When I dont post, I dont do it to upset the people, I do it because I have nothing to comment on. And then, BOOM today, I get myself some material by just looking outside. Allow me to explain...

I'm sure the people up the block had nothing but good intentions when they bought their two children bikes to ride on. They thought it would be constant smiles and screams of happiness would come out of their mouths from the hair whipping their faces as they went down a hill. Well, today, not so much. I finished my shower and was getting dressed in my room upstairs when I heard screams of temper tandrum. I hear, "Get away from me!" So naturally I look out the window. There on the street a child in over the shoulder of his dad. The dad wasnt trying to fight back or reason with him. He was just carrying him as he screamed "HELP!" "MOMMY!" and "NO!!!"
Now at first I thought....hmmm maybe this is a kidnapper who doesnt care if he gets caught since he lets the kid scream. Maybe he wants us to think he's the dad. But then behind them was the mom with the other kid, riding slowly behind, trying to avoid the danger of the little boy. Either way it was bad news. You either got screaming kid, angry/frustrated parent. Or kidnaps and the lady was just helping out.

Oh the wonder of children.

I saw this candy bar or something today on tv, what it was isnt really important. The part that I am concerned with is that they said it was Beyond Crunchy. Now, how can it be beyond crunchy? What happens there? It's not crunchy anymore once it reaches beyond the crunchy point. Then it's like impossible to eat, like a big brick of .....chewiness. I picture it being a huge block of taffy or carmel that almost breaks your teeth when you try to get a chunk out and then sticks in your teeth and you chew it for 10 mins before swollowing. So count me out of this trip to going BEYOND the Crunch.

Letterman is great. For the second time ever they played a game called Millionaire of Kenny. The premise is that this guy stands there and he is either a millionaire or a guy named kenny. So he comes out with his nice yellow golf shirt tucked into his kahki pants. He didnt look like a Kenny. And I was right. He was a millionaire.

Recently I got a pair of shorts from Delia's in the Tanger outlet. They were only 7 bucks. Not too shabby. But as of late I have discovered that they have a faulty fly. A shame. I go zip down the fly when I gots ta pee and lo and behold they are already down. Oh well. You cant beat 7 bucks. I'll take the faulty fly any day.

Lastly, I asked my mom this question: If you were in a car stuck in traffic and you really had to pee, what would you do? What would you pee in?

She answered: a coffee cup, I then told her NO there are no cups. So she thought awhile and thought out loud, hmm what would i pee in....
The coin holder.

Me, I'd do the same OR take out an old rag from the truck and pee on that.

How about you?

I saw Urinetown the musical today. It was awesome. And on the way there Liz got a little sick and threw up something that was hunter green. So on the way back we tried to figure out what it was. I asked if she had any gumdrops or jujubees. She said no. We concluded it must have been bile. I told her that was gross. ANd that it prob ate away at her mouth and she would prob die. I think its possible. And I should know, I am a doctor.

Hmm what else? I had a hot dog and it was awesome. Then about 15 mins later I wanted another so I said, I'll tell you whut I want a hot dog. Saying whut in place of what tis a huge amout o fun. I suggest it to all. Doctor's orders.