Allow me to discuss the movie 2012 with you. First of all I saw it last night and if you go in with the expectation of it to suck, then you leave going, "you know, it wasn't terrible..." Let me be clear, it's not good either. It's no Snakes On A Plane, however, I enjoyed making snarky comments with friends throughout.

What I like best about this whole thing is that they didn't release the movie in the year 2012 which to me would have been fun to capitalizes on people's paranoia. I'm pretty sure that's because they thought, well just in case the world does end I'd like to make money off this and be rich for three years before I die. That's a pretty good exit strategy.

I have looked into many a 2012 theories. I'm convinced that I got about 3 years left since it's slated to happen at the end of the 2012 year. That being said, I'd like to live it up these next few years. So perhaps I should run up a crazy amout of credit card debt with the idea that I'll never really have to pay it back. It's basically a fool proof plan. Unless we get another Y2K situation. Then I'm screwed.

But from what I've read about Super Volcano's, I dunno what's worse: dying in a fire blast from the erruption or surviving and having to live through a nuclear winter. Die instantly or die gradually. Probs going with the instant, though I'm sure the lines for Heaven will be to DMV proportions.

One thing I know for sure. I'd rather die on one of the coasts then survive in middle America.

If you are a vampire are you ONLY allowed to drink blood or is cake fair game? In all these TV shows and movies they mention how they never really eat. I dunno about you, but if I had to live forever without enjoying the awesome power of banana bread or stuffing myself at an all you can eat Indian buffet, that would be a deal breaker.

Sorry, I'm out. I'm catching the next sunset. See you on the flip side.

I'm fascinated by bizarre things that become popular like Cirque du Soleil. Can you image the first pitch of that idea...

Businessman: So you're telling me that it's like the regular circus except no one speaks english, everyone's half naked, and it's overall much gayer?
Artist: Yeah, basically.
Businessman: Get the hell out of my office.

But even better is BodyWorks. For those unfamiliar it's an exhibit that shows real human bodies in mostly bones and muscles form. It's like a freakish science fair. I have been to it before and it's amazing. However as you stand there and look at the muscles of some ice skater on top of their game you wonder, ok how exactly did you get that person's body when they died?

You are told they donate their body to science, but did they know they were dying or was it a freak accident? I mean I get why you have the obese guy but the marathon runner in the best shape of their life just to happened to die AND noted at 25 that they wanted their body donated?

I smell a conspiracy...or perhaps an excuse not to exercise. Not only is it true that fat kids are harder to kidnap but no one will ever try to kill you and put you on display.

I work at a small studio that allows people to bring in their dogs. My boss has 2 big white labs who pay us all a visit once every couple of months. They are cute but spoiled and when you want to work they want you to throw a ball down the hallway. They bark at you when you don't. It's especially fun when you are on the phone.

Originally my boss only had one named Owen. Then a few years later they got another one named Joey who is only 6 months but he's huge. Now Owen is naturally annoyed at Joey's energy level and attention for being the "puppy." He displayed some of this anger yesterday by doing the following:

1. Humping Joey's face while they wrestled.
2. Peeing on Joey's head.

And as if that's not awkward enough later in the day when I took them both out on their second bathroom break Joey pooped and was clearly aroused.

Gross.

It has come to my attention that I need to correct a previous post about the Snuggie.

In my post I implied the Snuggie was created because we were too lazy to take a blanket off ourselved while we're laying around and need to use our hands. I have been corrected, that it is there to keep you warm while you use your arms. I apologize if this has caused the Snuggie any financial harm.

However, may I suggest to them that it could be beneficial to add gloves onto the sleeve so the hands won't be cold. As someone with poor circulation in my hands this enhancement would be much appreciate. There should be a traction layer on the palm side so you can easily grip the remote control or pages of your book (thanks for the complimentary book light!).

Also while we're at it, can we add some pants with little booties on the end, and perhaps a velcro back so I can suit up in the mornings? I've heard the dog snuggie has velcro to keep it on them but it kinda makes me jealous. I want to be wrapped up like a delish cozy burrito.

The Snuggie is TOTES the new Robe.

Second Grade Journal:

The Mealworm Saga Part IV

1. They wigal when you pick it up.
2. They have a little bit of hair.
3. They have 13 segments in them.
4. They have legs in the front of them.
5. They like to walk on the side of the dish.
6. I think they will trun into bettles.

Number 7 was written but then X'd out. Who knows what I planned to say. Though it's written in pencil so I'm not sure why I didn't just erase it. But then again so many things in my journal don't make sense. It's really a miracle I got through second grade.

Second Grade Journal:

Mealworm Saga - Part III

They have antnnas.
Some are girls some are boys.
They have two eyes.
Two of my mealworms shedded.
If you put the mealworms on the apple they climb off.

I then proceeded to draw a picture of one and affectionally called it Paco, though the eraser marks show originally I went with Judy.

Also:

78 - 63 = 15

Those of you who might not be aware of "white problems" please feel free to read plenty of them listed here:

www.whitewhine.com

Enjoy.

Seriously, what did we do without the internet?

I know that back in the "olden times" there was a lot of stuff to make up like electricity, cars, or literacy. But after the invention of the sandwich, what did people do to fill up their days? I'm sure some were poor and had to work all the time and rich people created country clubs, but I'm talking like in the 80s. Obviously we filled time with creating choice outfits with as many neon colors as possible, but then what? Getting a perm is not an all day affair.

Did people actually work more? Were they more productive without the distractions from sites such as Fail Blog or YouTube? I doubt it.

I think we were just bored and took less proscription drugs for disorders we hadn't yet made up.

Speaking of, how ridiculous is this Latisse thing Brooke Shields is selling!? A prescription drug that helps grow your eye lashes longer and fuller. I mean REALLY?! This is what we're using science for now? You guys completely gave up on the cancer thing and shifted focus on the epidemic of non awesome eyelashes that weren't helped through mascara?

If that's not a white people problem, I dunno what is.

The other day I saw a commerical for the Snuggie aka a blanket with arm sleeves because we all know how hard it is to take a blanket off when we need to use our hands. Commericals in general are ridiculous to me but this one took the cake.

First of all they tried to show off their fancy new options like zebra and leopard print, so everyone can see how cool you are. Then they had the nerdiest white guy wearing one while laying on a couch and raising the roof. A-mazing.

But my all time fave part is when the entire family is wearing one and they are playing pictionary. Naturally there is a picture of the Snuggie already drawn and they get excited when someone guesses it. Now if you are ALL wearing it, is it really necessary to draw it? I mean I know that's the point of the game but wouldn't you just point to yourself. This seems like a lot of work for a product that is supposed to make my life easier. Also what game of pictionary has this as an option?

The Marketing geniuses strike again!

If I ever get too rich for my own good then I would really like to install a cookie shower. That's right, a nice warm cookie shower is the perfect pick me up in the morning.

In my head it's awesome, especially when I'd have cookies like white chocolate macadamian nut, snickerdoodle, double stuff oreos, oatmeal, peanut butter. However, I'm sure if the cookies aren't fresh enough that it'd hurt your head. Also you'd have to take a real shower afterwards to get the crumbs off. It's not very efficient so I'm sure only Hummer owners would want one.

OHH, BURN!

Favorite Phrase of the Day:

"Take that life gem and bedazzle a sweater."

Then my co-worker Samantha and I got into a discussion as to the best material to bedazzle. She thinks sweaters are too baggy, but a leotard is too much. So we agreed that a denim purse would be perf for it. Show that ish off 'round town and make all the peeps jealous.

And yes I just shortened perfect to be perf. Deal with it.

Second Grade Journal

The Mealworm Saga - Part II

Do they turn into beetles?
How meny eyes do they have?
My meal worms have two antnnas.
They have alittle bit of hair on them.
They try to crul out.
They are not noisey.


Unrelated Bonus Story:
This morning I saw a man with a mustache so large it ate his mouth and was still hungry for more.

Second Grade Journal Entry:

The Mealworm Saga - Part 1

They look like worms.
I feel good about them.
They curl up when they walk.
They do not moving a lot.
One of them likes the apple.

Stay tuned for the next installment with questions and more vague observations.

I really hope that if there is a Heaven you get to eat all the food you want and not gain any weight.

Daylight Savings Time is a crazy little thing that confuses us when we wake up in the morning and the digital clock doesn't match our phone. I awoke on Sunday thinking, why didn't my phone alarm go off, it's past 8:30AM according to the clock near the bed. But then oh, ho it was only 7:30AM. SCORE! Bonus hour of sleep. It was even better than finding a $20 in an old pair of jeans.

But I wonder in a society that becomes more and more reliant on technology every day that we will lose the wonder of realizing we gain an hour of sleep in the fall. Everything will be sync'd and you can no longer use that as an excuse when you're late. You'll just wake up feeling extra refreshed before your robot slave arrives with your breakfast and slippers.

TIP: Make the robot slave eat the breakfast first so you know it's not poison because it's bound to turn on you eventually.

Last night I reluctantly saw "Couple's Retreat." Let's just say I should have followed my gut and not gone in the first place. It did have some great one liners and the first couple of acts were decent but the last part just sucked. When you have a sub par Guitar Hero montage/stand off, you know you're in trouble.

On the plus side I got to see the trailer for "It's Complicated" starring my talent crush Meryl Streep and (bonus!) Alec Baldwin. My brain almost exploded from the sheer joy. Now, if that one sucks too, I'll be a-real sad.

:_ (

Halloween ain't no joke.

Wow, I am SO surprised that Britney Spears with all her vocal talent is being auto tuned in her latest song "3." At least her music video is tasteful...

Yesterday I went to get my hairs cut a bit. I don't have a set hairdresser so I bounce around. I did the walk in and hit it off really well with this woman named Chris. We had good a haircutting talk; no awkwardly long pauses or concern that I shouldn't talk because she didn't seem to have a keen grasp on what she was doing. We all know that feeling.

When I was done we both agreed it twas a good time. I got her card and as I walked over to pay she said she usually didn't like getting women because they can be crazy about their hair but every so often you get a girl who is cooler than a dude. I am that girl.

Take that dudes!