I've begun to wear my blue doctor scrubs around as PJs. This morning I didnt have much time to get ready for breakfast, and to be honest I wouldnt have changed anyway, so I wore my scurbs. While at the table Ben was saying how I could be forced to operate on someone because of the scrubs. I said, "Screw you!" and kicked him in the head. No no, thats a lie.

Anyhoot, we then discussed my practice. You see, I would give free exams on the side of the highway and I would be drunk because as Ben pointed out, I'm irish so that means I have beer flowing through my veins. (Don't worry, everyone hates Ben so we are used to his ignorance and jackass personality.) Then after awhile I would move into the bathrooms of Mobile stations and the owner would get mad because I would never give him back his key that had a wooden block on the keychain. Dr.Col, it's free because well....I'm a drunked Irish girl who is only 19 and has never gone to med school. Come by sometime. And if you dont want brain surgery, then I'll just pump gas into your car.

Yeah so I missed my first class today. I wake up and I'm all, oh man I gotta pee. I squint my eyes to see the clock because I am blind without my contacts. And it looks like the first number is a 9. I think, hey thats not right, I'm supposed to wake up at 7:35am. Unsure of my eyes, I squint again and say....OH NO. Check the alarm, yeah the common mistake of setting it on PM. DAMN YOU 8AM CLASS! And I was gonna go to the gym afterwards...now its just too far away and I can't believe I slept through the WHOLE class. SO annoying, but maybe it was fate's bday gift to me.

In honor of true Colleen spirit I give you, a poop story:


Lactaid Lady: so i walk into the bathroom that has 2 stalls
Lactaid Lady: now I had to take a crap
Cookies4Grandma: ha okay
Lactaid Lady: and BAM there is the RA tweezing her eyebrows
Cookies4Grandma: haha ofcourse
Lactaid Lady: so i linger, and she notices me so i continue
Cookies4Grandma: continue to linger? or to poo?
Lactaid Lady: and i was like...well i hope i have to pee too
Cookies4Grandma: haha okay
Cookies4Grandma: I see now
Lactaid Lady: i found myself in the stall
Cookies4Grandma: alright
Lactaid Lady: so i wait a minute and i was like...ok if i dont pee this will be weird...cuz i'll like sit in silence and then flush..
Lactaid Lady: and pretend i peed
Lactaid Lady: but she'll prob know
Lactaid Lady: but alas...I peed and avoided such a situation
Lactaid Lady: but it was scary for a sec....and i still have to poop
Lactaid Lady: lol
Cookies4Grandma: lol okay
Cookies4Grandma: ohh you didn't poop yet!
Cookies4Grandma: that just happened!
Lactaid Lady: lol yeah
Cookies4Grandma: oh MAN
Cookies4Grandma: that's great
Lactaid Lady: oh yeah
Lactaid Lady: i'll brb...you know why
Cookies4Grandma: I mean it stinks (literally) but it's great nontheless
Cookies4Grandma: ha okay
Cookies4Grandma: bombs away!
Lactaid Lady: lol back
Cookies4Grandma: what happened this time
Cookies4Grandma: you cnanot be that quick of a pooper
Lactaid Lady: smooth landing
Cookies4Grandma: no way!
Lactaid Lady: ooh i am
Cookies4Grandma: I'm freaking impressed
Lactaid Lady: thanks
Cookies4Grandma: wow I reallyam though
Lactaid Lady: LoL
Cookies4Grandma: that was really I mean really quick@
Lactaid Lady: well i mean I had to go
Cookies4Grandma: still
Lactaid Lady: eh...well I do pee fast too
Cookies4Grandma: it doesn't take a little time? I mean it's just hey there it is
Lactaid Lady: i guess
Cookies4Grandma: I pee fast too, but I think I take a little longer than a milisecond to poop
Lactaid Lady: what can i say
Lactaid Lady: its a gift
Cookies4Grandma: you are super pooper
Cookies4Grandma: haha!
Lactaid Lady: oh man!
Lactaid Lady: I totally am!
Cookies4Grandma: I'm on to you SP
Lactaid Lady: what are you gonna do journalist woman
Cookies4Grandma: you have the whole superman get-up, but the only 2 differences are the S on the suit now says SP and there is a butt flap
Cookies4Grandma: cause you can't be waisting time taking off the tights
Cookies4Grandma: nothing, I am content with the victory of figuring you ouy.
Cookies4Grandma: *out
Cookies4Grandma: and with that thought fresh in your head
Cookies4Grandma: I must depart

DE End

I just read about blogger for my Mass Media class. Oh man I am so cool cuz I know what they were talking about. It twas so unnecessary for me to read cuz like...I know everything about the world.

In other news: Today I was at some auditions for Trailer Park because they want to get some more people. I am already a Field Producer for those who dont know, and think I was there for talent. No sir. I sat in the control room, put on some headphones, and talked about whatever to the people working the camera. You see these people couldnt see me cuz I was in the...i dunno...room with lots of buttons and technical stuff. So I had no problem saying random things and BSing with whoever answered when I said hello? or breathed like Darth Vader, or rapped with the director about how the telepromter wasnt working and they should use the script, or when I quoted several lines from Missy Elliot's Work It. Man I love that song.

Oh and more RA stuff. I was outside talking to Kim and Dana my common mischief lets-say-things-that-sound-racist-while-the-RA-is-near-by bunch. So I walk out of my room and one of them tells me I should be a part of the KKK...for no reason. I dunno. So I say, ok I guess I'll start hating blacks. Lo and Behold, they begin to laugh and look past me...I turn around...yeah the RAs door was closing. EXCELLENT! I dont really think she heard, but now I'm the top dog for worst thing said.

The other day I got a new tray at the dining hall. This bad boy wasn't all cracked and gray from being washed too many times. It was black and smooth. It was the Jaguar of dining hall trays. Jules just missed getting it. Instead she had to deal with a crappy Ford POS. Sucks for her. She was SO jealous. I told Sara about it and she asked if I put it in my website. I thought about it. Then I did.

Oh and now I'm a part of 4 shows. Another improv comedy is added to the list. It's much like Curb Your Enthusiasm on HBO. There is a basic plot but the dialogue is made up on the spot. I wasn't sure if I would get it cuz I only did one scene before I had to leave. And we kinda went off topic a bit which the guy pointed out but as I left he said, Thanks Colleen. Then low and behold an email shows up saying I got it. Oh and I might take over Quabble next year and be THE Producer. How cool is that?! We'll see.

**I am aware that a couple posts ago I have the same story about 3 times. Don't feel the need to read all three. Unless you are really bored or have short term memory**

I went sledding last night with Tony and Rob Flack. It was great. I hit some serious air on the snow ramp, ma brotha. I got to get my sled on with a one man blow up raft, a boogie board with a plastic bottom-hello speed, your classic long plastic sled which sucks, and the ever so classy dining hall tray. The tray is fun cuz you lay on it with your stomach and then arch the rest of your body so you dont hit the snow. You are so close to the snow its like your flying or something.

At one point we were going down this hill near a house and the guy came home. He goes outside with his dog and Flack and I were waiting til he left...well I wanted to cuz I didnt want to be attacked by some dog. So we waited, and waited, and this dog seemed to want to stay outside and we couldnt see where it was so we moved over like 10 feet or so and were going for one of our last runs. I was on the faster sled so one we went down I got a bit further than Flack did. I heard chains gingling and was like Oh my God I'm going to be attacked by a dog now. I had an instinct to over my neck, but instead I got up to see where the dog was. Boom hes like 2 feet away, freaking HUGE German Shepard. His hair was sticking up and he was growling a little. The owner told me not to worry.

I look to see Flack, hes like 6-7 feet away and not moving at all. So I start to move back and the dog doesnt want me to and Flack tells me to follow him and, "don't move." The dog listened to its owner and left. Walking back Flack told me that he saw the dog coming over to me and thought Colleen is going to be attacked and there is nothing I can do.

Needless to say, the fun overpowered my fear of being eaten by man's best friend.

hello

Oh man last night was hilarious. You see we got this new RA this semester who is from Jamacia as well. Only she doesnt know how crazy I am yet. However, she keeps hearing and seeing some things that are revealing my character in truely sitcom antics of all the wrong things.

Two days ago: Around 930 Dana, Kim, and I were hanging outside my room as I blasted Rap music and we danced full out. There was booty shaking and some bandanas worn. At one point we were showing each other moves outside my dorm when the RA came out. Naturally we all stopped and stood against the wall. Silence. She looked at us, we looked at each other. Laughter. She was confused. We didnt know what to say. But it looked like we were up to something. She later asked us to lower the music.

Yesterday night: Dana is outside my door, Kim and I are inside. Dana drops the F-bomb right as the RA passes.

Later on: I was attempting to read for Media class and Kim steps out of the room, Dana leave and goes to the water fountain just outside my door. I can hear her talking to me but I'm half listening. She says, "I love talking ghetto and being white." Then there is a silence and I thought she went back to her room or something. Then Dana head appears as she leans over and looks at my desktop, half laughing she says, "oh my god."
I ask, "what?"
Then I figure it out. "Oh no! She heard the ghetto thing?!"
Dana falls to the floor with laughter.

Later she wishes she heard her say, "I like bunnies cuz they're sweet and cuddly."

We joke about how much the RA must hate us and want to write us up for hate crimes. Then once again I start playing some Rap and R&B when a black guy Courtney walks by and sees us bouncin' our heads. He knows Kim better than Dana and I...and Kim as she told us is "mixed." So he stops to look then gives the peace sign. Kim shouts, "What are all the black folk out tonight?!"

We later thought of how much worse it could get. Basically we ended up with the RA walking in and we're watching the Rodney King beating.

I am not a racist.
I laughted so hard. Especially when Dana spent most of her time on my floor wedging herself between my wall and dresser. She had this to say about her appearence, "I'm like a crack hoe sedated in da alley." My wall how says "Dana's Alley."

We were in fine character last night. We need our own HBO show. It would KILL, I'm telling ya!

I had some trouble posting, so you dont really have to read the same thing 3 times. Just read which ever one you want.

Rats! I totally wrote something and its not here now. WhatEVER computer! Anyway, last night was hilarious. You see we got this new RA on the floor and she is from Jamacia as well. She doesnt know yet how crazy I am. Unfortunely pieces of info, and the wrong info have been leaking out in sitcom fashion. Mostly it's my friend Dana who has it the worst. Here is among the things done and heard:

Two days ago: Around 930 Dana, Kim, and I were hanging outside my room as I blasted Rap music and we danced full out. There was booty shaking and some bandanas worn. At one point we were showing each other moves outside my dorm when the RA came out. Naturally we all stopped and stood against the wall. Silence. She looked at us, we looked at each other. Laughter. She was confused. We didnt know what to say. But it looked like we were up to something. She later asked us to lower the music.

Yesterday night: Dana is outside my door, Kim and I are inside. Dana drops the F-bomb right as the RA passes.

Later on: I was attempting to read for Media class and Kim steps out of the room, Dana leave and goes to the water fountain just outside my door. I can hear her talking to me but I'm half listening. She says, "I love talking ghetto and being white." Then there is a silence and I thought she went back to her room or something. Then Dana head appears as she leans over and looks at my desktop, half laughing she says, "oh my god."
I ask, "what?"
Then I figure it out. "Oh no! She heard the ghetto thing?!"
Dana falls to the floor with laughter.

Later she wishes she heard her say, "I like bunnies cuz they're sweet and cuddly."

We joke about how much the RA must hate us and want to write us up for hate crimes. Then once again I start playing some Rap and R&B when a black guy Courtney walks by and sees us bouncin' our heads. He knows Kim better than Dana and I...and Kim as she told us is "mixed." So he stops to look then gives the peace sign. Kim shouts, "What are all the black folk out tonight?!"

We later thought of how much worse it could get. Basically we ended up with the RA walking in and we're watching the Rodney King beating.

I am not a racist.
I laughted so hard. Especially when Dana spent most of her time on my floor wedging herself between my wall and dresser. She had this to say about her appearence, "I'm like a crack hoe sedated in da alley." My wall how says "Dana's Alley."

We were in fine character last night. We need our own HBO show. It would KILL, I'm telling ya!

I have a Quote of the Day for you. Well actually its a quote of yesterday. I dont want to lie to you. Let's keep a healthy relationship, ok? So anyway, after some serious booty shaking with some friends we stopped and pondered things in life. That's when this happened:

Dana: Remember Don Delouise? Whatever happened to him?
(laughter)
Me: Who is Don Delouise?
Dana: He was that big fat guy. He was like 2K.

I guess its not really a quote as it is a section of some dialogue from the previous day.

So check this out:

I get back up to Ithaca College and turn on my computer and WHAM on the desktop is Kazaa. Now you might think, ok big whoop. If you do then you dont understand Colleen's desktop. It doesnt have Kazaa for two reasons; it messed up a computer at home, and the its not worth it here cuz it takes FOREVER to download songs.

Now I know you could say, well hey..someone probably put it there. No no you see I put a towel over my computer so robbers couldnt see it and it wasnt moved. Therefore, no one touched my computer and Kazaa put itself into my computer. My analysis is that Kazaa can't get over me. I mean I totally broke it off with him and thought he understood I didnt really want to be friends cuz it would be too hard but NO he comes and brings himself all up in my business. He is trippin'. I think I need a restraining order or something.

DAMN YOU KAZAA
...................Kazaa
...................kazaa

That ladies and gentlemen was an echo.

Today I got engaged. It was so romantic. Jon and I were going into the very fancy King Kullen to get Rice Krispies and marshmellows to make..you guessed it...Rice Krispies Treats! So we go on line and buy it. Afterwards Jon had a quarter so I told him he should buy something. We got over to the machines and then he said I'm going to buy you a ring. I asked if he was going to ask me to marry him and he told me to close my eyes. So I did, I wasnt going to be rude. My eyes were being all closed n such and when I opened them Jon was on one knee. He asked me to marry him and I said Ok. All the check out clerks were looking, they were so jealous. So he goes to put the ring on my ring finger and it didnt fit. You'd think he would have shopped for one that was MY size, but no. Once it didnt fit I was all...I guess we can't get married now. But he was in denial and thought it would still happen even though I knew it wasnt a real diamond. Cheapskate. Then we got back to my house and we got into a fight and he wanted an annullment. I gave it to him. But then we thought we could work stuff out, but if he hits me...it's over.

Married life is tough.

I know I have been slacking off with Phrase O the Week but i mean its not my fault if people dont say funny things. Or that they do and then I forget them cuz off all the drugs and devil worshiping that I do. You know I bet I actually could do all those things. Because everytime my mom asks what I'm going to do when I'm about to go out with my friends I tell her we're going to get high/sell drugs to kids/worship the devil. So I mean, I could totally do it and even tell my mom and she would think I was joking. Finally I get to become the dirtbag I have always dreamed of.

Hark! An epic story about a child in search of inner meaning and the 50 little people who helped her pull a giant airplane on Fox's new show...Man Vs. Animal. Read away:

Lactaid Lady: but i am a cold hearted bitch
FJive45: at least you you're facing your true identity
Lactaid Lady: its about time...you know maybe I should go on Dr.Phil
FJive45: ooooh
FJive45: he'd set ya straight
FJive45: get in yo face
Lactaid Lady: thats right...he'd tell me, "you know sometimes its hard to see your own face without a mirror"
Lactaid Lady: he is SO full of wisdom
FJive45: i dont know how he does it sometimes
FJive45: takes my breath away
Lactaid Lady: hes a giant among men
FJive45: a floater among sinkers
Lactaid Lady: there is no faster way to my heart then through poo references...

I think I mention poo way too much. I mean my life consists of other things, but I constantly mention poo. It's just funny. But sometimes I scare myself.

I'd like to address the issue of a certain Mail Man. Now there is this light near me known as Five Corners, this light blows because it takes for-ev to get a green light so I take a side street to avoid any road rage. When I take this street every so often there is this Mail Truck around and the Mail Man goes around on foot with his bag full o letters and he goes door to door; he's pretty oldschool. So whenever I drive past him, he waves. The first time I gave a confused wave back figuring that he mistook me for someone else. I see him again, and yeah, he waves. At this point I'm thinking, What is with this guy? My analysis is that he is "going postal" and he doesnt really care who he waves to, he just waves. There I am thinking I was all special...and then I see him waving to someone else in another car. I knew he couldn't be trusted. We are SO over! I dont need him!

WhatEVER

I saw Upright Citizens Brigade and it was amazing! Special thanks to Jesse for allowing me to stay at his "crib" and for all the crazy new inside jokes and of course giving up his bed so I could go sleepy. I saw Racheal Dratch go into the theatre and was so starstruck it was crazy. I was all...OMG! That's Racheal Dratch. Now I know many ppl are freaked out by her on SNL cuz she plays these not so pretty characters but I think she's hilarious. Jesse and I made a goal for this summer: take the UCB Class together. I really hope we do it.

On the train ride back I sank into my own little word as I listened to the American Beauty soundtrack and Fiona Apple mix. This guy sat next to me for awhile and at one point I looked over and saw his ear. This was no regular ear people. The outer rim...i dunno what it's really called, but he totally had hair growing there. I was like WHOA! That's gross! And then I realized he probably didnt like it when people looked at his abnormal hair growth on his outer ear. Gee, I hope he doesnt read this...

Where the F is everyone?!

Daily Shout Out:
To: Horatio Sanz
Why come?: Cuz he incorperated "I'm just jenny from the block" into the improv. Well done my friend. Jesse and I were really hoping to hear a line from Missy Elliot's "work it" but JLo was a good replacement.

Last night I was all, "I'll get up semi-early around 11ish and work out for a bit."

The reality: I woke up and forced myself out of bed at 12 and then ate cocoa puffs.

Yesterday a telemarketer called but I had already said hello...so that kinda ruined the whole breathing heavy thing. Really is a shame cuz I would really like to do that. David Letterman was talking about them the same day I wrote about that and he was saying to pretend that you think you won a big screen tv and say how excited you are and you knew you would win, that way they feel bad when they say no no you didnt win anything. You could be all depressed and hang up, or they wont even try to sell you anything cuz they feel bad. If they do still try, then it is my medical opinion that they are mean people with no hearts.

Yesterday while at the Ben Folds concert which was AMAZING. 3rd time seeing him and it was so worth the 40 bucks. But before he came out I was putting my feet up on the seats ahead of me and then I would wedge my feet inbetween the two seats. At some point I stretched them out by the floor you know just leaning back n such. Next thing I know I have this purple sticky crap on my sneakers. I'm all, what the F?! I have no clue where it came from but it totally invaded my personal space and sabotaged my sneakers. So not cool purple stuff.