Today I had a marvelous idea. Everyone knows about those patches you can buy if you want to quit smoking, well what if you don't have any friends or you got ditched by your friends or they died...whichever.
You are lonely, no one to laugh with, no one to comment on your outfit, or watch tv with. Just head over to a convient store and buy yourself the Friendship patch. It fills you with good thoughts making you feel like you have a purpose to life.

I also think it should be made out of candy. Kinda like a piece of a fruit by the foot. Oh delicious friendship.

At this moment I think I understand the morbidly obesse people of the world and why they ask Maury for help.

I think a great new style would be getting the opposite of bangs. How do you do that? Well I'll tell you, just shave the very front of your head.

Ask your hairdresser about it!

Though some may argue if you don't have bangs then getting the opposite of that would be to GET bangs. But to all of those people....stop ruinging everything. Just shave the front of your head, ok? It'll be cool I swear. I saw Jennifer Aniston do it this weekend.

I finished my Orientation Leader application. For the last part of the question section it allows for addition comments. This is what I wrote:

For the additional comments I would just like to say…
I'm lactose intolerant and proud
Love ice tea and other assorted juices
Jealous of cats since they sleep 16 hours out of a day
Can quote SNL sketches as if it is my job
An active recycler
Am 1/64 Cherokee Indian
Own a blue members only jacket
Coldplay is the soundtrack of my soul
And sneakers are my foot ware of choice

I don't see how they could logically and rationally turn me down.

I'm proud of this joke I wrote for my TV show:

Bryan Singer director of the X-Men films is in talks to direct Fox's untitled drama pilot about a team of doctors who diagnose the toughest medical cases that other doctors have not been able to crack. Many of the plots will center around issues such as cancer, AIDS, and why Judith Light looks like a man.

ZING!

It's been a few days, but I've had lots of work to do. I thought being on duty would make me get my work done on Friday and Saturday, but amazingly that didn't happen.

So my question for all is: How does a crazy person drive?

Do they scream constantly, do they swirve, to they mumble to themselves, do they drive slow thinking this is a new planet that their rocket ship just landed on. Do they throw things? If so why type of things?

Once you have answered all the questions imagine it happening, it's hilarious.

Spike Lee came to Ithaca College. Jealous? He was really cool. Good speaker, down to earth, funny. However, 27,000 dollars for about an hour and a half is kinda ridiculous. That's someone's tuition...almost. As RA Mike says this school costs thirty-two much. I concur.

I think the best part was when Spike went off on a Red Socks fan who claimed using 1918 was not original. Spike told him it's a fact. The sky is blue. And the red sock haven't won since 1918.

I apologize if that date is wrong. It's just been such a long time since they won anything that I can't recall when it was.

Oh Snap!

In the following the SN ProffesorChaos23 plays the part of my brother...


ProffesorChaos23: idky
Lactaid Lady: idky?
ProffesorChaos23: i dont know why
Lactaid Lady: oh boy, now i know how mom feels

"I am sorry if anyone was offended by the wardrobe malfunction during the halftime performance at the Super Bowl," Timberlake said of the incident.

I love that it is referred to as a "wardrobe malfunction," like its this really advanced technology that is difficult to control. The engineers are looking into the incodent to make sure it doesn't happen again. A loose button within the chestal region allowed for the easy departure of the breast material to disapate thus leaving thousands to see Janet Jackson's boob.

the GASP heard 'round the world.

Gloom Doggy: 20 years old. Thats disgusting
Lactaid Lady: i know
Gloom Doggy: eugh, how does it feel?
Lactaid Lady: i'm totally in the majority demographic that the media aims at

Last night I had SO much work and I procrastinated but got it all done at 2am, which aint bad because I would have been up til then anyway. 2 papers and a long ass chapter for field production=Done. And today was so wonderful because I didnt have to worry about anything being due tomorrow since I don't have class.

HA HA SUCK ON THAT SCHOOL!

In a related topic, I'd like to send a special message to my main lady up in Ithaca:

WTF, Mother Nature, WTF?

Its been snowing like it's no ones business in the beginning of the week, and then the wind decides, hey I'm not getting enough play so I'm going to be ALL over the place. I think Wind and Snow are in an alliance to kick off Sun. They are just jealous because everyone likes Sun.

I might look into purchasing some leggings or long johns, whatever they are called because too often while out in the frozen tundra I wish I had some more pants on. It's just too damn cold out.

Perhaps I'll write to my Congress Man.

A recent discussion.


OEEPing: And who wants to read?
Lactaid Lady: exactly
Lactaid Lady: reading is for losers
OEEPing: And nerds. Don't forget about them.
Lactaid Lady: oh i haven't
OEEPing: I'm sure.
Lactaid Lady: being able to read wont get you ANYWHERE in life
Lactaid Lady: picture books are where it's at
OEEPing: Books. Pshaw. Things of the past.
OEEPing: The future is in electromographic gizmos

Curtain

So I took this quiz online when I was bored. It was called, What movie do you belong in? It tells me I belong in Aladdin and naturally I'm very excited because it's my favorite Disney movie. But then it tells me WHY i belong there.

"Lying, cheating, and stealing. You won't stop until you get what you want."

...I think I'm offended. Aladdin is about befriending monkeys, about flying on a magic carpet, about friendship, about tricking people into thinking you are something you are not and then confronting it and setting a genie free and getting to be the Saltin of Agrabah.

So screw you Quizzilla, you don't know WHAT you're talking about!

Well I dropped Personal Essay. No more turtle man. Damn. So now I'm in Culture and Media which, from my understanding, we analyze tv and such. Hopefully it doesnt bite me on the ass and I have to go crawling back to Personal Essay and everyone is all looking at me with squinty mean eyes and they call me Jane and I tell them that's not my name but they call me that anyway. Cuz that would suck.

The Outcast song "Hey Ya" has the constant ability to make me shake it like a polaroid picture.

I'm working right now in the office doing RA stuff for duty. I have my own personal project in here. I fart on the main office persons chair and leave a sign up that just has the number on it so she'll be all like, "what?" And every so often it will go up as I fart more in it. Right now it's at 8 but a few minutes ago it became 9. By the end of the year on the back of the paper I will write that "this is how many times I farted on your chair." And not sign it. So she will feel gross.

I'm so sweet.

First day o' classes are going rather well so far. I get up at 10am M-Th and then get to sleep til 2 on Friday. So I figure I can stay up til at least 2am each night and still get enough sleep for the morning. Super! Or wait, make that...Choice!

My personal writing class I'm not so sure about. The professor is kinda like an old turtle. I think hes got some personality in him but it's hard to tell since all he did was read directly from the syllabus. Thats always fun. However I might replace that class with some Acting IV action. POW!

does everyone enjoy the new opening picture? I say that since the POW took me back to the days of the fox lady and her kick. I enjoy the instructions and the gun that is in mid-air. Hurray for potential violence!

Other news: It's DAMN cold out. And all the salt they put down stains the bottom of my pants white. Which means I have to wash them...or just the bottoms (Yeah Liz). But don't worry I won't allow the salt to take over my life. I do have good news. I believe that I will manage to spend less than 100 on books this semester. Take that, THE MAN!

Appearently I have been working too hard since I strained my left foot muscle. Now I look funny when I walk. And I didn't do anything like run a marathon or lift weights or operate heavy machinary. I dont get it. All I did was walk around. I am falling apart.

Segway!

Feeling slightly annoyed by the wind howling its way into my room from a small crack in my no-so-effecient dorm window, I got up and tried to push it closed some more. No such luck. I then pushed it in and realized that the sounds wasn't unbearable, however, once I let go it was back. So I looked around for something I could stick in the little space and lo and behold I reached down and the Everybody Poops book found its way to my hand. It was just thin enough to hold the window closed. And it did so all night. Thank you Everybody Poops, not only for the wonder of showing fecal matter but for helping out when I needed it most.

At the 80s training dinner/dance party I got online to get some food. I was sporting my blue members only jacket and a fellow RD noticed that it was genuine and exclaimed with excitement, "That's CHOICE!"

This is an excellent 80s word that is often forgotten from the sea of other great words such as "Totally" "Rad" "Bodacious" "Narley" "Wicked" "Bitchin"

As a goal I have set for myself, I plan to include "Choice" into my everyday vocabulary. It's time for a rebirth.

RA training started today. We had our first session which was about Motovation. It was full of cheesy lessons and so I didn't do any of the exercises seriously. For one of the things the woman held up two containers with different amounts of water in them. It was the old..half full or half empty deal. She asked us to take a moment to write down descriptions of the containers. Here is what I wrote.

Half Empty
Half Dollar
H-D
H-Dolla'
Half-D
Hasselhoff
Cookies
Fred is Asian
Molly is hitting on me

The whole rant of Half Dollar is from earlier when our staff had lunch together and they were talking about 50 Cent and I said he should have a sidekick named Half Dolla'....And so I have abandoned my old name "Colleen" and will only respond to any form of Half Dolla' as seen above. The cookies, I just wanted one, and Hasselhoff...I dunno. Fred is an actual person and YES he IS asian. And Molly was winking and licking her lips at me so she indeed was hitting on me.

Basically the lesson from the session is as follows...

Optimism=Life
Pessimism=Death

There you go.

check out ma new pics....scroll down!

First of all I must give a Massive Shout Out to the one and only Sundstroms. Not only was Friday night full of witty banter, but cake as well. And you can never go wrong with that.

They voiced their concerns about my site and the lack of updates. They were worried for Oldschool's health. It appears I haven't spend enough time with it and it's been turning to the streets for comfort. So now I will only go to work for half days and make sure I cook at least one meal a week that isn't instant mac and cheese. And I'll also quit drinking and selling drugs out of the back of my car. It's a real nasty habit.

Also today I discovered the beauty of VH1's Super Secret TV Formulas. It's like so many of VH1's programs...a clip show where comedians say funny things about cheesy/bad/iconic shows. And here they have the wonderful landscape of 70 and 80s sitcoms. I recommend to people of all ages. Although I must say, what is the deal with plugging their website? I was suckered into checking it out and to be honest, it's not THAT great.

VH1's Overall Colleen Rating: Four Sugar Cookies

**Scale based on Five Sugar Cookie Scale**

Sorry old friend. Here's what happens....

I wake up around 12, eat a bagel, watch tv, take a shower, hop online, check my email which is mostly full of excellent morgage deals for me - you know since I have that house n all. Oh and sometimes there is this way for me to loose all that extra holiday weight in a week. Amazing huh? So that stuff gets deleted right away and that process makes me hungry again so I go eat a chipwich, its like a turkey sandwich, only the turkey and bread are replaced by chocolate chip cookies and ice cream. And all that chewing makes me thirsty for some ice tea - Arizona Green Tea that is....

Then I'll go out to one of the following:

Blockbuster
Starbucks
The Mall
A Fast Food Establishment
Dollar/Thrift Store

Speaking of which...My cousin Pat and I were watching "I love the 80s" on VH1 and they were talking about fashions of the decade and we decided we were going to find ourselves some mighty fine Members Only jackets. So we hit up the thrift store and found not only one but TWO and a couple of knock-off brands. So we cleared them out of their Members Only appearal - one blue and one mustard yellow.
Jealous?

So basically the rest of my day is spent watching movies, or going to someone elses house and watching a movie and or TV, then we'll go to starbucks, and then more tv, and then we go home and I go online again...to check out what other amazing deals i'm being offered in my emails, then I top my day off with some tv.

Curtain.