Thanksgiving is 'round the corner and that means its time to give thanks to the things we really care about. I know it's cliche and redundent but you know I'm really thankful for christmas sales. God bless you malls of america for keeping consumerism alive. Without the great discounts given to we the people from some divine being like a CEO of marketing, I don't think we'd ever survive as a society or a people.

The isles and racks of moderately affordable supplies such as shirts, toys, and DVDs keep us all sane. God bless the clerks who always know what to do when something goes wrong. God bless all the nice men, women, and children who stand in long lines full of joy in their hearts for the coming feast of christmas. Always patient, always full of dignity. Without you we would forget the true meaning of the holidays...which I know many people pretend to know. They said stuff like, "your family" or "friends." But you know what? I talked directly with G-O-D, or the G-ster and SHE told me this.

The true spirit of the holidays is (inaudible)

She was eating cereal, Apple Jacks, and I didn't quite catch what she said but I nodded and pretended I did. Then we watched Terminator 2 on TBS together.

ProffesorChaos23: so r you unlactosed yet?
Lactaid Lady: no how could that happen?
ProffesorChaos23: pixies
Lactaid Lady: you make a very good point

Word up.

I've recently decided I'mmo put together to "book" of things I've written. This will include many of these posts. I've been going through old posts and have realized that I'm hilarious. And I mean that in the most egotistical way imaginable. I can tell why people come crawling back day after day because they just aren't capable of the comedy that seems to just ooze from my GORGEOUS self. In case you didn't pick up from that last sentence, I'm also aREAL good looking. So good looking that others try to steal my face. It's true! When they do I take out my bible and tell them that it tis a sin to be full of envy and to steal. So I'm also kinda like a saint, preaching the good word n such.

Saint Lady Fantastic. I'd like to see the following things in my stain glass mural:

1. a kitty
2. french toast
3. a hummer
4. tony danza
5. a mullet on either myself or tony danza

Send your art work to the Church of Awesome care of:
Lady Fantastic/Colleen Evanson
Ithaca College - Tallcott 101
Ithaca, NY 14850

So i got back from Indiana today. 10 hour drive that after awhile makes you forget there is a life of civilization beyond winding cement. Anyway, I get back and I'm wicked hungry. Do I get to eat? No. I have improv from 5-7. Good times. Get back and wanted to make some instant thai food. Open up the package and realize it involves boiling water and the veggy sauce. At this point I contimplate ordering it. Then I realize, you know what, you are 20 you should have the skills to do this as well as the patience to do it. I find the pots, pans, and measuring cup. I boil the water, simmer the sauce, add the noodles, and wait. It's done, I strain the noodles, put the sauce on top, dig my fork in....and.....

it totally wasn't good. I didn't quite cook the noodles enough I just assumed it was long enough. After the second attempt at eating it I realized this wasn't going to work. I'm simply not supposed to be cooking. I'm supposed to be supporting our economy and those who work to make food by ordering thai instead.

and it was good.

I would also like to inform everyone that once again Economics is rearing it's ugly head in my direction. Not only is it staring uncomforably at me for an extented period of time which makes it awkward but it's raising it's arm and pointing a strong finger at me. The finger, though lacking a mouth, manages to tell me that I'm "going down." Then the eyes of Economics get wide with anticipation of the kill and it nods its head real slow.

I'm screwed.

I recieved this in my email and thought I would share:


Dear Lady Fantastic,

My name is Dr. Candy Richardson and I am an associate professor at Ithaca College in the Department of Classical Studies. Being that you are one of the Classiest Ladies on the IC Campus, I was wondering if we could possibly sit down for an interview. You, Lady Fantastic, are one the best examples I have ever seen of pure class and dignity embodied in a human being without any training what so ever. We at the DCS have talked to the DCU and apparently you are still at 100% dignity with a 15% bonus. That is almost unheard of. Please Lady Fantastic, grace us with your presence.

We will be in touch,
Candy Richardson PHD

I responded with:

I'm please my reputation has gotten around, I put up some flyers but it looked like most of them were taken down the next day. Why? I am unsure. I would love an interview with you as well as getting involved with the Department of Classical Studies. My schedule is rather busy full of good deeds and prestige. Just let me know where and when suits you and hopefully it will work out.

Lady Fantastic
"May dignity be your grace."
____________________________________________________
I'll keep you posted to see how the interview goes.

A couple of things.

Thank you american for chosing a leader who is really open minded and all for pollution and homophobia, that's awesome. I'm glad that we've really learned from history that oppressing people who are considered "different" has always worked. Second if the Roe vs. Wade court case is over turned I'm so happy that middle aged white men get to decide what I can do to my body as a woman. That's choice.

I'm happy we are all for freedom and individuals because if we weren't, man that'd be hypocritical.

Four more years of the most elequent and educated leadership in a LONG time. Can't wait.

Oh and finally we can get rid of the big threat from Iraq. I was so worried for a bit that gas prices would just continue to rise.

**This post is brought to you by sarcasm****

I told many people this week that Boston would never win the world series for the following reason. The city would burn to the ground and innocent people would be killed at the hand of riot crazed fans. As a Yankees fan I am disappointed in my team. Tis a shame that they were unable to stop the spread of evil. Now I want to clear up, I really don't have a problem with the Red Sox. It's the fans that get me.

They simply cannot handle a win with pride. Even now at 1am in central NY the fans make themselves known by shouting, setting off illegal fireworks, and throwing things at the buildings. This all in a place at least 5 hours away from the actual city. If Boston wins the world series, good for their team, but a horrible apocalpse will bestow itself upon the city. I thought that God wouldn't let that happen. Appearently something went wrong. But there is still hope that a mother with child won't have to cower in fear when they go outside their home.

Maybe the Boston fans are the true terrorists. Ever think of that G.W.?

I had my first economics test last week. Now I studied quite a bit and realized 1 of 2 things would happen.

1) I am actually understanding this and the test might be easy for me, for once economics seemed to click

OR

2) Economics tricked me into thinking I understood it.

The result...
Economics is a tricky bastard. I'll get you, you better watch your back you jackal!

My resident hall cluster known as BRT has a newsletter being put out on a weekly basis. Each one of these sports an editorial by me under the name "Lady Fantastic" which I stole as one of Amy Poehler's poker names from Celebrity Poker (which yes, I made fun of when it came out because it just shows how obsessed with are with watching celebrities do anything...but i couldn't resist when she was on).

So here is this weeks edition:

Over the course of man there have been many inventions. Some are simple devices that help us in everyday life like a can opener. Others are more complicated and involve the culmination of brilliant minds, for instance, the exploration of space or the cure of polio. Then there are those inventions that seem useless or unnecessary such as motion activated paper towel dispensers or even better condoms/birth control. (What's that about?) However, an item you won't find within any of these categories is one that embodies the human spirit. It can blow a piece of your cranium off in extreme amazement or even force you to double over with intense pain. It can make or break you as a person. "What is this item?" you ask as you lean forward with wonderment. It's humankind's greatest achievement aside from ice cream. Like gods we threw down our collective hands from the heavens and behold, there twas Slip N Slide.

It's simply beautiful; a piece of plastic, some water, a running motion. People actually marketed this concept and society bought it. The instructions were easy. As the commercial once stated, "you run, you slide, you hit the bump, and take a dive."

I have but one complaint. As I discovered this summer while buying two in order to create fun for my 20 year old self I noticed the warnings placed on the slide itself. "Warning: not for use by anyone over 12 years of age, over 5' tall, and over 100lbs." Screw that, I was 0 for 3 but that wasn't going to stop me. I have just spent a good 10 dollars on this. I slipped and slid to no avail. I ran at it as if it were a magical land full of kitties, marshmallows, lateral lisps, and Seinfeld reruns on TBS. Those warnings can take themselves and SHOVE IT. All I got were some minor bruises and sore muscles. Surely this must have happened when I was little.

So why is it that 12 and older people are advised against this joyful sport? Are they not people who can have happiness or know what laughter is? If this were true then how to you explain the Golden Girls? Those ladies were at least 50 and they got their laugh on, many times a week with witty comments and hilarious situations they had to get themselves out of. Is Bea Arthur not allowed to use a Slip N Slide?

Well as president of the Bea Arther fan club I say, hell no, not under my watch. She's an independent woman who can do what she pleases. If she pleases to put out a restraining order because she doesn't want me in her house anymore, fine. I'll respect that and keep my distance of a minimum of 30 feet. That's her choice. However, if I were to set up a Slip N Slide for the both of us to enjoy she can come as close to me as she wants. If that happens to be closer than 30 feet than so be it. And if afterwards she would like to hug me because we are having so much fun it makes her feel like a breath of new life, cool. And if after that she decides to adopt me so we will never be apart then you know what, that's just swell. Whatever Bea wants. I'm there for her. And no slip N slide will prevent that from happening.

So ladies and gents write your congressmen and ask who ever made the Slip N Slide because you know I didn't have the decency to look that up before I started typing this. People say you need to check your sources and everything but whatever, I can't even tell you how many times I made up the title of books in my "Work Cited" page of my papers and I'm still in college. Just do whatever you want, because the other greatest invention of humankind was our ability to be violent. And if you think that an emotion doesn't count as an invention you can just shut your fat mouth.

The End.

The past weekend my RA staff and I spent time creating a custom made slip and slide. Was it awesome? Uh...yeah. So if you too are interested in unending fun/joy/happiness feel free to find a target. Once inside head over to the sporting goods section. Check out the camping isle, grab yo'self a tarp or two as well as some stakes to pin it to the ground. Now the tarp will be 8x10 so cut each one in half, duct tape them together and use the stakes.

Simple application of water does just fine, however, for amplified enjoyment get Baby Oil. This may bring up problems later on because you will feel a tad greasy but that's nothing a good couple of showers won't take care of.

Surely this will result in the most of you will experience in your lifetime.

oh, and...
YOU'RE WELCOME.

Today while taking a shower a small moth appeared from behind me and picked out a space on teh shower wall to hang out. The weirder part of that story is that for a good few seconds I actually thought it came out of my butt.

I'd like to share some of my additional notes from economics class. However, first I must say that I'm not the biggest fan of economics. I took it in high school and it's just not my best subject; I didn't bomb it, but I couldn't quite get the hang of it which was frustrating. But my latest teacher goes above and beyond. Why is this?

Well first of all he's exactly what you would think a grown man who loves to punch numbers into a computer would look like. His hair is a grown out bowl cut, topped off with a grey mustach that doesn't match the color of his hair....perhaps he isn't using the combination of hair and mustach dye from Just for Me, because currently, I can tell.
His glasses are still the old fashioned big ones we saw in the 80s. The best part about his is that they have an elastic connector so if he wanted he could take them off and have then hang around his neck.
His attire is rather choice; button up t-shirts with or without the tie, depends on his mood. Every now and then his shirt is buttoned down low enough so I can see his white t-shirt underneath. Other times he's more professional with a button up t-shirt and hand saw clip on the tie.
He stands REAL close to the board when he draws the supply and demand graph. He gets really excited about it too and will cut himself off as he talks about buyers and sellers.

Truely a piece of work.

Now I have noted here that while discussing the price and quantitly demand of lift tickets in Central New York he went on about how he couldn't believe someone would pay 50 dollars to lift weights. We had to inform him the lift tickets were in relation to skiing. He gracefully recovered by stating that made much more sense.

In the middle of lessons he likes to break and tell stories. For example, he told us about his college days which including having to balance his budget. He tended to buy lots of hamburger helper and tuna hamburger helper and now when he sees it he goes into gastro-intestinal spasms. Now a days when he pulls out his bagged PB and J sandwich it's his "real special moment of the day."

Another time he said, "I could give you an assignment but it might get you killed." We inquired why and he revealed the plans: Get sticks of butter in a georcery store, get in the longest line, when they ring it up as $2.79 and the cashier looks at you to pay say you'll give them $1.79 and you gotta hold your ground and make the cashier and supervisor panic.

Today in class we talked about how "Gummy Sharks are pretty cool." Why? Well in his words, "what's special about them is that they are blue at the top and white on the bottom." He knew the number of the bin they were in and how much they were per pound. He also mentioned that Gummy Sneakers were the next bin over and they were cool because they are all different colors with white as the treads.

Now I must say he told these stories to explain points or terms related to economics. I greatly appreciate them. I hope you have as well.

I deem myself responsible and take all the credit for the rebirth of the word "choice."

In about 5 years it will be everywhere. You'll see. And victory will be mine. Now make this a reality and use it when appropriate.

Tell mom the dinner she made was choice.
Tell your teacher their lesson was choice.
Comment on grandpa's attire as choice.
Mention to your friend that their new hair cut is less than choice.
Explain how playing kickball is choice.

Go ahead, make it a CHOICE day.

Wanted:
Documentary Research Class

Crime:
Stealing Colleen Evanson's life away and subjecting her to endless hours on the internet looking up topics.

Reward:
Getting to see Colleen again before winter break.

Good luck, cowboys.

I came to this blog today with the intention of writing about teleporting. You see a long time back in the summer my cousin Pat and I discussed all the complications of it and I wrote them down on the back of a MetroCard. The problem is I can't really read what I wrote and if I can read it, I have no idea what I'm talking about. This is a tragedy of waiting too long to post. A shame. One of my bullet points is "features." Well, Colleen, what are those features? You know self, I dont remember.

I'm all of 20 and I'm beginning to lose my precious memory. So in order to avoid this happening to you I urge you all to write better notes to yourself with details and maybe on an actual piece of paper. And then don't wait 3 months to write about it. It was my greatest mistake. Surely I have become the Hamlet of the blog industry.

Now if you'll excuse me I need to make myself some wonderful toast. I must create in the wake of my self destruction.

While chatting with my brother about spanish teachers we remembered days past in class along with the names we were given in order to really immerse ourselves in the culture.

Shawn said he would be called Samuel
I told him my name was Carolina, to which he replied:

"u totally look like a carolina
if u were spanish
. . .and lived in spanish lands"

to which i replied with a giggle in the form of "lol" and told him his remarks were "well played."

Teleporting will be great once it's invented. My only hope is that it's not created by a mad scientist, because that's just asking for trouble.

Sorry for the servere delay in updates. I have been rather busy with RA stuff, checking rooms, making door tags, making staff shirts, all the while going to sessions from about 9am-5pm....then staff meeting til about 10pm. But its been a lot of fun working with the awesome staff I have.

So now without further hesitation I'd like to add another splendid essay here from Orientation. This one is from the last session (6). And for those who dont know, I wrote several essays over the course of Orientation since I had to proctor the writing placement exam.
Enjoy!

There are over a billion people on this planet we have entitled Earth. Some may think the official number is more like a ba-jillion, but you are wrong my friend. With all those people milling around there are millions, dare I say billions of J-O-Bs. There are po-pos (police), drug dealers, and people who make you pay 10 bucks to see their shorter "radio-active" leg. However, in the town of Ithaca New York, Ithaca College pays 20 students each summer to orientate incoming freshman. These are what on may call Orientation Leaders...I, Colleen Evanson, am on o' dem leaders.
Now there comes a time in each Leaders life when they look back over the past three weeks and think, "damn sloppy joes are REAL good" as well as "what have I done with this life?" Well, self, to answer that I'd say you learned an awful lot about people, like how much you HATE them. IT's actually quite easy to hate another human being. For example, they may be stupid, ugly, no intelligent and/or pretty, or simply not attractive. These unfortunate souls may hopefully approach you and ask a question like, "where is the bathroom?" Where is the bathroom?! Damn, you are DUMB. Usually I make up directions with a smile on my face and then once they turn around I roll my eyes in disgust and if I'm feeling up to it raise my middle finger ever so slowly.
Stupidity doesn't discriminate; parents, students, even other OLs. I might not live in what federal law considers a house, or be able to read above a 4th grade level, or pay for things with I go shopping, but I still have - well ok I'll be frank (but my name is still Colleen) I'm better than you. There I said it. I be you my old speak N spell that if there were some type of way to measure how awesome I am the test or measuring apparatus would 'splode all over because I am so awesome it can't handle all the coolness. You know what, I feel like my last sentence may not be able to convey how amazing and better than you I am and I feel like I'm being judged so how about this...
Once I held my breath under water for like almost 30 seconds. That's half a minute for all of you stupids. Technically it was like 26 seconds but that's cuz Billy didn't start as soon as my head was under water and also Billy counts unfairly slow. Regardless, it was 30 seconds, so suck on that for awhile and if that's too sour them how about this. It will blow your mind. I...I can fly. I usually don't tell most people cuz they dont think it's possible but it is if you are awesome enough, and guess what amigo..I am. In fact if you could fly, which I doubt, I could fly real much higher than you and like fly into the ocean and stay under for about 35 seconds, and I totally will as long as Billy doesn't count cuz I've been practicing in my "bath tub," which the federal government tells me I can't go in since it's appearently a water fountain. But whatever people willingly throw their money out. Just the other day I bought a dime bag with it so HA! MOR-ONs.
In conclusion I wear a black polo with a collar and that deems me officially better than you and if you want to try and stay under water for over 35 seconds, bring it! I'll be at the Ithaca College pool, sucker. Be prepared to like lose and stuff.

The End
I feel the need to express I have never bathed in a fountain nor have I ever bought drugs. Some people, despite knowing me long periods of time will still ask if these stories are true.

Sorry for lack of updates. I wanted to spend me time at home to the fullest eating food, sleeping late, watching DVDs, and finishing the Star Wars computer game...which I did! Then I had to come back to school and start RA stuff. I dont have time right now to write something incredibly witty or profound like most have come to expect. I do have another essay I would like to publish. That is next on the agenda after I get rolling with putting up boards and doortags on my floor.

So just keep it real for now.