Today I...

Today I picked up my stole mini pumpkin from the dining hall, which my boss encourages us all to steal, and I noticed how hard it was. Them pumpkins must work out. Only I never see him at the gym. He's always perched above my tv. But I worry he will get too buff and one day will get mad at me for something ridiculous like keeping my socks with my shorts and then he'll use his guns, aka arms, to beat me senseless. Then the po-po will arrive on the scene and I will insist not to press charges because I love him too much. Damn them pumpkins! Handsome and irresistable...but deadly!

Take everything I say seriously.

Now I'm going to kick it really oldschool and do a lil segment I like to call Dictionary Tiempo (Time):

Todays word: mineral oil - a colorless, tasteless oil from petroleum, used as a laxative
Now for an example: After I got a nasty case of the runs, I decided no more mineral oil for me!