Then we head down to the pool by 11am to sign up. According to Uncle Mike's forecast the night before, today by the pools was “gonna be mobbed." Well it’s not, and he’s a no show to kick our asses as he claimed he would. He's 0-2. Liz and I both sign
up and trade places by the laptops to play. Team 2 and Team 3 represent! My team sucks
for a bit. It’s windy so we are freezing.
JJ is there and a tad bit insecure. He's convinced I somehow hate him because I didn't say hello. But that's hard to do when I don't see you. Newcomer Dustin arrives(Devan's bro, Dawnette's son, and eventually Liz's hero - wait for it).
He and I bond over tv/film/snowboarding/injuries. Hollywood
Ron shares more delish tequila. And I’m drunk by 2pm. Baja Joe shows up to pick us up as we forgot he was our ride - the pool is a total time suck in the best way imaginable. He chats with Liz
in the hot tub and leaves. He’ll be back by 4:30pm. But then JJ gives us a ride by 4pm. We hope to see Joe along the way but don't. We get to the house, Joe’s still out. Liz and I shower quick. JJ says we smell
like girls, but really we just smell like clean.
We drive back to the pool hoping to find Joe. No dice. This is what happens without cell phones. And people did this for centuries? JJ
has to check in with his mom for the resort house business. He takes some of her booze (as per
usual). She sees and just frowns (as per usual). She tells him before he can go to the pool party fun he has to get milk. He
drops us off at said pool party fun. Says he’ll be back in a bit.
We meet up with Dustin, Dawnette, and
Rosio/Rosario/Rosia? (We couldn't remember). Bocce ball happens. Dustin and I are a team. JJ is a no
show so Liz teams with Hollywood Ron (who keeps telling us how he owns a bocce ball court). They
expect a win, but they lose, and he blames Liz. She sees him get legit mad for a hot
minute: "oh he don’t like me no more." Dustin and I destroy a family. See below:
"Squat all you want, Dad, you're going down!" But our hubris gets the better of us. The next game we tie
break and lose by an inch to Debbie and her (chump/not chump) husband. Shenanigans! How will we cope with this upset? What's that? Dustin is friends with the bartender who will hook us up with dollar/free margaritas?! Yes, please. I party foul. How will I ever get another one?
Travis and Sean show up, crashing the party. Liz and I yell out in surprise: "Travis and Sean!" Dawnette is
stoked to see them too: "TRAVIS AND SEAN!" Her enthusiasm makes Liz and I ask how she knows them. She doesn't. Meh. All good. Liz is starving. I bait Dustin by saying "You know who
likes guagamole? Liz." and "Do they serve chips here?" He doesn’t pick up what I'm throwing down. Squawks! But
Rocio does (that's her actual name but Rosio was close, right?). We all go to eat.
We go to Andre’s aka where Liz and I were on night one,
totes barracha (drunk) with Baja Joe and Lindsey. As we walk in Liz and I hypothetically discuss which of the boys we’d make out with if the opportunity presented itself. Gotta be prepared. Back to the food: I get the recommended "Volcano" aka a goblet full of deliciousness.
I ate it all. As well as all the chips. It's only a matter of time before the diabetes kicks in. We get
margaritas and green burritos. Liz actually takes pictures of people eating
together – not just the food. Wha!? Su novios…
We head over to the Jolly Mon bar. "Da Jolly Mon!" (to be said in the worst of Jamaican accents).
According to the sign, you are not allowed to smoke.
Never. EVER. Seriously, you guys.
By the grace of God it's Karaoke Night and Bubba (the best/only DJ in town) is there.
Score. Liz keeps drinking, I start downing water. We are asked to dance by old
men. Sure thang! We rock it out, and out dance them. Liz later says - the
amount we work out, we better be able to out dance them. Dawnette falls in love with our moves yelling over the 90s beats that "you’re
incredible!" Dawnette's actual novio Robbie (who works at the resort) sings "Shot through the Heart," I back him up with
interpretive dance moves. I mean, someone had to do it. I take many videos of Liz dancing with old men and new friends.
At one point she’s with an old guy who takes off his hat. Travis comments how he was thinking the old guy was gonna put it on Liz’s head but that she’s probably not interested. I correct
him saying hells no, she def wants to wear it. She then
puts on his hat. I win!
Sean and Travis try to request songs Bubba doesn’t have them
or just pretends not too because they aren’t cute girls. Liz asks Bubba what a
good song to do is – he can’t think of any. We start to realize Bubba may not
be the best DJ around. Karaoke Liz and Dustin attempt "Sweet Caroline." It's not their best, so Robbie who turns out is a Neil Diamond
impersonator swoops in to save the day. Liz lets her bicept sing instead. Here's a picture of NOT Liz, but it is accurately blurry.
Devan shows up with some new friends - Ramon and Shea aka the toothless wonder. He got the nickname because he came down to Mexico to get his teeth done as it's wicked cheap. Then got into a fight back in the US where he got his new shiny teeth knocked out so he had to come back to Mexivo to get it done again. Classy. We dance, the kids grind a
bit. We all circle up, bust out the sprinkler, running man, cabbage patch, the dad dance
(you know it). We get hot and take breaks. I order more water, but then a song
comes on I like, I keep dancing, I return, my water is pretty much gone. I feel
like I keep ordering ALL the water and am convinced the bartender is thinking --- "damn gurl."
We close the place down. Our ride left so we bat our eyes and ask one of our many novios to take us home. Travis and Sean
won’t be staying in town thanks to the warmer from Rosa – I’m Mexican and I
won’t even go there. You’ll get robbed and as a woman groped. Dustin tells them
to camp out in front of theit house. They will. The lights go out outside, they
are kicking us out. It’s only 11:45pm. We fill Travis and Sean’s car, Dustin in
the back. They drop us off, then Dustin can take them back. None of our novios
give us alcohol.
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