Baja Day 9 - Easter!

We wake up to discover Baja Joe has "vertigo" - wink, wink.  It can happen when you spend the previous day drinking tequila, but we let him call it whatever he wanted.  So we slowly and quietly crept around the house.  Naturally, Liz broke a glass.  There was a SMASH! Followed by:  "Happy Easter! OPA! ... it's a Greek thing."

We then made wildly inappropriate jokes about Easter morning being the day that Jesus woke up from his previous night of a drunken stupor and being all -- "HA, HA!   Very funny disciples.  I get it, you're hilarious!  Now get me down from here..."  Too soon?

Liz goes off and runs about 3 miles down to the gate of the complex while I jump around doing some plyometrics on the roof.  I got sweaty but you could barely notice since the sweat was evaporated almost immediately.  Didn't even need a shower after the workout.  I mean, we're going to the pool so that's like a giant bathtub, right?

At the pool, I do some “work."  Turns out I have a lot more Groupon emails than messages from actual people.  But the internet sucks and takes forever to load so I can't even enjoy reading about the deal I will never buy for "Sheer Bliss."  SQUAWKS!

All the novios (and novias!) come by asking where we were yesterday, they all tried to find us.   Lies, you did not.  But in their defense it's hard to get a hold of anyone when no one has a cell phone.   Liz and I really enjoy rotating our adventures between the retired kids and the young folks, plus it makes the demand for us higher.  We are movers and shakers, can't nobody hold us down.

Turns out we didn’t miss the blind v-ball yesterday like we thought they did.  This is when they wrap a huge taped together garbage bag over the net so you can't see anything.  It's pretty awesome.  Dustin buys us $1 margaritas.  Liz asks if I'm almost done.  Then I close my laptop.  "Yep."  She wasn’t prepared it would be THAT quick.   We bring our stuff over to our novios.

They offer their beach chairs since they are playing v-ball.  We tan (Liz wanted to work on getting SOME color).   I am paranoid and keep putting on moisturizer and shade my super dry face with a hat.  Dustin keeps buying Liz margaritas and she keeps drinking them.  She’s convinced she’s only had 3 (really at least 5) and "HOW am I so drunk?  I  am tanked.   How did this happen?   I didn’t intend to get so drunk.  Are you drinking?  Don’t tell me I’m the only one..."  We lay out, she can’t get over how hot it is.  "How do girls do this?!"  Dustin tells her she’s his hero.   She spills another drink.   Hangs her head in shame.   She gets another one.

   

We play soccer aka juggle between each other with a random soccer ball I found under the tables.  The guys play v-ball and some kind of poker game with Dawnett (who missed us too). She’s now BFFs with Sean and Travis.  And they are gonna get hooked up with a resort condo that Dawnette manages for at least a night.  You’re welcome.

Done with all her drinks Liz finds more free drink coupons from a couple nights ago and tries to use it on Junior.  He doesn’t take the bait.  She tries to sweet talk them in Spanish by saying her bday is soon (April 18th).   Except she says "It’s on the 80^th of April!"  They laugh at her.  Oh really?  They correct her – "18" in spanish is "diez y ocho."  Damn!  Then she has to buy her own drink.   Gross.

Liz plays really well for how drunk she is.  You’d never know it.  We get a couple of good volleys going.  The ball lands dangerously close to her margaritas.  We keep moving it around but it keeps almost getting hit.  We try to keep the ball in the air, "Keep bouncing!"  We get so into it in our bathing suits (super sexy), she dives to get it, and falls.  We laugh, I go over to her and discover her one boob is almost popping out.  I tuck it back in.  She laughs, hoping no one saw.  We doubt anyone did and take that as a cue to stop.  She goes to finish her margarita: "How am I so drunk?"  I tell her all the drinks probably had something to do with it.  And then fill her cup with water.  Then I film her so she’ll have some idea of what happened the next day.  Like her party foul...

Later, she passes out on the chair.  Then thinks everyone is mad at her when she wakes up because they aren’t there. "Dawnette is mad at me."  I mess with her,  "Yeah, cause you fell asleep.  She was like 'Liz is THE WORST.'"

We told Lindsey we promised no boys would drop us off.  But then Travis and Sean are there, a few drinks in, they offer to give us a ride.  I call Lindsey and leave a message breaking that promise.   We go to the house around 4ish.   Liz and I change and take turns showering.  Lindsey meets the guys.  Liz is calmer, polite, sweet -- I figure her buzz wore off.  We finish off the tequila from Ron and leave.  As soon as we’re in the car Liz goes "I’m still drunk.  I just held it back because I didn’t want Lindsey to think less of me, because I love her."

We go back to the condos.  Dawnette is cooking brinner (breakfast for dinner) aka the best idea ever.  We eat some easy-to-grab kiwi and strawberries.  We dangerously eye the French toast.  Time to go.  Robbie tells us to go to La Vequita and ask for Sergio, he’s the owner and will hook us up.

We drive into town.

Liz calls a truck full of Mexicans her "nuevo novios." They aren’t amused.  We blast Mexican music, windows down.  Gringos in the house!  We were told downtown would be CRAZY.  We park, walk around, it’s not crazy at all.  Just kinda blurry.  

We walk around and find the place.  It’s not open for another 30 mins because of Easter they were crazy all day.  And Sergio isn’t there.  Damn.  OK, we’ll be back.  We go for a walk.  Liz keeps Alexis (her bitchy stomach) in check.  We walk the strand.  It's getting crowded with people and food vendors.  Sean says if we get lost meet at the Taco Factory.  Thanks, Dad.

We don’t see anything else we want to eat, though I temp liz with street corn.  She doesn’t bite.  We head back over, I give Liz a piggy back ride until she says "AW SQUAKS" (aka my kryptonite) and I double over.  We get inside, Sergio is there now.  Hizzah!  Free shrimp!

The waiter Fransico is so nice he introduces himself and shakes all our hands.  Liz notices the only thing she can really eat without meat or fish is guagamole.  Ooops, sorry.  But she does eat fish when she’s drunk enough and she’s been drunk pretty much ALL day.  A regular tells us all the great things to try.   The boys order us margaritas.  NOW they are trying to get in our pants?  Travis and I split the foil fish that comes with tortillas.  Liz orders the garlic fish.  I had food envy.

Sean orders something that maybe came with pesto?  We'll need Chloe from 24's CTU unit to enhance the blurry photo.  (you're welcome for the pop culture reference).

We eat and exchange ex stories.  Travis has the crazies flock to him/white trash (she moved in because her place had fleas).  And Sean tends to get the rich bitches (she made like $500 a night as a coctail waitress). Food comes, it’s the best meal we’ve eaten.  Liz and I use our earning from “washing windows” to help pay for it.

We leave, Sean asks Liz why she doesn’t eat meat.  We get into a real chat about sustainability.  It get paused when we passed a vendor with a GIANT pair of women’s underwear.  Picture.

Get back on soap boxes.  We drive and remember the ice cream place “Blueberry” we didn’t go to the first night instead went to what Liz calls “Hefty” but is really called Thrifty.  "Same thing."  We get there, it’s like a house with ice cream freezers.  We get samples.  Best part: she let me do my own sample and scoop myself.  Best place ever!  The boys both get strawberry cheesecake, Liz and I take a couple of samples, to make sure we got the right flavor.  She gets cookies and cream.  I go for mystery flavor.  We eat.   Liz finishes first and heckles us in order to cope with her food envy.  Deal with it! 

We go back to the condo where a Spanish speaking guard let's us through.  It's his sole job to lift a lever, a task assigned to machines in the United States.  This poor man doesn't speak a lick of English and all these whities always be coming through making him work and trying to speak our limited Spanish to him.  Even when you say things slowly it really doesn't matter as his response is always "si, si. OK, OK."  So when we accidentally loop around to him again when trying to exit and Travis explains how he missed the turn, the guy doesn’t understand.  So we joke about Travis telling him, "Sorry man, I had a lot of ice cream."  The man’s response being “si, si. Ok ok.”  Like he knows how that goes.  We crack up.  Sean tries to tell us stuff, we interrupt him and/or allow him to come off like he KNOWS EVERYTHING.  We spot a rabbit.  Cue Sean: "It’s a jack rabbit actually."  We get him to crack up so hard it becomes the wheezing laugh into a cough.  Good times.

We park and walk along the beach.  No one is there.  Except this wolf howling at the moon.

There’s a camp fire in the distance and we yearn for their hypothetical s'mores.  We walk nearby, they are speaking Spanish and looks like a family, they probs don’t have s'mores.  We abandon it.  And head back toward a makeshift/traveling lifeguard tower.  We climb up (gotta make an animal sound.) We make fun of Liz’s apathetic donkey.  Shenanigans ensue.

We see someone approaching.  It’s a woman.  Travis gets down and hears her crying.  We all follow. She’s around our age, ripped t-shirt, a hot mess of tears smearing her makeup.  Travis asks what’s wrong, but she doesn’t speak a lot of English.  He comforts her, she hugs him.  We all look at each other, "What’s happening?"  The four of us chat with her in broken Spanish.  Here's what the four of us guessed from our collective knowledge of Spanish:

1. Her novio hit her
2. They were drinking
3. She was staying with him and his family
4.  They are supposed to leave tomorrow AM.

We aren’t sure what to do or if that’s really what’s happening.  So we walk over to the family without the s'more campfire and ask for their help.

They speak to her in Spanish.  We politely eavesdrop.  It’s pretty much what we thought.  Shit’s getting real.  No one is really sure what to do.  Her face is a bit swollen – she makes us feel it.  The family offer us clams which they are cooking on the campfire, they got them that day.  We take them up on it, I mean, "when in Rome" right?   They are awesome especially with a bit of lime, then hot sauce.  OMG, heaven!  We eat a few more.  Trying not to get too excited over the food since there's a recently battered women at our side.

A man wonders onto the beach named Caesar.  It’s the boyfriends dad, they talk in Spanish telling him what happened.  He says they were drinking all day.  We discover her name is Wendy.  She sits there.  The nice family tries to ask her where her family is in Mexicali because they are leaving tomorrow too (implied they can take her back), she asks them where they live and then she’ll tell them.  It's weird. She winds up leaving with Caesar, who had no idea his son hit her.  She says her thanks and slinks away.  Well... that as a buzz kill/Debbie downer.  We eat more of their clams, then peace out.

They drive us back to the house. We have to oldschool figure out plans for tomorrow.  They might try to stop by in the afternoon.  We go in to find Chewy "waiting up" for us.  On our bed. 

Liz and I are jonsing for some Chopped, it’s like 12:30am on Easter and there's nothing good on TV - WTF?  It's like they want us to spend the holiday engaged with our friends and family: lame.  So we settle and catch the end of Cupcake Wars.  Want to eat cupcakes.  Then watch a Jillian Michael’s workout infomercial:  "Man, her abs are crazy!"

It’s starts to loop, we’ve seen all these clips already.  We fight the sleep.  And I can’t get over how dry my skin still is.  I try pretty much everything readily available in the bathroom, it’s stinging now.  Super.