Today I attempted to walk in the hallways for a minute without touching anyone else. It's impossible. Even if you are totally aware of your own space, the bump from behind will get ya. (shakes fist) See if you can walk in the hallways of your school without getting touched. Report back if there is a successful mission.

I'm sure some of you are aware of the recent increase of monsters. They have been in hybernation for quite awhile. Now they have awakened and are hunting again. Thankfully I have a list of the top 3 recently spotted monsters..or monstas as they are often referred as:

1. Back Slappa
2. Bum Smacka
3. Car Eata

Car Eata does emit a warning sound before it attacks the unsuspecting car. It sounds like this, "NYUM!" You hear that, and you need to get outta there. Jump, run, shimmy. Whatever you need to do. I don't wanna read about any Car Eata attacks in the paper.

I am listening to dis: Wu-Tang - M.E.T.H.O.D. Man
oh rap...

Ghetto Songs for when you need to biz-ounce:

1. Q-Tip - Breathe and Stop
2. Eminem - Kill You
3. Method Man and Redman - Da Rockwilder
4. Raphael Saadiq and Q-Tip - Get Involved
5. Garth Brooks - I sing Da Country Mu-sak

It's the S. A double D.I.Q, yo he want to get involved wit chu.
There is nothing else to say, besides that sometimes things work out better than you expected. Crazy lil ting called Life.

I feel like throwing up on something...(ponders what this lucky "something" will be, light bulb goes off)

BLAH ON THE DIRTY PENNIES!

Colleen was here

But then she moved out to the country to eat a lot of peaches.
Millions of peaches
Peaches for her
Millions of peaches
Peaches for free
(look out!)

Sometimes cool people can really suck.


And remember the wise words of Kelly: Old people smell like spaghetti

Oh and Shakespeare is the devil, I'm not reading him right now this is just a general statement. Speaking of general statements..

General Food Bashing:
Peaches are dumb
Butter is a fatso
Peas have no friends

I'd like to introduce a new addition to the site. (Bill Cosby walks out) No, not him. (He hangs his head in disappointment and mumbles about pudding under his breath). This new lil dingy came about when Liz and I went to see John Q - good movie. Before the previews come up they always show some triva and pictures of Coca-Cola, but this time they decided to BASH general food by claiming: Cookie Dough Bites. To which I said, Cmon its not that bad, a lot of people like it. So we realized this cinema enjoyed labeling types of food. So Liz and I figured...why not?
Without Further Aduo...

General Food Bashing:
Coca-Cola Sucks
Bread is Gay

Thats it for today. Now I would like to share quite possibly the funniest rap verse ever heard. It is from the context of Purple Pills by Eminem and D12:

Shut your mouth you dirty slut,
you know you want it in your butt

Its just like the rhythm of Smooth Jazz.

Phrase O the Week. This weeks comes from the ever so masterful SNL. As their best commerical deals with the subject matter of insurance against robot attacks, an old woman first thinks that she's surely too old to get insurance-but she does want it since the robots come at night and steal her meds for fuel. Another old woman leans in and says:

I don't know why the scientist make them.

As Liz would say, Crazy scientists..always good for a laugh.

Liz and I had an interesting conversation this afternoon about the devil having online:

FJive45: speak o da devil
Lactaid Lady: i didnt know they got internet in hell
FJive45: of course! i think thats where was invented
Lactaid Lady: did you read that somwhere?
FJive45: oh yeah the, Devil Times, i believe
Lactaid Lady: I only get Newsday
FJive45: sheltered child
Lactaid Lady: Have you ever met him...
Lactaid Lady: Lucifer
FJive45: i've never had the pleasure actually, you?
Lactaid Lady: once I passed him in the hall
Lactaid Lady: we made eye contact
FJive45: you didnt!
Lactaid Lady: I did!
FJive45: !!
FJive45: omg you're such a whore!
Lactaid Lady: (blushes)
Lactaid Lady: You know me

My mind=blank. My creative juices have been sucked out by those obese vampires. Damn them! Stupid vampires with the sharp teeth (shakes fist). If you ask me, they should have to get a license for using those. It's absolute chaos I tell ya. Flying around at night, drinking blood of humans (and sometimes cows). It is SO illegal, but not written down in the Vampire Restriction Parers created by the French. Vampires got it made easy. Smooth criminals, all of them...except Bob, he's alright. Lent me money for soda one time.

Hey! Hey! Look at this! (points to old man eating a sam-mitch)
Yum

Ask yourself this:
If I were to become an animal, which would I be?

I'd probably become a chinchilla. Those crazy rabbit/squirrel looking things. They are in pet stores but mostly in the wild so I wouldnt have to worry to much about sitting in a cage my whole life. I could live in the jungles of South America. Be named Jose. Run around in the trees with the monkeys and scavange for grape nuts. What a great life...

I'd renamed the Random Word Looked Up in the Dictionary to Dictionario Tiempo (translation: Dictionary Time)

yoyo: a thick grooved double disk with a string attached to its center which is made to fall and rise to the hand by unwinding and rewinding on the string; leading cause of insanity

Ozma: Rock...
I will never skip a rock
I will never skip a rock
I will never skip a rock, again

Each vacation expands my capacity to become a dirtbag.

I get so used to lounging around, watchin' tv, sleeping. It's a bitter sweet break from the norm. I am envious of people who don't care [bout nut-tin]. No matter how easy it seems to just NOT do an assignment I would feel so bad to disappoint a teacher but at the same time I have a current attitude of 'ska-rew dis.' I just don't have the ability to become a dirtbag. Potential is there, but I can't pull it off.

Random thoughts:
-Life cereal is tastey goodness in a box
-I could go for some lemonade (minute-maid)
-Desks are restricking, we need recliners
-What's up with the Sachem Boys Wrestling poster?
-The GAP sucks
-The Candy Heart told me "it's love." But I don't like grape

De End

Now that I am forced to accept the reunion with school is coming tomorrow, I realize I really SHOULD finish up any hw i totally ditched to PAR-TAY. But alas, I am a slacker and dont wanna. The english research report calls out and I'm like "Yes, you shouldn't" so I watch tv instead. School is SO dumb, I aint never gonna...(too lazy to complete thought). Wow, senoritis is a crazy disease that effects millions of High School seniors worldwide.

Funny Ghetto Song Lyrics:
I F for free
Got HIV
So pee on me

Today I put corn on my teeth so they looked yellow and such. And merry talked about getting lots of corn in her poo in front of the waitress. Danielle Fs for free.

Down with School! Damn Communists. Where is McCarthy when you need him?

If, for one reason or another, you are STILL uninformed....Alan Rickman is DA Coolest! AND as if that's not enough, he's British too. How insane?!
Is that even legal?
It is in every state except North Dakota, but who wants to go there anyway..?

Alan Rickman Quote O the Day: He goes out once a month and indulges. Doesnt tell anyone where he is. And gives all his points away to neighborhood children..isnt that sweet?

Long time no see. That's what happens when you can sleep for long amounts of time...thats all you do. My vacation has been very relaxing: sleep, eat, watch tv, hang out in over passes...you know the usual. Now lets discuss some of these things that are all over NBC. I believe they are called "The Olympics." Now today I watched the Woman's Curling game of USA vs. Canada (for the bronze) along with Dan. Now, after a careful analysis of this game I still had NO CLUE what the hell was going on. Dan shared my confusion when he said: they just keep knocking them right out of the freakin way.

If anyone can solve this mystery please call me. Miso curious.

Ok Random Word in the Dictionary Time:

excrement (I swear I didnt choose it): waste discharged from the body and especially from the alimentary canal. (The alimentary canal was of course man made by Theodore Roosevelt in Panama)

Thanks to Webster's Dictionary.

Yo kid, I'll be gone til November. (throws peace sign at YA)

Ok I know there was no Phrase O the Week there was something even better. What's that you ask? Oh, it was a Rant O the Day. And this rant it brought to you by Jesse and Me, sounds like a tv show. Now i will explain it.

This began with thinking of other things Bob Dole could sell besides Viagra cuz thats nasty n such. So I was like hey, what about Dole fruit. Then I crossed the line saying he could sell bananas. Now after this line is crossed there is no turning back we just keep going til it gets old...to us. So then jesse said that Bob Dole would only sell fallic-like objects. Here is a list: Bananas, Broom Handles, Lead Pipes, Really Long Branches, Occastional Bong (for the holidays like Xmas), Tube of Cookie Dough. He would then retire cuz they would run out of stuff to sell, but then they'd bring him back to sell Logs O Wood, and I just thought of this one: Flashlights. And the rant ends here.

Now I must say that Jesse and Me (primeres Tuesday, 8pm on ABC) always have entertaining rants that go on for at least 5 mins at a time. It's the simple things in life you treasure...

"It's good to be Kings"
Said By: Dan after we totally outdid Jesse, Merry and Tony.

I'm in creative writing and WOW does this computer suck. But the keyboard makes up for it, its curved outward. Anyway I thought it was kinda funny that whenever I tried to go to a site this info box would come up asking if I wanted to allow the cookie to be set. Yes I would like a cookie, but not chocolate chip, I prefer sugar or oreos.

Food for thought:

Everday is a resurrection.

I have nothing funny to say, so I wont say anything...except for

Random Word Looked Up in the Dictionary:

extra: 1 something added 2 a special edition of a newspaper 3 an additional worker or performer (i.e.: After hiring the one stripper Joe decided to get another and tipped her with a lil something.)

Song for the Day-Special V-Day Edition: Love Stinks the Wedding Singer Version

So yesterday I was helping myself to some figure skating on good ol' NBC, but this wasnt just ANY figure skating this was Xtreme skating. How could it be Xtreme? Oh I'll let you in on alittle secret...(leans in and whispers) allz ya gotta do is play some hardcore punk or rap while they skate. Trust me, its amusing - especially when they seem to be skating along to the song YOU choose. I suggest trying System of a Down or They Might Be Giants and then for rap Eminem's masterpiece entitled "Kill You." Some may find the lyrics offensive but I find the violence and cursing hilarious for some reason cuz its just THAT ghetto. So I propose to make Ice Skating more popular that they actually do skate to modern songs, out with the classical crap.

I told dan about this new sport and he had this to say:

"it would spark a giant surge of popularity in figure skating everyone would be like...'oh man, that's a crazy song...oh man, they're dancing on ice to it,' 'i wish i could dance on ice to that' and everyone would become figure skaters and the world would be a more beautiful place think about it...we would have ice instead of roads cause everyone would ice skate to their ice skating involved jobs. Zamboni's would become the car of choice. I think we need to build a time travel device that allows us to go to this super happy ice skating future."

The future generations always have it better...until the sun explodes.

I am having a massive Dashboard Confessional session right now. They have such great songs to sing. I wish I was on stage playing the guitar singing my heart out. I'd love to do that one day, if I get a good voice. Do you know where I can find one?

Today I was going through my agenda and I realized the little quotes on the side. Some of them are pretty clever and funny, I was in shock. I'd like to share some with you. It'll be like your daily affrimation (10 bucks says I spelled that wrong)

Famous last words:
That's odd.

There there is this...
Chickens: the only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

And now I'd like to share an Ad I made up for everyday things:
Garbage Can...If you live in one of these you're probably homeless.

Hurray for TV!!

If there is one thing I learned from Mice and Men besides the fun of pretending to be Lenny, its that the best laid plans of mice and men often fall apart. The more I try to plan out my life the more room there is for error, and I noticed it yesterday. I'm starting to wonder how the hell I'm gonna do this. I know its not supposed to be easy, especially with Show Biz stuff, but I guess I got a taste of the future. Now I'm having a teenage mid-life crisis. Do I got to school for a BA in Theatre OR go for Communications and work my way up?

Such is life. Filled with questions. I just hope I pick the right answer.

I am singing this: The Best Deceptions by Dashboard Confessional...they rule so much.

Mr.T Saying to Remember: Quit da jibba jabba foo!