Oh by the way Christina Anguilera is the biggest WHORE ever. Just watch her recent video called "Dirrty." Two Rs for whoRe. I'm sure she makes her grandparents proud. Freaking slut.

Phrase of the Week time!

Revelation: My teachers are funny.
So this week's comes to you straight outta acting class. You see, our teacher, who we call Joey even though it's weird because he's our teacher and we call him by his first name but thats ok since he's not that much older than us...He says funny things inadvertantly. Thus, they are even funnier to us. For example in the past he's used, "Mr. 12 hands" to describe a scene between a boyfriend and girlfriend where the boyfriend was being touchy feely. Anyway...today after we finished our midterm scenes he gets up to tell us about our next project and says...

Here are some thoughts to think.

Instantly we start to laugh and he says, write that one down!

oh Joey...

The following quotes from an IM conversation I deem the most entertaining words that construct sentences...of the night. I call it, You know what Colleen?


julesvp: you know what colleen?
julesvp: don't sassafrass me

...Later on....

julesvp: you know what colleen?
julesvp: you can take your lactaid disease
julesvp: and shove it up your nose

She doesn't know what it's like, being lactose intolerant. No-body know the trouble I've seen...No-Body knows my sorrow...
Thats a song.

Question of the day: How ARE crayons made?

Check tomorrow for answer.

The Lone Sock:

On my journey back to my place of living, in the area that I further my education, I came upon a lone sock. He was white, and lay crumpled up on the concrete. He didn't ask me for money, but I could tell he was hungry. He was the silent type, who asks with their eyes. Although he had no eyes, just a long stretch of threads that could be pulled way past your ankles and up your leg. The type my dad often likes to fashion to show the time when he grew up. This sock had little time to grow. A life of poverty. A street rat. He was like Aladdin, but was missing the glow of the diamond in the ruff. He was more like the sad white sock on the sidewalk. I bet he was stepped on today. I bet people pointed and laughted at his misfortune. How dare them?! How dare I?! Who am I to judge his life? I will answer my own question...I am but a human.

Was that NOT the most amazing thing you ever read!? Yeah that's what I thought. Go get yourself a tissue and wipe away those tears.
My writing is SO deep.

Now go on with your life.

Barry White update:

Recently the beloved Barry White underwent some crucial kidney transplantness. There was a moment when they thought they lost him, but then they played one of his songs. The smooth, sexy, baratone, saved him from passing on. It brought him back and motivated him to be a Pimp Daddie to the fullest! Too true, too true.
Today in his honor, I came upon a song of his and sung it with pride.

In recent news:

Weekly World News saved the world yet again! It's not just another tabloid, Weekly World News means business! Last week, it was reported that China was going to attempt to get everyone to jump at the same time to send a huge earthquake across the world and knock it into space...thus ending the world as we know it. However, Weekly World News avoided disaster by applying a counter jump at the same time. But this time, when they heard about a second attempt, a writer flew herself over there to negotiate. Appearently it smelt bad in the airports but she survived and she talked the people out of the jump. What a hero.

Daily Shout Out!
To: Mr.Sullivan my advisor
Why: he told me bout canadian money...loonies, and toonies! Oh my...

AH! Sorry for lack of updates, the server here is being a real bitch. Bi-hotch even.

Anyhoo, the rents came to visit last weekend. Got some food and a Quidditch shirt. Hell yeah! Also went to Buttermilk falls and enjoyed the look from my mom when she saw the hike uphill. It mentally said to me, "uuuh these stairs gotta go."

Oh and mom, did you leave some beach house remants lying around my room? I have evidence; assorted rocks, shells, and beach glass.

Yesterday I think I had a crazy college moment. You see since the rents were coming I decided to do most of the work on my papers due on monday, on friday. So friday I'm all typie typie. Then later on sunday night I did a little work and thought I'd have enough time to fix up my academic writing one on monday before class. Yeah, so that plan turned against me real fast. I literally just finished it before I go to class. I had a freak out last minute revisal of the paper. A nice stress session for the day. I never want to do that again. That sucked.

Oh and the other day on Crank Yankers (a show on Comedy Central that is real prank calls visualized by puppets) they had the greatest sketch in terms of me finding great humor in poop. It featured this woman telling an old couple that they were over their quota of poop. She later told them some of the following statements:

Don't be a hog, hold your long.
Too many poos...we all lose
Hold it in...we all win

I encourage you all to use sayings like that in everyday conversation even if it doesn't apply to anything that you're talkin about. It's fun to confuse people.

Today I...

Today I got so hyper after going to late night dinner. So I get back to the dorm around 11, and naturally Sudhanshu and me start dancing as if it is our jobs while in Julie and Sara's room. We made up the dance of life. Its a cycle.

Cycle one: Child..looks like being really happy while stretching and jumping
Cycle two: Teenage...pretend that you know how to dance and look like a moron
Cycle three: Nineteen..in the clubs when you dance all sexy like
Cycle four: 25..more proper dancing, hand in hand, swinging and a-twirlin'
Cycle five: 30..slower version of 25
Cycle six: 60...like robots with hands straight ahead resting on each others shoulders as you sway back and forth

Repeat

News flash: Phrase of the Week has been determined early!

Who?: Sudhanshu
Setting: Imagine yourself in a college dorm. Your friend Ben has just left the room. Sudhanshu goes to the door and begins to yell

Come back so I can drill a hole in your ass. That way I can call you assholes!

He has such a way with words...

Just so I dont keep you in suspense, I wasnt that thrilled with my performance for Quabble (improv show). I wasnt horrible, and I wasnt great. I was in the middle, but I dont like not doing an AMAZING job. Stupid expectations! However, Frequency was a total blast. I love that show. The producers like our shift and we all have fun pretending to be funny. There is absolutely no pressure. Its great.

Anyhoo...
The other night around 12 I had decided I would go into my room and read. I wound up going into the lounge to see what people were doing and low and behold, The X Files movie was on. Naturally since I know the whole thing by heart (kinda sad) I was like SKA-REW reading! In the mist of watching it I decided it would be funny if people made the actually sound effects instead of background music, or explosions. My revelation came about in a scene where a building is blown up...to which my sound was KA-BOOM. Now this wasn't your usual ka-boom...this was a Garth, from Waynes World ka-boom...A big difference.

I want to be a sound effects person.

Daily Shout Out!
SHout Out to: Me!
Why: Because I can successfully laugh histerically at myself, often to the point of tears. And the chances get greater the long I stay up.

Daily Shout Out:
Shout out to the peeps who made the mad-phat substance that is ice-cream.
Why: Hello! Ice-cream! Even if it is a dairy product. I break out the lactaid pills.

I can't think of a story teller for improv. Blah! I get so nervous about being funny I get scared I'm not funny. But Merry said I was funny. I be-leaf her. You know, be-LEAF...like a tree!

oh snap I AM funny.

I'm not sure if I told you this already, but I want to jump into a time machine with 20 bucks in my pocket so that way I could be like Rickie McRichington. I'd buy all this stuff and then when I travel back, they would be antiques so I'd be up like 1 milliontrazillion dollars. But then I bet people would be like, Hey Colleen, where did you get all that money and I would panic and say I won the lottery and they'd, oh can I see the ticket, and I'll be like no I through it out and they'll be all, Why did you do that? and I'll say what the hell get away from me you freaking gold digger!

Then I'll buy myself some ice ceem. Not ice cReam, ice ceem. Its so much better when you say it like a little kid. Little kids should rule the world.

[belch]

Ok everyone do yourself a favor and head over to www.homestarrunner.com. It's a hilarious website. There even have an icon for First time users, it's in the right top corner after the opening credits. Check out Strong Bad Emails. One you need to read is called sugarbob..you need to scroll down to do so...but it says Hizzy! So worth the scroll.

Today I...

Today I woke up and was all chilly n such. Betoss it was cold out side n all. So I got out and shutted da winda n whatnot. Climbs myself back into dee bed, and went back to sleepy. And guess qwhat? Qwhat? Now my feets be all chillies again. What the deal? Me no know. Peace out.

Sorry for the delay. As many of you know, I went home this weekend. Enjoyable and worth the chaos of traveling. And I got the Phrase O the Week.

This weeks Phrase, or technically last weeks, comes from The Hippy on the bus to the city. You see this man, let's call him Tod, had this sholder length gray hair with a matching beard, jeans, colorful t-shirt, and most important a straw hat. But this was so ordinary straw hat, in fact it wasnt even made of straw it was made of paper bags. And lucky us got to see him in the process since the bus BROKE down for a bit. Now among him telling jokes that werent really funny, telling people to pass on his message to run the air to the driver, putting away his bottle of vodka, and asking is anyone had a problem listening to the radio - he prefered classic...he told us bout his hats! How he made them by hand. To which I said, "that must help waste time."

And he responded:

Yeah I learned it in JAIL, gotta waste a lot of time there.

At the point Tony and I looked at each other in horror and telepathically sent the phrase Oh My God to each other. However, crazy paper bag wearing hippy, aka Tod, got off at the next stop. I couldnt tell if I was relieved or sad to see him go. I think it was mostly relief...or maybe that was gas.


I just thought of a new segment: Daily Shout Outs

Today: Shout out to my dog Parker.
Why: because he rules.

Phrase of the Day! This week its Kiehl...hurray for him. Hurray for kitties! Anyhoo..
Why its funny: cuz he did it in a little kid voice.
What he said: My toe hurts. You make my toe hurt. Go Away. I would like it if you died.

Its actually 4 phrases but who's counting?

Unsolved Mysteries: I got an email from my dad, however I have a feeling it might have been written by someone else. It's not just a hunch, its the fact that it was signed "The Muffin Master." Perhaps The Muffin Man took over my dad's body and claimed that he was the master of muffins for some reason. That Muffin Man, always getting into trouble. Silly goose...

My first year seminar teacher is from Boston and when he says "wicked" it makes me giggle.

A recent email from my past guidance counsler, Ms.Hance, reads:

Funny story, a parent saw the note that you wrote that I smelled like poo, she felt bad for me and didn't understand why you would write that, I tried to explain but it did not
work!!

Seriously, I laughed histerically to myself over that for a good minute. The note actually read that, "Ms.Hance smells like da poo, THUS she has no friends." But I mean cmon, did they want me to lie?! I think not.

I make a mix cd and it took me a combined 5 hours to put it all together. One because I am a perfectionist and Two I wanted it to be awesome and Three because I never used dem burners befo'
Technology is FUN!

The end result was entitled, As if it is my Job....The Mix

I ment to update last night but the site was being a BIG Meanie so I couldnt. Yesterday night the first episode of the improv show Quabble was taped. As I walked down to the Park School-where they tape it. I was really nervous for awhile, until I stepped onto the set. The only girl amongst the 3 seniors. I walked away feeling like I could fly, you gotta love a live audience. Now I feel more at ease, and I feel like I proved myself to only to them, but to me.

Then tonight I was coming back from Frequency, the MTV like show, and I walked passed the really cool fountains on the way back. They look so cool at night all lit up as they change colors. But as I walked by I noticed they werent the only things that were lit up. (Sniff Sniff) Thanks to Liz pointing out the pot smell at a concert, I knew what it was. How cute of them to be hanging by the fountain near the bushes! Gotta love the pot heads.

Also: I'm A coming home this very weekend. Yeah LI.

Peace SUCKA!

As I sat in my desk reading a book for class I came upon a sentence I would like to share:

Our German friend insists that we include some spaetzle and a load of pumpernickel bread, which gets its name from the verb pumpern, "to break wind," and Nickel, "the devil," because it was thought to be so hard to digest that even the devil would fart if he ate it.

This brings me to an interesting point, if the devil farted would it instantly be set ablaze? Perhaps only in hell it would turn to flames because of the intense heat, or maybe it would flame where ever he went because he's the devil n all. He would have to be proud of farting then, because there is no way he could deny it. Must be hard to be the devil.

So colleen what did you do all day?

Well, I read. Sometimes I would just pretend to be reading to get through the pages. Who writes books anyway?

Oh and I SO watched the Trading Spaces episode that they taped in my neighborhood and I got to meet Frank and Paige. Yeah Trading Spaces! If you dont know the show, but on TLC its on all the time and you will soon become a slave to interior design...with a twist.

Nothing more to say, so I just may, get some clay, and spray...it
It being the pit, or spit, that came with a kit, for sit-ting down
Down with the brown, of the clown, who lives in town, by the pound, and ate some ground...beef
Beef is chief in this reef...of coral
Coral is like the Moral of the story

Yeah that was some freestyle right there.

You see that brick holding my door open? Yeah, thats from a golf course!

Guess what?
I had fruity pebbles for breakfast. I bought myself a box last night. Do you remember those things? I do. And they RULE!
However they are less nutritional than Cherrios...go figure.

I really dont wanna talk about how I sold my soul to the devil, but it's really the most interesting thing I can think to tell you. Yeah, thats right, I am a slave to the dining hall. I was given the job of taking plates -which were as hot as hell...and we all know who lives there-and putting then at the different areas that needed them. Right away ppl were like oh that sucks, thats the worst job and I thought well it's not so bad, I get to walk around. Plus I get some exercise in my arms from holding the heavy hot ass plates.

Later on...

The person who is running the plates with me takes forever and keeps taking the light stuff-smaller plastic bowls. I was easily doing double the work she was and hid my hatred for her in a tight smile anytime we made eye contact. I just really hate when people slack off. This job also reminded me how much I hate people. The dining hall gets so freakin busy, I'm carrying these crazy hot plates, my arms hurt, I'm getting sweaty, and people don't know how to get out of the way...I envisioned myself tossing them out of the way or tossing a plate at their heads. See what work does?!!

Then I left. I thought it was 9:40 and was like...I'm outta here. Got to my room. Mr.Clock reads: 8:41. I'm all: CRAP! Get back down for another 15 mins. Those minutes were actually quite pleasant.

Later in the night:
I had late night dinner and enjoyed a shake. Because I EARNED it. Damn striaght.

Special thanks to:
My parents for the package
and Miss Maris for the sugar cookies AND zoo plates.

Mom, you got some stiff competition. Everywhere you go, Miss Marie is two steps ahead.