My family loves watching blockbusters that paint America as the best thing since sliced bread, not because we are patriotic (we're from a blue state aka NOT the "real America" so we don't count) but because they are ridiculous over the top. For example, Independence Day or Armageddon - seriously the next time it's on see how many times Bruce Willis delivers a line of dialogue while in front of an American flag.

One of our all time favorites for awhile was Air Force One. It was on so I watched it with both nostalgia and snarkiness in my heart. Please enjoy a taste of what you'd get in an Evanson household:

House sitting is kind of amazing. Basically I'm getting paid to mooch off someone else's house, food, and cable. Thank you for having my back, Universe. My bank account thanks you.

Now while in this lovely house in Griffith Park (feel free to come visit) there's cable which I don't usually have. See there is this thing called the "interwebs" and if you have that, there's really no point to having cable when there's Hulu and other "illegal" sites.

So this morning I'm flipping through the channels when I find "I Shouldn't Be Alive" on Animal Planet. They take these amazing survival stories from people who get stuck somewhere in the outdoors like mountains, deserts, and what nots. It's usually a fun trip gone horribly wrong and in the end someone dies or loses a limb. FUN! They re-create it, you know, "Unsolved Mystery" style, sans the amazing narration of Robert Stack (RIP).

The one I watched today was about this lone hiker and his dog in New Zealand. Homeboy goes for a stress relieving walk, slips, then proceeds to slide down the mountainside and off a cliff. He survives but busts his wrist, dislocates his ankle, and has a huge gash in his thigh. Check Minus overall.

Now the really amusing thing is hearing the unseen narrator continue to talk about how difficult it is for the guy to "pitch a tent." They said it so many times, someone in standards and practices wasn't doing their job. You see, the phrase is also used to describe a dude getting an erection.


At one point I though it was really starting to get out of hand when the narrator said, "It will take all his strength to pitch a tent."


... That's what she said.

"So what do you do?"
ME: "I work for the state of California."
"Like in government?"
ME: "Uh. yeah."

Unemployment - or shall I say FUNemployment has treated me well. Many a time I have posted pictures of me out in the middle of the day doing things that annoy my friends. I've been a very busy bee despite avoiding punching in and out everyday. You don't make much on unemployment but that means you just don't spend as much.

How do you do this in a capitalist consumer culture? Here are a few tips that have served me well.

1. Save those gift cards. If you know you won't be working at some point, hold off on using gift cards when you are making money. Plan ahead, yo.
Example: At Christmas I got an H&M gift card. It's now July and I still haven't used it. Not because I don't love H&M (cause I do), but because I'm assessing what summer time clothes I'll be needing (more shorts!). And let's be honest, when you don't have to get dressed to go to work, sometimes, you straight up DON'T get dressed.



2. Visit Family. My aunt never fails to cook way too much food and I am more than happen to take home a care package that she is more than willing to give me. Lucky for me I have some family in destination locations (Baja Mexico, San Fran) so I took the time to actually buy those cheaper plane tickets for the mid week and stay fo' free. Can you say, "mooch?" I can.



3. Go to any type of party; birthday, anniversary, engagment, bat mitzvah...
Save that meal, eat someone else's spread. Living in LA means there are usally healthy options at parties and a bunch of skinny bitches who won't eat at all meaning... more leftovers. So eat, drink, and be merry - for at the end of the party the host will probs ask if you'll take something home. Don't get trigger happy. Play it cool. "Sure, if no one else wants it. I mean, I don't want it to go to waste..."



4. Go on dates. Hopefully ones with better plot lines than the above movie (sorry, Tina!) This works more for da ladies. I've been dating and no, I have not paid though I do offer, but let's be honest, the men pay. Sometimes you get a movie AND a meal. What?! Bonus if you actually enjoy the company... (How jaded/bitter did that make me seem?)


5. Lunches with working friends. You know that friend who can expense everything? Yeah, that's the one you want to meet up with. Bring your money, expecting to pay and then act surprised when they say they got it, or rather, the company's got it. Gracefully accept.
Also - working on a TV show there is no shortage of food everywhere. So I MAY have strategically went back up to the old offices to get some more almonds, cereal bars, apples/bananas, and trail mixes once I was out of the stuff I took when they closed our offices. "Hey old co-workers? Oh, it's lunch time? Sure I guess I'll join..."



6. Pay it forward. I went out to eat with a bunch of friends who then happily paid for my meal. When I tried to wave them off they said I bought them dinner when they weren't working so they are paying me back. Yeah good deeds! So once I get back on the working wagon, I'm paying, but it always comes back.

And that's how I roll.

So I have been unemployed for far too long. I didn't get laid off or fired. It's just what happens when you work on a TV show. There is downtime between seasons called a hiatus. Mine was supposed to be for 2 months. It has lasted 5 - and then some. It's really dangerous to not be working for this long. Not because it may look bad on a resume, but because you get so used to NOT working the idea of going back to work is lame. Suddenly my workaholic mentality can understand the gold diggers. "You know, I'd like to go back to work and I know I will BUT if I found a rich dude... Maybe I don't HAVE to chase after that dream of running my own show."

I even had that moment of, "I think I'll join the Peace Corps."


Yeah, that happened. I even went so far as to go to an info session. Only me and five others in the entire LA area thought it was a good idea. Turns out I'm not even qualified for that. This is what happens with you get a BS in TV production. Tell me people in Africa wouldn't love to have their own talk show... No? They'd rather read? Fine.

"But surely if you are passionate enough you can write a good essay about why you should be considered," you say in order to make me feel like I have some discernible skills. Yeah sure, but then I also need a recommendation letter from my volunteer supervisor who doesn't exist. Dammit! Why are doing good deeds across the world so hard!

Basically my humanitarian pull to help people has been reduced to signing up for Habitat for Humanity newsletters. Occasionally they happen in my area but most of the time I'm all, "Long Beach? Ugh, that's too far..." So I donated some clothes to Goodwill. Totally the same. I'd like to volunteer at a soup kitchen but my google search has been unsuccessful as of yet. There simply aren't enough poor people in LA who are conveniently located by me. Surely it can't be THIS hard to give back?! Though for the record, I did give a guy hanging out by the highway exit ramp a bag of leftover bread rolls from a family dinner.

You see, as Oprah would say, the universe has provided for me in my time of need. And I just want to give back. Or at least that's what I think she would say, I have never actually watched a full episode of Oprah even despite my many many days not working. But people keep asking me, "how are you alive?" Like it's some big mystery. The answer is, it's pretty simple. I don't spend money I don't have.

Tomorrow I shall begin to lay out my tips on HOW TO SURVIVE ON UNEMPLOYMENT. I encourage you all to enjoy some down time and sneak attack mooch as much as you possibly can - with class.

SORRY I SUCK AND IT TOOK ME WAAAAAAY TOO LONG TO FINISH THE ADVENTURE.


DAY 9: The road less traveled

- In the morning I woke up to a beastiality joke. From Phil! It finally happened. It took over a week but his sass came out. And when it did, I had to tell him not to get fresh.

- Later in the morning I was getting dressed in the camper, and once I was done Phil opened the door without knocking. So I took the chance to be sassy back exclaiming, "What if I had no shirt?!" He paused. Then closed the door. It's like I've known him for years now...


- Before we hit the road I ate the last of my pre-made fruit salad. We started traveling back to San Felipe. After about an hour I started to get hungry but I was in the car now, not by the camper. There was a bag full of our remaining cookies up on the dashboard. It was only like 7am at that point. I decided to wait, we should be stopping soon and then we'll all eat. Well that passed. My body reached that threshold where it gives up on me feeding it and stops feeling hungry. That lasted about 15 minutes until it returned with revenge. I stared at the bag of cookies that seemed to mock me. Knowing full well I'm so hungry at this point I will destroy the whole bag once I start and there are two witnesses. I had an ongoing debate in my head. "Do I eat them now? Should I wait for real food? Cookies are real food. Kinda." We wound up stopping shortly after and I was able to eat some non cookies. But them cookies did get eaten later, that is fo' sho'.


- We detoured away from the group, going rogue again, to this town near Ensenada called La Boofadora. It was here that it happened. The thing I was looking forward too the entire trip to Mexico. I finally had, the best fish tacos I've ever tried. Here in this almost "Island's Burgers" franchise like building was where it all went down. For me, it's all about the hard taco. For Suzi it was all about the Pina Colada before noon.


- We stopped to gas up and it was there I noticed the Boston Red Socks hat on Suzi and Phil's dashboard. They are from Maine so it makes sense, but as a native New Yorker raised as a Yankee fan that enbroydered B makes them my sworn enemy. But enemies can work it out, like in West Side Story or Romeo and Juliet, minus the knife fight and suicide. But Suzi and I agreed we were proof the two can get along as long as baseball doesn't come up. Then, she's just dead wrong. About everything.

- There's this strip of stores in The Boof. I got a front row seat of Suzi in her element: Bargin Shopping. Truly a wonder to behold. She goes, "how much?" The guy tells her a price, doesn't matter what it is. She retorts, "No. It's too much." And walks away, like a champ. They follow. It's what my Aunt taught me to do with car dealers only I just don't have the stomach for it. Suzi did get a free bottle of pure vanilla extract out of it. The salesman was impressed by my limited Spanish. It made me feel good until I realized it was all a ruse. So yes, please, tell me more about these "Waches & much more!!" you are advertising.


- There's this thing they call "The Blowhole." At first I thought it was a joke but it ain't! People stand around this part of the coast where the water hits a wedge in the rocks and underneath is a dead ended cave. The water comes in, goes under, and shoots back up, sounding like a blowhole. Hence the name. Check it:



- At one of our military check points Suzi got out to walk my BF Paco. I look one second, she's up. I turn, and look back, she's gone. Or rather, on the ground. Randomly falling is kind of dangerous as you get older but I still find it rather hilarious and thankfully so did she.

- So there are these junk yards all over this town, except there isn't a word for junk in Spanish so they kind of created one that SOUNDS like junk and it's spelled, "Yonke." For some reason I found this utterly amusing and couldn't help but giggle every time we passed one, the humor was only elevated when both Phil and Suzi would continue to yell, "YONKE!" as she drove past.


- We also passed by some rocks with Jesus on them AND this. You know, mixing it up.


- Back home at Baja Joe and Lindsay's I soon discovered - wait I have 4 bags of rocks and shells? That can't be right.

- That night I watched my first ever full episode of Dancing With the Stars with Lindsay. At first thought it would be dumb. Cut to: end of the show and I'm all, "When is Kristy Ally coming on? I want to see how fat she is!"


Overall, the trip was amazing and I could blame my procrastination of not finishing the last day summary for well over a few months on the idea that I didn't want to admit it was over, but to be honest I was working on other writing project I had put off for an even longer amount of time. So don't hate.

But now I'm back on track and as my travel buddy Suzi often stated:
"Someday isn't a day of the week."

It's a good motto to live by.

DAY 8: The Ocho

- In the morning I went for a run with Paco out to the lighthouse again. Living dangerously with no pepper spray. Halfway there my hip started acting up again and I knew...they are sucking out my energy!


- Before leaving the town I wanted to pick up a six pack of Sol since it's the beer of choice for Suzi and Phil. It was the least I could do for becoming their de-facto daughter for the week. Little did I know the act of kindness would become a test of patience, that I basically failed. You see the clerk took FOR-EV-VER. And I don't mean over a minute. I was there at the counter, no line, just her, the six pack, a calculator, and a piece of paper. I stood there. "How much?" I could see the car outside and it was only a matter of time before it started honking. Slowly she lifts a pricing chart. She then counts the number of bottles in the six pack. She then punching numbers into the calculator. I expect to hear a number. NOPE. "I have to leave, people are waiting on me." She checks the chart again, counting the bottles. I hear the honk. I'm trying to do something nice and she's totally ruining it. Finally I said, "C'mon, how much?!" Then she just guessed. "100 pesos." I throw the money down, and peace right the EFF out before I punch her mouth off. Later on I realized I definitely overpaid.

- On the road again and since we are towing a camper we are naturally the fat kid in the race but that's what our radios were for - so if they can't see you, we can call them. Phil noticed the battery light coming on. It was over charging or something, I dunno, I'm a girl. He radios to let the group know we are stopped. Silence. In Baja, no one can hear you scream...He decides it's not that big of a deal. We keep going.

- Cows cross the highway at their leisure. I'm a cow, what are you gonna do, hit me? You can wait.


- We hit another military checkpoint. At this time I'm feeling more confident in my Spanish so I engage in conversation with them. I understood most of it, but once they go off the usual questions of - "where are you from, where are you going," and the classic flirty line: "you know Spanish?" I get a little confused and make my best guess at their question. I thought the guy asked how long we were on the road but the look on face told me I was wrong. We tried again. Same result only with more pointing. "Lo siento, no comprendo." Spanish Fail.

- Called my mom and she spoke with Suzi, who got a big kick out of her Lawg Island accent. They briefly bonded over their shared love of Rod Stewart. Is anyone shocked by this? I've never met a mom who doesn't love him. It's like meeting a Long Islander who hates Billy Joel. It's blastphany.

- We stop at a gas station. A little boy holds up a rack of bracelets at Phil. He says no but says he should talk to the senorita in the car. I thank Phil as the kid starts his emotional blackmail on me, excitedly holding up his stuff, "Please!" I wave him off. His face falls. A minute goes by. I make the mistake of looking over, the kid capitalizes on it. "Please..." I jokingly mock him, "Por Favor..." He smiles. He's so adorable and like 10 years old. Dammit, I'm gonna do this aren't I? I wave him over. Fine, c'mere. And it's basically Christmas morning. Three bracelets later, I'm being asked to choose one more so he can give me change. That kid is a hustler.

- Quick lunch stop. Ordered too much food? Ask the poor girl to help finish it. Free quesadilla, yes please!

- We arrive at "the hotel with The Gardens." I went for a walk around and at one point just stared off into an empty field across the street. It was very indie movie of me. So deep...


- I was also VERY tempted to steal one of these oranges...


- In the late afternoon while everyone got their self served happy hour wine on, Phil went to get the car fixed. We figured it was too late in the day for anything to get done. But lo and behold he returned, not grumpy for having to overpay for this and that which he didn't need, but essentially high - on life. He went to some random hole in the wall (seen below), where there was little language overlap, and got car fixed within an hour for 40 bucks. 40 bucks!


- We all go out to eat, hitting up happy hour and once again I can't say no to chips! The waiter Elardo tells me I have pretty eyes and from then on whenever I need a refill - I get it. Got hot sauce? Here's 5 choices. Works every time.

- A Mariachi comes to the table. I don't know most of what he's singing except, oh, that one is from the Kill Bill Vol. 2 soundtrack! I mumble my way through it. Impressed?


- In order to feel better about over eating at dinner I decide to play a little soccer in the parking lot, AKA juggling in the dark. Turns out, it's aReal hard, especially when your only light source is a street lamp...and you might still be a little buzzed...

- Upon returning to the camper Phil admits he's gay for Paco. Knowing there's no way anything more amusing will be said, I turn in for the night, boarding the sleepy train by 8:30pm.

DAY 7: One Whole Week

- We stayed at this hotel right by the beach. In the morning I decided to go for a much needed run as I hadn't done much besides drink and eat chips. So I went for a nice jog on the beach. When I started this lighthouse was far off in the distance. Eventually it was closer and I figured, eh, why not. Here's the thing about the beach, it's super hard to jog on especially when in some places you sink in. It was only maybe 4 inches but there's still that moment of "holy crap if it's quicksand, I'm doomed." It wasn't and I was fine. But still.


- As I approached the lighthouse I realized there were people up at the top. A family actually. Once I arrived I figured I'd head up to check out the view. There was this cement wall surrounding the lighthouse in the shape of a square. I went around one corner, then another, and another, and another. No door. "How the hell did they get up there?" I could have asked them but I only heard them speaking Spanish and I didn't know enough to figure out that sentence. Upon further investigation one wall contained a few small holes, making a makeshift ladder. I'm guessing that's how they got in, and probably threw the kids over. I mean, they're kids. They get hurt and get right back up.

- I then took a much needed shower. You know the kind where you thought you'd shower the day before but then, hey I can do it in the morning. Then morning comes and if I shower now, then I'll only be clean for a few hours before getting sweaty from exercising and having to do it all over again. Needless to say I was rocking a ponytail for 2 days. The best part was using the camper shower which to save water you only really use for about 2 minutes. So much thought, so little pay off.

-That day my cousin Baja Joe had arranged for an author named Herman Hill to come hang out with us as he wrote a book about his crazy Baja adventures and stories from growing up. He was 80 going on 20. At one point Suzi and I were in the car waiting for Phil and he came up to the window saying we looked lonely and proceeded to chat-slash-semi flirt with us. He might have invited us into his house. Dude's got game. It's all in the confidence, boys.

- We all went off exploring and found another camping site on the beach with an outdoor sink to clean your catch of the day. Yet again I found myself along the shore picking up more shells than I could possibly need. Lindsay found a totally bitchin' skull and I spotted the largest lobster exoskeleton ever. It's a fact, I checked with Guinness.


- Suzi, Phil, Paco, and I went off down yet another bumpy dirt road. We found this promising little town looking center where there was, according to the sign, a resort spa. Outside we found the entire population of this town center: some dude sweeping, a woman who I guess was supervising him, and this little dog that kept barking at me and then ran away when I tried to pet him.


- It was now the afternoon aka drinking time and Phil broke out his Spanish, using the one word he could always remember - beer. The guy said yes, we entered and upon inspecting the digs decided the term "resort spa" was a bit misleading. It should have been named, "Large Lobby with a Creepy Painting" because that's all we saw.


- After about 10 minutes we decided to blow that popsicle stand. As soon as we headed back to the car the guy used his limited English to let us know - "Beer" (insert him pointing around the corner). We followed and found another part of this majestic resort spa; a dolphin water fountain...with no water. But we did get beer and enjoyed an amazing view of the water, that was almost ruined when Phil revealed to me he was a Republican who was for the Tea Party.


- Back at the hotel area I found myself having another fling with another Mexican dog. After I pet him for 10 seconds he became my BFF, nuzzling under my legs when I sat down and following me wherever I went, for 20 mins or so until someone else came along. Jerk. This one was named Negro. Honestly I thought he was Paco at first, I mean they all look alike, am I right?


- Later that evening I went for a walk with Paco, you know, let him know he was the only Mexican dog in my life. Ever the worrier and wanting to make sure he didn't have to call my mom to tell her I was kidnapped, Phil gave me his pepper spray. Paco had a blast, especially after I let him off the leash to chase down some birds.



- As the sun began to set over mountains and it started to get darker I figured it was best to head back before Phil sent out a search party. When we approached the road I heard the familiar dog whistle again and spotted Phil walking over to us from the hotel across the street. Suzi later told me that as soon as the sun started to set Phil told her he was starting to worry and slowly made his way toward the beach. I found it adorable.


- Remember when we had ice-cream for lunch? Well, like me, Phil has a sweet tooth and he got more than he could eat that day so after dinner he polished off his leftovers. I've always said I don't trust anyone who doesn't like dessert so when Phil excitedly rubbed his hands together after throwing away the empty ice-cream cup claiming it was cookie time, he earned my complete trust, not to mention respect for doubling down.

DAY 6: Whale Watch!

- Turns out the town of Guerrero Negro is known for two major things, giant piles of naturally forming sea salt...


- ...and whales! I was told the whales usually get up close, occasionally stare you down, and perhaps let you touch them if they are feeling frisky. Unfortunately the weather was a bit windy and the water choppy. The people in the boat were getting antsy, "where are they?" Suddenly you are surrounded by blowholes, and dark shadows in the water. They were still playing hard to get but the few times they did come close I was reminded how much bigger they are than me, in this tiny boat. "Ok, that's close enough."


- On the way back there were some seals that were probably once in the Drama Club as they wanted us all to look at them. After the amusement wore off we began to wonder, "How did they get up there?"


- We caught back up with our posse afterward and got the impression that staying another day in Mulege was just ok. So we didn't rub it in their faces that we got cookies and ate ice cream for lunch.

- Turns out spending hours in the car makes my often sassy personality come out (shocking, I know). I stopped filtering myself which prompted a reluctantly giggling Phil to tell me to not get "fresh." It then became my goal to have him say that as much as possible. And I was successful, especially after asking if he'd rather fart constantly or never shower. We all agreed on farting.

- Every time we stop at a restaurant for a meal I tell myself I won't eat the chips and salsa but giant margaritas destroy my will power.


- We ordered dinner which then took an hour and then some to come out. Usually I'd be grumpy but I was buzzed and full of chips so I didn't mind. Instead I spent time watching the biggest dog I've ever seen, aka a black great dame named "Scooby Doo" despite the owners speaking limited English. I guess they get the Cartoon Network in Mexico. In this picture he's laying down and it's dark...but it's very possible I was just drunk and imagining it...


- Phil came out of the camper bathroom dressed for bed in these cutoff jeans that reminded me of a character on Arrested Development who claimed he was a "never nude" and had to wear cutoff jeans at all times in order to, you guessed it, never be nude. Suzi knew what I was talking about, Phil defaulted to claiming that despite the jeans he was a catch and a good provider.

- My hips were killing me which made no sense at all. I went from playing soccer or frisbee four times a week to maybe walking around town at a leisurely pace after sitting in a car for two hours. My best guess was my senior citizen friends were stealing my life energy so they could keep partying. That's the REAL reason I was invited...

- Once again I found myself exhausted before 9pm. As I went back into the camper I decided to take a picture of the door with a note on it that was applicable at pretty much all times.

It reads, "C (for Colleen), in bar, P (for Phil).

DAY 5: Still Rouge

- Sunrise walk along the beach where I picked up more shells I really didn't need. I'm like a crazy bag lady walking around with rocks. "OK, I don't need any more - ooh look at this one, it's orange!"


- Back in the camper I enjoyed half of the pineapple empanada. 10 minutes later I enjoyed the other half.

- The salesman in Mexico are persistent and everywhere. We are on a beach and in the AM three different guys came to the door to sell us stuff. We caved for the guy with fruit and veggies in the trunk of his car. Sounds sketchy but it wasn't.

- We were still ROUGE and went back to a town called Guerro Negro in order to go whale watching the next morning. It was just the three of us - well four thanks to Paco. We went through military checkpoints. It's like a toll booth but instead of paying money you have to try to speak Spanish and get out of your car so the 15-25 year old kid with a gun on his back can make sure you aren't smuggling drugs. As I took Paco for a walk, I was asked the following:

1. What's the dogs name?
2. How long did you study Spanish?
3. Do you have a boyfriend?

- We stopped off in this town, I think was Santa Rosalia, where we found a church built by the same guy who did the Eiffel Tower. Like Superman, it was made of steel:


- Stopped by a famous supposedly french bakery now panaderia where Phil and I went to town. "Let's have 3 of those cookies, 2 of the scones, a couple of muffins, 3 slices of that crazy frosted bread, 1 of those red looking things, what is that? It's not blood right? I dunno she said it was fresca."

- Explored another grocery store aka place where items are stacked in a hot mess. Observe the cereal isle:


- And then had ice cream for lunch. I opted for the banana with nuts. The scooper was like this gun looking thing that made square like scoops. I've been told they do the same thing in the Rite Aids here in America. Shows how much I shop there...


- Suzi talks to my dad unsupervised on the phone and gets a kick out of his Lawng Island accent.

- I break into the giant bag of cookies and things, "hmm, tastes like gingerbread..."

- We were back at the hotel with the wonky internet so I went down the block to an internet cafe to check email and stop the shakes from my withdrawal. Only cost me 5 pesos for 10 minutes. Practically free!

- On the way to dinner I took my favorite picture of Suzi and Phil. The hand holding a sweet quiet gesture of love...and also because Suzi has terrible balance.


- At dinner I order a margarita. Til this point I was holding off and mostly ordering water. Suzi implies I need it to unwind from all the old people, I tell her I just needed to dry out for a bit as I've never drank so much in my life. This one hit the spot and we shared travel stories about other foreign countries where we were all at one point in a car on a makeshift road with a crazy driver thinking it would be our last.

- We topped off the night with some date pie that was a mix of flan with dates in it, baked with a hazelnut crust. We all agreed it was "interesting" but ate all of it.

Baja Road Trip: "Going Rouge"

DAY 4

- Bed & Breakfast delivers: home made jam with fresh made bread? Yes, please. Also I will eat your giant bowl of fresh peeled fruit! Nom!

- Suzi & Phil decide they want to tell my parents about the salt & peppered, older Mexican man named Paco I've been sleeping with at night. He's a total catch, especially since he's missing his front teeth.

- We quickly ran into town to take pictures of the mission church and more importantly buy a date pie. Here's the thing, I know how to ask "how much?" in Spanish, but I'm not good with numbers in English so getting a number in Spanish...forget it. At first I pretended I knew what he said, I hesitated, he said it again, I held out 150 pesos. He resisted the urge to sigh at me before stating, "Eighty-five." Damn, I'm such a gringa!

- Then we were off on the (very bumpy dirt) road again. Suzi and I were riding in the camper while Phil drove down a road we determined was 300 miles long. He claimed it was 25 miles, but he was driving so what does he know.

- Random road stop aka time for a beer. Lindsay, Jean, and I went for a walk towards the shore with a bunch of plastic bags for shell collecting aka free souvenirs. The view was amazing, water crystal blue, and we found a hotel where Lindsay had me take a picture with a pool boy...well pool man...pool older man...with limited English. Either way we enjoyed the view.


- We got into the next check point town: Mulege. My cousin Joe went to check into the hotel only to be told someone else named Joe took their rooms earlier that day. Damn you common American name! Luckily Phil, Suzi, and I were self sufficient in the camper so we WENT ROUGE! We decided to camp out on a beach instead. Jealous?


- It was 5pm, aka happy hour. We discovered a little place on the beach called "Bertha's" and the name was just too good to resist. The Wednesday night special was cheeseburgers. As a recent vegetarian (with the exception of fish) that wasn't going to fly. I asked for a menu and was told that in fact cheeseburgers were the only things they were serving. A special indeed. So I ordered a Kahlua on the rocks. Suzi and Phile ate their cheeseburgers while I downed the complimentary chips and salsa. When they got a complimentary ice cream dessert with their meal from the owner, a white guy disappointingly not named Bertha, he saw my food envy and indulged me but mostly because he thought they were my parents and I was under 21 as he then asked if I wanted a re-fill on my coke.


- Then we check out the "supermarket" and discovered that was a very generous title. Most of the gorcery stores I went to in Baja are akin to a gas station mini mart. This one was rocking some narly looking fruit fly occupied bag of oranges and empanadas. We opted for the pineapple and apple empanadas, you know, for a healthy breakfast...

- While Phil set up a camp fire I went for a stroll to check out the digs and take pictures. As the sun went over the mountains I heard a familiar whistle Phil uses to call the dog, aka my Mexican boyfriend Paco, when he wonders on his pee breaks. I then continued only to hear yet another whistle. "Is that for me?" As I approached him he apologized claiming he wasn't my dad and I wasn't a little girl... I stopped him saying, "Don't worry. My mom thanks you."


- Phil and I star gazed looking for Sputnik while having a fire side chat where I realized that life was slowing me down to enjoy the things in front of me instead of always running after that carrot.

- That night the Phil snoring Suzi warned me about finally showed itself. It wasn't terrible but I did contimplate breaking out the guest earplugs. Then Suzi nudged him awake and quietly told him he was snoring and it was annoying. He defended himself saying, "You know, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone." Without missing a beat Suzi replied, "Where you goin'?"