Today I have a nice story for yall about the Phrase O the Week (various cheers from studio audience). Ok here we go...
Yesterday while riding in Dan's backseat with the ever so elegant Liz I spotted the word "Yum" that was placed on the ash tray thing with 3 seperate letter stickers. I looked at it, then ran my eyes up and down liz and said "yum" as if to pick her up. We shared a laugh about it after she did the same to me after seeing the "one way" sign. Then I made an EXCELLENT whole explaination to "yum" which went alittle something like this:

Guy(awkwardly): Can I taste...test...your...cake? I dont mean that YOU are a fatting cake, your low fat. And I would like just a piece not the whole thing..

To this Liz added:

So in conclusion, (hand motion as if bringing the word to you) "YUM."

Congrats to Liz and her ability to make my abs get a work out. Good for you.

And to top off this lovely Friday, even though it doesnt feel like a friday, let's do something crazy like a Random Word Looked Up in the Dictionary (there must be a shorter thing to call that):

furrier: one who prepares or deals in fur (i.e.: the cops just arrested a fur dealer)
**I assume fur dealin' is illegal**

righjt now i am ttyping w2ioth glopvbes on, hence qa;ll; tghe crzy bad tpy./ But at lewasty my uhaqnsdsw qare wqarm,...(tosses off the gloves) Translation: But at least my hands are warm.
Gloves wont due at a time like this. If i were to continue it would totally destroy my life. I would never be able to successful use computer like activities and we all know that soon computers will take over the world. I'd probably get kicked out of the world, me and people who have fat fingers. Then I'd have to hang around in outer space with a sign that says "Any where but STUPID Computer Earth." And when a UFO stops to pick me up I imagine a convo something like this would occur:

Alien: What happened to you?
Me: I got kicked out of earth.
Alien: How come?
Me: (shows hands which are totally covered by dark blue fleece gloves)
Alien: Oh I see, fingers too big for the keyboard?
Me: Yep

**Then we would proceed to discuss the politics of having computer and technology dominate society. And he would tell me all about how he wants to Fight the System, and that Macs suck.**

Activity O the Day: Belching. (You see I'm sick with some kind of tummy bug so i belch even after eating crackers and hot tea.)

Blah!!

I decided to add a new feature to the site (bits lip trying to hold back excitement).
Chris Farley: Y-You remember when you looked up a random word in the dictionary..?
Myself: Yes, Chris. I remember
Chris: (showing signs of glee) That...that was awesome.

Yes it was "awesome" so I though to myself, "Hey, why not do this each week?" So I will. Here's todays word.

prophylactic: 1 preventing or guarding from disease 2 PREVENTIVE (i.e.: Hand me that prophylactic cuz I dont want no nasty germs all up on me)

I apologize for the site acting up yesterday, it wouldnt allow me to post the following. It gets moody sometimes. Here it is:

My brother once asked why pigeons walk the way they do, with the bobbing heads as they walk and such.
I replied: "Cuz they got rhythm"

Pigeons are down with the mad-phat beats. They prob wear mini headphones that we cant see so they have a constant supply of beats to biz-ounce to. They are all pimps. But then there is that one seagull who thinks hes a pigeon....(shakes head in shame)

I like to sing dis song: Secret Agent Man by da RX Bandits

Random Word Looked Up in the Dictionary:
Ice 1: frozen water 2: a state of coldness 3: bling-bling (i.e.- You are wearing so much ice you could freeze New York)

I'd like to share a convo from this afternoon between myself and Merry.

Cookies4Grandma: Look over there!
Cookies4Grandma: *steals your soul as you look*
Lactaid Lady: is there a draft in here
Lactaid Lady: i'm suddenly feeling chilly
Cookies4Grandma: Maybe you should shut the window
Cookies4Grandma: ...or beg for your soul back...
Lactaid Lady: (shuts window)
Lactaid Lady: nope i'm still cold
Cookies4Grandma: Very good
Lactaid Lady: what was it you said...
Cookies4Grandma: Well, maybe the heat isn't on
Lactaid Lady: i couldnt hear you it was almost as if you muffled it
Cookies4Grandma: ...or I have control over your soul...
Lactaid Lady: there it is again
Lactaid Lady: what do you keep mummbling to yourself
Cookies4Grandma: You must be hearing things
Lactaid Lady: i guess so
Cookies4Grandma: ...or you are deaf without your soul...
Lactaid Lady: did you hear that?!
Lactaid Lady: something about a bowl
Cookies4Grandma: Maybe your brother is messing iwth you
Cookies4Grandma: ...or you can't concentrate without your soul...
Lactaid Lady: huh
Lactaid Lady: blah
Cookies4Grandma: Are you getting sick?
Cookies4Grandma: ...sick without your SOUL...
Lactaid Lady: (shakes out of baby talk)
Lactaid Lady: i think i got the flu
Cookies4Grandma: Oh the flu?
Lactaid Lady: ok i def heard you
Cookies4Grandma: ...how dumb can you be...
Lactaid Lady: you said like coal
Lactaid Lady: or something
Cookies4Grandma: Sorry, sometimes I think outloud to myself about coal mines
Cookies4Grandma: ...or about the souls I have under my power...
Lactaid Lady: what abotu flowers?
Cookies4Grandma: I was thinking of getting you flowers
Cookies4Grandma: ...or you can never retrieve your soul back from my power...
Lactaid Lady: nah i dont like milk thats sour
Cookies4Grandma: Yeah no one really does
Lactaid Lady: so hows the soul stealing grandma
Cookies4Grandma: ...stealing souls = loads o' fun...
Cookies4Grandma: Pretty good
Lactaid Lady: i'm onto you
Lactaid Lady: your under arrest
Cookies4Grandma: ...got yours too...
Cookies4Grandma: You can't arrest me, you have no proof
Lactaid Lady: (flips out Protection against Soul Stealin badge)
Cookies4Grandma: ...I got your should under the roof...
Lactaid Lady: oh really...
Cookies4Grandma: That's nut-tin
Lactaid Lady: thats a fake soul of mine you got there
Cookies4Grandma: lol
Cookies4Grandma: Can't be fake
Lactaid Lady: oh it is
Cookies4Grandma: *sees the made in Tawian sticker*
Cookies4Grandma: DRAT!
Lactaid Lady: (slaps on the cuffs)
Lactaid Lady: come with me grandma
Cookies4Grandma: *takes off the cuffs*
Lactaid Lady: (slaps them off harder this time)
Lactaid Lady: *on lol
Cookies4Grandma: You po-po ain't got nothing on me
Lactaid Lady: yeah tell it to the judge
Cookies4Grandma: (po-po = police)
Cookies4Grandma: *slips hands out of cuffs agian*
Lactaid Lady: i know how youve been stealin souls to stay alive
Lactaid Lady: ok thats it (shoots you in the leg)
Cookies4Grandma: I'm so old that menopause has deteriorated all my bones.
Cookies4Grandma: Your cuffs can't hold me
Lactaid Lady: i know thats why i just shot you
Cookies4Grandma: Ehh, I've been shot before. Ain't nothing I cna't sew back together.
Lactaid Lady: jeez i knew you were old but i didnt think you'd forget you were just shot
Lactaid Lady: i know that you need souls to stay alove
Lactaid Lady: alive
Cookies4Grandma: I didn't forget, I was getting my sewing needles.
Cookies4Grandma: I do need souls to love.
Lactaid Lady: yeah ok (shoves you into the back of a cop car)
Cookies4Grandma: *walks out the other door*
Lactaid Lady: i know but you arent alive enough to love
Lactaid Lady: (theres another cop there)
Cookies4Grandma: *ducks through his legs*
Lactaid Lady: (better yet Lactaid Lady gets you)
Cookies4Grandma: No bones = limber gammah
Lactaid Lady: (shooting you with the pill gun you are trapped inside without escape)
Cookies4Grandma: *squirts milk in face*
Cookies4Grandma: *before being stuck in pill*
Cookies4Grandma: *pill falls to ground*
Lactaid Lady: (rasc backs me up with radioactive cakes, freezing you in place)
Cookies4Grandma: *rolls into gutter*
Cookies4Grandma: *than says* haha just kidding
Lactaid Lady: thats right you're done
Lactaid Lady: time to get a better job
Lactaid Lady: like being a lunch lady
Lactaid Lady: its so rewarding
Cookies4Grandma: otay
Lactaid Lady: (THE END)
Cookies4Grandma: Consider it done
Lactaid Lady: Remember kids, only you can prevent forest fires
Cookies4Grandma: And light matches
Lactaid Lady: so if the forest burns down its your fault

Guys, as of Wed. I turned 18. That's right now i can buy porn and cigarettes...not cuz I want to, but because I CAN. What a marvelous age it is.

Today I had school pizza bagels...How great is that? It was a total flashback to 6th grade. I didnt stay in the cafe. of course cuz I'm a senior and seniors just dont do that. So i bought school lunch and walked out with my tray. Most delicious school food ever. I dont care that it was luke warm..auhncaehr bout nut-ting.

I almost didnt have a Phrase O the Week, then i created a master plan with Liz to get one. We both sent IMs to "Cookies4Grandma" aka Merry McDonalds and this was the outcome.

First Liz:
FJive45: hey gamma whats with having no pants on huh
Cookies4Grandma: I need freedom
FJive45: hm
FJive45: i'll take it
Cookies4Grandma: don't take my pants!
**Liz then had this to say about the situation: she isss crazy**

Now for mine:
Lactaid Lady: OMG grandma you forgot to take your meds!
Cookies4Grandma: AHHH!
Cookies4Grandma: *dies*
Lactaid Lady: your gonna di...e
Lactaid Lady: oh i see you already have
Cookies4Grandma: I beat you to the punch
Lactaid Lady: (shrugs)
**My Conclusion: Grandma, although she may be old, is on top of her game**

Thanks to Kelly for the cool CD how could it NOT be cool when it has MC Hammer's Can't Touch This on it. How?!

Oh and Mr.Sheehan is the COOLEST guy in the WORLD

Realization O the Day: Acceptance Letters RULE!

I just had myself a bowl o iced cream with some chocolate power on top. I'm gonna have to work off those calories otherwise I might have a heart attack.

Jerry Seinfeld moment: Whats the deal with the weather? Its hot, its cold. It's winter and yet the temp. is 60. Mother Nature must be really lonely seeing how she's doing alot of solo drinkin.

My hands always get cold when I go online. I would wear gloves but then you wouldnt know what I was tryin to say cuz my fingers would be too fat and it would look like this askldiua aisdj nvieu sad;f....we dont want that. Jeez i need like a hot air vent to keep these bad boys on the warm side. Either that or move to a more tropical climate. Those are my ONLY options.

I finally got my Emerson essay done today. The application is only due on Friday, whats the rush? I also got a bunch o my notecards done for english. I feel so productive.

Cats are good animals. You dont have to take them for walks, they go in the litter - not your floor, they purr, and they dont eat much. It's much easier to take care of a cat than a dog cuz cats would rather sleep than run around. Now thats my kind of animal.

I just listened to dis song: Hash Pipe by Weezer

I realized that yesterday was Friday so there was supposed to be a Phrase O the Week. But hey, when you dont have school for more than half of the week, you tend to lose track of the days. So today I will allow an amazing unpresidented..thing to occur. There will be not one, not two, but three - yes three, Phrases O the Week. Settle down people...

1) Goes to Liz, while seeing Harry Potter (my 4th time, her 2nd), in the wand shop we allowed the owner to have some humor in his job knowing he must be lonely so we figure instead of him saying 'I wonder,' he would say: I WANDer...(laugh to self, notice Harry isn't laughing) cmon, i said it like three times..

2) This one is Kelly's first win for Phrase O the Week, very exciting. It's simple yet profound: Love is crap.

3) And last and least...j/k. Number three is from Dan. When we realized his wallpaper trim in his kitchen was upside-down he told us about his family doing that and how when they call him up for dinner he says: NO WAY backwards wallpaper family!
Ah, disfunctional family..that is backwards..?

Any-woo, I'm off to da city today. I'll catch you kids later. No mud wrestling, i'm not kidding...

This was from last week. It's called "Typin' bout Nut-ting"

typie typie blah blah ha ha ha monkey poop fart boobs mouse dog cat Liz is a tree. Look at her flow in the wind. So calm in the light. Merry is on a cruise. Dan is at his house, most likely. I sit at the computer and typie typie, no squeeky squeeky on the board like the teachers do. I talk to Kelly. Danielle is a nerd, and is probably studying or reading like the nerds do. Lactaid Lady is helping fight crime with RASC. Tony is online. The stars are out, like always, but I don’t know if you can see them. I just farted. (giggles). Bibliotec-AH! Lisa is still in Drama. Dave doesn’t have a car of his own, he rents from his rents. Troop 47 in da house. “Woo-hoo!” says Homer. Lights help us see. The sea is near the beach. The beach is sandy. Sandy is a girl’s name. Mr. T is a crazy mo-fo. Remote control controls my brain. TV so good, work bad! Homework is on the phone….oops, I hung up. Shall I brake your freakin neck boy, like Busta.

Liz's Theory that I share: Everyone needs a little ghetto every now and then.

Oregon Trail is FUN, especially when your friends die...

Disease O the Day: F.A.R.D. (also known as F.R.D.)

Inside Joke: No way backwards wallpaper family!

Did you know that Town House Crackers are the BEST Crackers in the WORLD?!

Evidence:
1) Kings eat them
2) God eats on the weekends and made up the story about the snake who tricked Adam and Eve. The truth is that they chose the apples over the crackers...we cant have that.
3) Lincoln was shot cuz he ate popcorn at the theatre instead of Town House Crackers
4) You know why Alan Rickman is so great? No not from the Great Juice or Fanastic Steak....its cuz o' the Town Hiz-ous Crack-azz, son!

Best thing for beginning 2002: Alan Rickman eating Town House Crackers with Cream cheese while feeding his pet bat a bowl of wax fruit as he watches Trading Spaces and listening to Dashboard Confessional.

Can do. Will do. DONE!
-Jack Stone (lego legend)

I like to avoid doing non-humor type things on this site but I have something I would like to share, just to show that you can't always be funny.

Untitled

Destiny of conscience make me a hermit
Deeper within lies the answer
but it's out of order
Come back later
I'm out of time

I want to hug my knees,
cry in the closet,
run away
from the confusion of myself
Click my heels three times
I haven't moved

The asylum of my mind
I'm in a straight jacket
I thought I was a visitor
I fear it's my home
Absent drawings,
mumbling to self,
rock back and forth
I hate this place
A colorless confinement
Surrounded by mirrors
Forced reflection
I cracked the walls
I dont want to see.

I'm torn in half
I dont know where to begin
So hand me the glue
Paste on the armor
There are too many layers,
so it all gives way

I'm trapped inside myself
Every door is locked
I've lost the key
So hand me the flashlight
Wander aimlessly
I dont want to find my fears

There's no gold here
Only the epiphany,
of pain.

DA END!

Today in lunch I was talking to Tony and Elias while the others got their calorie filled Wendy's..I usually dont go to lunch with them but today was like Cut Day so it happens. We got into this convo about the Lost Boys in Never Never Land, you know with Peter Pan and Hook. So here is what I was thinking, you know how they imagined their food and it would appear? Well what if it was all in their head that they were eating all this food, when in reality they are starving to death....? Hmm...It would make for a bad movie then when The Lost Boys fight Hook. It would be like watching old people eat applesauce. Dont get my wrong, I like applesauce, just not when its being mashed by some 70 year old toothless gums. Thats a nice image for ya.

Inside Joke with Liz: I WANDer...cmon I said it like 3 times.
It was the funniest thing of the day. Go Liz. And if you see her online first tell her I love her, then try to figure out what her profile is cuz i have no clue. I bet the Japanese couldnt even figure it out.

See you later homes

There is this thing called a uh...what-cha-ma-call-it, a Math Midterm. And I kinda should study for it seeing that I totally BOMBED the first part and eventually I will study but its hard when you have NO motivation. I hate wasting my time with math. After 6th grade its totally useless. I think they ran out of subjects to teach back in the day so they kept going with Math. We need a new subject. How about Mind Control, nah that could end bad. What about Space Travel...eh, it would be like semi interesting physics...Oh I got it, they'll let us watch tv! Excellent.

Danielle's Words: Oh God, please save me from suburban motherhood...

I had the words to dis song in my head: Again I go Unnoticed by Dashboard Confessional

OH SNAP!

I'm back...from the dead. Nah just kidding, stop screaming in terror the neighbors will think awful things.

I almost didnt have a Phrase O the Week. (GASP!)..I know, its crazy. But after Dan informed me of his, Jesse, and Tony's performance at Liz's lacrosse game, I knew who would win. This weeks is brought to you by Tony (applause). They went to Liz's game with signs and his just took the cake. It read: It's falsi that rivalsi is bad.
I can only wish my last name was Rivalsi...

I missed listening to dis song: The Places You Fear the Most:Dashboard Confessional

Welcome Back Mer

I must away to England...
-Alan Rickman as Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility

I must away to Emerson. (Points out yonder, guestimating where Emerson is) To Boston!

P.S.- Ding Dong the witch is dead...witch = economics

REALLY GOOD Song: Saints and Sailors by Dashboard Confessional

I took the test of Jesse's site to see what Super Mario character I am...

You are... Yoshi, the cool dinosaur!
You are a hip critter. You showed up fasionably late with Super Mario World and have started launching your own career since then. In maybe 10-15 years, your popularity will rival Mario's. Not that you're competing with him. He's your bud. You're good at getting and keeping friends, and they value you for that. After all, who else would carry them on their back through ice, fire, and rain? Sometimes you think you're taken for granted, but you know that your friends have your back. Of course they do. Who would screw over Yoshi?

(I apologize for the absence of the picture that came with it, I dont know how to get it on the site)

Oregon Trail is SUCH a good game. Not the new versions those are too complex. The orginial kicks arse. You watch your journey through a little box. See the oxen take you across the U.S. I recommend being a Doctor when you start out. You get a decent amount of money and the satisfaction of helping the sick.
Hunting is always the best. Once I shot a bird and it landed in a stream with an amusing splash. I always feel guilty shooting the deer until I have like no food at all, then I shoot them like it's my job. If a buffalo or bear wonders over I only shoot one, since you can only take about 200lbs back, and most of it would go bad if you gots too much. The squirrels are fun. I wind up wasting 30 bullets on one before I give up. Stupid squirrels...only one pound of meat. How can one survive on that?!
Might I also say that the sounds are great. There's the bad noise: Bam-bah-dah, which occurs when someone is sick, you get lost, there's bad water, you're carriage catches fire, you lose food, a thief steal stuff, etc. But there is also a good noise: Do-do-dah-do, this one is heard mostly when you find fruit or someone is better. Come to think of it, you get GYPT on the good sounds.
Oh and it's always the best when someone dies cuz they play that sad southern-like music and you can write crazy tings on the headstone.

Shout out to Jessica DeMarie, she likes to kick it oldschool whenever possible. In her honor I will say the following: Right now I am eating an Oreo and I think my dog just farted...