Wanted:
Documentary Research Class

Crime:
Stealing Colleen Evanson's life away and subjecting her to endless hours on the internet looking up topics.

Reward:
Getting to see Colleen again before winter break.

Good luck, cowboys.

I came to this blog today with the intention of writing about teleporting. You see a long time back in the summer my cousin Pat and I discussed all the complications of it and I wrote them down on the back of a MetroCard. The problem is I can't really read what I wrote and if I can read it, I have no idea what I'm talking about. This is a tragedy of waiting too long to post. A shame. One of my bullet points is "features." Well, Colleen, what are those features? You know self, I dont remember.

I'm all of 20 and I'm beginning to lose my precious memory. So in order to avoid this happening to you I urge you all to write better notes to yourself with details and maybe on an actual piece of paper. And then don't wait 3 months to write about it. It was my greatest mistake. Surely I have become the Hamlet of the blog industry.

Now if you'll excuse me I need to make myself some wonderful toast. I must create in the wake of my self destruction.

While chatting with my brother about spanish teachers we remembered days past in class along with the names we were given in order to really immerse ourselves in the culture.

Shawn said he would be called Samuel
I told him my name was Carolina, to which he replied:

"u totally look like a carolina
if u were spanish
. . .and lived in spanish lands"

to which i replied with a giggle in the form of "lol" and told him his remarks were "well played."

Teleporting will be great once it's invented. My only hope is that it's not created by a mad scientist, because that's just asking for trouble.

Sorry for the servere delay in updates. I have been rather busy with RA stuff, checking rooms, making door tags, making staff shirts, all the while going to sessions from about 9am-5pm....then staff meeting til about 10pm. But its been a lot of fun working with the awesome staff I have.

So now without further hesitation I'd like to add another splendid essay here from Orientation. This one is from the last session (6). And for those who dont know, I wrote several essays over the course of Orientation since I had to proctor the writing placement exam.
Enjoy!

There are over a billion people on this planet we have entitled Earth. Some may think the official number is more like a ba-jillion, but you are wrong my friend. With all those people milling around there are millions, dare I say billions of J-O-Bs. There are po-pos (police), drug dealers, and people who make you pay 10 bucks to see their shorter "radio-active" leg. However, in the town of Ithaca New York, Ithaca College pays 20 students each summer to orientate incoming freshman. These are what on may call Orientation Leaders...I, Colleen Evanson, am on o' dem leaders.
Now there comes a time in each Leaders life when they look back over the past three weeks and think, "damn sloppy joes are REAL good" as well as "what have I done with this life?" Well, self, to answer that I'd say you learned an awful lot about people, like how much you HATE them. IT's actually quite easy to hate another human being. For example, they may be stupid, ugly, no intelligent and/or pretty, or simply not attractive. These unfortunate souls may hopefully approach you and ask a question like, "where is the bathroom?" Where is the bathroom?! Damn, you are DUMB. Usually I make up directions with a smile on my face and then once they turn around I roll my eyes in disgust and if I'm feeling up to it raise my middle finger ever so slowly.
Stupidity doesn't discriminate; parents, students, even other OLs. I might not live in what federal law considers a house, or be able to read above a 4th grade level, or pay for things with I go shopping, but I still have - well ok I'll be frank (but my name is still Colleen) I'm better than you. There I said it. I be you my old speak N spell that if there were some type of way to measure how awesome I am the test or measuring apparatus would 'splode all over because I am so awesome it can't handle all the coolness. You know what, I feel like my last sentence may not be able to convey how amazing and better than you I am and I feel like I'm being judged so how about this...
Once I held my breath under water for like almost 30 seconds. That's half a minute for all of you stupids. Technically it was like 26 seconds but that's cuz Billy didn't start as soon as my head was under water and also Billy counts unfairly slow. Regardless, it was 30 seconds, so suck on that for awhile and if that's too sour them how about this. It will blow your mind. I...I can fly. I usually don't tell most people cuz they dont think it's possible but it is if you are awesome enough, and guess what amigo..I am. In fact if you could fly, which I doubt, I could fly real much higher than you and like fly into the ocean and stay under for about 35 seconds, and I totally will as long as Billy doesn't count cuz I've been practicing in my "bath tub," which the federal government tells me I can't go in since it's appearently a water fountain. But whatever people willingly throw their money out. Just the other day I bought a dime bag with it so HA! MOR-ONs.
In conclusion I wear a black polo with a collar and that deems me officially better than you and if you want to try and stay under water for over 35 seconds, bring it! I'll be at the Ithaca College pool, sucker. Be prepared to like lose and stuff.

The End
I feel the need to express I have never bathed in a fountain nor have I ever bought drugs. Some people, despite knowing me long periods of time will still ask if these stories are true.

Sorry for lack of updates. I wanted to spend me time at home to the fullest eating food, sleeping late, watching DVDs, and finishing the Star Wars computer game...which I did! Then I had to come back to school and start RA stuff. I dont have time right now to write something incredibly witty or profound like most have come to expect. I do have another essay I would like to publish. That is next on the agenda after I get rolling with putting up boards and doortags on my floor.

So just keep it real for now.

Long time no see...

I've decided to share some of my recent work with the world.  I spent time at Ithaca College as an Orientation Leader and one of my jobs was to watch over the writing placement exam.  While there I decided to write my own completely unrelated essays.  This is one of them...

There are many moments in a life that give it quality and meaning.  There are milestones that shape the person we are or who we become.  However, there are also the moments we'd like to turn a blind eye to, forget they happened and if brought up we may lie and say we don't remember.  Embarassment occurs here and there; trip up some stairs, or realizing our fly has been down for at least 20 minutes.  Then there are milestones within milestones full of moments well witnessed that could never be forgotten.  These are what one may call dignity loss.  This action may be defined when a person or persons does something rather taboo in society either willingly or unwillingly.  Not all dignity loss is severe.  Some arent even aware they lost a part of their dignity, only the witness to such an event would know.  For example a man has a cold, there is some nasel drip and he wipes way too much goobers onto his hand.  To him it' no big deal, he knows he has a cold and cannot control the situation, but to an onlooker the man with boogers all over his hang just lost part of his dignity. 
For those who have never seen dignity loss I'd like to direct you towards the recent trend in television...reality tv.  Perhaps the greatest example is Fear Factor.  Once a person willingly participates in eating large insects, cow eyes, or rancid intestinal juice for money, they have not only lost their dignity but they did so on national tv.  This my friends is a severe case. 
I'm going to break it down and get real with you guys right now.  I admit I lost my dignity once.  I was at a dance having a good time.  I was having such a good time that I decided to have a few drinks.  I pounded them back as if I were some machine that only ran on alcohol.  It tasted so good on my taste buds.  Addition over took my judgement.  My speech slurred, the room spun, I think I hit on an older man and while doing so I threw up alittle in my mouth.  I couldnt find the bathroom so I decided maybe I could just swallow it back down.  It worked for about ten seconds before it returned with avenence.  I not only threw up again but threw up onto the older man I had hit on and farted pretty damn loud. 
Was this the end of my life?  Kinda.  There was a person filming the event in order to cherish their neices 6th birthday and so my dignity loss was caught on tape.  I felt like a tragic character from Shakespeare.  I wanted no sun in my life.  Until one day while dealing drugs I passed by a nice suburban home.  They had a hammock.  Liking it immediately I stole it and tied it between two trees in my backyard.  It helped me feel better about my dignity loss until squirrels came and chewed the rope attaching it to the tree.  (Who knew squirrels enjoyed hammocks?) I stole-I mean bought another one, but it happened again.  I damned the squirrels and hated them for all they stood for.  But then while watching Oprah she talked about living the dream so I went out and bought a hammock that is held up on poles so those squirrels couldnt get their dirty, no good, nut loving, booze guzzling hands on it.  Now thanks to Oprah I got to live my dream and got over my dignity loss.  I hold my chin up high and sometimes celebrate with alcohol.  Sometimes.

The end....
The best part is we handed that essay in to be graded as if I were a freshman and that was my actually essay.  They gave me the lowest score, because not once did I refer to the reading AND I appearently have an attiude problem.  They were relieved when told it was  joke.

 

Over the fourth of July weekend I traveled back to Long Island for some fun.

Perhaps the greatest highlight amoung many, was the adventures had with Slip and Slide (although it wasn't the actual slip and slide brand, it was Six Flags). As soon as it was taken out and strategically placed onto the lawn my cousin Pat read alloud the warning.

Not for Adults. Not for anyone over 5 feet tall, not for anyone over 12 years old, or over 110 pounds.

We pondered for a moment. Looked at each other thinking if perhaps it was a mistake, then realized being 0 for 3 wasn't too bad and we were going to Slip and Slide no matter what THE MAN said. And it was glorious.

After sliding stomach, feet, knees, and side first we added an inflatable whale to the mix, placed him at the beginning of the slide and slid like it was nobody's business.

Next we wanted more area to slide on. The slide only lasted about 18 feet and us 20 year olds demanded more fun! We contimplated putting down trash bags but immediately came to the conclusion that it was way too white trash. As such, Pat and I made the truck over to Toys R Us to buy another. We picked the Ninja Turtles one for under 7 dollars. Though we were slightly disappointed that the sliding surface was smaller than the pervious one, we pressed on and joined the two, creating possibly the best invention in the history of mankind and the world.

It was incredible. I feel those of us over 12, over 110 pounds, and over 5 feet tall really accomplished something that day. And it is important to spread the word that you don't have to be a kid to play on slip and slide. Though I bet the damage to your lawn isn't as bad, but its worth it. I encourgage you all to write to the Slip and Slide makers to let them know they'd make a killing selling it to the older audiences. I could say I'd make a bah-jillion dollars making one myself but I know I'm too lazy and besides I already got two of them.

Another Summer Game: Sassy or Fat?

It's a good way to waste time. Since America currently has a plethora of obese people I've decided to make a game of it since after awhile it can be mighty depressing to realize just how many Americans are over weight. Enough of that. Everyone wants to know how to play...
It's simple, go to a public place and watch the way heavier people compose themselves by either sitting, standing, or walking. Personally I prefer walking, it's much easier to assess is this person walks a certain way because they are fat or because they are sassy.

Now does this sounds cruel, of course, but you know that you do it anyway. And don't worry I'm sure I'll become fat for thinking of the game. However, when you see me, know this...I'm fat AND sassy.

Another Summer Game: Sassy or Fat?

It's a good way to waste time. Since America currently has a plethora of obese people I've decided to make a game of it since after awhile it can be mighty depressing to realize just how many Americans are over weight. Enough of that. Everyone wants to know how to play...
It's simple, go to a public place and watch the way heavier people compose themselves by either sitting, standing, or walking. Personally I prefer walking, it's much easier to assess is this person walks a certain way because they are fat or because they are sassy.

Now does this sounds cruel, of course, but you know that you do it anyway. And don't worry I'm sure I'll become fat for thinking of the game. However, when you see me, know this...I'm fat AND sassy.

Session 2 of Orientation=Awesome. I was group B, later known as the Burninators through the inspiration of homestar runner with Trogdor. If you dont understand that, dont worry about it. Just understand what we burninated the other teams with our skit and relays in order to win a free t-shirt. oh yeah.

In other news. I invented a new game! While watching Life as a House with fellow Orientation Leader Laurel, we got into a discussion about hospitals. You know how people in movies will always run into the room of the person they know and then a nurse will be like, "i'm sorry visiting time is over" and then the character will be like, "that's my dad/mom/brother/sister/husband/wife" and get to go inside? Well I thought of a game initially called Find Your Dad, but to include all I'd like to change it to Find Your Family.

Here's how to play:

Go to a hospital...
From here you have two options: either run through the halls until you find a room and claim that person is your dad, make sure to catch the name to verify...

OR

Go up to the desk and ask for a person with a generic last name like Mr.Smith and see if you can pretend to be their family and go inside.

I think it could be a pretty fun game, and it could also help keep kids off the streets. I just hope you can't get arrested for it. That would suck.

orientation has begun. I am the leader of Group H, and we are known as team Homocide and our sketch involves, you guessed it, a homocide. It's rainy n such so relays may not work too good. There are a couple people who think they are really cool and are defacing things which is always fun. It's a wonder what one can accomplish during their first 10 hours at college.

apologies all around, I have been without internet and it seems on my own accord which is the worst part. The jacks tricked me and had pictures of computers making me believe it was a computer jack, but oh no it wasn't. Who knew?

Well for an update. I managed to get a rather nice sunburn on my left arm and a small portion of my left thigh thanks to driving up to ithaca on a nice day with the window down. I had no idea how bad it was but one arm was bright red for a good 2 days before it faded and thus began to peel. The tan on my thigh is rather unfortunate as well because it cuts off as if my shorts was covering my leg but it was like an inch short, so when I do wear shorts there is a definate line for tan and pale. Awesome.

I've been busy listening to information meetings all week from 9am to about 5pm, then practicing introductions and a dance as well as being the understudy/director of a play so I'm really technically at 10pm, but OH WAIT!...there's more. I have to do door tags AND boards as well.

do you pity me yet?

However, the people are super awesome AND i get free meals. Can't beat that.
OK time for a 115AM shower.

And now may I present, the wise words of Mr. Shawn Evanson. (all in one day mind you)

1) While attending a birthday dinner at a restaurant he got the sudden urge to burp and quickly decided to let others present view its effects with a little help from an glass and straw. Proud at this idea he exclaimed:

Check it out, I'm going to burp through this straw.

And he did.

2) Later in the evening after father had opened his gifts. There was one gift in particular that we couldn't wait to see. It was from the wonderful dollar store. You could call them magical pills that when put in warm/hot water open up to become MYSTICAL CREATURES. As such we spent amply time staring at colored pills waiting for the plastic/gooey coating to melt to reveal these sponge creatures; one of which was a Pegasis. It was taking some time revealing itself and Shawn was poking it's leg claiming:

It's leg is retarded.

I reminded him that's not a politically correct statement, to which he replied:

Sorry, it's leg is slow.

Much better Shawn, much better.

3) Continuing on our endever with the sponge creatures in the tupperware container, the water inside began to become less than luke warm. As such Shawn thought he could help matters by adding some body heat into the water. I questioned him about his efforts. He answer was the following (for full effect image statement said with much sass and confidence):

I'm trying to heat the water with my fingers.

A true genius.

I've become addicted to watching my brother play a video game. It would be MUCH better if I was addicted to playing it but unfortunately I dont really know how and it's much easier to just tell my brother what to do. So its like I'm telepathically playing a video game. Yeah that's right, I got super powers fools.

The game that steals hours of my life is Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic. Now I know it sounds nerdy but it's awesome. My brother is playing to be on the dark side so you get the privalge of stealing, kill the innocent, stabbing people in the back, and trying to persuade others to be evil. It's fun. I keep giving my brother advice on what to say to one character. You see his character is a woman and another is a man who has a crush on her so I tell him how to sweet talk this guy into being on the dark side.

horray for manipulation!

Miracle!
(not the disney movie, the event)

I went to go to sleep last night when lo and behold, there twas an alarm clock on my pillow. It read:

"To: Col, Love: Mother Nature"

She really cares about me, it's sweet.

In other news, I recently played the new X Files playstation game and I can confidently say that if zombies ever were to take over my town or even the world, I would not courageously fight them off. Computer generated ones are scary enough, I doubt I could face a real one without fainting. I'd prob become one myself or just hide in an attic somewhere...eating cookies...

So if they do take over, just kill me before they get to me. I want to go out as a human with some dignity still left.

I dont use an alarm clock in the morning because I have been depending on myself to wake up when my body thinks it's time. According to my body I need like 12 hours of sleep. I am way too tired at night. Usually I'm up until 230 - 3am and I've been checking out at 130. Then I wake up at 12 or 1pm. This is no good.

Perhaps I shall find my alarm clock and plug it in, OR I'll ask mother nature to create a mild earthquake at about 10am. That should do the trick. She's pretty cool. Helped me with my math homework back in the day.

I have nothing witty to say. Writers block. Shall return when wit comes back.

"when the hell are you going to update?"
-My Mom

I got back from Virginia today, yeah thats where I went this weekend and why I didnt update, though I'm lazy and prob wouldnt have updated anyway. Conclusions about the South:

they are so slow because it's freakin' hot down there.
it's fun to reinforce stereotypes even if they arent true.
there are too many bugs.
Virginia is not 3 hours away, its like 9.

ok the end.
I'm going to sleep a bunch and not wake up at 5am.

it is DAMN hot outside. Once it gets to the point when having hair is more of a hassle to have, then I begin to question what we did before scizzors. Hair styles must have been atrocious because it's got to be hard to cut things straight with rocks.

Jennifer Aniston would blow the cavewoman's mind.

well office duty is over now.

Didn't have a chance to undate because office assistants needed the computer, or rather, the space behind the desk which had the computer on it. Totally sucked. There was maybe 12 people I helped out in my 8 hours there.

Only good thing, I was engulfed into the world of Harry Potter again. I'm totally jealous of wizards. I'm on chapter 14 now. More that half way done. So it wasn't completely wasteful. However, if it wasn't for that book, I'm sure I would have went insane.

Probably would have spoke in tongues too.