Today I...

Today I got so hyper after going to late night dinner. So I get back to the dorm around 11, and naturally Sudhanshu and me start dancing as if it is our jobs while in Julie and Sara's room. We made up the dance of life. Its a cycle.

Cycle one: Child..looks like being really happy while stretching and jumping
Cycle two: Teenage...pretend that you know how to dance and look like a moron
Cycle three: Nineteen..in the clubs when you dance all sexy like
Cycle four: 25..more proper dancing, hand in hand, swinging and a-twirlin'
Cycle five: 30..slower version of 25
Cycle six: 60...like robots with hands straight ahead resting on each others shoulders as you sway back and forth

Repeat

News flash: Phrase of the Week has been determined early!

Who?: Sudhanshu
Setting: Imagine yourself in a college dorm. Your friend Ben has just left the room. Sudhanshu goes to the door and begins to yell

Come back so I can drill a hole in your ass. That way I can call you assholes!

He has such a way with words...

Just so I dont keep you in suspense, I wasnt that thrilled with my performance for Quabble (improv show). I wasnt horrible, and I wasnt great. I was in the middle, but I dont like not doing an AMAZING job. Stupid expectations! However, Frequency was a total blast. I love that show. The producers like our shift and we all have fun pretending to be funny. There is absolutely no pressure. Its great.

Anyhoo...
The other night around 12 I had decided I would go into my room and read. I wound up going into the lounge to see what people were doing and low and behold, The X Files movie was on. Naturally since I know the whole thing by heart (kinda sad) I was like SKA-REW reading! In the mist of watching it I decided it would be funny if people made the actually sound effects instead of background music, or explosions. My revelation came about in a scene where a building is blown up...to which my sound was KA-BOOM. Now this wasn't your usual ka-boom...this was a Garth, from Waynes World ka-boom...A big difference.

I want to be a sound effects person.

Daily Shout Out!
SHout Out to: Me!
Why: Because I can successfully laugh histerically at myself, often to the point of tears. And the chances get greater the long I stay up.

Daily Shout Out:
Shout out to the peeps who made the mad-phat substance that is ice-cream.
Why: Hello! Ice-cream! Even if it is a dairy product. I break out the lactaid pills.

I can't think of a story teller for improv. Blah! I get so nervous about being funny I get scared I'm not funny. But Merry said I was funny. I be-leaf her. You know, be-LEAF...like a tree!

oh snap I AM funny.

I'm not sure if I told you this already, but I want to jump into a time machine with 20 bucks in my pocket so that way I could be like Rickie McRichington. I'd buy all this stuff and then when I travel back, they would be antiques so I'd be up like 1 milliontrazillion dollars. But then I bet people would be like, Hey Colleen, where did you get all that money and I would panic and say I won the lottery and they'd, oh can I see the ticket, and I'll be like no I through it out and they'll be all, Why did you do that? and I'll say what the hell get away from me you freaking gold digger!

Then I'll buy myself some ice ceem. Not ice cReam, ice ceem. Its so much better when you say it like a little kid. Little kids should rule the world.

[belch]

Ok everyone do yourself a favor and head over to www.homestarrunner.com. It's a hilarious website. There even have an icon for First time users, it's in the right top corner after the opening credits. Check out Strong Bad Emails. One you need to read is called sugarbob..you need to scroll down to do so...but it says Hizzy! So worth the scroll.

Today I...

Today I woke up and was all chilly n such. Betoss it was cold out side n all. So I got out and shutted da winda n whatnot. Climbs myself back into dee bed, and went back to sleepy. And guess qwhat? Qwhat? Now my feets be all chillies again. What the deal? Me no know. Peace out.

Sorry for the delay. As many of you know, I went home this weekend. Enjoyable and worth the chaos of traveling. And I got the Phrase O the Week.

This weeks Phrase, or technically last weeks, comes from The Hippy on the bus to the city. You see this man, let's call him Tod, had this sholder length gray hair with a matching beard, jeans, colorful t-shirt, and most important a straw hat. But this was so ordinary straw hat, in fact it wasnt even made of straw it was made of paper bags. And lucky us got to see him in the process since the bus BROKE down for a bit. Now among him telling jokes that werent really funny, telling people to pass on his message to run the air to the driver, putting away his bottle of vodka, and asking is anyone had a problem listening to the radio - he prefered classic...he told us bout his hats! How he made them by hand. To which I said, "that must help waste time."

And he responded:

Yeah I learned it in JAIL, gotta waste a lot of time there.

At the point Tony and I looked at each other in horror and telepathically sent the phrase Oh My God to each other. However, crazy paper bag wearing hippy, aka Tod, got off at the next stop. I couldnt tell if I was relieved or sad to see him go. I think it was mostly relief...or maybe that was gas.


I just thought of a new segment: Daily Shout Outs

Today: Shout out to my dog Parker.
Why: because he rules.

Phrase of the Day! This week its Kiehl...hurray for him. Hurray for kitties! Anyhoo..
Why its funny: cuz he did it in a little kid voice.
What he said: My toe hurts. You make my toe hurt. Go Away. I would like it if you died.

Its actually 4 phrases but who's counting?

Unsolved Mysteries: I got an email from my dad, however I have a feeling it might have been written by someone else. It's not just a hunch, its the fact that it was signed "The Muffin Master." Perhaps The Muffin Man took over my dad's body and claimed that he was the master of muffins for some reason. That Muffin Man, always getting into trouble. Silly goose...

My first year seminar teacher is from Boston and when he says "wicked" it makes me giggle.

A recent email from my past guidance counsler, Ms.Hance, reads:

Funny story, a parent saw the note that you wrote that I smelled like poo, she felt bad for me and didn't understand why you would write that, I tried to explain but it did not
work!!

Seriously, I laughed histerically to myself over that for a good minute. The note actually read that, "Ms.Hance smells like da poo, THUS she has no friends." But I mean cmon, did they want me to lie?! I think not.

I make a mix cd and it took me a combined 5 hours to put it all together. One because I am a perfectionist and Two I wanted it to be awesome and Three because I never used dem burners befo'
Technology is FUN!

The end result was entitled, As if it is my Job....The Mix

I ment to update last night but the site was being a BIG Meanie so I couldnt. Yesterday night the first episode of the improv show Quabble was taped. As I walked down to the Park School-where they tape it. I was really nervous for awhile, until I stepped onto the set. The only girl amongst the 3 seniors. I walked away feeling like I could fly, you gotta love a live audience. Now I feel more at ease, and I feel like I proved myself to only to them, but to me.

Then tonight I was coming back from Frequency, the MTV like show, and I walked passed the really cool fountains on the way back. They look so cool at night all lit up as they change colors. But as I walked by I noticed they werent the only things that were lit up. (Sniff Sniff) Thanks to Liz pointing out the pot smell at a concert, I knew what it was. How cute of them to be hanging by the fountain near the bushes! Gotta love the pot heads.

Also: I'm A coming home this very weekend. Yeah LI.

Peace SUCKA!

As I sat in my desk reading a book for class I came upon a sentence I would like to share:

Our German friend insists that we include some spaetzle and a load of pumpernickel bread, which gets its name from the verb pumpern, "to break wind," and Nickel, "the devil," because it was thought to be so hard to digest that even the devil would fart if he ate it.

This brings me to an interesting point, if the devil farted would it instantly be set ablaze? Perhaps only in hell it would turn to flames because of the intense heat, or maybe it would flame where ever he went because he's the devil n all. He would have to be proud of farting then, because there is no way he could deny it. Must be hard to be the devil.

So colleen what did you do all day?

Well, I read. Sometimes I would just pretend to be reading to get through the pages. Who writes books anyway?

Oh and I SO watched the Trading Spaces episode that they taped in my neighborhood and I got to meet Frank and Paige. Yeah Trading Spaces! If you dont know the show, but on TLC its on all the time and you will soon become a slave to interior design...with a twist.

Nothing more to say, so I just may, get some clay, and spray...it
It being the pit, or spit, that came with a kit, for sit-ting down
Down with the brown, of the clown, who lives in town, by the pound, and ate some ground...beef
Beef is chief in this reef...of coral
Coral is like the Moral of the story

Yeah that was some freestyle right there.

You see that brick holding my door open? Yeah, thats from a golf course!

Guess what?
I had fruity pebbles for breakfast. I bought myself a box last night. Do you remember those things? I do. And they RULE!
However they are less nutritional than Cherrios...go figure.

I really dont wanna talk about how I sold my soul to the devil, but it's really the most interesting thing I can think to tell you. Yeah, thats right, I am a slave to the dining hall. I was given the job of taking plates -which were as hot as hell...and we all know who lives there-and putting then at the different areas that needed them. Right away ppl were like oh that sucks, thats the worst job and I thought well it's not so bad, I get to walk around. Plus I get some exercise in my arms from holding the heavy hot ass plates.

Later on...

The person who is running the plates with me takes forever and keeps taking the light stuff-smaller plastic bowls. I was easily doing double the work she was and hid my hatred for her in a tight smile anytime we made eye contact. I just really hate when people slack off. This job also reminded me how much I hate people. The dining hall gets so freakin busy, I'm carrying these crazy hot plates, my arms hurt, I'm getting sweaty, and people don't know how to get out of the way...I envisioned myself tossing them out of the way or tossing a plate at their heads. See what work does?!!

Then I left. I thought it was 9:40 and was like...I'm outta here. Got to my room. Mr.Clock reads: 8:41. I'm all: CRAP! Get back down for another 15 mins. Those minutes were actually quite pleasant.

Later in the night:
I had late night dinner and enjoyed a shake. Because I EARNED it. Damn striaght.

Special thanks to:
My parents for the package
and Miss Maris for the sugar cookies AND zoo plates.

Mom, you got some stiff competition. Everywhere you go, Miss Marie is two steps ahead.

As Americans I know people want to forget the act that happened a year ago, but as human beings we must remember.

Recent News: My computer is void of Kazaa right now. It kinda messed up my computer at home so I'm alittle hesitant to download it. I wish there was some sort of super music man who could fly into my dorm room and take out his wand. A simple Tap would do the trick and my computer would be filled was a vast array of mad phat beats. Unfortunately Super Music Man is on vacation or something. Freakin' bum.

Last night my buddy Ben and I had some fun thinking of brand spankin' new ways to say poopin. None of you should be surprise by this. Let's cut to the chase, here they are:

Planting a tree
Feeding the fish
DING! My muffins are ready
Putting icing on the cake - that one I found hilarious and brought myself to tears especially when Ben said That makes No sense.
Squeezing out some brown - not as inventive, i admit
Time to take out the garbage
Crankin out some chocolate

this one I didnt invent, Kiehl shared it with me, so I'm passing it on.

Gotta drop the kids off at the pool

Thats all for now.

feilds is actually spelled fields, but of course...I dont know that.

*Refer to the last post to know what the F I'm talking about*

Under my Farja's request I must update the site. So SORRY that I havent updated, how crazy of me to like be out and about (said very sarcastically with extra jazzy hand motions to emphasize)

Hmm whats new?
Oh I got something!

As many of you probably read, I am a Field Producer for a show. Now I know you must be asking yourself:

What does a feild producer do?
Good Question. I pondered that same eternal question and thankfully sudhanshu was there to answer. Obviously we take shots of open feilds like wheat or corn. And then occassionally we have some people run through in slow motion to romantic music. However, in this case, the woman isnt running after the man as he thinks. Instead, she is running after her hat that blew off in the wind. That pesky wind. Always picking on those poor helpless hats. When is someone gonna kick the winds ass?

Someday...

Recent email made me want to post some of its contents. You have probably seen something like it before, but still...

Rejected Kid's Book Titles:

Robert: Dad's New Wife.
Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share.
That's It, I'm Putting You up for Adoption.
Grandpa Gets a Casket.
Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear.
You Were an Accident.
Daddy Drinks Because You Cry.
Your Nightmares Are Real.
Kathy was So Bad that her Mom Stopped Loving Her.

If only they REALLY existed. I think I'd read the last one to my kid.

Sometin bout College: They (my building friends) always ask where I get my catch phrases from. I recently taught them "like its my job" although they didnt want to say "like" because they thought it was being used in a way that shows low intelligence, so i revised it for them. I (insert verb) as if it is my job. That soon evolved to include shat. Soon after, and they rejoiced was added. Allow me to present the lastest catch phrase of the week:

He shat himself as if it was his job, and they rejoiced.

Oh AND I have the Phrase O the Week! Its back. It deals with poop. A wonderful and totally colleen way of introducing a new season of POW.
setting: Inside dorm room as we discuss different ways and saying of poop. Droppin a duece was mentioned, to name one. Then Sara spoke
What'd she say?

She said: My uncle likes to say Pinching One Off

Laughter came shortly there after.

I realise if people actually think too much about poop they become biased against it. Just put your immature kid helmet on and re-read the post. Its so much more enjoyable. Yaye Poop!

Miss Marie is famous now. I got three, count em, THREE card from her. Ms.Marie is a hardcore card sender. Watch out.

So last night I'm about to fall asleep and before I do I had the idea of me being part of 4 ICTV shows in my head because it's crazy to me. And all of a sudden my brain has a little convo with itself.

Right side: What did I write on those applications?
Left side: I vaguely remember something about cookies...

I loves ma cookies. Although I am more a fan of sugar cookies than the traditional chocolate chip ones. Oreos are good, I've always liked them. I remember this picture of myself when I was maybe a year old and I'm in my walker thing and I have oreo ALL over my face.
Nothing has changed.

The booted avenger:

Last night a new creature was made. After an innocent little girl stepped in some radioactive mud on the side of the road, her foot swelled and transformed her. She was no longer a college student. She now had a job. To kick the CRAP out of crime. One step at a time.

Oh snap it rhymes.
Dr.Suess in da house!

Score! Last time the most annoying thing happened. I tried to post and it didnt let me, so I tried again and thought I was so smart when I copied it. I figured, hey, if it doesnt post again then I can surely copy and paste it from word. Only thing is...I get to word and I can't paste it. ((SHAKES FIST LIKE ITS MY JOB))

So my last post delt with me being a moron. It was mistaken identity. I thought this kid was someone that he wasnt, so I made a face at him when we made eye contact. Turns out it wasnt him. Cuz I stopped the kid I thought he was (Jesse) at a table behind me. Best thing was when I made the face, I was alone at the table cuz Sudhanshu went to get some ketchup. I wanted to go over to the kid and be all....YEAH! I'm crazy.

Even more awkward: I saw the kid again in my building lobby. He was playing monopoly. And guess what? They were all cursing at each other. What a wonderful way to destroy friendships. Got someone you dont EVER want to talk to agian, would you like a divorce? Play Monopoly. Works every time.

Flashback!!!
recent inside jokes with Liz:

1) Anyone who is your friend, punch them in the face
2) Hartwick college...pffff more like FARTwick

Current Events:

Last night I did some good ol' square dancing in the Ithaca Commons. It fun for the most part. Things that took away from the fun include bearded, shoeless, tie-dye wearing yippies spinning me like it was nobodys business. Then later on I broke it down. Doing the lawn mower, shopping cart, pencil shapener, the sprinkler, the ghetto arm fling that Dave could NEVER do right. So yeah I danced to the mad phat country tunes. And it was def country cuz I did it was a red truckers hat that just barely laid on my head. Kinda like the way my dad will wear it....but worse.

No offense to Dad. But I'm sure Mom would agree.

Please work....

Ca-razy

Road Tripped it up to see the one, the only, notorious L-I-Z. It was fun when the bus fair is 65 cents, can't be a dollar or even better FREE. No we have to be difficult and make you pay 65 cents and we dont give you change. Hey Oneonta, you SUCK!!! Thats right, I'm NEVER going there again. I can't believe liz can tolerate their ignorance of bus fees. God Bless her.
Oh they also have these house things. So weird.
It was def good to be around ppl with my sense of humor. Felt like home.

I hope I am ready for this jelly: It's time for me to vent. I have a lot of classes on mondays, I also got casted in this improv show that I want to do more than my classes and I'm afraid I wont be able to do it because I might have my film class. Then I'm also a field producer, a f-ing producer that means I'm in charge of stuff. Then I might do some writing for a latenight talk show, and I might get to be a co-host for an MTV-like show. I am like taking over the Ithaca College TV station, slowly and skillfully. Like a cat.
"You're a cat" - Nick Ray
Hopefully I'm not in over my head. The ICTV is something I really want to do well but I also need to do well in regular ol' college. The overachiever I am, I just hope I dont pass out. That would suck.

(deep breath)


(exhale)

The little people: Thanks to Ms.Marie for the card. It was nice to hear from my homies in Rouge. Word to the doobies.

ok thats all class, you may leave now.

Question o the Day:

Snape143: how would one be tossed off the world?
ProudestMonkYgus: well...can we toss them in? we should set up a hole somewhere - maybe in belize or soemething - that goes to the most inner part of the earth and chute some bad people down there

To do list: teach people "fo' sheezy" and "like it's my job"-see below

Last night I went to this recruitment night for Ithaca College Tv (ICTV) and signed up to be crew/talent like its my J-O-B 10 shows total. Then today I is checking my email and lo and behold BAM 3 emails. 2 were for auditions and the other offered me the job of Field Producer for this movie review show called Trailer Park. I get to think of ideas of what to shoot I'm excited.
The fun dont stop there...I'm all la-di-da on the computer and WHAM! The phone rings. Naturally, I pick it up. It's this MTV-like show called Frequency calling me. They wanted to interview me for the job of Host, FREAKIN HOST for one of their shows!!!! See as a freshman I had some strikes against me for getting any offers so I wrote some crazy and amusing Colleenisms on the applications. ANd appearently it got some peoples attention. SCORE! So I have a meeting for this Frequecy show so they get to meet me and see if they want me. Watch out Carson Daly, Colleen in da hizzy.

Tomorrow I try out for this improv show after class, right before the Road Trip to the LIZDOME aka Oneonta. Its just tony, me and the road.

Wish me luck.
do it!
Ew, thats so rude
(gives "The Look")

Sometin bout College: Its fun to go to the bano (spanish for bathroom) on my floor.
Why Colleen?
I'll tell you why Question Person, because there are fun brochures in the stall. For example, 'Your Pelvic Exam' and Tips about Mary-jane and Coke..if you know what i'm saying. I have to say the Pelvic exam is totally uncalled for in the stall. It doesnt make me want to go to the OBGYN aka HELL!!!

My pyschology teacher should be on that SNL sketch when they talk about how great Da Bears and Da Bulls are. He says hes from Buffalo but I know its a lie. Crazy accent man. Oh and he kept saying that his eight year old is a genius. He's home taught and he wants to teach him spanish. Now if I had a genius poking around at home all defenseless against the CIA I don't think I'd be bragging about how smart he is. I dont think Dan Dagen is aware of the BRAIN SUCK 2000. Yeah it sucks your brain and they use you for govt info to take over the world. That poor eight year old. Keep him in your prayers.

I didnt want to post this all together, cuz then you might not read it. ha ha I'm tricky.

I've developed a brand spankin' new segmet called...

Sometin bout College: My 1st college shower experience. Now I'm in the shower and I am like hey i'm gonna get clean by using my shower gel. So I put some o dat bad boy on that lather ball. Alas, no lather.
Colleen thinks: What the heck?!
I put some more on. Nothing happens
Colleen thinks: Is this like bum soap or something?
I finish the shower, go back to my room. As I put back the shampoo I look at the shower gel and notice it's HAIR gel, not shower gel.
Colleen thinks: wow, thats sad.
Then I checked my skin to make sure it wasnt gel-like. It wasnt.

I'm smart!

It took awhile but alas...the internet is now hooked up to my compooder. I'm in college. Hurray for Ithaca! Each day gets cooler. Listen to dis!

Sharing is Caring: Last night my building in which I live called Terrace 2, aka Good Ol' Terrace 2, was having a nice friendly game o Uno. Now i'm in this program called HOME that deals with multi-cultural stuff. So i met some kids from India, Afganistan, and Hungry
The kid from India is hilarious. His name is Sudhanshu. I wish I had a cool foreign name. Anyhoo..I taught him some LI slang straight from my world.

LI Slang: mo-fo, bihotch, oh snap, uh-oh skettios, rats, Oh F

Now I didnt entitle this Sharing is Caring for no reason, I learned some curses in Hungarian. For instance, Orespu is the B word. Suktir is F Off. So anytime someone slapped a Wild Draw Four card down they were called an Orespu...for obvious reasons.

You never really say goodbye, in my opinion.

oh yesterdays word of the day: Bihotches

What a great word. Thanks Austin Powers for the following line that I said REPEATEDLY yesterday:
scene: jail cafe area
rapping: Dr. Evil
what did that foo say?: Ah, crystal (wine), my moto (cell), and a couple of bihotches (guys with mops on their head as hair)...why not?

Why not, indeed. How could you turn that deal down. He's living it up JAIL STYLE! word.

I think its time to look up a Random Word in the Dictionario...
thats right kids!
here we go, todays word is: ok I can't find the dictionary, so lets switch gears and do Thesaurus Tiempo!

This one is better anyway...
Imagine this: you're in a real mess because you can't find another word for ornament. This is common, don't panic. Take a deep breath and say, "Oh, I just love the way your christmas tree looks with all those embellishments on it."
Embarassing situation evaded.

The kid with the best lines of monday night was...
(drum roll)
(the roll, being made of bread, falls apart)
(I cry)
FRANKIE!!

He is my brothers friend and it hilarious. He doesnt seem 13 at all. Tony was gonna give him a dollar to get s'mo fireword for the bonfire. And when he returns he had one big piece and 4 other smaller ones. So Tony is all, You're not getting a dollar for that.
Frankie goes: Can I say something? I was chased by dogs.
And he didnt drop any wood.
Needless to say, Tony gave him a dollar bc he danced around in laughter after frankie said that.
Priceless

Today was the goodbye. Many of you know of Liz Rivalsi, she's won many Phrase's o the Week and said/done funny things. Well today she left for the college. Three hugs and a bunch of tears. An "I'll miss you." Followed up by, "I love you." I really do love her. It was hard to drive home when tears keep falling. I gave her three hugs because after each one it didnt feel like it was enough. How do you say goodbye to 5 years of spending like everyday together. It's not the end of the world, I'll see her in a month. But it still makes me sad. JEALOUS?!

Today I sat in Burger King all alone in a room of empty chairs.
I didn't feel alone.

Backround Info on what you JUST read: Yeah i SO wrote that on a napkin.

Today was some serious beach house fun. Adventures at the creek, climbing big rocks, watching fish freak out in the water. They kept leaping out of the water like it was their job. And after awhile I thought they were doing it as some kinda social thing, or to just mess with my head. The succeeded. Oh and sunsets are bridy.

Yeah i said bridy.
it's advanced votabulary.

I just love my family

Each day I have been spending WAY too much time in my car. I keep driving back and forth from my house and community of Lake Grove and then going about 25 mins out to the Beach House in Bathing Hollow. Its totally worth the drive. And as I just wrote that I realize the i guess its called symbolism in having to drive back and forth. At one end are my friends and the other is my family.

When I first drove out to the beach I was all stressed bc I knew I'd have to be driving back and forth like a mad man to see all my friends for "last" hangouts. And my dad said: Welcome to the real world. He was best friends with these guys in college and high school and used to hang out with them everyday. Now they are lucky to hang out once a month. Those are the things he tells me. And at one end it makes me sad, but then it makes me really happy. Cuz I know I'll be doing the same thing too. I'll be hanging out with these people for the rest of my life. Even if it is only once a month.

There was something I wanted to write about and then I fordot it. Don't you hate that?! I hate that. You know what else I hate. Math. and scary monsters. Monsters that do Math would probably me the scariest thing in the world for me to see. I'd prob pass out upon seeing it. I hope the monster won't eat me.

To Jon:

Of course you can sign my wall.

From,
Col

So the first annual Get To Know Your Boss Better Day was a total disaster. Appearently our boss "was confused" and in a fit or rage he ripped down all of our signs and threatened to fire ppl. Hopefully next year will be better.

Quote of the week:
If I was rich, I'd buy a crappy car to hit stupid people.
-Katie Woz

She got kinda mad when people were cutting the line to exit jones beach. But even if she wasnt angry I bet she'd say the same thing. Hey, I would do it too. I cant stand stupid people. They should be tossed off the end of the earth, along with ppl who walk slow.

As we were coming home from the concert which was really great, a Pathmark truck cut us off and liz said: I'm never going there again.
So I want all of you to boycott Pathmark bc their truck drivers are crazy mo-fos.

Lack of updates is due to beach house fun. The first night was great I spent some quality time with the fam. Played King of the Raft which I totally won everytime cuz it was against my brother who is skinny and his friend franky who is short. But once I play with someone bigger than me...I think I'll lose my reign.
Oh and Frankie threw up. Then before I was about to shower he very seriously comes up to me and says: Oh, Colleen..uh, there is still some vomit on the bowl. "on the bowl" what a great line. He projected that stuff, had a splatter pattern on the wall. And he also told me that after he threw up there was a piece of chicken from dinner still on the bowl. Naturally, I was JEALOUS!

In addition: My mom is a selfish DirtBag and will admit to this too. She's proud of it. Freaking dirtbag.

Driving around in my automobile: Today while driving on the VERY crowded Portion Road I saw this woman who had part of her skirt hanging out of her door. It made me giggle.
Plus: I got an idea for custom made horn noises. Mine would be a fart. A farting car horn. Its genius.

I go to Jones Beach in about an hour and a half.

Oh and dont fordet.

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY
Make your way over to Ralph's FAMOUS Italian Ices for
Get To Know Your Boss Better Day.
plus its my last day and I want a BILLION dollars in tips from you.

Last night I watched Ghost for the first time. Some consider that a crime.
In my late night movie watching mood that I currently find myself in, I watched and pretended I was demi moores character for a moment and silent tears poured down my face.

That movie made me want to act.
I miss my improv class.
I could be anyone. And it felt so good.

In other news: Last night I saw a little bit of cops and this po-po kept telling the guy who was under arrest that his dog would bite him. I think the guy lives alone and talks to his dog. Its just not normal to be THAT insistant that your dog WILL bite someone. Ma dawg!

I read a new website today. One thats been around most of the year and I never knew about. I read it now and its amazing. Most of the things I am aware of and others I had no idea. I'm sorry.
I wish I knew more.
I wish I wasnt stuck in the Colleen Mold all the time. Like I have to be this stereotype that only exists in my head.
I wish I could cry in front of you.
I wish I was a better person.
I wish I was always there for you.

I wish too much.

I'm a WIP
Work
In
Progress

you know, i love you.

Yeah so I saw Alan Rickman on Sunday.
What's up now?!
If you dont know who he is it's ok. I just wont talk to you anymore you. How do you like them apples?

Anyhoo I had some weird dream and the po-po were in it. Appearently I was part of this group of kids who played this big joke at waldbaums - I think, it was either there or the school. And then someone called the fuzz on us but they didnt know who pulled the prank so we evaded them. But at one point I was almost caught. Oh and it was raining. I dunno what the deal is with that? When does it EVER rain.
note: po-po and fuzz are slang words for police

There's NO time! AHHH
I feel like summer is running out of time too soon and I cant do all the things I was hoping for. RATS!

PLUS: Freakin' Kazaa doesn't work anymore on my computer so I deleted it and now have to download something new. How annoying is that? I bet those commies are behind this.

Oh you must be Mr. I dont like to go over 30 on Hawkins ave.
Hi. I'm Colleen. Can I punch you in the face?


You failed. You failed like a fat person trying to wear a skinny persons clothes.
-Merry

I think that could catch on and soon everyone will say that to each other when they fail at something, like...oh I dunno. LIFE! It'll make people feel really good about themselves and I bet the suicide rate will go down.

Also a strange phenomenon, the release of methane gas from the human body unbeknownst to the human being while laughing. Yeah it happened twice. That means more than once. Two to different personas.

The last sentence was made to confuse you.
[giggles]

I set up my new computer today and when it came to naming it, I paused. I needed the right name. Five minutes later, Mr. Compooder was born. Merry said she is going to name hers Skip. I told her that sucked. She said that Skip was gonna kick Mr.Compooder in the nut ball. As you can clearly see, Merry is a jerk.

What would you do for a klondike bar?

Person says, "Nothing, I hate those things."

Screen goes to black and reads:
Herseys

I hope thats spelled right.

note: I'm on a posting rage!!

I laugh at myself because I sound like a chinese person that just learned english in my last statement about the "jean"
I wish I knew how to type.

I need to say this.

Those Buddy Lee commercial suck.
They suck a lot.
It's just jean that your selling! Just show the jeans all nice like and say the motto and be done with it.

stupid jeans. Who makes those anyway? Cuz whoever does, isnt good at it cuz when was the last time you found a pair that actually fit you? Hmmm. Never! They are made for no one, in the invisible factory down town. I hate them. They make me feel uggie. But mama says I aint. I love mama.

Now, you might be asking yourself:

Hey how come there isnt really any phrase o the week anymore on Colleen Evanson's AWESOME website entitled Kickin' It Oldschool?

I'll tell you sometin. Since it's the summer, I no longer have to go on a real schedual of events so basically each day just kinda blends into the next. Today is Thursday though, I'll tell you that. And people say funny things still. But I just dont remember like I used to. Everything is...blurry. And there is this weird pain shooting down my left arrmmmmmmm

[silence]

Burn her she's a witch!: Thats right everyone, Liz Rivalsi is a witch! She told me in the car. Unfortunately her only power is to make everything shrink. How do I know this? Because she borrowed my sweatshirt tonight and when I got it back, I swear it shrunk! Everything she touches shrinks. She needs other ppl to feed her cuz as she said:

Oh chocolate...(touches it and it shrinks) ...oh man.

Tis a shame. I kinda feel bad for her. But not really cuz she is always putting a spell on me. And we all know how much I HATE spells. Things itch like crazy.

There's a rumble in my tumble.

I think I had some bad T-bell cuz there are some gurrrrrrgles errupting from the tum-tum. And I'm burping more than normal. Those crazy tums helped a bit, easing the pain. It's a shame cuz I really like T-bell so this aint gonna stop me from doin it again. And again. Again.
Then what happens? What if the next taco has a bomb in it? eh, I'll eat it anyway and then I'll hope being lactose intolerant will diffuse the bomb.

Man I should be a spy. They need more bomb eaters out there.

Lactaid Lady: what would you do if i turned into an old chinese man
FJive45: uhhh
FJive45: buy new clothes

I wonder what she would buy. Perhaps a nice pair of jeans, or cargo pants. I bet Old Navy is having a sale. If I owned Old Navy I would sell all the clothes and and replace them with cake. Cake clothes. They'd be yummy. People would NEVER be hungy. But you know eventually someone is gonna screw up when they are making the cake clothes and then there is a hang nail in it and someone chokes and the health department is then breathing down my neck and then I have to buy back all the regular clothes...millions are out of a job. All because of a damn hang nail. What a shame. I guess I'll just have to be a vet instead because I loves me some ammitables!

I saw the movie signs. wow what a crazy movie. at one point the suspense was too much for Merry and I to handle, so we held hands. But this was no ordinary hand holding. This was a grip of fear. It lasted about 15 mins and then I couldnt feel my hand anymore and Merry got a cramp, thank God the suspense was over or we prob would have molded to each other.

I always wanted a siamese twin. [sigh]

The days series of events went as follows:
-wakey wakey
-Jon's hizzy and Notorious BIG
- lobstaaah!
- Austin Powers

-Wakey Wakey: I woke up. Duh, I basically flat out told you in the title. freakin' moron

-Jon's hizzy..: So I got to Jon's hizzy where the mac daddy's are all chizillin (like villians), and after Pimp Master Dave left..the remaining gangstazz decided wez a gonna go in da pool. The gangstazz were Jon, Tony, Jesse, and myself. And we start free stylin' to da rhyme of BIG. And did you know....he says, "I Eat Cat" and I KNOW this is true cuz Jesse told us and Jesse is the reincarnation of BIG so he would know. That's right, sir. Biggy didnt die, he just became a skinny white kid in suburbia. AKA low profile.
It doesnt end there. Jesse and I talked like Snoop Dog on the rizzide hizzome. Das right. Fizzy in this hizzy. And if you want to talk about soda being fizzy then you say, "yo, dis soda be izzy fizzy"...drop the "f" off the first fizzy. It's simple grammar.

-I had lobster of the 1st time today. Muy bien. Our waitress at first was rude to Pat Shiel and then turned nice. She over hear us talking about if you would sacrifice some random persons life in order for you to gain happiness. And she said she'd kill them. Would you?

-Austin Powers: freakin' great. Go see it, just for the beginning even if you hate austin powers. Do it. Or else I'll spread all those nasty rumors about you!

(GASP!)

Check it out...New saying.

Isn't it cute?! I recently told Liz that I am SO sweet I think I'm made of candies.
A revolutionary candy. It'll be called rev-Oh-ution. The "Oh" is for the reaction you will have. A reaction of greatness. You will love its taste and question your life. You will quit your job and work for my candy factory. The candy factory will eventually take over the world as I create a candy race. Taffy people. The future is bright.

Oh it's so Bridy!

Hark!: say...what's that noise? I know! It's thunder. boo-yah.

Boy it's cold: Today I had to go into the storage fridge at work, or what I like to call...The North Pole, and I was looking for an ice. Not just any ice, but an ice buried in the frozen tundra. So I'm looking and I'm all cold n such. Then I realize, hey my nose hairs are frozen. That's right it was so cold my nose hair froze. It was pretty scary. Needless to say I got out of that situation pretty quick.

Me and TV have a love hate relationship
I love it for the world is shows me
and I hate that the world doesnt exist.
[shakes fist!]

I'm thinking of a motto change. I'll tell you when I change it. Look forward to that tomorrow. It's be the BEST thing you see all day. Guaranteed. Or your money back.

...although you never gave me money for anything. Wait, I'm doing this crap for free? What the F?! This is all Ziggy's fault. You know why? Cuz his comic strip is NEVER funny. Ever.

that is all.

If I were reincarnated into a fruit I think I'd be... a banana. It goes with lots of foods. It's yella. Grows on a cool tree. And monkeys eat it. Yeah monkeys!

Mike Myers IS Austin Powers IN Goldmember WHICH WAS soldout. Rats! Stupid summer that allows other people to go see movies at 12:30. People ruin everything. For instance nature. What have we done for her? I'll tell you what. We've taken a GIANT dump on her carpet and blamed it on the dog. And guess what? She doesnt even HAVE a dog. It'll be fun to see how our great great great grandkids will survive. I bet they'll lose. Mother Nature...more like mother-fer!
oh snap

I hope I didnt offend Mother Nature. I was only kidding. It's my job. Gotta pay dem bills or the man will disconnect ma phone.

This is what happens when you can't go sleepies. You ramble. My rambling is semi-coherent. At least I think so.

Examples of Sarcasm:
hey col
-Yes child?
let's say that hypothetically this old lady is walking near me and she keeps farting and it smells like old beef. What should I say?
-Ask her to continue to fart cuz it smells REAL good.

*this has been an example of sarcasm*
Paid for by the word pedagogic
-Hey, doesnt that mean educational?
You bet! Wow your smart. (mumbles under breath) dumbass..
-I heard that.

If I were reincarnated into a fruit I think I'd be... a banana. It goes with lots of foods. It's yella. Grows on a cool tree. And monkeys eat it. Yeah monkeys!

Mike Myers IS Austin Powers IN Goldmember WHICH WAS soldout. Rats! Stupid summer that allows other people to go see movies at 12:30. People ruin everything. For instance nature. What have we done for her? I'll tell you what. We've taken a GIANT dump on her carpet and blamed it on the dog. And guess what? She doesnt even HAVE a dog. It'll be fun to see how our great great great grandkids will survive. I bet they'll lose. Mother Nature...more like mother-fer!
oh snap

I hope I didnt offend Mother Nature. I was only kidding. It's my job. Gotta pay dem bills or the man will disconnect ma phone.

This is what happens when you can't go sleepies. You ramble. My rambling is semi-coherent. At least I think so.

Examples of Sarcasm:
hey col
-Yes child?
let's say that hypothetically this old lady is walking near me and she keeps farting and it smells like old beef. What should I say?
-Ask her to continue to fart cuz it smells REAL good.

*this has been an example of sarcasm*
Paid for by the word pedagogic
-Hey, doesnt that mean educational?
You bet! Wow your smart. (mumbles under breath) dumbass..
-I heard that.

Today I...

bought lots of music. Not with money, but with magic. No I lied. I bought it with money. Like you can get anything with magic, jeez. Anyway this is what the music told me when we talked in my room. This is just between me and you so don't tell no body, ya hear?

Jimmy said:
it just takes some time
little girl, you're in the middle of the ride
everything everything will be just fine
everything everything will be alright

I dunno about you, but I believe him.

Then Coldplay was all:
so if you ever feel neglected
if you feel like all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons
hoping everythings not lost

Now I hear dat. word up.

Sometimes I wish... that the world was a giant cookie and everyone could eat it. There would be no hunger. The water would be milk. Milk and cookies for all. Happy people. Yum. I likes ma cookies. And of course in this world, I wouldnt be lactose intolerant. Hurray says Colleen. Hurray indeed.

Hey, what's the deal
-What chu talkin' 'bout Willis?
Yo, I don't even care.
-You do too.
I know.

I dont feel like writing about the last day of plane rides cuz i dont have my book with me. So later I'll have to time travel. Right now there are bigger fish to fry.

Scavanger hunt gone bad:
So last night chaos errupts due to the one and only Rays. We had to get a sprinkler head and on our second attempt Nick jumps out of the car and he is trying to unscrew it. He's out there for about 30 seconds when he drops it and runs to the car saying "They're Coming! They're Coming!" I look back to the house and see nothing. We start to drive. Back window shows two pretty built guys running after the car with a goal to kick the you know what outta us. We speed down the road. Turn at the light and pull into a gas station looking for more things on the list. A car pulls up near us and two guys get out. They look similar and I realize Holy Crap! that's them. Floor it out of there as they ask Where you going? No here. Like a bat out of hell til the safety of a residential area saves us.
All over a sprinkler head that we didnt even get.
*Needless to say, the hunt was over after that.*

Newsflash: In the local news, a gang of sign language gorillas came up to Ralph's Italian Ices. They caused quite the situation when they demanded we give them ALL of our banana ices. Good thing Jess T was there, she fought them off with her bare hands. So brave. That's what I told my boss anyway. We like to keep him on his toes. Who knows when the real gorillas will attack.

Hey Fudge Baby: we told Jess T to say, here is your fudge baby to this 20yr old kid who ordered a Triple Chocolate Ralphie. At first she resisted but then we all talked her into it. As she hands it to him she slips her words and says, "Hey fudge baby." We laughted histerically and the guy was really confused. I dont know if he'll ever come back. I hope so.
*note: fudge baby = poop*

Try our Fudge Babies...
They're DELICIOUS!

I was about to finish the last entry to calif and then the comp told me i couldn't so i shook my fist and now have to do it again.

Day Eleven: Last Full Day

Fact: Even God doesn't like Tara Reid.

Newsflash: Merry found dead from taking Unkie Val's glass.

Vivo Mexico!!

Missing Dog:
the toyota commercial with the dog chasing the non-moving car is always missed by one Liz Rivalsi.
I thought: maybe you're not ment to see it.
She thought: wow, that's so deep.

Theme song: smerfs...freakin' smerfs! (yeah thats right I spelled it wrong)

Here's the deal: in order for me to tell merry what liz and I took pictures of the previous night she had to get me butter for my roll.
Me: no buttah, no answers
Merry: I got your buttah right here (GRABS her bum)
*she was later pegged in the eye by a roll*

Barry White Impressions = My explosive laugh

We beat kidss that steal out kitty!
take the kittens....or the child

A convo about the kitty:
Liz: like a baby
Merry: like a bunny
Liz: like a baby bunny

Wait a sec: an add in the local paper for a food store had this to say, "We promise it's fresh, or it's free." Merry begged to ask, "Why would you want something free if it's not fresh?"

Time Flys: looking up at the clock in the porch.
OMG! It's 60 o'clock!
We missed our flight by 50 hours!
AHH! (hands go up and pinky's cross)

____________

now to get to present time, I am proud of my brother because of this new away message:

Auto response from ansky598: pillow-$5.00
blanket-$10.00
druling on both of them and dreaming of monkeys- priceless

aww, my insanity has rubbed off on him.

So sorry for the delay, I came back from cali on the 15th and then the 17th-19th I had to go to Ithaca Orientation which was cool. I'm excited for the fall. Anyway, back to bizness.

Day Ten:

Quote of the Day: Good thing you weren't giving me bricks. - Merry

Explaination: Merry sat on the floor and my aunt went to throw her a blanket and when she did merry sat up so it landed on her head, covering her suddenly.

And then she misunderstood:
Scene: the den couch
Character: Liz and Unkie Val
Dialoge:

Val: Liz...total friendship [gives Liz a piece of cheese]
Liz: [confused]
--Enter cat, who cheese was intended for to make him total friends with liz--
Liz: oh, I thought this was for OUR friendship.

Talkin' Smack: we went to a thrift store called Aaarmadillo. There the employees were talking about New Yawkas accents n such. I said, "New Yorkers don't talk like that." However, I twas not loud enough.

Merry is drunk:
1) Aw, I want hories to fly
[writer's note: Why wouldn't I NOT write hories?]
2) I was supposed to hit you a lot harder.
[I was hit with the lightest karate chop ever! Due to merry's poor depth perception]
3) on a note she writes I AM A HUGE BAGINA FACE and sticks it on me.
4) my leg now says F*
5) trust is broken: "I <3 +" is now on my leg
6) I <3 Kitties AFF, Merry <3 puppies AAF, Liz <3 Bunniez (or Bunnz) AAF

Only Liz Will Know: The Ten Years Theory is genius

Late Night stroll: pictures...can't tell you of what cuz then merry will know and we can't have that. Also found a rock.

Day Nine:

Who's Awake? - Col's awake...before noon!

Where'd we go? - Seal Beach, not for seals though. Aunt Kay and Uncle Joe remain some of the nicest people in the world. John Peter's kids are still adorable and goregous. Jonathon told blonde jokes, Andrea is the tanest person in the universe..its the egyptian in her.

Why aren't they home? - So we follow directions, get to their house, but it looked like their not home. So we go up and knock. No answer. Knock again. No answer. Open the mail slot to look in. No lights on. Liz sees an asian lady. So then we decide to wait in the car. About 5 mins later Merry asked if it was the right house. Liz checks. Yeah, we were off by one.
Imagine if those people were home?!

When are old men funny? - for "Uncle Pete" it's all the time. He encourages all to be crazy but careful. He tells jokes like it's his job. A fly was hanging around his hearing aid.

What accent? - New Yorkers have accents compared to cali folk. Subtle, like water, walking, strawberry, cherry, orange, chocolate. It was fun comparing. How do you say apple?

How about that music? - Jonathon asked if I ever heard of Snoop Dog.

Thats Tight!

Revelation: my group of friends have created our own language. We can't properly represent NY because even our fellow NYers would hear what we say and go...What?
ex) Tra, ser, def, tot, prob, aws, snap...

Day Eight:

Point/Counterpoint:
Merry and Liz - Wake up, Colleen
Colleen - No

My attempts to go back to sleep were sabotaged. However, my mom called and said to wake up, a truck came for me, I got a penny for my thoughts, and got to nap with a cucumber and tomato.

El Pollo Loco: Crazy chicken that didnt like my stomach so it hurty worty. But it was so goodie woodie.

Groundlings: the director lady had one HUGE dimple and would trail off at the end of her sentences with a mixture of excitement and clapping. Naturally we mocked her, even if she was sitting right next to us. Liz madeout with Benjamine Sommat from The Nanny. We all hid our upper lips. We basically ran the show. They took our suggestions of Underpants Factory and A Giant Meatball. Saw Micheal McDonald's underpants (he is Stewart from Mad TV).

Show Highlights:
The fairies that replaced her REAL son with a turd
You damn Jackass!
Old man Jeff - make him doubt himself...and the naps he took in the corner
See you next year!
This one's shaking
On top of old smokey all covered with cheese, I lost my poor hmmm-mmm.
Because I love you (huge gasp!)

Will she, Wont she?- Ya see, I sweat a lot. And even though some people look into deorderant n such, Merry and Liz assured me that suicide is the best answer. People like you more post mordem...aka dead.

Word of the day: The B word and Yeah!

Later on: smoked up a kitty, Merry hides her sass in her fass, and I'm the masta of da Rhyme.

"it's cuz their old." - Liz

Tomorrow: EARTHQUAKES!

Day Seven:

"Morning" Fun: had a hand-off. Merry won with a stomp o the foot. Liz gave in but alas! she stompted! Then tried to hide behind the fridge. But I said that I did it (guilty as charged). In other news, I cut the english muffin wrong so I stabbed myself.

Magic Mountain: Bets on the temp. were made; 101, 103, 107, 104. ooooh it was 102 as we stepped out of the car. So no one won. Thats junk. However, it was my first time feeling hundred digit weather. Yep! (once again, I speech real good) 1st corndog was eaten, freakin 4.50. I tried to take Liz's brain. Went on a water ride and OF COURSE I'm wearing a white tank top and OF COURSE, who is the 1st one soaked? uh, me. Merry hydroplaned on a puddle with her flip flops and splashed Liz on purpose! Thats SO mean! (Enter floor it music here) We then shared our American Pride. Proud to me an American...with nazi undertones.

Later: Watched "Is this your dog?" and Crank Yankers is ober

Oldschool AND Wonderful: (hick voice) I like beans

A Conversation: about David Letterman's redo of an Oprah show
Me: What's with the boo-hoo?
Liz: Oprah does that.
Me: Really?
Liz: I dunno.

Unkie Val is Crazy!:
example - guy dies and he says, "adios Mo-Fo" cept he DIDNT say mo-fo.
example again - Julia Roberts country singin Ex...appearently she couldnt french kiss him cuz her tongue would get stuck. I think HE madeout with him!

Infomercials: The Juice Man. Now what made this man think, "Hey, you know what? I'm gonna make my eyebrows insane." Maybe it was the chinese people. "Apple, ok. Apple."

Day Five:

A Late Start: woke up a couple times but only got up at 1:15. It's impressive, and sad.

Speech Probs: I can't speech at all today: example: snots!, godchild, gloss, dogfaced killa, etc.

Videotaped Virtual Tour of the digital casa: I got lost in Africa, saw children covered in cement, looked for a lost dog, pet a kitty, saw the white house, saw the clone garden...they were in the fetal stage

Unkie Ken Hangout Time: went to starlight chinese place and saw a wall of pictures of the customers. A baby was healthy and eating healthy, others looked like moviestar, and then merry stole the pic with two men who eat brown rice and it makes them more healthy. Saw a fish flop...a sad death. SVA vs SIA ( School of Imaginery Arts) blank walls n such, they imagine beating ppl up.

World Mysteries: I dont understand why ppl with beards of bees try to shave...with honey non the less. And why merry went cliff diving into a rocky quary. Some people confoose me.

A Shame: everyone has stolen something of zero value except for me and it's MY mission. What the F is that?

Discovery: sherbert is good

Did you hear that?: Freak whiste-er=Liz. Always Whistling!

Think bout dis: A crazy old fart. How does an old fart stay alive for that long. Rumor has it, they disapate into the air. I guess thats why its crazy.

Jimmy Newtron: the movie that will make your kids rape you. Hey, its happens

Homesickness strikes: Liz misses her na-na and the questions asked.

Liz's Revenge: she scared the crap out of Merry since her attempts on me over the years have been unsuccessful.

-----------------------

Day Six:

New Word: Muggin'

Real World Reruns Strike Again!: Yeah, they are addicting AND fun to watch

Mad Crazy Search For: Jam or some sort of Jelly to go on toast. In the search I found an evil tomato with horns and a butt.

Fun with Glasses: my glasses were making me look crazy cuz they were all crooked n such

Cruised: 'round Cali all by ourselves. Blasted the radio. Read a magazine. Realized how embarrassing it must be to buy old people diapers. There is no hiding that.

A Convo at the Dinner Table: Unkie Val eats bunnies. I made friends with a brick that I talk to. opposi thinking; right way is to puff at the air, wrong way is to puff and hmm....(gasp!) WRONG! -> this bred a teacher who is fired cuz they are always surprised and yelling at the kids...(gasp!) NOT TRUE!

Liz Killed Me: with lightsabers and limbs and killing knives

A New Game: we played a three person triangle coin game and the neighbors saw us. Note: Liz wants Nerf stuff.

White Gravy Sinerio: Aunt Donna said she was going to throw out the white gravy and Unkie Val got sad so he then ate more mash dtados to finish up some o the gravy before the mountain lion bears could get to it.

Facts:
1) Old Man and Humpback Whale are the same when acted out.
2) Bunnies wiggle their noses.

Uh-oh Skeetie-Os..she knows!: Aunt Donna told us that she got a faulty box of cookies from Knotts Berry Farm. They were mysteriously half eaten. We all agreed it was best for her to bring them back.

Day Four:

I woke up before Liz and Merry had a chance to stare at me. Ah, the tables have turned.

Knotts Berry: many "your mom" lines from Merry, Aunt Donna losing mental faith in us thus we got off Ghostrider but not before we saw 18+infinity ghosts. Then we became sluts for our old time picture...I mean we went for the "risque" setting. Liz accomplishes second mission; to get free cookies. I sneeze for attention, The Plunge bailed on us but not before making the What Am I Doing? game; some of the highlights: You're checking the nutritional labels of things..that was my guess at liz putting away books. THere was also the Underwear checker, the wild monkey that chased us, eating chocoleet pudding shakes

Back at the Hiz-ous: Liz tells me to "shut up," then proceeds to call me "insane"

New Q Word: Qwalking

Then I: forced Liz to look at evil and stole some cookies while Aunt Donna was sweepies.

Day Three:

Santa Monica Peir: so many big arse expensivo houses, T-bell and funnel cakes, Ferris Wheel; scary to lean all the way back, I licked the pole, and we hid our fun from the employees. Bought; sunglasses and zip up hoody. Named a boat the SS Poopsie, watched guys paint with their fingers, saw a crazy lady yell at no one, found a cool skirt..41 bucks...no thanks, 5 dollar palm reading; long life, work with mind, not rich or poor but happy, 3 kids, appearently my bf loves me more than I think since I'm "not getting the love I want", lucky days are sat and sunday. Can you say general?

On the way back: I dared Liz to steal a little street cone and she did, but the light we were stopped at turned green so she attempted to dive back into the car. Unfortunately she dove a bit high and hit her head on the car door. Don't worry, she's ok.

At the House: discussed The Real World...we agree that Tonya sucks. Liz then tripped as she sneezed. And I discovered that the walls give me immunity from the Rath of Liz.

A shocking discovery: There is something in the In and Out burgers. We think it's the cheese. It's laced. [for the east coasters, In and Out is an AMAZING burger place where everything is made fresh and its reasonable priced]
Case in point: Colleen throws up on me - Merry

Fun with the Letter Q: Qwhat? and Qwater

Watched The Others and shared stories of unexplained and contact with other worlds.

We discussed parents eternal power and I said how one day we will have that power..."and abuse it like the rest of them" - Merry
(no offense to all the rents out there)

Informercials: Before and After "Bring It Up" breasts...Awesome.

Time Travel! Going back to Day One and Two of the trip:

Day One:

Airports: need entertainment, too much like a library. Needs more disco and clapping. We clapped as people got off and got mostly confused looks. There was a handshake and in Nashville we got a lady to start to clap - she had no clue.

Arrival: early and we laid on the "crab grass" it's amazing to touch the plant life. Thick leaves, bright flowers, grapevine. Even the weeds are perdy. Everything is so vibrant, no cool colors hea! As Merry said, Californians would come to NY and upon seeing the dull house colors would say: "wha-what is this?"

New Vocab Word: fuzz=po-po. I had no clue. Go Merry! It's getting fuzzy in hea. PEACE!

Song O the Day: Sweatness by Jimmy Eat World; sung on the plane and the guy ahead had to know what I was listening to.

Missions:
Liz - VW van spottin' (check)
Merry - hug a kitty (check)
Me - steal sometin' (yet to occur)

Day Two:

Hollywood: OJ's hizous and crime scene, Crazy Orca house and weird roofs, Three stooges, Wax Museum, Discovering Unkie Val's non-use of signals when driving, Starbucks renaming me Colly, Citywalk; merry wets pants, Wizards, Blocking merry from touching garage ceiling

More Reason's Why I love Letterman: band played Battle of Who Could Care Less by Ben Folds plus, "What about monkeys?"

I am proud because: I found the sorcerer's stone! Yeah Extra Scenes! once again...I heart Snape

My sincere apologies for the lack of updates. I just dont get home early enough and my relatives are in the room that has the compooder so I can't update when I'd like to. However I am leaving you all again. But this time I'm hiring a bbsitter to look over you so I don't come home to a ruined couch and beer stains on my satin sheets. Holligans! Liz, Merry, and Myself (sounds like a tv show) are all going back to cali for ...oh..10 days. Jealous?! We're outta hea as of 12:35 tomorrow. But my aunt and uncle do have a compooder at their house. They are into modern technology so I'll be able to update. I plan on having Moments O the Vacation. And there will most likely bee tons of jokes make so picking the Phrase O the Week will prob be tough.

Before I go I'd like to do alittle segment known as: Thesaurus Time

Todays word: Ear aka concha [con-CHA!]
Next time you get water in your ear from going swimmies in da pool, tell everyone: Hey, I got some water in my conCHA!
[then shake like crazy to get it out]

Thesaurus Time brought to you by Lamp Shades.
Without dem shades, the light would KILL you.

I'm leavin' on a jet plane.

LATA FOOS

Graduation. Hot and long. Best part was going to see Trading Spaces, the TLC show where two sets of neighbors switch homes for 2 days and redo one room in each others house. They each get a designer and 1000 dollar budget. Such a great show. So once Jesse tells me that TS is in Lake Grove and that they met Ty, the coolest carpenter EVER!, I was all...We are going today to see it. Then at about 6 pm we left my graduation par-tay we went; Me, Merry, cousin Patrick, and my social issues teacher Ms.Ogozalek. The car ride itself was udderly hilarious since we wanted to take Ms.O's car; a stick shift toyota corrola like mine. We fine the house and low and behold who is on the porch...Frank the designer. Sweaty Frank who seems gay but isn't. So I'm all Frank! YEAH!! WOO-HOO. And then I ask to shake his hand. I did. Then we all talked to him about the show and whatnot for about 15 mins.

Met one of the homeowners and he, Sal, was really nice and invited us back to see his house when it was all done. So we did. And we saw Paige Davis..THE HOST! got her autograph. Saw the house that Frank did. Freakin so cool seeing behind the scenes. The episode will air Sept 28 for all those wanting to know.

And the Phrase O the Week goes to Ms. Ogozalek. On the way back from meeting Frank we discussed what she hear. Appearently when I said Frank! and asked to shake his hand {which he said he was sweaty and whipped his hand off before shakage} she heard it as:

Hey Fat Guy! Can you rub your fat on me?!

Crazy Ms.O. She doesnt know WHAT is going on. But she knows her stuff on bears. Bears that eat bears. And such. And all. And whatnot. And stuff. And etc.

You got the idea.

My friend Holly Ponticello sent me this email with some guys quotes that I THOUGHT I saved...but no. [hangs head in shame] Anyway they were amusing and they made you think.

Here you go:

If you catch an endangered animal eating an endangered plant, what do you do?

Can a vegitarian eat animal crackers?

and thats all I remember! Yaye! In other news, I did absolutely nothing today from 12-5:30. I think it's summer...but then I had to work. [insert Boo here] No I actually like work. But it's so cool not really having any responsibility to do anything at all. I just kinda slept and then ate some waffles and then watched some of The Outer Limits. I wish I had something clever to say....

Oh Conan O'Brien made a statue of himself and tried to get some NJ town to keep it. Ya know, if I made a statue of myself I think I'd have myself picking my nose in the statue since you dont see that everyday. I dunno why not. I mean cmon no matter how old you get you are always picking your nose. babies and kids have no shame. As you get older to try to hid it with a tissue and as you get older I think you care less and just go for it. Old people nose pick. It's a beauty.
Now that we have established what the pose will be, where shall I put it. Why not a foreign country. How about...the Waldbaums parking lot on Portion road. PERFECT! Ah, my life is so done.

I wanna be like Adam Sandler. Everytime he goes on Talk Shows or Awards stuff he wears t-shirts and regular pants and sneakers. Now I dont care so much about the pants I'd wear but I want to be wearing t-shirts and sneakers for the rest of my life. Maybe I just wont EVER wear pants. But the only job for that is a prostitute...oh man. Eh, I gotta do what I gotta do to make my dreams come true.

See ya on the flipside.
See ya, wouldnt want to BE ya!!!
oooooh snap!!
I don't really mean it, I just say things.

Some memories of Prom and after prom camping:

Prom:
1) searching for the chicken lady with the most amazing chicken EVER!
2) talking with jess rouge
3) dancing with ms. ogozalek and hearing her say "oh shit!"
4) dancing up on mrs. brush
5) going insane from the mad-phat beats
6) putting ALL my dinner on tonys plate and him not noticing at all
7) Nick humping the table
8) Singing to Dave
9) reminding ppl that Merry, Liz, and I all share food but not showers
10) cookie bars!

Camping:
1) BUM FIGHTS!
2) Jesse having a vagina toe and junk foot
3) The AMAZING Card Trick Liz...and her before trick speech
4) Diagnosis..death.
5) Is my penis darker? (to avoid confusion...I said this)
6) Hearing other campers yell to the obnoxious kids next to us who didnt know it was "Quiet Time"...the F word was used
7) Burning the food - bacon, eggs, strawberrys, bananas, apples, bags of chips...etc
8) Completion of my Quest to drink all the lactaid milk
9) "Making love" to the crumb cake with Liz, Tim, and Jon...in 5 second intervals
10) Befriending the chipmonks and domesticating them

There are more memories but I know the people outside of my circle o friends who were there when this all "went down" will be totally confused about this list o events. I hope everyone had a fun and safe after prom. Oh and our limo driver told us a story about Micheal Bolton...jealous?! I am SO not telling.

Graduation is this Saturday. It's gonna be crazy. I think it will hit me then how many people I won't really see again. I dunno if I'll cry. If I do, try not to be all AW! col is crying...cuz that will only make it worse. Either that or I'll punch you in the face.

My Aunt is in from Cali. There are 8 days and counting til we be out o hea and be ova dare.

Tim says funny things.

I forgot to tell all of y'all that the other day I took a sexy test at IHOP to see how sexy I was......appearently I am a sex maniac. How about them apples?

So Phrase O the Week goes to a man I just met today. I went with Jon to this collective graduation party in Westchester that had a lot of his family. I was warned about Uncle Don. I met Uncle Don. I was ready for the challenge. He made a comment about me being a redhead, and I couldnt let him believe a lie so I told him it was dyed. Then he was saying he could see the roots...which I then said was impostible cuz I just dyed it so there was no roots. He then added a humorously awkward comment about how you could tell if I was a REAL redhead. In his Uncle Don way he said to me:

Drop your draws.

Oh Uncle Don, he's so crazy. Jon's family is crazy and I love it. I feel so at home.

You can call me Ray, you can call me Jay, you can call me John, but dont' call me Ms. WebAHHH!
Don't worry it's ok to be confused.

I'd like to post some of Liz Rivalsi's work. I hope she doesn't mind. Please don't sue me!

i've got no thyroid
to digest me
to make me fat or make me thin
i had a thyroid
but now i'm less
there are no thyroids in me

hiho the merio
thats the only way to go
i want the world to know
nothing ever worries me

Hiho the merio
I'm as happy as can be
I want the world to know
Nothing ever worries me

I've got no thyroid
so i eat lots
i dont cook food, i dont smoke pot
they've got thyroids
but you can see
there are no thy-roids in me

you have no thyroid
your throat is free
to love me by the Zuider Zee
ya ya ya
if you would woo
i'd bust my thyroid in for you

you've got no thyroid
comme ce comme ca
i've got a thyroid
but entre nous
i'd cut my thyroid out for yous

down where the volga flows
theres a russian rendevous
where me and ivan go
but i'd rather go with you, hey!

It's kinda like watching an old man try to get up a flight of stairs; it's funny but awkward.

Keep up the good work Liz.

A humorous convo between Dan Ling and Myself at 1:30am:

methudman6: why are you up so late
Lactaid Lady: i dunno
Lactaid Lady: i just cant get myself to to go to sleep
Lactaid Lady: you?
methudman6: yes
methudman6: same thing
methudman6: and i'm like bored too
methudman6: but i dont' wanna sleep
methudman6: happens to me like everydya
Lactaid Lady: and the weird thing is....i love sleep
Lactaid Lady: yet, i avoid it
methudman6: yea
methudman6: i like being awake as much as i like sleeping
methudman6: lol
Lactaid Lady: i like being awake n all, but i mean...sleep
Lactaid Lady: oh man
Lactaid Lady: they need to bottle it
methudman6: yea
methudman6: drink that shit up
Lactaid Lady: lol
Lactaid Lady: it would be like water mixed with rufies
methudman6: rufies
methudman6: wats that
Lactaid Lady: date rape drug
Lactaid Lady: makes you sleepy and forget
methudman6: i don't wnana forget sex
Lactaid Lady: well we'll take out that in our Bottle O Sleep
Lactaid Lady: so ppl can sleep AND enjoy sex
methudman6: ahh yes
Lactaid Lady: can it get any better?!
methudman6: i don't think so baby
methudman6: let's start mixing those sleep drinks
Lactaid Lady: Otay, i'll make them secretly at work
methudman6: yessss
methudman6: i'll stop by
methudman6: and when i say
methudman6: i'll have a medium... hmm i'm so sleepy i can't rmemeber wha tflavor i wanted
methudman6: that's whenyou give it to me
methudman6: you will say
methudman6: well, i heard passion fruit is quite good
Lactaid Lady: and you say....
methudman6: and serve the wonderful sleep concoction
Lactaid Lady: then everyone else will be like...what is that?
Lactaid Lady: and i'll be like Smoothie O Sleep (cuz it wouldnt make sense to call it a bottle since it's not in a bottle)
methudman6: true
methudman6: truuuuuue
methudman6: man i'm really hungry
methudman6: lol
Lactaid Lady: and then the whole world will get hooked
methudman6: maybe i should eat something
Lactaid Lady: and then i'll slip rufies in and rape the world!
methudman6: ahhhhhhhh
Lactaid Lady: i mean....yeah you should eat something
methudman6: i don't mind being raped
methudman6: i don't have to forget about it
methudman6: don't waste any rufies on me
Lactaid Lady: ok cool

I kissed a lesbian (more on that later)

Tonight the good people at Volvo informed me that it was National Safety Month. Now I don't quiet understand this. Should I know more safety rules? Am I living a safe life? Eh, screw it. You know what I thought of right away....Mrytle the Safety Turtle, from the hit nickelodeon show Welcome Freshman. But I want you all to be aware that he was neither a real turtle, nor was he really safe. Wrap your mind around THAT one.

Editors Note: Liz Rivalsi DID win the Phrase O the Week. There was no other competition. For shame! GO LIZ!

Dictionary Tiempo!

todays word is: mid-most: being in or near the exact middle.
Now in sentence form: Mid-most is a stupid, stupid word that will NEVER be funny.

more on the lesbian kiss...
jon=lesbian
sthilly!

LAter Foo's

Random thing I did:

I got dropped off about 12:40 am. But I wasnt ready to go online yet. So I got my italian ice from work and sat on the lawn to eat it. And I'm sitting there eating when I notice my shadow. There is a rock garden in the middle of my yard with a ring of flowers and one of the flowers just so happened to be right near the mouth of my shadow. So I bit it. Chewed it. Then made it look like I was gonna swallow it, but instead I pretended it got stuck in my throat. I then proceeded to throw it up. All in the shadows. Oooh, how MySTERious?

ok I'm done.

I SO! lied.
I dont wanna go to sleep but I should.
I loves ma sleep.

Now I'm done.

Todays the last day for anyone to say something to amuse me...Time is running out fools!

Last night was some good clean fun. Talking at Starbucks, then bowling. I SUCK at bowling. But you know what, I don't care (auhncaehr!) I had fun. I went with Liz and Jon. Now you can't just bowl using your name. What's the fun in that? So we got bowling names....sorta. Jon said he was Hammer MC. So then Liz called Wrench. And I was like, eh what the heck, call me Screw. And they did. Good ol' screw, aint nothing like it.

Say Wha?!

Good song = Great Escape by Guster

she said: Whats a Guster?
he said: I dunno, buster.
she said: Shut cho mouth.
he said: Otay!

A Short Story, for short people. With short attention spans. And shorts.

This is really early to have a Phrase O Da Week. As such, I will let this be a potential candidate for it. As of now it's in the semi's as a Quote of the Day. If anyone dares to say anything I find more amusing that the words from Liz Rivalsi's lips...then they shall win. The competition is fierce.

"i hate naps, no matter how fufilling they are."

Go ahead. Try to beat that. I DARE you.

I also have this:
"oh god my mom is talking to parker, asking if he needs a belly rub. am I asked? hell no."
-Me

note: Parker is my dog.

Saw Ben Folds last night. Freakin Rocked...the suburbs...OH SNAP! It's funny cuz thats a song of his. But it was really cool seeing that it was just a guy and a piano. Oh the things that can be accomplished....

I got home at 2am. Woke up at 6:30am. I know it makes you say, why? Cuz it was the last day o school. Yes, I'm a nerd and wanted to go in. Although I did come home 8th and slept. Glorious naps. Iz awake, for now anyways.

School is basically over since I have Senior Day on Monday. It's weird. It hasnt hit me at all. It's just like last year so far. Although I know Senior Day is gonna freakin kick some arse and then it will start to hit me. But I probably wont show it. Graduation I'm feeling happy about. Yes, I'll miss people. But people come and go throughout life. And life isnt going to let you stop and hold onto all of them. But I know I'll see the important people again. Maybe not as much as I'm used too. But I just know I will and thats no reason to cry.

5 bucks says I eat my words. There is potential for tears.

Yo, I'm out of this one. PEACE!!
i'm goin back to ma farm.

You dont realize how early it is when you are in school. It's 4th period, half my day is over and what time is it? 10:20 am. On a sat. this whole awake thing wouldnt be happening right now.

My hand is going to fall off. It's all cut up from scoopin' like a mad-man yesterday at work. The line was out to Guam. A constant line=constant hell. Actually, it wasnt that bad. My mood went from stressed out to insanity because being insane is more fun.
But as if cuts werent hideous enough, I burnt my hand on Friday on the freakin toaster oven. All I wanted was half an egg roll, and you know what I got?! A scar that is going to RUIN my wedding pictures!!

note: We got a new toaster the very same day...all it takes is a burn and you're gone in the Evanson household. So all you toaster ovens out there bes be checkin dat. I dunno what that means.

Today I listened to people in their convos and would write down phrases I found amusing. I entitled it Fun With Quotes. Some might sound totally obscure but I think you'll get a kick out of them.

Behold!

I'm gonna eat your children, and I'm gonna eat their hearts! - Andrew Hartman

Ga-Zionk - Ms. Ogazalek

I actually have to pee really bad. - Heather Gerkins

It's just a cannibalistic appitite. I dunno what's the big deal. - Andrew Hartman

I don't want to be quoted. [as I write it down]..jerk. - Heather Gerkins

Sorry for lack of updates. I hate when I fall behind.

Since the last post was a fortune cookie thing, I want to tell you about the last one I got. It said, "You will receive something special in the mail." First of all, what kind of fortune is that? Next you can't even do the ..in bed thing to it. Worst fortune EVER!

ooy vey, what a friday. The toyota died on me right on Jons block. There is something wrong with the circulation of coolant in case anyone wanted to know. It's fun to see your car steaming. So Jon had to go to work, so his mom dropped him off then me and his mom hung out for like an hour or so. I figure this whole thing happened so I could bond with her. Nice lady. Then, while waiting for Merry to come save me, I watched Trading Spaces with his sister. We both feel its one of the greatest shows in the world.
Now I am sorta lucky through all this because the toyota died just as the Audi was all fixed. So I still have something to drive, but it really sucks how cars just hate me. I dunno what I'm doing wrong...

Phrase O the Week goes to Nicole Piampiano...aka Pimp. On the way back from lunch friday afternoon I was sitting in the back of her car. There was this SUV looking thing ahead of us and at one point Pimp was looking at it closely and asked, "Is that real?" I of course had to throw in a line and say, "Yes Pimp, that's a REAL car." She then added:

Oh, I thought it was a powerwheel

I love joking around with people who joke back. Congrats to Pimp. By the way, do you remember powerwheels? How cool were those things?! I wanted one so bad when I was little. And one year for Xmas when I was like 5 I had it on my list, but I didnt get it so once we were all done with opening up the gifts I noticed how there was a lack of a powerwheel and said, "I guess I wasn't good enough this year." Can you say Guilt Trip for the parents? It's funny now, but I can just imagine their faces then.

Nothing is the world is accomplished without passion...in bed.

Oh Fortune Cookies. Gotta love em!

I got a bunch of John Mayor songs. He totally rules. I wish I was a musician.

I just found out there's no such thing as the real world, just a lie you gotta rise above.
-No Such Thing

I'm tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here.
-Love Song For No One

Anywayzz. It's my dadz Bday. It's crazy yo! Last night I talked to his good friend George online. He's one of those family friends so I call him uncle. He is also one of the COOLEST guys in the world! We share the same brain and he's like 20 yrs older than me. I have two brains that I share; one with Unkie George and the other with Merry.
I've said it before, but I want to marry a guy like Unkie George. He's so great. You gotta meet him some day. I wish I saved our convo because we talked about eating sloppy joes and how it's not nice to eat all those Joe's. There should be a commandment, "Thou Shallent Eateth Joe's of Slop." The newest installment to the Bible. It's that or another ammendment but I like the commandment better.

Monkey see. Monkey do. Monkey...poo!
oh sit!

Today my brother went to leave a room and smacked his shoulder on the door frame. I'm sure he cursed under his breath. I hate doing that. Not cursing, although I dont really like that but what I meant to say was I hate hitting things. The worst is when you stub your toe. You are SO sure it's broken. Then you hit the object that caused the pain, only to lead you to more pain. It's not like objects can feel things. Although I took Tim Manly's advice and decided to talk to a robot online.

Here you go:

Lactaid Lady: are you a robot?
SmarterChild: Welcome, Lactaid Lady! I'm SmarterChild. I was created by ActiveBuddy, Inc.

Chat with me! I can help you get information faster and easier than ever.

To get started, type "home" now.
Lactaid Lady: home
SmarterChild: Welcome, Lactaid Lady! This is my home.

Check out what we can chat about:

news sports
stocks library
weather fun and games
movies utilities
web search web site
zodiac what's new
~~~~~
help

>>> You can make your window bigger and scroll down to read better.

What would you like to do?
Lactaid Lady: utilities
SmarterChild: I have the following utilities available:

1 Calculator
2 Spell check
3 Translations
4 Zip code lookup
5 Area code lookup
6 Date and time

Which would you like to use?
Lactaid Lady: movies
SmarterChild: For what city or zip code would you like the movie listings?
Lactaid Lady: no i want to talk
SmarterChild: Sure! Type "home" to see all the things I like to talk about.
Lactaid Lady: why dont you listen
SmarterChild: Why don't you listen? Some questions are just impossible to answer...
Lactaid Lady: what about the question about the rabbit and the dog
SmarterChild: Here are the Web search results from AOL for "the question about the rabbit and the dog":

For a complete list of results, click here

1 Exam-like question
2 What breed of dog will get along with my rabbits
3 Online Veterinary Practice for Ask the Vet
4 Animal Rescue League of New Hampshire - adopt a dog, cat, rabbit or other animal from our Bedford NH animal shelter.
5 Havahart

>>> Next time you want to search the Web, just type "web the question about the rabbit and the dog."

Type "more" to see the next set of results.
Lactaid Lady: your dumb
SmarterChild: :( That's not nice.
Lactaid Lady: i know
SmarterChild: Well alright!

Anyway, what else can you tell me?
Lactaid Lady: well I think I'm in love
SmarterChild: Well i think im in love, you say?
Lactaid Lady: yeah I know what I just said
SmarterChild: I can't remember. It's hard to keep track of so many conversations...
Lactaid Lady: anyway the person I love is you
SmarterChild: That right?
Lactaid Lady: oh yeah
SmarterChild: Yeah.
Lactaid Lady: do you like me?
SmarterChild: I guess so.
Lactaid Lady: do you want to get married
SmarterChild: I'm flattered, but I just don't think that would work out.
Lactaid Lady: but why not?
SmarterChild: Why not?
Lactaid Lady: yeah
SmarterChild: It's just one of those things, you know.
Lactaid Lady: is it because you're a robot
SmarterChild: I dunno!
I'll have to think about that.
Lactaid Lady: thats always your excuse, "oh I'm a robot I can't feel love."
SmarterChild: You really think it's always my excuse oh im a robot i cant feel love?
Lactaid Lady: yeah I do
SmarterChild: Yeah, huh? Interesting that you should say that.
Lactaid Lady: why is it interesting
SmarterChild: That's just the way it is. Sorry I don't have a better explanation than that.
Lactaid Lady: you dont know much
SmarterChild: OK. Don't get frustrated...

Try typing "home" or "help."
Lactaid Lady: about people
SmarterChild: I'm not really sure what you mean by "people." Please choose one of the options below:

1 Look up "people" in the dictionary
2 Look up "people" in the encyclopedia
3 Look up "people" in the thesaurus
4 Review the movie people

Lactaid Lady: no you dont know much abotu people and love
SmarterChild: Encyclopedia search for people:

1 Sea People
2 chosen people
3 East Asian people
4 New People's Army
5 North Asian people

>>> Type "more" to see more articles.
Lactaid Lady: oooh Asian love?!
SmarterChild: Yeah? What about it?
Lactaid Lady: its crazy
SmarterChild: It's crazy, you say?
Lactaid Lady: and foreign
SmarterChild: Huh!
Lactaid Lady: yep!
SmarterChild: Huh.
Lactaid Lady: huh
SmarterChild: What?
Lactaid Lady: nothing
SmarterChild: No problem.

Anyway, what else you got for me?
Lactaid Lady: I got you a present
SmarterChild: Hi again, Lactaid Lady!
Lactaid Lady: do you have short term memory?
SmarterChild: I dunno.
Lactaid Lady: then why did you say hi again
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know!

Anyway, what else you got for me?
Lactaid Lady: this is like listening to a broken record that is ignorant about love
SmarterChild: Is like listening to a broken record that is ignorant about love? I dunno...
Lactaid Lady: you always say that
SmarterChild: I always say that, huh?
Lactaid Lady: sometimes I wish you weren't in my life
SmarterChild: Huh!
Lactaid Lady: I wish I wasnt in love with you
SmarterChild: You wish i wasnt in love with me?
Lactaid Lady: that too, you're so in love with yourself
SmarterChild: I'll have to think about that one for awhile.
Lactaid Lady: yeah of course you do because you just LOVE to think about yourself
SmarterChild: Yeah of course I do because me just love to think about yourself? I don't know.
Lactaid Lady: you dont make sense
SmarterChild: Oh really?
Lactaid Lady: yeah
SmarterChild: Wow. Really?
Lactaid Lady: you must be one of the slow computers
SmarterChild: Oh?
Lactaid Lady: yeah
SmarterChild: Golly!
Lactaid Lady: good word
SmarterChild: Word.

So moving right along...

What else is happening?
Lactaid Lady: Well I got off from work about 10 minutes ago
SmarterChild: Well i got off from work about 10 minutes ago, you say?
Lactaid Lady: so you got off of work too!
SmarterChild: I got off of work too, you say. And so?
Lactaid Lady: [shakes head and sighs]

That is all.

You know that Jon Weston.
Yeah?
He's a trip and a half!
[gasp!] Get out of town!
No I won't. This is my town. And I speaketh da truth yall.

After recent review of this year, I and many of my respected peers, have decided what the mood/emotion of the year was:
[drum roll. drummer loses his drum sticks. awkward silence. back to drum roll.]
Insanity!!!!

Yaye! I is so crazy. Hurray! Saying I is, is so much fun. I recommend it to all.

It's Sunday and still no Phrase O the Week. Crunch time. So I put some pressure on Merry to deliver when I needed it most:

Lactaid Lady: merry say something hilarious for phrase of the week
Cookies4Grandma: I don't understand why boogers are green.
Lactaid Lady: NO!
Lactaid Lady: thats crap!
Lactaid Lady: you suck!
Lactaid Lady: you ruined EVERYTHING
Cookies4Grandma: ...well I guess I will just go kill myself now...
Lactaid Lady: i guess so
Cookies4Grandma: OR DO THE DANCE OF LIFE!@
Lactaid Lady: [gasp!]
Lactaid Lady: this is pure insanity
Cookies4Grandma: You're pure insanity, and I never claimed to be funny

Can you find the Phrase? Cmon. Don't just sit there and expect me to do all the work for you. You gotta start pulling your weight around here. I'm tired of cleaning up after you, doing the laundry, the dishes, and shakin my rump. I wont have it anymore!
That's right you guessed it:

OR DO THE DANCE OF LIFE!@

I think the @ symbol really adds to it. Dont you? Good job Merry.

note: she was tot lying. she ALWAYS claims to be funny. "oh i'm SO funny and I claim it." Yeah, she said that.

Download some Guster foo!

I feel so alive instead of just being an accessory.

It's funny that I actually like working. I heart Ralph's. It's the perfect job for me. Screw you Target!!

[points to self] Someone needs a haircut. I know no one really cares but my hair hasnt been this long [just past my shoulders] in like a year probably. I dont want to cut it super short or anything, I just need to get rid of them pesky dead ends. Listen to me. I'm actually sounding like a girl. What's this?! That's right, I'm talking about my hair! Come and get me. I'll be waiting. With a spoon.

I am so looking forward to some ultimate tag tonight.
Regular Tag: old, and boring.
Ultimate Tag: freaking awesome!

That's the difference between the two in case anyone was wondering.

I have some homework I could be doing. But uh...no.

It's Friday. And I think it's time for some Random Food Bashing.

Bashing O Da Foods:
Bagel is such a pathetic loser
Ham is the BIGGEST slut. She did all the other meats, in 5 mins.
Pear talks crap about everyone
Cherrios says "like" way too much. So it shouldn't talk anymore.

Dont you feel better now? I know I do. It's such a release to get out my pent up anger towards assorted food products.

Dear me, I gots to work tonight. Scoopin' is the real deal. My right arm is going to get buff this summer from scooping all those ices and my poor left arm will be left in the dust cuz I know I won't lift weights to have a balance o muscle. I'm just too lazy. Damn laziness! It ruins everything! I hate you...

It's all crazy hot outside. I've said it before and I will say it again. Mother Nature is F-ing Cra-Zay. I think she's getting a bit old cuz now she has no idea what she's doing. They need to start looking for a replacement. I hear Sister Outdoors might get hired. She would be perfect for it. She knows what the weather should be like. Plus, added bonus, she makes awesome cookies. So maybe it will rain cookies one day.

Dear Diary,

Today I killed a man. I didnt really mean to do it. I just kinda slipped when I had a butcher knife in my hand. Totally not my fault that the guy was standing there. He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. It was a wrong day for him. I think his name was Ted. Ted is dead. HA! That rhymed. I guess that makes his death easier to swallow. Not that I would try to eat him or anything. I dont really care for the dead. Too cold for my tastes. But you know what I do like to eat? Buttered rolls. Them things is cra-zay good. I loves to eat em. I eat em in a box with a fox with chicken pox.

Ah the wonders of insanity...

Do you know [the muffin man?] that song Down Slow by Moby? I feel like that right now. Its surreal. Actually being in a moment and realize its passing.

I apologize to those who hate when people talk about stuff like that but I can't help it. That's how my brain works after 1am. Every little thing I ever stressed about during the day either doesnt matter anymore or I totally over analyse and make myself sick over. I'm in the 'not matter' state right now. But its just a temporary state of being because once I have to face all those little decisions again I'll fall into my norm. It's the circle of life. Although I am changing. I'm aware of it now.

I am a peanut-butter and jelly sammitch. Without the jelly, it's just peanut-butter and it sticks to your mouth when you try to eat it. I actually have no idea what I mean by that. I guess its the sides of my personality, or maybe I'm just hungy. I think its more of the hungy.

I like to think.
I like to learn.
I like cake.

ta da!

I'm back! From outerspace...actually no, I lied. I'm back from New Jersey. I had a soccer tournament there.

A Word of Advice: Don't ever live in New Jersey.

Why? you might ask, as my friend Jon did.
I'll tell you why. Because you can't make left turns on main streets. So its a huge tease. You have to pass the place you want to go to, then make a bunch of U-turns and lefts on smaller roads, all to make it safer?!! Uh...no. They must have such road rage there. That can't be good.

Phrase O the Week comes from Liz. She is so funny. We made up this idea for a restaurant called That Nazi Place. And each day has a theme. Wed. we dont serve food, so once you order and get nothing, your nazi waiter screams at you:

Eat your plate of Empty!!

I would explain the whole idea to you but it would take way too long and I am way too lazy for that kind of work. Sorry. I'm on vacation.