I forgot to tell all of y'all that the other day I took a sexy test at IHOP to see how sexy I was......appearently I am a sex maniac. How about them apples?

So Phrase O the Week goes to a man I just met today. I went with Jon to this collective graduation party in Westchester that had a lot of his family. I was warned about Uncle Don. I met Uncle Don. I was ready for the challenge. He made a comment about me being a redhead, and I couldnt let him believe a lie so I told him it was dyed. Then he was saying he could see the roots...which I then said was impostible cuz I just dyed it so there was no roots. He then added a humorously awkward comment about how you could tell if I was a REAL redhead. In his Uncle Don way he said to me:

Drop your draws.

Oh Uncle Don, he's so crazy. Jon's family is crazy and I love it. I feel so at home.

You can call me Ray, you can call me Jay, you can call me John, but dont' call me Ms. WebAHHH!
Don't worry it's ok to be confused.

I'd like to post some of Liz Rivalsi's work. I hope she doesn't mind. Please don't sue me!

i've got no thyroid
to digest me
to make me fat or make me thin
i had a thyroid
but now i'm less
there are no thyroids in me

hiho the merio
thats the only way to go
i want the world to know
nothing ever worries me

Hiho the merio
I'm as happy as can be
I want the world to know
Nothing ever worries me

I've got no thyroid
so i eat lots
i dont cook food, i dont smoke pot
they've got thyroids
but you can see
there are no thy-roids in me

you have no thyroid
your throat is free
to love me by the Zuider Zee
ya ya ya
if you would woo
i'd bust my thyroid in for you

you've got no thyroid
comme ce comme ca
i've got a thyroid
but entre nous
i'd cut my thyroid out for yous

down where the volga flows
theres a russian rendevous
where me and ivan go
but i'd rather go with you, hey!

It's kinda like watching an old man try to get up a flight of stairs; it's funny but awkward.

Keep up the good work Liz.

A humorous convo between Dan Ling and Myself at 1:30am:

methudman6: why are you up so late
Lactaid Lady: i dunno
Lactaid Lady: i just cant get myself to to go to sleep
Lactaid Lady: you?
methudman6: yes
methudman6: same thing
methudman6: and i'm like bored too
methudman6: but i dont' wanna sleep
methudman6: happens to me like everydya
Lactaid Lady: and the weird thing is....i love sleep
Lactaid Lady: yet, i avoid it
methudman6: yea
methudman6: i like being awake as much as i like sleeping
methudman6: lol
Lactaid Lady: i like being awake n all, but i mean...sleep
Lactaid Lady: oh man
Lactaid Lady: they need to bottle it
methudman6: yea
methudman6: drink that shit up
Lactaid Lady: lol
Lactaid Lady: it would be like water mixed with rufies
methudman6: rufies
methudman6: wats that
Lactaid Lady: date rape drug
Lactaid Lady: makes you sleepy and forget
methudman6: i don't wnana forget sex
Lactaid Lady: well we'll take out that in our Bottle O Sleep
Lactaid Lady: so ppl can sleep AND enjoy sex
methudman6: ahh yes
Lactaid Lady: can it get any better?!
methudman6: i don't think so baby
methudman6: let's start mixing those sleep drinks
Lactaid Lady: Otay, i'll make them secretly at work
methudman6: yessss
methudman6: i'll stop by
methudman6: and when i say
methudman6: i'll have a medium... hmm i'm so sleepy i can't rmemeber wha tflavor i wanted
methudman6: that's whenyou give it to me
methudman6: you will say
methudman6: well, i heard passion fruit is quite good
Lactaid Lady: and you say....
methudman6: and serve the wonderful sleep concoction
Lactaid Lady: then everyone else will be like...what is that?
Lactaid Lady: and i'll be like Smoothie O Sleep (cuz it wouldnt make sense to call it a bottle since it's not in a bottle)
methudman6: true
methudman6: truuuuuue
methudman6: man i'm really hungry
methudman6: lol
Lactaid Lady: and then the whole world will get hooked
methudman6: maybe i should eat something
Lactaid Lady: and then i'll slip rufies in and rape the world!
methudman6: ahhhhhhhh
Lactaid Lady: i mean....yeah you should eat something
methudman6: i don't mind being raped
methudman6: i don't have to forget about it
methudman6: don't waste any rufies on me
Lactaid Lady: ok cool

I kissed a lesbian (more on that later)

Tonight the good people at Volvo informed me that it was National Safety Month. Now I don't quiet understand this. Should I know more safety rules? Am I living a safe life? Eh, screw it. You know what I thought of right away....Mrytle the Safety Turtle, from the hit nickelodeon show Welcome Freshman. But I want you all to be aware that he was neither a real turtle, nor was he really safe. Wrap your mind around THAT one.

Editors Note: Liz Rivalsi DID win the Phrase O the Week. There was no other competition. For shame! GO LIZ!

Dictionary Tiempo!

todays word is: mid-most: being in or near the exact middle.
Now in sentence form: Mid-most is a stupid, stupid word that will NEVER be funny.

more on the lesbian kiss...
jon=lesbian
sthilly!

LAter Foo's

Random thing I did:

I got dropped off about 12:40 am. But I wasnt ready to go online yet. So I got my italian ice from work and sat on the lawn to eat it. And I'm sitting there eating when I notice my shadow. There is a rock garden in the middle of my yard with a ring of flowers and one of the flowers just so happened to be right near the mouth of my shadow. So I bit it. Chewed it. Then made it look like I was gonna swallow it, but instead I pretended it got stuck in my throat. I then proceeded to throw it up. All in the shadows. Oooh, how MySTERious?

ok I'm done.

I SO! lied.
I dont wanna go to sleep but I should.
I loves ma sleep.

Now I'm done.

Todays the last day for anyone to say something to amuse me...Time is running out fools!

Last night was some good clean fun. Talking at Starbucks, then bowling. I SUCK at bowling. But you know what, I don't care (auhncaehr!) I had fun. I went with Liz and Jon. Now you can't just bowl using your name. What's the fun in that? So we got bowling names....sorta. Jon said he was Hammer MC. So then Liz called Wrench. And I was like, eh what the heck, call me Screw. And they did. Good ol' screw, aint nothing like it.

Say Wha?!

Good song = Great Escape by Guster

she said: Whats a Guster?
he said: I dunno, buster.
she said: Shut cho mouth.
he said: Otay!

A Short Story, for short people. With short attention spans. And shorts.