Dear Steve Jobs,

Though you have dazzled the tech hispters time and time again, I have a proposition for you. It's only a matter of time before people will want Apple products to be fused into their bodies but we're a long way from having an iPod inserted into our brains, the science just isn't there yet and it's kind of vain. But we definitely have the capabilities to enhance people's lives and appearance with the iPhone like touchscreens and images.

Mr. Jobs, imagine that you are walking through the park and trip over some of that pesky mother nature (rocks, tree roots, and the like), you fall and hit your face and oops your eye pops out. Either that or maybe a ninja plucks it out a la Kill Bill Vol. 2, whatevs.

Now you don't have an eye! That sucks. But you do have Apple technology and the ability to name things using "i" instead of "eye." Do you see where I'm going here?

May I present, the "iPatch." Think of the possibilities! You can choose your eye color, the ability to stare, wink, blink, etc. The eye can interact with others, following them around. Now I want to be clear, let's not make this an eye that can go into your socket, we're still going to rock the string because too many people enjoy pretending they are pirates.

I will kindly take my percentage to be paid out in a giant pool filled with money and you should give it to me because let's be honest, you're a billionaire a few times over. Don't get greedy.

Best,
C$

(I think I should submit this to Apple Customer Service and see what happens.)

Sorry for being away for awhile. My parents are in town so I feel justified in being lazy about my day to day musing. But I do want to quickly bring up a few amusing things:

1. Yesterday I was buzzed before 1PM with my parents. Thank you wine tasting! I also got to drink almond champagne mixed with chocolate dessert wine served in an edible chocolate cup. It was delish and I felt like Willy Wonka in the chocolate factory eating the dandelion cup. No umpa lumpa's were spotted - thank god.

2. I just read that the Iranian clergy claimed earthquakes were caused by promiscuous women. I just don't understand why some people of faith have to be completely insane and ignorant to any kind of science. Also, couldn't be just promiscuous people, no - just the women. Dammit whores, quit messing up the earth!

PS - I do believe you can believe in God and not be a complete a-hole. Just less likely to happen in 3rd world countries.