Tuesday, July 03, 2007

As many of you already know, I don't like spiders. The smaller ones I can handle - and by small I mean you can barely see them. Anything a half inch is out of my league of handling.

Here's my thing...Listen up spiders!

You have ALL of the outside world/wilderness to live in. You could even stay in the basement/garage/attic for all I care. Out of sight, out of mind. And I know I don't go into those rooms enough that it's a problem, but what I am def NOT ok with is rooms in houses I frequent. More specifically - the bathroom. Even more specifically the tub/shower.

I don't like you around me even when I am fully clothed so my distain grows when I am in the buff and consider myself pretty much defenseless against you - again being like a million times bigger doesn't count. You make me resort to washing you down the drain. Do I WANT to kill you? No, not really but I feel you leave me little choice. If I let you live, no doubt I'll lose tabs on you and then you could be anywhere. If I let you out, there's a chance you'll get back in. So that then leaves me with the option of calling someone else in to kill you because I don't want your murder on my conscience. I'm not a monster.

Perhaps we should call some kind of truce or write up a treaty where you agree to stay out of my house/apartment/car and in return I won't hire a henchman (aka my cousin nate/uncle val) to come kill you.

How does that sound? Can you even hear? I know you guys have a lot of eyes and legs but not sure about the ears part. Anyway I'm going to assume you agree. I'll email it to you.