Oh Friday, bless your heart. I have missed you so.

Today I am looking forward to going to Yogurtland. Have you heard? Tis a wonderous place. As you might have guessed they sell yogurt there. Unlike other places where you think the high school employee is being stingy, here it's self serve. That's right I get to mix, match, and go crazy not just on yogurt but toppings as well.

And we're not talking about chump toppings like sprinkles, marshmellows, chocolate syrup. They take it to the next level. Oh what's that, Cap'N Crunch, anyone? That's right. Or how about some asian flare Mochi? Scoop it up. Wanna pretend to be healthy? Add some crushed almonds.

Same deal with the flavors. They got the basic tart and mixed berry jazz. But then WHAMMY - Nutter Butter, Cheesecake, Bananas Foster, Pistacio, Taro (yes!), Coconut, Cookies N Cream, and now for Fall - Pumpkin Pie and Ginger Bread.

The fattie within is full of glee. Especially when I trick myself into thinking I can get more because it's frozen yogurt, not ice cream. Kinda like when people get fast food and then order the Diet Coke, because that's gonna help.

Also if any employees are reading I'd be happy to tattoo your ads on my face so I can then stuff said face with delish yogurt fo' free. Thanks!

It's time again to share some gems from second grade.

List 5 things you know about fire safety.

1. Don't liet a fire.
2. Don't breth the smock.
3. Don't let things bran.
4. Don't staf things up.
5. Don't hid.

Who knew that bran would not only keep you regular but could also cause fires. There should be warnings for that. Also if there is a fire, don't hide in the past tense. It's just bad news.

I would like to smack Glen Beck's face off.

That's right, slap him so damn hard his face literally falls off. Then ban all doctors from putting it back on. Not allowed, sorry. You get to be faceless. No more crying because you're country is getting taken away from you by that awful black man in charge. No more sorry excuse for a talk show. But probably worse - no more coy/flirtatious self photos to post of Facebook, because you KNOW he'd totes does that.

oh snap! semi political rant.

I hope in my next life I'm a cat so I can sleep 16 hours a day and it's considered normal.

However, I shant be using a litterbox. I'll be one of those cats that uses the toilet. In fact, I bet most cats that flush were once people. It's just more civilized.

As someone who exclusively uses their Debit Card it's rare I have cash, let alone spare change. So when a homeless person asks me for money I really am not lying when I say I don't have any. This allows me to feel less guilty for not giving them any. Yet on occasion when I have spare change I will share; it ranges from about 50 cents to a dollar, you know, just in case it's Jesus in desguise. Gotta have something to show for my "Good Deeds" reel.

Now the semi-smart bums out here hang around outside the ATMs and as you walk by they ask if you have change. However, I'm on my way over there so currently no and when I pass again they KNOW I have money but let's be honest, you're not getting my $20. Especially when there isn't even a jig involved.

You need me to break Sir Jackson on something. If I were homeless I'd tag team with kids that accost you with candy for their basketball team outside grocery stores. Then maybe they'd get some change. Then again, if they had those entrepreneurial skillz they probs wouldn't be homeless in the first place.

While talking with my dear friend Chaia today at the Creative Screenwriting Expo about the apparent return of the "rat tail" phenomenon I fully exposed myself as a Star Wars nerd by suggesting that perhaps these people were Padawans.

Then whilst discussing how awesome that would be - for example, if Jedi's actually recruited next to Army booths - we were out nerded by someone dropping a Midichlorian reference. He then tried to play it off saying he wasn't a big Star Wars fan, but we knew that was a lie.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, it's ok, I don't judge.