Breakin' da law!

A car drives up to the stoplight. Straight ahead its empty. No one is behind me. All clear to the left. On the right headlights shine from the police car. The girl inside laughs.

Colleen: I was thinking of going through the light if it wasn't for that po-po.

A moment passes, the cop goes over the hill. Another set of headlights approaches and passes through the green light. The toyota sits still at the red.

Colleen: I hate this light. No one is ever around and its still red.

She looks around again. No one is around.

Colleen: (to Tim) What do you think?
Tim: Do it.

The toyota goes through the red light. Soon after there are sounds of rejoicing and claims of being bad ass.

I'm too lazy to write something original so I'm just gonna plagerize. Oooh I'm so bad!

In regards to coming over to my house; feast your eyes upon this convo:

Cookies4Grandma: Is anyone else a-coming?
Cookies4Grandma: But honestly col...
Lactaid Lady: what
Cookies4Grandma: if Sudhanshu is coming, I don't want to be there.
Lactaid Lady: lol
Lactaid Lady: you had me
Cookies4Grandma: score!
Lactaid Lady: i was about to type, dont worry if your tired you dont have to come over
Cookies4Grandma: lol
Lactaid Lady: i was being all sincere and what not
Cookies4Grandma: You just want to make out with Suds AND Jon
Lactaid Lady: yep
Lactaid Lady: i'm a hoe
.

A Merry Christmas Indeed.


Ok this is what happened. We went over to my relatives and ate and such. It began to snow on the way home so it took some time to get back. Alas, once we landed my brother threw a snowball he would later regret. It's destiny was to hit my father square in the head, he laughed, my dad threw some back. I went inside. Then I got on this fine machine (computer) to check my mail. Then revenge was had. Out of NO WHERE my dad comes in and gets my brother in a head lock. I had no clue what was going on. Shawn was desperately trying to escape and thats when I knew my dad was unleashing his internal fury. Yes people, a horrible fart was ripped onto the body of my brother over and over again. Shawn got out of my fathers grasp and stated that, "I can taste it!"

Sudhanshu sat on the floor, unbeknownst to the smell, when the wave of gas flooded his nostrals. The smell was spreading. He cried out, "OH MY GOD!!" I knew I would be next and braced my nose. I said, "I'm not going to breathe." But alas, my attempts failed. Oh, the humanity.

Tonight we were eating a mighty fine Christmas dinner and Sudhanshu realized that the wine glasses we were all drinking from were different. And as you should know, different means not the same. So there we are drinking from our non-matching glasses and my mom asks what that means. Both Sudie and I say how it means we are all individuals and each glass should be appreciated for what it is. Then my mom states, "oh wow, man you guys are deep."

Currently I am watching the documentary of the Evanson's 1989 and let me tell you, I never knew my voice could be so high. Oh and I have a semi-mullet. ROCK ON!

Sorry I havent updated, I got back from college and I could lie and say I've been so busy that I couldnt, but thats a lie. When you have nothing to do, getting up is just such a hassel and you get SO lazy. I hope this laziness doesnt go to far and I dont let myself go. If that happens, then all the old ladies of the town will gossip about what happened to me, because I was just so energetic n such.

May it be known---------

I realize I have fans of the website, and sometimes I feel obligated to write stuff and then I look at it like homework instead of fun time to write. But alas, it tis my fate. For I hath made it a link from my AIM profile online and thus the people hast clicked and the "oldschool" was birthed. For ever and ever shall it reign. Yippy Skippy.

Hello?

Oh so who saw Lord of the Rings? Yeah me! Wow, that was so great. It was also long. I liked it better than the first one, but probably because the first time I saw it I was wicked tired and thought there would be some concrete ending. I wasn't informed there would be 2 others. But that was then, I actually am motivated to read the books now. Crazy huh? And I must say the Elf...oh he's the man.

Also -

During this huge fight scene the screen decides it doesnt want to show us the movie anymore and goes black. The theatre was packed with older teenagers and adults and it didnt take long before the yelling began. Everyone turned around, looked at the projection booth and shouted. I got really scared for a while that all the angry nerds would start throwing things and start a riot. But since everyone in there was a nerd, no such thing happened. It suddenly got very hot in the theatre and many people wondered around outside near the video games as we waited. This was at 1 oclock. Around 110 or so, it came back on. We rushed to our seats, and they didnt rewind the good 1-2mins that we missed, so alas I'll have to see it again. What a shame...

I want ma 7 bucks back!

You know how I blame most of my excessive gas on being lactose intolerant? Yeah thats a lie. I think you're old enough now that I shoudl tell you the truth. Santa is real, the Easter Bunny does exist and he summers in Rhode Island. The tooth fairy, well thats a sham. But now the truth about my gas:

The truth!

Well, you see I like to steal people's happiness. So when I get my hands on their happiness, I eat it. It's delicious with roast beef. Anyway, it goes through my system and in the end I burp out people's angst. It's actually quite a beautiful process.

A clever ploy!

The other day I tripped a little bit on Kiehl's shoe that was near him as he sat in his chair by his desk. I fell towards him, then began to laugh as I always do once I've almost fallen. Other people saw it and laughed at me, however I quickly turned the blame on Kiehl telling him...."That was a clever ploy to try to get me fall into your arms." We all had a good laugh, but since then people have been using "clever ploy" like there is no tomorrow. People, I'm glad you enjoy such a phrase, but lets calm it down before I get it copyrighted and then you'll have to pay me a dollar everytime you use it. So if you use "clever ploy" please, use with caution.

Today I was talking to Dana. We were discussing colors. She told me she didnt like that everyone likes the color blue, and I said, HEY I like the color blue...you got a problem cuz we can take it outside. She said, ok maybe we should. So we marched outside into the snow in our snow boots. Mine were blue. Her's weren't. We go back to back and start to take 10 steps forward, our snowballs fully loaded. I'm about to turn when I say, you know I like silver too. She says, "Silver is like the gay grey."

We laughed. And dropped our snowballs to the ground and then had a pillow fight and talked about boys.

Yeah that whole thing was a lie, except for the stuff about the colors. Yeah I lied, so sue me.

Oh yeah and the rock that holds my door has been stubbing toes left and right. I loves ma rock.

Finally she updated!

Yeah you know what shut up. You don't know me! You acting all cool with your brushed teeth and combed hair. Hey pal I can do that too. Just because I dont live the fancy life with the hollywood stars on my driveway and those fluffy soap foamers for the shower. Damn you! I can do it to. I can make a fluffy ball out of cardboard boxes and stick it together with toothpaste.

I will now stop myself. I am aware that I am not making any sense what so ever. You see, I was attempting to go on a hilarious rant but I lost my vision as soon as the tv went on. I was all focused. And then suddenly, I was all...not. I apologize, I have failed you as a writer. Perhaps I should go into the super market business as a clerk or stock person, or even better the seafood shop girl. That way I would watch the lobsters in that tank all day. Then on one not so special day I'll bust them out of there and blame it on Kenny the Janitor because he's a hippy.

Yesterday I farted on Yvone at least 7 times. I mean, yes, I am pretty gassy but that was unheard of. They just kept coming so I was like...ok share the wealth. Ben told me I was grosser than any of his guy friends. Soon after that I began to burp.

Yvone had this to say about her experience:

"I want to be like you so I can fart on people. It's so beautiful and meaningful. It's like your sharing yourself with other people because you are a very giving person."

"Oh my god, you burped and then you farted. You are amazing. You are God."

Now I know I aint no God, but I think the reason for all my gas is being lactose intolerant. My stomach kinda sucks. And guess what I had yesterday! Ice-cream and I had only one pill with me so I think that one pill took away the pain but didnt stop the flatulance.

____________________
This morning I was eating an english muffin that I put jelly and butter on. At one point I went to take a bit and some of the filling fell out. Hmm..where did it go? Yeah, right on my pants. But not only was it on my pants but it landed on the best spot, right on the crotch. I mean this thing hit the seam. It's crazy. I haven't changed my pants yet.

I think I will make this the Best Line used by a teacher in a handout...It's a detailed award, but oh well this needs to be in a category all it's own. Ready? Otay!

You see, I had to write this 10 page paper for my Courtrooms and Communications class and he gave out this handout of what an analytical paper was. The paper was about an actual court case we observed and the teacher, Mr. Sullivan, gave an example of what not to write. One point was to not describe what you saw.

The example:

The defending attorney asked the witness, "So Ms.Rose, are you a compulsive liar, or just plain stupid?
The witness replied, "Boo Hoo, I hate you."

Let me tell you that as I was typing the lawyer's question I already began to laugh at the answer. I get a visual of these things and it makes stuff 10 times funnier. Oh that Sullivan, he's such a pissa.

And for that he deserves the Phrase O the Week.

Can you believe this guy? Comes from no where and wins to awards in one day, and the one award was made FOR him. Geez, what is with Colleen. I think she has a crush or something...

Hey SHUT UP!

I had to go to work today, that sucked. I hate that dining hall with a passion. I hope that I dont ever have to go back to that dark, dark place. It's evil i tell ya, evil! Last time I went looking for another job the only other opening was as a model for an art class. A nude model. For a second I seriously considered it. But then I was like...ah-No! I mean cmon, I'm not Christina Anguliara...or however it's spelled.

I watched behind the music of Busta Rhymes, this guy is awesome. But I wish they did a behind the music on Ace of Base. Athought that would probably only be about 10 minutes long. Oh well...

Go away!

Today I was walking in the snow and and I noticed the sneaker prints. Some of them had skids from when people would run and slide on the snow. Bur there were like these mini skids on the end. And I was thinking, what the heck? That is such a waste of a skid, because it was obviously not long enough to slide and enjoy the ride. Then this kid in front of me was dragging his feet as he walked and I noticed he was making those same makes. It was then I realize, those mini skids were just proof of people who dont know how to pick up their feet. I hate those people. They piss me off like you would not believe. I kinda wanted to push him. But I didnt.

Today I also saw the closing arguments about a rape case. Yeah that was pretty crazy. Now I have to write a 10 page paper on it...by Friday. YES! I got 2 pages done. So I feel semi-productive. I need to get a robot to do it for me. A crazy 10 page expert writing robot with rose colored cheeks, blue eyes, and a love for ceiling fans.

It's time to guess which present I actually want!

1) Bland CDs
2) Weapons of mass destruction
3) the plague
4) basket full of apples with smily faces on them

the light outside my dorm door is blinking like a mo-fo. I like it though, its a really slow strobe light. It also has this artistic touch. I find it very interesting. The word I'm searching for here is "character."

Sorry that the last comment wasn't really ment to be funny, but if you found humor in it...good for you!

Uh yeah I feel obligated to write something hilarious and I can sense my impending failure of that so I'll probably just ramble. Ok there is opera coming from the hallway...who does that? Who plays opera? I didn't know there was an old lady living next door.

Today after taping a show me and some fellow co workers remembered the good ol' days of Mortal Combat. The blocky digital blood, the repeated leg swipes, the Finish HIm! voice. Those were the days...none of that crazy 3-D things. I think I know how my dad feels, I mean he has pong to compare things to and while I am a fan of pong, I mean cmon. It's kinda, well, dated and and even old school mario can kick pongs ass.

the end.

Hark! An update!

I'm going to mention this in very colleen fashion. Yeah you guessed it, a story about poop.

Ok so last night I was in Sudhanshu's room talking to Kiehl and Douglas when I my bladder was like hey it's time to go. So i go into their single bathroom on their floor, low and behold...no there wasn't poop there, but there were some poop marks. There was one pretty big one and then a couple smaller ones. I do my business and flush, and the little marks get wiped away thus making the marks fresh. I went back to the guys room and told them, I even showed Sudie. Then we discussed how it was made. Kiehl said it had to bounce around when it flushed. In the end we concluded that it was a big floater that bounced when flushed.

As if that weren't enough for ya...check this out!

This morning while talking to Sudie (new nickname for Sudhanshu I just came up with) he told me that when he went to brush his teeth in the single bathroom someone left a HUGE deuce in there and didnt flush. He said, and I believe this will win Phrase O the Week:

It looked like the work of a giant.

Daily Shout out!
To: Jules!
Why: During dinner she told us how last night she actually fell asleep at the computer and her head hit the Z so when she woke up there were 5 pages of Zs.

The following is taken directly from Unkie George's email:

It is hard to imagine that the one little complaint was embellished so lavishly!
Well done! If I had only known all these things about myself I surely would have included them in the e-mail. Next time I will include more detail in my complaint.....

As for your father, there are two ways to look at this...

1) He was just kidding and you are experiencing writers block, so you need SOMETHING to get a little bit of juice flowing since you don't have a phrase o the week yet and besides writing about snow nothing interesting is happening, so you figure that a little controversy between two friends who would exhaust themselves mentally and physically taking on each other in a battle of "wits", not to mention the fact that you would gain great pleasure in your father being involved would give you the impetus for great writing. So I see this as being all about YOU!

OR

2) You father was serious and therefore looking to cause serious strain on our friendship. Although I can't see this happening, nothing is beyond possibility.

So if this scenario is true, I have only one thing to say:
WHINER

Quote of the week:

"Get out of bed, unless you can make money by staying there" - George Burns

______________________________

Now I dunno about you, but that stuff about this being all about me was pretty harsh. Although what can I say, I loves ma controversy.

"I will punch your mouth off"
-Me

I'm updating today like a fox!

Them be fighting words:

Today I was talking to my dad and he's all...whats with the long website address that I posted. Hey man, you gotta copy and paste for some fun, I'm not gonna just hand it to you. Then you would learn to be lazy. Anyway, we got to talking and he said something about Unkie George. It was about how he complained that I didnt update and he called him a cry baby, look:
Evshouse: he's a cry baby

What do you think of that Unkie George? You gonna take that from him?

Daily Shout out!
To: Once again, Ms. Marie
Why: She is so set on having me get into the holiday spirit and sent me a mini xmas tree. Rock on!

Do you gots lots o dat holiday spirit? Got nothing better to do? Then go here: http://64.4.8.250/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=524bbe89b1f71ffdefd4b59ad786ab0f&lat=1039296984&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fwww%2ewtv%2dzone%2ecom%2fLadyBoheme%2fdearsanta%2ehtml

He's a little taste of the fun from my own experience:

I thought it was funny when I put Merry's panties on my head and danced the the can can on the couch while singing `Kitties!'.

The only person on my floor who plays music loud enough to bother me is my RA. Talk about abusing her power. Oh wonderful, now she's playing Dirrty by my favorite singer, Christina Angu-whore-a.

Yesterday someone said something funny but then I dont remember what it was. So the quest for the phrase o the week continues.

I saw Bowling for Columbine...wow.
It makes me want to do something.

I also saw Pootie Tang. That is the craziest movie. It's so random and...so bad on purpose that its funny. As Pootie would say, "Sa da tay!"

Random things:

1) Ithaca is a snow globe. I feel like someone keeps shaking up some more snow after it stops for a couple minutes.

2) The other day someone claimed that snow was the white man's camafloge.

3) Today I saw a plastic dining hall cup that was cracked on the ground. As snow fall around it I said to myself, "what a shame."

4) Coming back from class there were these older people on some kind of tour I assume. And old man picked up some snow off the railing and began to pack it in his hand. I thought he was going to hit one of the people in front of him, but he then passed the snow back and forth between his hands. I was like, what is the deal here? As if it wasn't bitter cold enough for him he feels the need to rub his hands in freezing snow? Aren't old people cold enough? As I left to go to my dorm he still had it in his hand. My only rational explanation is that he was making a really really small snowball and only he would get amusement out of hitting someone with it. Stupid old man....

I was watching Letterman and he does these clips from Dr.Phil that are taken totally out of context and recent quote was:

Sometimes it's hard to see your own face without a mirror.

Oh Dr.Phil. That man is SO smart!

You know I don't update for a couple of days and I get some angry fan mail saying...I'll paraphrase:

Oh Why aren't you updating, what the f-bomb?! I am hooked on your site because you are the best human being alive. I wrote People a letter saying that you need to be in their magazine for Best Human EVER! They already have sexiest man alive and you are the coolest person alive. You should make a movie and then win an Oscar. I want to give you all my money. I'll write you a check for a ba-zillion dollars and you can spend it on producing a movie and buying candy and getting a kitty and a limo and a helper monkey and lastly a toothbrush because even though you have an amazing smile, you kinda have some plaque hanging out. I would do something about that. Do you brush 3 times a day? I doubt it. My great Aunt Edna once didnt brush her teeth because she thought there was a vast conspiracy to kill off the magical midgets that live in your back molars that give us magical healing powers. She was crazy, or was she? Anyway, please update. The End.

and now I will cite it (Unkie George pg1)

Oh and Daily Shout out!
To: Opera Baby
Why: Because the baby sings about poop. I've seen it before but still it's hilarious. Thanks to Unkie Jerry for the site.

Funniest thing o the day:

Watching America's Funniest Home Videos and they had this whole montage clips of people falling. There was this one woman in a bathing suit, and she wasn't really skinny and she fell into this pond. Oh my god, it was so funny I had tears in my eyes so I couldnt clearly see the other people fall down. I love to laugh at other people's misfortune.

ooh what to write. So much funny, there just aint enough room up in hea.

Yesterday we played this game called Mafia. Naturally, people died. It's the coolest game. I wont attempt to explain it except that what happens is craziness. But good crazy. It's funny when you try to figure out who is lying and when you know you can mess with people's heads and trust. Oh Mafia, you're so cute.

Also while playing the game Jon was sitting on a couch when he ripped a big long fart. I think he might have tore a whole in the couch it was so powerful. Yvone had this to say about Jon: He farts a lot.

Before bringing the "kids" over to the hizzy (house) for thanksgiving we thought it was funny if Yvone pretended she didn't know much english and just smiled and said: Yeah, good. My name is Yvone. Where is the bathroom? Picture Picture!
It would have been hilarious to watch everyone else look at each other to see if it was ok to laugh...or just to see them try not to laugh. However, this never happened. But in theory it would have been hilarious.

Oh and on Liz's request Yvone now calls her Apple. Why is this? Because Liz likes apples, but she doesn't like to eat them.

I was sitting at the computer minding my own business as my asians friends sat and watched tv in the den. Then out of no where Jules shouts out:

Fluffy puppy!

I'm like...what? She later explained that she was talking to my dog. Yeah right...

Sorry it's been awhile. I is home. Jules is now a superhero. Narcoleptor! better known as Narci. She has the amazing ability to fall asleep and has kicked a lot of guys in the nuts. So, she falls asleep while the bad guy is talking, he walks over to poke her and she kicks him in the nuts. Her worst enemy...a woman.

Yesterday I went into the city with Merry and met up with Jesse. On the train ride Merry brought her suitcase since she was going back to college for a bit. She asked me to remind her that she put it on the overhead thing for luggage because she would forget. So at first I wrote "S" on my hand for Suitcase. Then I was afraid I wouldn't look at my hand and I put my pocketbook around my leg to remind me to look at my hand. Then I was afraid I wouldn't remember what "S" stood for so on my other hand I wrote "uitcase." But then I thought what if I look at this hand first and I say..."Uitcase? What's that?" So I then numbered my hands 1 and 2. Later on I decided to just call a suitcase and uitcase. Then I asked people on the train if they saw my friends blue uitcase.

Today we were watching While You Where Out, it was the first time for Yvone and Jules. The original blonde haired host was annoying Yvone so she stated the following:

I'm gonna kick her.
She deserves to die.
I hate her.

Yvone is a loving person, that's why I keep her around. It's all about the hugs.

Take the Superhero Test. I was Mr.Fantastic...stretch ablility? Pa-lease! Lactaid Lady is WAY cooler than him. Does he have a pill gun that incases the bad guys? I think not.

Background info: I am Lactaid Lady, one of the pioneers of the Super Squad. I am lactose intolerant but with the help of my pill gun that traps bad guns inside of ma pills I can have dairy once again. Radio Active Super Cake aka RASC, my trusty side kick has the power to throw radio active cakes. Her weakness..dark water; it's way scary. Then we have Nerdroid with the power of calculators! She...calculates...things. Yeah. Her weakness=deal batteries. And last is Dr. Grammar. He confuses the bad guys with really big words. His worst enemy would be ebonics. What the dilly?


The words above that form sentences and thoughts were not allowed to be posted for a three days because the internet it a mean face. As such, when I saved it Word didnt want to save the website. However, I found it....all for you

http://www.liquidgeneration.com/quiz/superhero_quiz.asp

I command you to let me post!

Time to take a quote out of context!

"Maybe one day I can pee in it."
--Ben

Oh man I SO saw Harry Potter 2. Jealous?! I was satisfied. It would have even been better than the first one. Fo shizzy.

I also got this crazy cold in one day. Good job cold you invaded my body at an amazingly fast rate. You jerk. There are two things I fear in life: spiders and sore throats. I HATE sore throats, so of course what does Colleen get? A sore throat. Excellent! But to add to the fun, it also brings along it's friends: annoying swollen glands and perhaps slight ear infection that keeps popping my ears. Those guys are also jerks. They like bust into my head all uninvited and then go to sleep on my couch and eat all my Lucky Charms cereal! Do you know how much that cereal costs?! They better watch their backs because I am gonna go ka-ray-zay on their buns. Hot dog bun...hot dog....food

Check it out, I got it this time. Check at the end of the site. These are pictures that came up when I searched for Oldschool and Kick

Behold! Pictures!

I hope this worked...otherwise I'll feel like a jerk for giving you false hopes.

Quote O the Day:

Finally Jules says something funny! She claimed to take on other people's identities today so when she asked Sudhanshu to call her something sexy and he suggested Lactiad Lady, which is MY SN, she shouted out:

I'm totally taking over your life!

She looked me in the eyes and I was scared. Scared for my life, which was being taken over by some crazy asian.

Daily Shout Out!
To: Ma Pops
Why: Check this out. After reading my site about the whole gay incident he sent me this:


Pros and Cons(about not changing):

Pros: The knowledge that you maintained your individuality and made a personal statement.
Con: Your statement may be misinterpreted at a 60-40 rate!
Pro: Don't take as long as mom to get ready.
Con: Still have to wait for mom to go anywhere!
Pro: Don't have to get up earlier to get ready for school.
Con: May look like you didn't get up early enough for school!
Pro: Keep some of your public guessing.
Con: Keep some of your public exchanging rumors!

Go Dad!

Blank Stare.

Yeah so I have nothing to report. Oh wait. I lied. Oh I'm so devious. I'm such a liar. Me pants on fire. But back to the point. Last night I watched more than half of South Park the movie. It's so hilarious. At one point this counselor guy tried to get the kids to stop cursing through a song and dance routine. So he tells them instead of ass say buns, like kiss my buns or you're a buns-hole. Buns-hole. Now there is a word for you. I ask for you to go out into the world and spread the joy and love of buns-hole. Teach the children!

Now you sir, are a buns-hole.

Quote o the Day:

Rob Flack drew I nice long line of black ink along my foot in psychology. Immediately after I turned to him and with a straight face said:

That is garbage.

This is what I heard today:

"We didn't know. There was a 60-40 that you were gay. Because of...what you wear. You know like sports clothes."

My reaction: WHAT!? Yeah, that's right. The people of Quabble dont know if I'm gay or not. I told one of them today that I wasnt as I laughed and said wow. I had NO idea that anyone would think that because I dress in sport clothes I am gay. This blows my mind. I asked around, and other people though I had the potential to be gay. It's hilarious. I never ever thought anyone would think I was because of how I dressed. But then I factored in the fact that I openly burp in public, talk about poop, watch and talk about sports, dont really talk about girly things like hair or guys, always wear sneakers, and then there is the whole funny women thing. There are a bunch of gay female comedians. So I can understand. But it's the weirdest feeling.

I'm thinking I will tell half the people on Quabble that I'm gay and half that I'm not. OR I'll randomly call everyone on it since they seem to have discussed this before and be like...You guys think I'm gay. See their reactions. I'm just such a crazy lesbian.

More poop stuff:

Lactaid Lady: would you ever eat poop?
Lactaid Lady: i mean, what if it was wrapped in a hot dog bun
ProudestMonkYgus: does it involve money
ProudestMonkYgus: how much poop and how much would i be gettin
Lactaid Lady: no money
Lactaid Lady: we're talking about survival
Lactaid Lady: you're starving and all you have to eat is poop in a hot dog bun
ProudestMonkYgus: hmm.
ProudestMonkYgus: i'm sure there's other things i could eat. like leaves/plants
ProudestMonkYgus: where the hell would i be starving alone where the only thing to eat is poop and a hot dog bun?
Lactaid Lady: you've been taken hostage and they leave you alone in a white room
Lactaid Lady: and they only leave hot dog buns with poop for you
ProudestMonkYgus: why is the room white? why can't it be like purple?
ProudestMonkYgus: scoop the poop out. i'd rather smell the poop than eat it. and eat the buns
ProudestMonkYgus: that's my answer
Lactaid Lady: then you lose
Lactaid Lady: and you die
Lactaid Lady: cuz the people watching you will shoot you
ProudestMonkYgus: oh well
Lactaid Lady: they want you to eat the poop
ProudestMonkYgus: then i fail

A shame...

An insightful convo:

Lactaid Lady: you know...here college has made me more accepting and open about farting
ProudestMonkYgus: i love farting
ProudestMonkYgus: i just do it
Lactaid Lady: i fart on people now
ProudestMonkYgus: that's the best. actually no, that's not the best.
ProudestMonkYgus: the best is farting on your dog.
ProudestMonkYgus: that is the best.
Lactaid Lady: i must try that

Last night after seeing Punch Drunk Love, Kate, Jessica, Jeremy and I sat around in our dorm hallway. No one really want to go to sleep yet and no one really wanted to watch another movie or just sit and watch tv. So then I got this idea what we should lay down in the hall and block people from getting past. So I convinced people to actually do it. We laid all together and hid our faces as we laughed histerically at people's reactions.

Some highlighted reactions include:

This is bullshit!
Why are you pretending to be asleep?

And of course the best reactions came from people trying to solve our riddle. You see, after awhile of doing this we figured it would be funny if we had a riddle to go along with it. So we picked: If a peach comes from an apple, then where are all the bears today?

The best thing was people trying to really make sense of it, because I just made it up. Jeremy provided the answer of Kosher Dill Pickle. It was great. People really wanted to figure it out and we used the Hot or Cold hint method and then moved on to grunts. I want to try to get a whole bunch of people to do this somewhere like a supermarket. How great would that be?!

Tomorrow I'm doing this flag football thing and today our team met so we could get some practice in. There are a couple things I would like to point out. First, as a lady walked by with her dog, Jessica randomly says, "Why would you get a white dog? It'll get dirty." Then Kate mentions how black people must look at us and think, "Why are they white? They must be so dirty."

In addition Kate also hit me in the face with the football, my eye is currently being iced. As I walked back to the dorm I kept thinking about when Marcia from the Brady Bunch got hit in the nose. This is probably going to end my modeling career. I had such potential. (Weeps)

Behold, once again the Phrase O the Week goes to Yvone. While sitting on Jules bed, by the way Jules hasnt won phrase o the week - just for the record. Anyhoo, we be sitting on da bed, and Yvone was saying how she was tired and such. She stated:

I can't keep my eyes open, because I'm asian.

She is also getting really confident in her ability to say funny things and once I began to write down the Phrase she got onto a chair and commanded Jules to worship her. I think the power has gone to her head...or her butt. Or a Robert Frost poem, what's with his poems? They're all obscure about being in the woods and lookin at deer and throwing rocks at old people. Old people would prob be really confused if you threw a rock at them...then they'd prob fall asleep.

Robert Frost Poem:

Hark! The snow in my path
the stream of river that flows
a pair of eyes from a deer
it prances and runs away
footsteps in the snow
Glance ahead
I smell Old Spice
Grandpa wonders and mumbles to himself
I spot a rock
pick it up
cold and heavy in my hand
I throw it
Thud.

Quote o the Day:

Conan's view of the Bachelor - That's just a Hoe Fest.

Does everyone have a ticket?

You say: To what?

I reply: To the GUN SHOW {and display my huge rippling muskullz}

All who know me, know I burp as if it is my J-O-B. Now why am I so full of gas like materials? This is what I ponder...my endless search for the truth as to why I am the way I am now. I never really burped like this as a child, so what gives? Perhaps it twas when I was diagnosed as not being able to take on the awesome power of lactose materials, better known as Lactose Intolerance. Or maybe it was the time that I ate that whole bag of Hot Fries without any water. Maybe it began in the long long ago, from the times of the pyraminds...yes! That is it! They are designed in the shape of an air bubble, my bubble, my burps....GASP! I must be the Queen of the Future! They built that temple for me. Quick, I must away!


I fordet what else I was gonna say. I wish I could remember...

One time I told Liz that I went to bed hungy.
Doesnt that make you sad?

Yesterday during dinner I share with Tony and Rob my revelation on Friday. I dare you to gaze at this feat of amazingness. I dont think that made any sense. Just pretend I said something real smart and clever:

If you flip the lower case p's in poop up
You get boob
Hence, boob is poop.

Sometimes the things I think of scare me. But other times they make me proud. This one is still undecided.

Oh and by the way, I still read like it's nobody's biz up here at college. What is the DEAL?! When will they make me watch tv, I mean cmon where is my parent's money going?!

Otay
I'm piecing out of this appy pie.
Yeah, I said appy...as in apple.

Daily Shout Out!
To: Merry
Why: Please read the following.

I was talking to my mom and I reached in my pocket - just for a place to put my hand, and there was something weird in there and I pulled it out and said
"why is there a sausage in my pocket"

BIG UPS TO DA SUNDSTROM'S!
word kid
word

Today I remembered what I was gonna say yesterday. Do you know frustrating that is when you know you had something to say and then you fordet? Oh and that wasn't a mistype. I said fordet.

So what I was gonna say:
When I was working in the dining hall, which is SO much fun (please note the sarcasm), it twas all hollows eve. And so the dining hall people decided to get some music, and no they didn't play the radio, and they didn't play scary songs, they played rap. Now this is amusing to me because the city of Ithaca is in the middle of NOWHERE upstate NY. It's basically a suburban white area, and these people are walking around like they are from the bronx. I was just like...ok this needs to stop.

People of Ithaca, please realize that you are white and the rap thing that you try to do doesn't suit you. It makes you look fat. Take it off.

Phrase of the Week!! Goes to....Yvone (pronounced Eve-on)
Today while in my room I was making fart noises with my hand, a common occurance. My cousins taught me well. So there I was making Yvone laugh like it was my job and I got this really good one. So Yvone says:

I think that one had a poop in it.

Naturally at the sound of such a word I began to giggle. Gotta love poop.

Also, you HAVE to check out this website it is hilarious. Take the Insanity Test here:
http://www.vickysjokes.com/funny/insanity.asp
I am not skilled in the link area of the internet so you have to copy and paste that. But you look like you could use the exercise.

Da END!

Earlier in the day I was going through class options for next semester when I flipped to the Math section. Immediately I stated, Oh hello best friend, how are you doing? But it was real sarcastic like. Sudhanshu was in my room on the computer and said to me. You're a jerk.

I guess hating math and the rath it hast bestowed upon me makes me a jerk. So be it.

Daily Shout Out!
To: Food
Why: Hello, it's food. Why not?! Are you some kind of freak who don't eat no food. Yeah thought so tough guy. Sit down.

Today I...

Today I picked up my stole mini pumpkin from the dining hall, which my boss encourages us all to steal, and I noticed how hard it was. Them pumpkins must work out. Only I never see him at the gym. He's always perched above my tv. But I worry he will get too buff and one day will get mad at me for something ridiculous like keeping my socks with my shorts and then he'll use his guns, aka arms, to beat me senseless. Then the po-po will arrive on the scene and I will insist not to press charges because I love him too much. Damn them pumpkins! Handsome and irresistable...but deadly!

Take everything I say seriously.

Now I'm going to kick it really oldschool and do a lil segment I like to call Dictionary Tiempo (Time):

Todays word: mineral oil - a colorless, tasteless oil from petroleum, used as a laxative
Now for an example: After I got a nasty case of the runs, I decided no more mineral oil for me!

Once again Dave Letterman proves his Late Night Show is a quality program...for all ages! Allow me to explain why. No, please let me explain. Ok, now you are just being rude and interupting. Freaking jerk.

Best way to win my heart involves monkeys. (take a note boys) So anyways, Letterman has the recent survivor loser on and has his assistant ask him a question. So she asks, "Did you see or touch any monkeys?" An AMAZING question. Good Ol' Monkeys. They NEVER fail. Except when they die...

Daily Shout Out
To: Ms. Marie...Unkie George lost his reign.
Why?: Cuz she sent me packages like it was nobody's biz. Cookies AND a History of SNL. Uh...Yeah, she rules. She needs to look forward to a complimentary phone call and a surprise in the mail on it's way. Oh snap!

I got toothpaste on my sock. Only I am capable of such amazing feats.

My friend Rob Flack and I like to pretend we have blow darts in our lecture Psych class. There is a whole system to it. First forming the blow dart with both hands, and blowing the dart out...of course it hits any annoying people in the class. Most of the time we aim at our teacher who never has anything meaningful to say. However, there is this kid in the back row who always has some kind of bagged snack or snapple...Rob and I systematically look at each other everytime he attempts to open either of these products.

Advice: If you have a bag of chips, open it in one quick motion, DO NOT drag it out for 5 mins. More than likely you will feel a sharp pinch in your neck before falling unconscious. In this case, you my friend, can consider yourself blow darted.

Hardcore!

Phrase O the Week...again goes to another teacher. Joey the acting teacher. Yet again he amuses us when he talks. Today we were doing this exercise where we had to go to different "stations" around the room and perform a certain task. For example, stand on a box and say our fave movie to the stage light ahead of us, or when we had to howl like a wolf. You know, the usual...So after we said our fave movie he decided to mix it up and tells us we can say whatever we want on the box next time round. He said it was our freestyle. Naturally we asked if he wanted us to be rapping. He laughed and said:

Is that what the kids mean by it.

It was even funnier because early in the class we harassed him for not knowing what a online profile was. So it was a joke that he was SO OLD that he was out of the loop, meanwhile he's like 27.

Note: Anyone who doesn't know what an online profile is AND is over the age of 30, don't worry it's ok, don't feel insecure.

FINALLY THE ANSWERS WE HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR!
Unkie George gets a second Daily Shout Out equipped with a Mad-Phat Big Ups.
He states and I quote:

"So where do the crayons come from......
I believe that Crayola has some volcanic mountain factory that they use. That could explain how they melt the wax, and the varying temperatures of heat can cause the color changes, which explains why they come up with such unusual color names... but you notice they never give you depressing color names, like flu mucus green or bad bruise yellow.
Crayons are a happy thing, that is why i believe they use rolling papers to wrap the melted wax. After the peeps finish the product they may be getting happy, which explains the names like sunset orange and sky blue....man!
My other question is: Why are children always so happy while coloring? THE CRAYONS ARE WRAPPED IN ROLLING PAPERS. Now the contents inside are non-habit forming, but one could only imagine the consequences."

How do you like them appies. Yeah I said Appies!

So the other day I was sitting round my room and SNL was on. They were doing a judge judy sketch and Samual L Jackson twas hosting and he was playing a NOT very educated man who used the word falsify towards the other womans claim. Judge Judy, aka Cheri Oteri, then says.. Oh as in Untruthitude. Mr.Jackson says, yeah. Then JJ says, oh now I understandify. It reminded me of George W because he is not a very educated man.

Also my courtrooms and communication teacher, who has gotten Shout Outs before for saying wicked...Anyhoo! He's also my advisor and last class we had to sign up to meet him for schedualing classes. The Title of the paper read:

Dis is Da Sign up sheet.

Now I ask you, How great is that?! Best Advisor EVER!

Daily Shout Out:
To: Unkie George
Why: because he done gone and likes ma site. Gotta love the fans, my people, personas, peeps...yum peeps.

I confess I havent made any head way on this crayon business. I'm slacking. But maybe if anyone has something interesting they can email me

cooleen8@hotmail.com

You, my people, have the chance to be heard. Cease the day!

Anyway I have a new and different sock story. This time it involves a black sock.

The Black Sock...

A couple days ago I did my laundry. I went through the usual routine of putting clothes into the washer, then transfering them over to the dryer. When the dryer was done I took all my clothes out and put them into my laundry bag, brought them back to my dorm. Then, as I was started folding things and putting them back I notice a lone black sock. Now, I only wear short white ankle socks, although I have no problems with black socks, don't get me wrong. But this sock didn't belong to me. And I dont remember seeing any other clothes in the washer or dryer. And I know I looked in the dryer because someone had a note on it like they still had stuff in it, only they didnt. So I have NO idea where this sock came from. And naturally I used some sticky tack and put it on my wall. That way I can tell everyone about it and see if they know whose it is. So for, no claimers.

And so he is...The Orphan Sock.

Word of the day: Skizz-ety, the newest installment of sketty

I almost forgot. To end the suspense to my recent Question O the Day: How are crayons made?

I was looking for some crazy answer like, they are made from grandmas or motor oil, or giant flying purple dinosaurs. But No! No such luck. Everyone took me seriously and was like...

Uh, wax. Wax and dye.

So there you have it. The boring REAL answer as to what crayons are made with. Although, GASP! they didnt answer HOW they are made, just what they are made of...THere is still hope. My quest is not over. Hark! I shall discover the truth.

It's time for me to (do do da doo doot!) Update!
WOrd to all those mothers out there. You be schoolin' da kids.
I dunno what I'm talking about.

Ok now for the bizness. So yeah, I saw Ben Kweller and Ben Folds at Geneseo college...let me tell you, let me tell you this...It was AMAZING. Ben Folds is the best performer to see live as of now. I make this statement on very limited knowledge but I make it none the less. And so it tis. I want to be him for a day and go crazy on the piano. I love he.

Seeing my good friend Dave again since we departed some 2 and a half months ago twas good. I miss his crazy antics. He piercing deep voice and his yelling SHA-CACA! into merry's ear everyday in high school. Oh the fun.

I also go to see Liz and Jesse. Good times. We don't really do much though. I've come to realize that the best times we have together are just hanging around and BSing. We are pretty low maintainance (wow that word looks horribly wrong).
Oh we also established our future together. We're all going to be a part of a production company that does movies and tv. Sudhanshu will run everything, Jesse will get the visions, I can do tv and help with the visions, Liz will be my casting director, and Tony will be the inter-changable handiman: grip, lighting, the set...you know. So now Liz and Tony don't have to worry about finding a major. They can relax and enjoy the finer things in life. Like puppies, ice-cream in sugar cones, front door mats, and the ocean.

Contradicting sentence: Screw the future!

So how was your day?

Daily Shout Out:
To: Jesse
Why: Because while watching The Grinch Who Stole Xmas, somehow we included Busta Rhymes in the movie. And Jesse added one of the lines from a song of his that I found hilarious. Originally the line was: Don't this beat make my people wanna jump jump. It is now: Don't this beat make my people wanna Save Christmas!

Good Times.

Oh by the way Christina Anguilera is the biggest WHORE ever. Just watch her recent video called "Dirrty." Two Rs for whoRe. I'm sure she makes her grandparents proud. Freaking slut.

Phrase of the Week time!

Revelation: My teachers are funny.
So this week's comes to you straight outta acting class. You see, our teacher, who we call Joey even though it's weird because he's our teacher and we call him by his first name but thats ok since he's not that much older than us...He says funny things inadvertantly. Thus, they are even funnier to us. For example in the past he's used, "Mr. 12 hands" to describe a scene between a boyfriend and girlfriend where the boyfriend was being touchy feely. Anyway...today after we finished our midterm scenes he gets up to tell us about our next project and says...

Here are some thoughts to think.

Instantly we start to laugh and he says, write that one down!

oh Joey...

The following quotes from an IM conversation I deem the most entertaining words that construct sentences...of the night. I call it, You know what Colleen?


julesvp: you know what colleen?
julesvp: don't sassafrass me

...Later on....

julesvp: you know what colleen?
julesvp: you can take your lactaid disease
julesvp: and shove it up your nose

She doesn't know what it's like, being lactose intolerant. No-body know the trouble I've seen...No-Body knows my sorrow...
Thats a song.

Question of the day: How ARE crayons made?

Check tomorrow for answer.

The Lone Sock:

On my journey back to my place of living, in the area that I further my education, I came upon a lone sock. He was white, and lay crumpled up on the concrete. He didn't ask me for money, but I could tell he was hungry. He was the silent type, who asks with their eyes. Although he had no eyes, just a long stretch of threads that could be pulled way past your ankles and up your leg. The type my dad often likes to fashion to show the time when he grew up. This sock had little time to grow. A life of poverty. A street rat. He was like Aladdin, but was missing the glow of the diamond in the ruff. He was more like the sad white sock on the sidewalk. I bet he was stepped on today. I bet people pointed and laughted at his misfortune. How dare them?! How dare I?! Who am I to judge his life? I will answer my own question...I am but a human.

Was that NOT the most amazing thing you ever read!? Yeah that's what I thought. Go get yourself a tissue and wipe away those tears.
My writing is SO deep.

Now go on with your life.

Barry White update:

Recently the beloved Barry White underwent some crucial kidney transplantness. There was a moment when they thought they lost him, but then they played one of his songs. The smooth, sexy, baratone, saved him from passing on. It brought him back and motivated him to be a Pimp Daddie to the fullest! Too true, too true.
Today in his honor, I came upon a song of his and sung it with pride.

In recent news:

Weekly World News saved the world yet again! It's not just another tabloid, Weekly World News means business! Last week, it was reported that China was going to attempt to get everyone to jump at the same time to send a huge earthquake across the world and knock it into space...thus ending the world as we know it. However, Weekly World News avoided disaster by applying a counter jump at the same time. But this time, when they heard about a second attempt, a writer flew herself over there to negotiate. Appearently it smelt bad in the airports but she survived and she talked the people out of the jump. What a hero.

Daily Shout Out!
To: Mr.Sullivan my advisor
Why: he told me bout canadian money...loonies, and toonies! Oh my...

AH! Sorry for lack of updates, the server here is being a real bitch. Bi-hotch even.

Anyhoo, the rents came to visit last weekend. Got some food and a Quidditch shirt. Hell yeah! Also went to Buttermilk falls and enjoyed the look from my mom when she saw the hike uphill. It mentally said to me, "uuuh these stairs gotta go."

Oh and mom, did you leave some beach house remants lying around my room? I have evidence; assorted rocks, shells, and beach glass.

Yesterday I think I had a crazy college moment. You see since the rents were coming I decided to do most of the work on my papers due on monday, on friday. So friday I'm all typie typie. Then later on sunday night I did a little work and thought I'd have enough time to fix up my academic writing one on monday before class. Yeah, so that plan turned against me real fast. I literally just finished it before I go to class. I had a freak out last minute revisal of the paper. A nice stress session for the day. I never want to do that again. That sucked.

Oh and the other day on Crank Yankers (a show on Comedy Central that is real prank calls visualized by puppets) they had the greatest sketch in terms of me finding great humor in poop. It featured this woman telling an old couple that they were over their quota of poop. She later told them some of the following statements:

Don't be a hog, hold your long.
Too many poos...we all lose
Hold it in...we all win

I encourage you all to use sayings like that in everyday conversation even if it doesn't apply to anything that you're talkin about. It's fun to confuse people.

Today I...

Today I got so hyper after going to late night dinner. So I get back to the dorm around 11, and naturally Sudhanshu and me start dancing as if it is our jobs while in Julie and Sara's room. We made up the dance of life. Its a cycle.

Cycle one: Child..looks like being really happy while stretching and jumping
Cycle two: Teenage...pretend that you know how to dance and look like a moron
Cycle three: Nineteen..in the clubs when you dance all sexy like
Cycle four: 25..more proper dancing, hand in hand, swinging and a-twirlin'
Cycle five: 30..slower version of 25
Cycle six: 60...like robots with hands straight ahead resting on each others shoulders as you sway back and forth

Repeat

News flash: Phrase of the Week has been determined early!

Who?: Sudhanshu
Setting: Imagine yourself in a college dorm. Your friend Ben has just left the room. Sudhanshu goes to the door and begins to yell

Come back so I can drill a hole in your ass. That way I can call you assholes!

He has such a way with words...

Just so I dont keep you in suspense, I wasnt that thrilled with my performance for Quabble (improv show). I wasnt horrible, and I wasnt great. I was in the middle, but I dont like not doing an AMAZING job. Stupid expectations! However, Frequency was a total blast. I love that show. The producers like our shift and we all have fun pretending to be funny. There is absolutely no pressure. Its great.

Anyhoo...
The other night around 12 I had decided I would go into my room and read. I wound up going into the lounge to see what people were doing and low and behold, The X Files movie was on. Naturally since I know the whole thing by heart (kinda sad) I was like SKA-REW reading! In the mist of watching it I decided it would be funny if people made the actually sound effects instead of background music, or explosions. My revelation came about in a scene where a building is blown up...to which my sound was KA-BOOM. Now this wasn't your usual ka-boom...this was a Garth, from Waynes World ka-boom...A big difference.

I want to be a sound effects person.

Daily Shout Out!
SHout Out to: Me!
Why: Because I can successfully laugh histerically at myself, often to the point of tears. And the chances get greater the long I stay up.

Daily Shout Out:
Shout out to the peeps who made the mad-phat substance that is ice-cream.
Why: Hello! Ice-cream! Even if it is a dairy product. I break out the lactaid pills.

I can't think of a story teller for improv. Blah! I get so nervous about being funny I get scared I'm not funny. But Merry said I was funny. I be-leaf her. You know, be-LEAF...like a tree!

oh snap I AM funny.

I'm not sure if I told you this already, but I want to jump into a time machine with 20 bucks in my pocket so that way I could be like Rickie McRichington. I'd buy all this stuff and then when I travel back, they would be antiques so I'd be up like 1 milliontrazillion dollars. But then I bet people would be like, Hey Colleen, where did you get all that money and I would panic and say I won the lottery and they'd, oh can I see the ticket, and I'll be like no I through it out and they'll be all, Why did you do that? and I'll say what the hell get away from me you freaking gold digger!

Then I'll buy myself some ice ceem. Not ice cReam, ice ceem. Its so much better when you say it like a little kid. Little kids should rule the world.

[belch]

Ok everyone do yourself a favor and head over to www.homestarrunner.com. It's a hilarious website. There even have an icon for First time users, it's in the right top corner after the opening credits. Check out Strong Bad Emails. One you need to read is called sugarbob..you need to scroll down to do so...but it says Hizzy! So worth the scroll.

Today I...

Today I woke up and was all chilly n such. Betoss it was cold out side n all. So I got out and shutted da winda n whatnot. Climbs myself back into dee bed, and went back to sleepy. And guess qwhat? Qwhat? Now my feets be all chillies again. What the deal? Me no know. Peace out.

Sorry for the delay. As many of you know, I went home this weekend. Enjoyable and worth the chaos of traveling. And I got the Phrase O the Week.

This weeks Phrase, or technically last weeks, comes from The Hippy on the bus to the city. You see this man, let's call him Tod, had this sholder length gray hair with a matching beard, jeans, colorful t-shirt, and most important a straw hat. But this was so ordinary straw hat, in fact it wasnt even made of straw it was made of paper bags. And lucky us got to see him in the process since the bus BROKE down for a bit. Now among him telling jokes that werent really funny, telling people to pass on his message to run the air to the driver, putting away his bottle of vodka, and asking is anyone had a problem listening to the radio - he prefered classic...he told us bout his hats! How he made them by hand. To which I said, "that must help waste time."

And he responded:

Yeah I learned it in JAIL, gotta waste a lot of time there.

At the point Tony and I looked at each other in horror and telepathically sent the phrase Oh My God to each other. However, crazy paper bag wearing hippy, aka Tod, got off at the next stop. I couldnt tell if I was relieved or sad to see him go. I think it was mostly relief...or maybe that was gas.


I just thought of a new segment: Daily Shout Outs

Today: Shout out to my dog Parker.
Why: because he rules.

Phrase of the Day! This week its Kiehl...hurray for him. Hurray for kitties! Anyhoo..
Why its funny: cuz he did it in a little kid voice.
What he said: My toe hurts. You make my toe hurt. Go Away. I would like it if you died.

Its actually 4 phrases but who's counting?

Unsolved Mysteries: I got an email from my dad, however I have a feeling it might have been written by someone else. It's not just a hunch, its the fact that it was signed "The Muffin Master." Perhaps The Muffin Man took over my dad's body and claimed that he was the master of muffins for some reason. That Muffin Man, always getting into trouble. Silly goose...

My first year seminar teacher is from Boston and when he says "wicked" it makes me giggle.

A recent email from my past guidance counsler, Ms.Hance, reads:

Funny story, a parent saw the note that you wrote that I smelled like poo, she felt bad for me and didn't understand why you would write that, I tried to explain but it did not
work!!

Seriously, I laughed histerically to myself over that for a good minute. The note actually read that, "Ms.Hance smells like da poo, THUS she has no friends." But I mean cmon, did they want me to lie?! I think not.

I make a mix cd and it took me a combined 5 hours to put it all together. One because I am a perfectionist and Two I wanted it to be awesome and Three because I never used dem burners befo'
Technology is FUN!

The end result was entitled, As if it is my Job....The Mix

I ment to update last night but the site was being a BIG Meanie so I couldnt. Yesterday night the first episode of the improv show Quabble was taped. As I walked down to the Park School-where they tape it. I was really nervous for awhile, until I stepped onto the set. The only girl amongst the 3 seniors. I walked away feeling like I could fly, you gotta love a live audience. Now I feel more at ease, and I feel like I proved myself to only to them, but to me.

Then tonight I was coming back from Frequency, the MTV like show, and I walked passed the really cool fountains on the way back. They look so cool at night all lit up as they change colors. But as I walked by I noticed they werent the only things that were lit up. (Sniff Sniff) Thanks to Liz pointing out the pot smell at a concert, I knew what it was. How cute of them to be hanging by the fountain near the bushes! Gotta love the pot heads.

Also: I'm A coming home this very weekend. Yeah LI.

Peace SUCKA!

As I sat in my desk reading a book for class I came upon a sentence I would like to share:

Our German friend insists that we include some spaetzle and a load of pumpernickel bread, which gets its name from the verb pumpern, "to break wind," and Nickel, "the devil," because it was thought to be so hard to digest that even the devil would fart if he ate it.

This brings me to an interesting point, if the devil farted would it instantly be set ablaze? Perhaps only in hell it would turn to flames because of the intense heat, or maybe it would flame where ever he went because he's the devil n all. He would have to be proud of farting then, because there is no way he could deny it. Must be hard to be the devil.

So colleen what did you do all day?

Well, I read. Sometimes I would just pretend to be reading to get through the pages. Who writes books anyway?

Oh and I SO watched the Trading Spaces episode that they taped in my neighborhood and I got to meet Frank and Paige. Yeah Trading Spaces! If you dont know the show, but on TLC its on all the time and you will soon become a slave to interior design...with a twist.

Nothing more to say, so I just may, get some clay, and spray...it
It being the pit, or spit, that came with a kit, for sit-ting down
Down with the brown, of the clown, who lives in town, by the pound, and ate some ground...beef
Beef is chief in this reef...of coral
Coral is like the Moral of the story

Yeah that was some freestyle right there.

You see that brick holding my door open? Yeah, thats from a golf course!

Guess what?
I had fruity pebbles for breakfast. I bought myself a box last night. Do you remember those things? I do. And they RULE!
However they are less nutritional than Cherrios...go figure.

I really dont wanna talk about how I sold my soul to the devil, but it's really the most interesting thing I can think to tell you. Yeah, thats right, I am a slave to the dining hall. I was given the job of taking plates -which were as hot as hell...and we all know who lives there-and putting then at the different areas that needed them. Right away ppl were like oh that sucks, thats the worst job and I thought well it's not so bad, I get to walk around. Plus I get some exercise in my arms from holding the heavy hot ass plates.

Later on...

The person who is running the plates with me takes forever and keeps taking the light stuff-smaller plastic bowls. I was easily doing double the work she was and hid my hatred for her in a tight smile anytime we made eye contact. I just really hate when people slack off. This job also reminded me how much I hate people. The dining hall gets so freakin busy, I'm carrying these crazy hot plates, my arms hurt, I'm getting sweaty, and people don't know how to get out of the way...I envisioned myself tossing them out of the way or tossing a plate at their heads. See what work does?!!

Then I left. I thought it was 9:40 and was like...I'm outta here. Got to my room. Mr.Clock reads: 8:41. I'm all: CRAP! Get back down for another 15 mins. Those minutes were actually quite pleasant.

Later in the night:
I had late night dinner and enjoyed a shake. Because I EARNED it. Damn striaght.

Special thanks to:
My parents for the package
and Miss Maris for the sugar cookies AND zoo plates.

Mom, you got some stiff competition. Everywhere you go, Miss Marie is two steps ahead.

As Americans I know people want to forget the act that happened a year ago, but as human beings we must remember.

Recent News: My computer is void of Kazaa right now. It kinda messed up my computer at home so I'm alittle hesitant to download it. I wish there was some sort of super music man who could fly into my dorm room and take out his wand. A simple Tap would do the trick and my computer would be filled was a vast array of mad phat beats. Unfortunately Super Music Man is on vacation or something. Freakin' bum.

Last night my buddy Ben and I had some fun thinking of brand spankin' new ways to say poopin. None of you should be surprise by this. Let's cut to the chase, here they are:

Planting a tree
Feeding the fish
DING! My muffins are ready
Putting icing on the cake - that one I found hilarious and brought myself to tears especially when Ben said That makes No sense.
Squeezing out some brown - not as inventive, i admit
Time to take out the garbage
Crankin out some chocolate

this one I didnt invent, Kiehl shared it with me, so I'm passing it on.

Gotta drop the kids off at the pool

Thats all for now.

feilds is actually spelled fields, but of course...I dont know that.

*Refer to the last post to know what the F I'm talking about*

Under my Farja's request I must update the site. So SORRY that I havent updated, how crazy of me to like be out and about (said very sarcastically with extra jazzy hand motions to emphasize)

Hmm whats new?
Oh I got something!

As many of you probably read, I am a Field Producer for a show. Now I know you must be asking yourself:

What does a feild producer do?
Good Question. I pondered that same eternal question and thankfully sudhanshu was there to answer. Obviously we take shots of open feilds like wheat or corn. And then occassionally we have some people run through in slow motion to romantic music. However, in this case, the woman isnt running after the man as he thinks. Instead, she is running after her hat that blew off in the wind. That pesky wind. Always picking on those poor helpless hats. When is someone gonna kick the winds ass?

Someday...

Recent email made me want to post some of its contents. You have probably seen something like it before, but still...

Rejected Kid's Book Titles:

Robert: Dad's New Wife.
Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share.
That's It, I'm Putting You up for Adoption.
Grandpa Gets a Casket.
Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear.
You Were an Accident.
Daddy Drinks Because You Cry.
Your Nightmares Are Real.
Kathy was So Bad that her Mom Stopped Loving Her.

If only they REALLY existed. I think I'd read the last one to my kid.

Sometin bout College: They (my building friends) always ask where I get my catch phrases from. I recently taught them "like its my job" although they didnt want to say "like" because they thought it was being used in a way that shows low intelligence, so i revised it for them. I (insert verb) as if it is my job. That soon evolved to include shat. Soon after, and they rejoiced was added. Allow me to present the lastest catch phrase of the week:

He shat himself as if it was his job, and they rejoiced.

Oh AND I have the Phrase O the Week! Its back. It deals with poop. A wonderful and totally colleen way of introducing a new season of POW.
setting: Inside dorm room as we discuss different ways and saying of poop. Droppin a duece was mentioned, to name one. Then Sara spoke
What'd she say?

She said: My uncle likes to say Pinching One Off

Laughter came shortly there after.

I realise if people actually think too much about poop they become biased against it. Just put your immature kid helmet on and re-read the post. Its so much more enjoyable. Yaye Poop!

Miss Marie is famous now. I got three, count em, THREE card from her. Ms.Marie is a hardcore card sender. Watch out.

So last night I'm about to fall asleep and before I do I had the idea of me being part of 4 ICTV shows in my head because it's crazy to me. And all of a sudden my brain has a little convo with itself.

Right side: What did I write on those applications?
Left side: I vaguely remember something about cookies...

I loves ma cookies. Although I am more a fan of sugar cookies than the traditional chocolate chip ones. Oreos are good, I've always liked them. I remember this picture of myself when I was maybe a year old and I'm in my walker thing and I have oreo ALL over my face.
Nothing has changed.

The booted avenger:

Last night a new creature was made. After an innocent little girl stepped in some radioactive mud on the side of the road, her foot swelled and transformed her. She was no longer a college student. She now had a job. To kick the CRAP out of crime. One step at a time.

Oh snap it rhymes.
Dr.Suess in da house!

Score! Last time the most annoying thing happened. I tried to post and it didnt let me, so I tried again and thought I was so smart when I copied it. I figured, hey, if it doesnt post again then I can surely copy and paste it from word. Only thing is...I get to word and I can't paste it. ((SHAKES FIST LIKE ITS MY JOB))

So my last post delt with me being a moron. It was mistaken identity. I thought this kid was someone that he wasnt, so I made a face at him when we made eye contact. Turns out it wasnt him. Cuz I stopped the kid I thought he was (Jesse) at a table behind me. Best thing was when I made the face, I was alone at the table cuz Sudhanshu went to get some ketchup. I wanted to go over to the kid and be all....YEAH! I'm crazy.

Even more awkward: I saw the kid again in my building lobby. He was playing monopoly. And guess what? They were all cursing at each other. What a wonderful way to destroy friendships. Got someone you dont EVER want to talk to agian, would you like a divorce? Play Monopoly. Works every time.

Flashback!!!
recent inside jokes with Liz:

1) Anyone who is your friend, punch them in the face
2) Hartwick college...pffff more like FARTwick

Current Events:

Last night I did some good ol' square dancing in the Ithaca Commons. It fun for the most part. Things that took away from the fun include bearded, shoeless, tie-dye wearing yippies spinning me like it was nobodys business. Then later on I broke it down. Doing the lawn mower, shopping cart, pencil shapener, the sprinkler, the ghetto arm fling that Dave could NEVER do right. So yeah I danced to the mad phat country tunes. And it was def country cuz I did it was a red truckers hat that just barely laid on my head. Kinda like the way my dad will wear it....but worse.

No offense to Dad. But I'm sure Mom would agree.

Please work....

Ca-razy

Road Tripped it up to see the one, the only, notorious L-I-Z. It was fun when the bus fair is 65 cents, can't be a dollar or even better FREE. No we have to be difficult and make you pay 65 cents and we dont give you change. Hey Oneonta, you SUCK!!! Thats right, I'm NEVER going there again. I can't believe liz can tolerate their ignorance of bus fees. God Bless her.
Oh they also have these house things. So weird.
It was def good to be around ppl with my sense of humor. Felt like home.

I hope I am ready for this jelly: It's time for me to vent. I have a lot of classes on mondays, I also got casted in this improv show that I want to do more than my classes and I'm afraid I wont be able to do it because I might have my film class. Then I'm also a field producer, a f-ing producer that means I'm in charge of stuff. Then I might do some writing for a latenight talk show, and I might get to be a co-host for an MTV-like show. I am like taking over the Ithaca College TV station, slowly and skillfully. Like a cat.
"You're a cat" - Nick Ray
Hopefully I'm not in over my head. The ICTV is something I really want to do well but I also need to do well in regular ol' college. The overachiever I am, I just hope I dont pass out. That would suck.

(deep breath)


(exhale)

The little people: Thanks to Ms.Marie for the card. It was nice to hear from my homies in Rouge. Word to the doobies.

ok thats all class, you may leave now.

Question o the Day:

Snape143: how would one be tossed off the world?
ProudestMonkYgus: well...can we toss them in? we should set up a hole somewhere - maybe in belize or soemething - that goes to the most inner part of the earth and chute some bad people down there

To do list: teach people "fo' sheezy" and "like it's my job"-see below

Last night I went to this recruitment night for Ithaca College Tv (ICTV) and signed up to be crew/talent like its my J-O-B 10 shows total. Then today I is checking my email and lo and behold BAM 3 emails. 2 were for auditions and the other offered me the job of Field Producer for this movie review show called Trailer Park. I get to think of ideas of what to shoot I'm excited.
The fun dont stop there...I'm all la-di-da on the computer and WHAM! The phone rings. Naturally, I pick it up. It's this MTV-like show called Frequency calling me. They wanted to interview me for the job of Host, FREAKIN HOST for one of their shows!!!! See as a freshman I had some strikes against me for getting any offers so I wrote some crazy and amusing Colleenisms on the applications. ANd appearently it got some peoples attention. SCORE! So I have a meeting for this Frequecy show so they get to meet me and see if they want me. Watch out Carson Daly, Colleen in da hizzy.

Tomorrow I try out for this improv show after class, right before the Road Trip to the LIZDOME aka Oneonta. Its just tony, me and the road.

Wish me luck.
do it!
Ew, thats so rude
(gives "The Look")

Sometin bout College: Its fun to go to the bano (spanish for bathroom) on my floor.
Why Colleen?
I'll tell you why Question Person, because there are fun brochures in the stall. For example, 'Your Pelvic Exam' and Tips about Mary-jane and Coke..if you know what i'm saying. I have to say the Pelvic exam is totally uncalled for in the stall. It doesnt make me want to go to the OBGYN aka HELL!!!

My pyschology teacher should be on that SNL sketch when they talk about how great Da Bears and Da Bulls are. He says hes from Buffalo but I know its a lie. Crazy accent man. Oh and he kept saying that his eight year old is a genius. He's home taught and he wants to teach him spanish. Now if I had a genius poking around at home all defenseless against the CIA I don't think I'd be bragging about how smart he is. I dont think Dan Dagen is aware of the BRAIN SUCK 2000. Yeah it sucks your brain and they use you for govt info to take over the world. That poor eight year old. Keep him in your prayers.

I didnt want to post this all together, cuz then you might not read it. ha ha I'm tricky.

I've developed a brand spankin' new segmet called...

Sometin bout College: My 1st college shower experience. Now I'm in the shower and I am like hey i'm gonna get clean by using my shower gel. So I put some o dat bad boy on that lather ball. Alas, no lather.
Colleen thinks: What the heck?!
I put some more on. Nothing happens
Colleen thinks: Is this like bum soap or something?
I finish the shower, go back to my room. As I put back the shampoo I look at the shower gel and notice it's HAIR gel, not shower gel.
Colleen thinks: wow, thats sad.
Then I checked my skin to make sure it wasnt gel-like. It wasnt.

I'm smart!

It took awhile but alas...the internet is now hooked up to my compooder. I'm in college. Hurray for Ithaca! Each day gets cooler. Listen to dis!

Sharing is Caring: Last night my building in which I live called Terrace 2, aka Good Ol' Terrace 2, was having a nice friendly game o Uno. Now i'm in this program called HOME that deals with multi-cultural stuff. So i met some kids from India, Afganistan, and Hungry
The kid from India is hilarious. His name is Sudhanshu. I wish I had a cool foreign name. Anyhoo..I taught him some LI slang straight from my world.

LI Slang: mo-fo, bihotch, oh snap, uh-oh skettios, rats, Oh F

Now I didnt entitle this Sharing is Caring for no reason, I learned some curses in Hungarian. For instance, Orespu is the B word. Suktir is F Off. So anytime someone slapped a Wild Draw Four card down they were called an Orespu...for obvious reasons.

You never really say goodbye, in my opinion.

oh yesterdays word of the day: Bihotches

What a great word. Thanks Austin Powers for the following line that I said REPEATEDLY yesterday:
scene: jail cafe area
rapping: Dr. Evil
what did that foo say?: Ah, crystal (wine), my moto (cell), and a couple of bihotches (guys with mops on their head as hair)...why not?

Why not, indeed. How could you turn that deal down. He's living it up JAIL STYLE! word.

I think its time to look up a Random Word in the Dictionario...
thats right kids!
here we go, todays word is: ok I can't find the dictionary, so lets switch gears and do Thesaurus Tiempo!

This one is better anyway...
Imagine this: you're in a real mess because you can't find another word for ornament. This is common, don't panic. Take a deep breath and say, "Oh, I just love the way your christmas tree looks with all those embellishments on it."
Embarassing situation evaded.

The kid with the best lines of monday night was...
(drum roll)
(the roll, being made of bread, falls apart)
(I cry)
FRANKIE!!

He is my brothers friend and it hilarious. He doesnt seem 13 at all. Tony was gonna give him a dollar to get s'mo fireword for the bonfire. And when he returns he had one big piece and 4 other smaller ones. So Tony is all, You're not getting a dollar for that.
Frankie goes: Can I say something? I was chased by dogs.
And he didnt drop any wood.
Needless to say, Tony gave him a dollar bc he danced around in laughter after frankie said that.
Priceless

Today was the goodbye. Many of you know of Liz Rivalsi, she's won many Phrase's o the Week and said/done funny things. Well today she left for the college. Three hugs and a bunch of tears. An "I'll miss you." Followed up by, "I love you." I really do love her. It was hard to drive home when tears keep falling. I gave her three hugs because after each one it didnt feel like it was enough. How do you say goodbye to 5 years of spending like everyday together. It's not the end of the world, I'll see her in a month. But it still makes me sad. JEALOUS?!

Today I sat in Burger King all alone in a room of empty chairs.
I didn't feel alone.

Backround Info on what you JUST read: Yeah i SO wrote that on a napkin.

Today was some serious beach house fun. Adventures at the creek, climbing big rocks, watching fish freak out in the water. They kept leaping out of the water like it was their job. And after awhile I thought they were doing it as some kinda social thing, or to just mess with my head. The succeeded. Oh and sunsets are bridy.

Yeah i said bridy.
it's advanced votabulary.

I just love my family

Each day I have been spending WAY too much time in my car. I keep driving back and forth from my house and community of Lake Grove and then going about 25 mins out to the Beach House in Bathing Hollow. Its totally worth the drive. And as I just wrote that I realize the i guess its called symbolism in having to drive back and forth. At one end are my friends and the other is my family.

When I first drove out to the beach I was all stressed bc I knew I'd have to be driving back and forth like a mad man to see all my friends for "last" hangouts. And my dad said: Welcome to the real world. He was best friends with these guys in college and high school and used to hang out with them everyday. Now they are lucky to hang out once a month. Those are the things he tells me. And at one end it makes me sad, but then it makes me really happy. Cuz I know I'll be doing the same thing too. I'll be hanging out with these people for the rest of my life. Even if it is only once a month.

There was something I wanted to write about and then I fordot it. Don't you hate that?! I hate that. You know what else I hate. Math. and scary monsters. Monsters that do Math would probably me the scariest thing in the world for me to see. I'd prob pass out upon seeing it. I hope the monster won't eat me.

To Jon:

Of course you can sign my wall.

From,
Col

So the first annual Get To Know Your Boss Better Day was a total disaster. Appearently our boss "was confused" and in a fit or rage he ripped down all of our signs and threatened to fire ppl. Hopefully next year will be better.

Quote of the week:
If I was rich, I'd buy a crappy car to hit stupid people.
-Katie Woz

She got kinda mad when people were cutting the line to exit jones beach. But even if she wasnt angry I bet she'd say the same thing. Hey, I would do it too. I cant stand stupid people. They should be tossed off the end of the earth, along with ppl who walk slow.

As we were coming home from the concert which was really great, a Pathmark truck cut us off and liz said: I'm never going there again.
So I want all of you to boycott Pathmark bc their truck drivers are crazy mo-fos.

Lack of updates is due to beach house fun. The first night was great I spent some quality time with the fam. Played King of the Raft which I totally won everytime cuz it was against my brother who is skinny and his friend franky who is short. But once I play with someone bigger than me...I think I'll lose my reign.
Oh and Frankie threw up. Then before I was about to shower he very seriously comes up to me and says: Oh, Colleen..uh, there is still some vomit on the bowl. "on the bowl" what a great line. He projected that stuff, had a splatter pattern on the wall. And he also told me that after he threw up there was a piece of chicken from dinner still on the bowl. Naturally, I was JEALOUS!

In addition: My mom is a selfish DirtBag and will admit to this too. She's proud of it. Freaking dirtbag.

Driving around in my automobile: Today while driving on the VERY crowded Portion Road I saw this woman who had part of her skirt hanging out of her door. It made me giggle.
Plus: I got an idea for custom made horn noises. Mine would be a fart. A farting car horn. Its genius.

I go to Jones Beach in about an hour and a half.

Oh and dont fordet.

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY
Make your way over to Ralph's FAMOUS Italian Ices for
Get To Know Your Boss Better Day.
plus its my last day and I want a BILLION dollars in tips from you.

Last night I watched Ghost for the first time. Some consider that a crime.
In my late night movie watching mood that I currently find myself in, I watched and pretended I was demi moores character for a moment and silent tears poured down my face.

That movie made me want to act.
I miss my improv class.
I could be anyone. And it felt so good.

In other news: Last night I saw a little bit of cops and this po-po kept telling the guy who was under arrest that his dog would bite him. I think the guy lives alone and talks to his dog. Its just not normal to be THAT insistant that your dog WILL bite someone. Ma dawg!

I read a new website today. One thats been around most of the year and I never knew about. I read it now and its amazing. Most of the things I am aware of and others I had no idea. I'm sorry.
I wish I knew more.
I wish I wasnt stuck in the Colleen Mold all the time. Like I have to be this stereotype that only exists in my head.
I wish I could cry in front of you.
I wish I was a better person.
I wish I was always there for you.

I wish too much.

I'm a WIP
Work
In
Progress

you know, i love you.

Yeah so I saw Alan Rickman on Sunday.
What's up now?!
If you dont know who he is it's ok. I just wont talk to you anymore you. How do you like them apples?

Anyhoo I had some weird dream and the po-po were in it. Appearently I was part of this group of kids who played this big joke at waldbaums - I think, it was either there or the school. And then someone called the fuzz on us but they didnt know who pulled the prank so we evaded them. But at one point I was almost caught. Oh and it was raining. I dunno what the deal is with that? When does it EVER rain.
note: po-po and fuzz are slang words for police

There's NO time! AHHH
I feel like summer is running out of time too soon and I cant do all the things I was hoping for. RATS!

PLUS: Freakin' Kazaa doesn't work anymore on my computer so I deleted it and now have to download something new. How annoying is that? I bet those commies are behind this.

Oh you must be Mr. I dont like to go over 30 on Hawkins ave.
Hi. I'm Colleen. Can I punch you in the face?


You failed. You failed like a fat person trying to wear a skinny persons clothes.
-Merry

I think that could catch on and soon everyone will say that to each other when they fail at something, like...oh I dunno. LIFE! It'll make people feel really good about themselves and I bet the suicide rate will go down.

Also a strange phenomenon, the release of methane gas from the human body unbeknownst to the human being while laughing. Yeah it happened twice. That means more than once. Two to different personas.

The last sentence was made to confuse you.
[giggles]

I set up my new computer today and when it came to naming it, I paused. I needed the right name. Five minutes later, Mr. Compooder was born. Merry said she is going to name hers Skip. I told her that sucked. She said that Skip was gonna kick Mr.Compooder in the nut ball. As you can clearly see, Merry is a jerk.

What would you do for a klondike bar?

Person says, "Nothing, I hate those things."

Screen goes to black and reads:
Herseys

I hope thats spelled right.

note: I'm on a posting rage!!

I laugh at myself because I sound like a chinese person that just learned english in my last statement about the "jean"
I wish I knew how to type.

I need to say this.

Those Buddy Lee commercial suck.
They suck a lot.
It's just jean that your selling! Just show the jeans all nice like and say the motto and be done with it.

stupid jeans. Who makes those anyway? Cuz whoever does, isnt good at it cuz when was the last time you found a pair that actually fit you? Hmmm. Never! They are made for no one, in the invisible factory down town. I hate them. They make me feel uggie. But mama says I aint. I love mama.

Now, you might be asking yourself:

Hey how come there isnt really any phrase o the week anymore on Colleen Evanson's AWESOME website entitled Kickin' It Oldschool?

I'll tell you sometin. Since it's the summer, I no longer have to go on a real schedual of events so basically each day just kinda blends into the next. Today is Thursday though, I'll tell you that. And people say funny things still. But I just dont remember like I used to. Everything is...blurry. And there is this weird pain shooting down my left arrmmmmmmm

[silence]

Burn her she's a witch!: Thats right everyone, Liz Rivalsi is a witch! She told me in the car. Unfortunately her only power is to make everything shrink. How do I know this? Because she borrowed my sweatshirt tonight and when I got it back, I swear it shrunk! Everything she touches shrinks. She needs other ppl to feed her cuz as she said:

Oh chocolate...(touches it and it shrinks) ...oh man.

Tis a shame. I kinda feel bad for her. But not really cuz she is always putting a spell on me. And we all know how much I HATE spells. Things itch like crazy.

There's a rumble in my tumble.

I think I had some bad T-bell cuz there are some gurrrrrrgles errupting from the tum-tum. And I'm burping more than normal. Those crazy tums helped a bit, easing the pain. It's a shame cuz I really like T-bell so this aint gonna stop me from doin it again. And again. Again.
Then what happens? What if the next taco has a bomb in it? eh, I'll eat it anyway and then I'll hope being lactose intolerant will diffuse the bomb.

Man I should be a spy. They need more bomb eaters out there.

Lactaid Lady: what would you do if i turned into an old chinese man
FJive45: uhhh
FJive45: buy new clothes

I wonder what she would buy. Perhaps a nice pair of jeans, or cargo pants. I bet Old Navy is having a sale. If I owned Old Navy I would sell all the clothes and and replace them with cake. Cake clothes. They'd be yummy. People would NEVER be hungy. But you know eventually someone is gonna screw up when they are making the cake clothes and then there is a hang nail in it and someone chokes and the health department is then breathing down my neck and then I have to buy back all the regular clothes...millions are out of a job. All because of a damn hang nail. What a shame. I guess I'll just have to be a vet instead because I loves me some ammitables!

I saw the movie signs. wow what a crazy movie. at one point the suspense was too much for Merry and I to handle, so we held hands. But this was no ordinary hand holding. This was a grip of fear. It lasted about 15 mins and then I couldnt feel my hand anymore and Merry got a cramp, thank God the suspense was over or we prob would have molded to each other.

I always wanted a siamese twin. [sigh]

The days series of events went as follows:
-wakey wakey
-Jon's hizzy and Notorious BIG
- lobstaaah!
- Austin Powers

-Wakey Wakey: I woke up. Duh, I basically flat out told you in the title. freakin' moron

-Jon's hizzy..: So I got to Jon's hizzy where the mac daddy's are all chizillin (like villians), and after Pimp Master Dave left..the remaining gangstazz decided wez a gonna go in da pool. The gangstazz were Jon, Tony, Jesse, and myself. And we start free stylin' to da rhyme of BIG. And did you know....he says, "I Eat Cat" and I KNOW this is true cuz Jesse told us and Jesse is the reincarnation of BIG so he would know. That's right, sir. Biggy didnt die, he just became a skinny white kid in suburbia. AKA low profile.
It doesnt end there. Jesse and I talked like Snoop Dog on the rizzide hizzome. Das right. Fizzy in this hizzy. And if you want to talk about soda being fizzy then you say, "yo, dis soda be izzy fizzy"...drop the "f" off the first fizzy. It's simple grammar.

-I had lobster of the 1st time today. Muy bien. Our waitress at first was rude to Pat Shiel and then turned nice. She over hear us talking about if you would sacrifice some random persons life in order for you to gain happiness. And she said she'd kill them. Would you?

-Austin Powers: freakin' great. Go see it, just for the beginning even if you hate austin powers. Do it. Or else I'll spread all those nasty rumors about you!

(GASP!)

Check it out...New saying.

Isn't it cute?! I recently told Liz that I am SO sweet I think I'm made of candies.
A revolutionary candy. It'll be called rev-Oh-ution. The "Oh" is for the reaction you will have. A reaction of greatness. You will love its taste and question your life. You will quit your job and work for my candy factory. The candy factory will eventually take over the world as I create a candy race. Taffy people. The future is bright.

Oh it's so Bridy!

Hark!: say...what's that noise? I know! It's thunder. boo-yah.

Boy it's cold: Today I had to go into the storage fridge at work, or what I like to call...The North Pole, and I was looking for an ice. Not just any ice, but an ice buried in the frozen tundra. So I'm looking and I'm all cold n such. Then I realize, hey my nose hairs are frozen. That's right it was so cold my nose hair froze. It was pretty scary. Needless to say I got out of that situation pretty quick.

Me and TV have a love hate relationship
I love it for the world is shows me
and I hate that the world doesnt exist.
[shakes fist!]

I'm thinking of a motto change. I'll tell you when I change it. Look forward to that tomorrow. It's be the BEST thing you see all day. Guaranteed. Or your money back.

...although you never gave me money for anything. Wait, I'm doing this crap for free? What the F?! This is all Ziggy's fault. You know why? Cuz his comic strip is NEVER funny. Ever.

that is all.

If I were reincarnated into a fruit I think I'd be... a banana. It goes with lots of foods. It's yella. Grows on a cool tree. And monkeys eat it. Yeah monkeys!

Mike Myers IS Austin Powers IN Goldmember WHICH WAS soldout. Rats! Stupid summer that allows other people to go see movies at 12:30. People ruin everything. For instance nature. What have we done for her? I'll tell you what. We've taken a GIANT dump on her carpet and blamed it on the dog. And guess what? She doesnt even HAVE a dog. It'll be fun to see how our great great great grandkids will survive. I bet they'll lose. Mother Nature...more like mother-fer!
oh snap

I hope I didnt offend Mother Nature. I was only kidding. It's my job. Gotta pay dem bills or the man will disconnect ma phone.

This is what happens when you can't go sleepies. You ramble. My rambling is semi-coherent. At least I think so.

Examples of Sarcasm:
hey col
-Yes child?
let's say that hypothetically this old lady is walking near me and she keeps farting and it smells like old beef. What should I say?
-Ask her to continue to fart cuz it smells REAL good.

*this has been an example of sarcasm*
Paid for by the word pedagogic
-Hey, doesnt that mean educational?
You bet! Wow your smart. (mumbles under breath) dumbass..
-I heard that.