Today I got engaged. It was so romantic. Jon and I were going into the very fancy King Kullen to get Rice Krispies and marshmellows to make..you guessed it...Rice Krispies Treats! So we go on line and buy it. Afterwards Jon had a quarter so I told him he should buy something. We got over to the machines and then he said I'm going to buy you a ring. I asked if he was going to ask me to marry him and he told me to close my eyes. So I did, I wasnt going to be rude. My eyes were being all closed n such and when I opened them Jon was on one knee. He asked me to marry him and I said Ok. All the check out clerks were looking, they were so jealous. So he goes to put the ring on my ring finger and it didnt fit. You'd think he would have shopped for one that was MY size, but no. Once it didnt fit I was all...I guess we can't get married now. But he was in denial and thought it would still happen even though I knew it wasnt a real diamond. Cheapskate. Then we got back to my house and we got into a fight and he wanted an annullment. I gave it to him. But then we thought we could work stuff out, but if he hits me...it's over.

Married life is tough.

I know I have been slacking off with Phrase O the Week but i mean its not my fault if people dont say funny things. Or that they do and then I forget them cuz off all the drugs and devil worshiping that I do. You know I bet I actually could do all those things. Because everytime my mom asks what I'm going to do when I'm about to go out with my friends I tell her we're going to get high/sell drugs to kids/worship the devil. So I mean, I could totally do it and even tell my mom and she would think I was joking. Finally I get to become the dirtbag I have always dreamed of.

Hark! An epic story about a child in search of inner meaning and the 50 little people who helped her pull a giant airplane on Fox's new show...Man Vs. Animal. Read away:

Lactaid Lady: but i am a cold hearted bitch
FJive45: at least you you're facing your true identity
Lactaid Lady: its about time...you know maybe I should go on Dr.Phil
FJive45: ooooh
FJive45: he'd set ya straight
FJive45: get in yo face
Lactaid Lady: thats right...he'd tell me, "you know sometimes its hard to see your own face without a mirror"
Lactaid Lady: he is SO full of wisdom
FJive45: i dont know how he does it sometimes
FJive45: takes my breath away
Lactaid Lady: hes a giant among men
FJive45: a floater among sinkers
Lactaid Lady: there is no faster way to my heart then through poo references...

I think I mention poo way too much. I mean my life consists of other things, but I constantly mention poo. It's just funny. But sometimes I scare myself.

I'd like to address the issue of a certain Mail Man. Now there is this light near me known as Five Corners, this light blows because it takes for-ev to get a green light so I take a side street to avoid any road rage. When I take this street every so often there is this Mail Truck around and the Mail Man goes around on foot with his bag full o letters and he goes door to door; he's pretty oldschool. So whenever I drive past him, he waves. The first time I gave a confused wave back figuring that he mistook me for someone else. I see him again, and yeah, he waves. At this point I'm thinking, What is with this guy? My analysis is that he is "going postal" and he doesnt really care who he waves to, he just waves. There I am thinking I was all special...and then I see him waving to someone else in another car. I knew he couldn't be trusted. We are SO over! I dont need him!

WhatEVER

I saw Upright Citizens Brigade and it was amazing! Special thanks to Jesse for allowing me to stay at his "crib" and for all the crazy new inside jokes and of course giving up his bed so I could go sleepy. I saw Racheal Dratch go into the theatre and was so starstruck it was crazy. I was all...OMG! That's Racheal Dratch. Now I know many ppl are freaked out by her on SNL cuz she plays these not so pretty characters but I think she's hilarious. Jesse and I made a goal for this summer: take the UCB Class together. I really hope we do it.

On the train ride back I sank into my own little word as I listened to the American Beauty soundtrack and Fiona Apple mix. This guy sat next to me for awhile and at one point I looked over and saw his ear. This was no regular ear people. The outer rim...i dunno what it's really called, but he totally had hair growing there. I was like WHOA! That's gross! And then I realized he probably didnt like it when people looked at his abnormal hair growth on his outer ear. Gee, I hope he doesnt read this...

Where the F is everyone?!

Daily Shout Out:
To: Horatio Sanz
Why come?: Cuz he incorperated "I'm just jenny from the block" into the improv. Well done my friend. Jesse and I were really hoping to hear a line from Missy Elliot's "work it" but JLo was a good replacement.