DAY 6: Whale Watch!

- Turns out the town of Guerrero Negro is known for two major things, giant piles of naturally forming sea salt...


- ...and whales! I was told the whales usually get up close, occasionally stare you down, and perhaps let you touch them if they are feeling frisky. Unfortunately the weather was a bit windy and the water choppy. The people in the boat were getting antsy, "where are they?" Suddenly you are surrounded by blowholes, and dark shadows in the water. They were still playing hard to get but the few times they did come close I was reminded how much bigger they are than me, in this tiny boat. "Ok, that's close enough."


- On the way back there were some seals that were probably once in the Drama Club as they wanted us all to look at them. After the amusement wore off we began to wonder, "How did they get up there?"


- We caught back up with our posse afterward and got the impression that staying another day in Mulege was just ok. So we didn't rub it in their faces that we got cookies and ate ice cream for lunch.

- Turns out spending hours in the car makes my often sassy personality come out (shocking, I know). I stopped filtering myself which prompted a reluctantly giggling Phil to tell me to not get "fresh." It then became my goal to have him say that as much as possible. And I was successful, especially after asking if he'd rather fart constantly or never shower. We all agreed on farting.

- Every time we stop at a restaurant for a meal I tell myself I won't eat the chips and salsa but giant margaritas destroy my will power.


- We ordered dinner which then took an hour and then some to come out. Usually I'd be grumpy but I was buzzed and full of chips so I didn't mind. Instead I spent time watching the biggest dog I've ever seen, aka a black great dame named "Scooby Doo" despite the owners speaking limited English. I guess they get the Cartoon Network in Mexico. In this picture he's laying down and it's dark...but it's very possible I was just drunk and imagining it...


- Phil came out of the camper bathroom dressed for bed in these cutoff jeans that reminded me of a character on Arrested Development who claimed he was a "never nude" and had to wear cutoff jeans at all times in order to, you guessed it, never be nude. Suzi knew what I was talking about, Phil defaulted to claiming that despite the jeans he was a catch and a good provider.

- My hips were killing me which made no sense at all. I went from playing soccer or frisbee four times a week to maybe walking around town at a leisurely pace after sitting in a car for two hours. My best guess was my senior citizen friends were stealing my life energy so they could keep partying. That's the REAL reason I was invited...

- Once again I found myself exhausted before 9pm. As I went back into the camper I decided to take a picture of the door with a note on it that was applicable at pretty much all times.

It reads, "C (for Colleen), in bar, P (for Phil).

DAY 5: Still Rouge

- Sunrise walk along the beach where I picked up more shells I really didn't need. I'm like a crazy bag lady walking around with rocks. "OK, I don't need any more - ooh look at this one, it's orange!"


- Back in the camper I enjoyed half of the pineapple empanada. 10 minutes later I enjoyed the other half.

- The salesman in Mexico are persistent and everywhere. We are on a beach and in the AM three different guys came to the door to sell us stuff. We caved for the guy with fruit and veggies in the trunk of his car. Sounds sketchy but it wasn't.

- We were still ROUGE and went back to a town called Guerro Negro in order to go whale watching the next morning. It was just the three of us - well four thanks to Paco. We went through military checkpoints. It's like a toll booth but instead of paying money you have to try to speak Spanish and get out of your car so the 15-25 year old kid with a gun on his back can make sure you aren't smuggling drugs. As I took Paco for a walk, I was asked the following:

1. What's the dogs name?
2. How long did you study Spanish?
3. Do you have a boyfriend?

- We stopped off in this town, I think was Santa Rosalia, where we found a church built by the same guy who did the Eiffel Tower. Like Superman, it was made of steel:


- Stopped by a famous supposedly french bakery now panaderia where Phil and I went to town. "Let's have 3 of those cookies, 2 of the scones, a couple of muffins, 3 slices of that crazy frosted bread, 1 of those red looking things, what is that? It's not blood right? I dunno she said it was fresca."

- Explored another grocery store aka place where items are stacked in a hot mess. Observe the cereal isle:


- And then had ice cream for lunch. I opted for the banana with nuts. The scooper was like this gun looking thing that made square like scoops. I've been told they do the same thing in the Rite Aids here in America. Shows how much I shop there...


- Suzi talks to my dad unsupervised on the phone and gets a kick out of his Lawng Island accent.

- I break into the giant bag of cookies and things, "hmm, tastes like gingerbread..."

- We were back at the hotel with the wonky internet so I went down the block to an internet cafe to check email and stop the shakes from my withdrawal. Only cost me 5 pesos for 10 minutes. Practically free!

- On the way to dinner I took my favorite picture of Suzi and Phil. The hand holding a sweet quiet gesture of love...and also because Suzi has terrible balance.


- At dinner I order a margarita. Til this point I was holding off and mostly ordering water. Suzi implies I need it to unwind from all the old people, I tell her I just needed to dry out for a bit as I've never drank so much in my life. This one hit the spot and we shared travel stories about other foreign countries where we were all at one point in a car on a makeshift road with a crazy driver thinking it would be our last.

- We topped off the night with some date pie that was a mix of flan with dates in it, baked with a hazelnut crust. We all agreed it was "interesting" but ate all of it.

Baja Road Trip: "Going Rouge"

DAY 4

- Bed & Breakfast delivers: home made jam with fresh made bread? Yes, please. Also I will eat your giant bowl of fresh peeled fruit! Nom!

- Suzi & Phil decide they want to tell my parents about the salt & peppered, older Mexican man named Paco I've been sleeping with at night. He's a total catch, especially since he's missing his front teeth.

- We quickly ran into town to take pictures of the mission church and more importantly buy a date pie. Here's the thing, I know how to ask "how much?" in Spanish, but I'm not good with numbers in English so getting a number in Spanish...forget it. At first I pretended I knew what he said, I hesitated, he said it again, I held out 150 pesos. He resisted the urge to sigh at me before stating, "Eighty-five." Damn, I'm such a gringa!

- Then we were off on the (very bumpy dirt) road again. Suzi and I were riding in the camper while Phil drove down a road we determined was 300 miles long. He claimed it was 25 miles, but he was driving so what does he know.

- Random road stop aka time for a beer. Lindsay, Jean, and I went for a walk towards the shore with a bunch of plastic bags for shell collecting aka free souvenirs. The view was amazing, water crystal blue, and we found a hotel where Lindsay had me take a picture with a pool boy...well pool man...pool older man...with limited English. Either way we enjoyed the view.


- We got into the next check point town: Mulege. My cousin Joe went to check into the hotel only to be told someone else named Joe took their rooms earlier that day. Damn you common American name! Luckily Phil, Suzi, and I were self sufficient in the camper so we WENT ROUGE! We decided to camp out on a beach instead. Jealous?


- It was 5pm, aka happy hour. We discovered a little place on the beach called "Bertha's" and the name was just too good to resist. The Wednesday night special was cheeseburgers. As a recent vegetarian (with the exception of fish) that wasn't going to fly. I asked for a menu and was told that in fact cheeseburgers were the only things they were serving. A special indeed. So I ordered a Kahlua on the rocks. Suzi and Phile ate their cheeseburgers while I downed the complimentary chips and salsa. When they got a complimentary ice cream dessert with their meal from the owner, a white guy disappointingly not named Bertha, he saw my food envy and indulged me but mostly because he thought they were my parents and I was under 21 as he then asked if I wanted a re-fill on my coke.


- Then we check out the "supermarket" and discovered that was a very generous title. Most of the gorcery stores I went to in Baja are akin to a gas station mini mart. This one was rocking some narly looking fruit fly occupied bag of oranges and empanadas. We opted for the pineapple and apple empanadas, you know, for a healthy breakfast...

- While Phil set up a camp fire I went for a stroll to check out the digs and take pictures. As the sun went over the mountains I heard a familiar whistle Phil uses to call the dog, aka my Mexican boyfriend Paco, when he wonders on his pee breaks. I then continued only to hear yet another whistle. "Is that for me?" As I approached him he apologized claiming he wasn't my dad and I wasn't a little girl... I stopped him saying, "Don't worry. My mom thanks you."


- Phil and I star gazed looking for Sputnik while having a fire side chat where I realized that life was slowing me down to enjoy the things in front of me instead of always running after that carrot.

- That night the Phil snoring Suzi warned me about finally showed itself. It wasn't terrible but I did contimplate breaking out the guest earplugs. Then Suzi nudged him awake and quietly told him he was snoring and it was annoying. He defended himself saying, "You know, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone." Without missing a beat Suzi replied, "Where you goin'?"

Baja Road Trip, Episode 3: Now Available on DVD!

DAY 3

- After splitting a full fruit plate for only 2 dollars and drinking some delicious fresh squeezed OJ, guess what I had to do in little less than an hour? Let me say attempting to pee in a moving camper is dangerous territory. (Also in the TMI world, from not drinking a ton of water my pee was basically bright orange.)

- So after avoiding giving myself a golden shower, we arrived at what turned out to be one of my favorite places of the trip: San Ignacio. We stayed at an awesome bed and breakfast. The rooms were these big tents, there were date palms everywhere, the dirt roads around us were covered in broken sea shells (not to be confused with broken dreams) and according to their sign they take Visa - but I'll have you know FALSELY advertised for iguanas...Also they had working WiFi. GASP! Be still my heart!

- The Canadian couple who runs the place (ey?) allows you to use kayaks on this lagoon that's part of the property. Once we arrived Jean (65) and I went kayaking. Here's the thing, she's an avid kayaker and I am not so I had to haul ass to keep up with her, though technically my kayak was bigger and thus heavier so really I probably WOULD have beaten her.

- Upon surveying the camp grounds I discovered several wondrous things such as: a dirty "Finding Nemo" stuffed animal hanging between the palm trees...and, are you ready for this one, I FOUND it amusing. It was far from my grasp but it didn't seem to be filled with candy.


- I then discovered a working (?) toilet aka a shack with a bench that had a hole in it. Although they did manage to get a toilet seat, which was still up. My guess is it was left up by the guy who was literally "living in a van down by the river" a la Chris Farley motivational speaker character from when SNL was actually funny. I got a peak inside this van but unless he was rocking the homeless look after faking his death, it wasn't him.

- Dinner here was a force to be reckoned with despite the fact that it was Chinese food, cooked by Canadians in Mexico. The homemade egg rolls were annihilated, including by Suzi who claimed to be allergic to all things shell fish. So when we discovered some pieces of shrimp in them, her husband Phil was on guard to run for the epipen a la "Pulp Fiction" (well probably not that intense but still). She casually kept eating claiming it was worth it. Then like Y2K, nothing happened. Food miracle! We celebrated by eating date cake. YUM.

- This night I actually stayed up late chatting with Jean and Jim about hippie things like Farmers Markets, hiking, and how crazy Sarah Palin is. Here's us being un-American.

- After we were done it was 10pm. Yeah, that's right, we were party animals. I insisted I could find my way back to where the camper was parked by the lagoon on my own with the use of my iPhone. I mean how dark could it be? Despite the stars being AMAZING (I felt like I was a bug in a shoe box that had holes poked in it) they weren't bright enough. My phone couldn't light more an a foot ahead of me. I silently thanked myself for the walk earlier. Now all I had to do was remember how to get back without being eaten by coyotes or murdered by the man "living in a van down by the river!" Simple. It looked like this, only pitch black. (Sorry, Mom!)

- I made it back safe and sound only to find the camper door locked! Damn! For a second I contimplated having to walk back but then Phil opened the camper door. He was trying to keep the houligans away. Shortly after I fell asleep to/giggled at the weirdest bull frog's song.

And now Masterpiece Theatre presents the second part of an eight part series: Baja Road Trip, the Colleen Evanson story...

DAY 2

- As previously indicated I only packed clothes for about a week and when it started to drizzle I didn't exactly have a rain coat but did get to borrow a GIANT one that made me look like I was a five year old who discovered daddy's closet.

- Since I'm still on unemployment I bought a bunch of food at the local swap meet before we left to save on food costs (all for under 10 US dollars, what a steal!) I managed to grab a banana and some peanut butter before joining everyone for breakfast. They all thought I had an eating disorder when I didn't order anything until I told them I was poor.

- Attempting to read the scrolling news in Spanish and realizing I don't know as much as I think I do. "Something, something, Japan...."

- Forgetting how much being in a car all day blows, especially when my hip starts to hurt from sitting around. Though it did give me a common bond with my fellow retired traveling partners to complain about my body breaking. It is also possible they were sucking out my youngster energy in order for them to stay so spry...

- Not drinking water to avoid having to pee all the time. Then taking a pee break in the camper despite hearing we were 30 minutes away from our next stop because, hey you never know.

- Going around a corner to find the car we were following to be facing us and sliding backwards down the road, engine smoking, and a smashed car in the other lane. Oops. Accidente!

- Documenting the car engine set itself on fire...(thankfully no one was seriously hurt and on a lesser note thank god I took the pee break).

- Watching pudding go to waste at the side of the road and being tempted to save it. "Poor little pudding snack. It's still good. Is anyone looking?"

- Enjoying my cousin, Baja Joe, try to talk to the young Mexican woman who got injured and was smothered in blankets on the side of the road in Spanish, even though she spoke perfect English. Here's a sample. Baja Joe asks, "Senorita, donde esta un dolor?" The senorita replies from her cocoon, "My left arm hurts."
- Discussing my worse fear of being on fire, then running to ocean to put myself out only to be attacked by shark and subsequently drown. Hey, it could happen!

- As it began to rain and the military, ambulence, and tow truck arrived, Baja Joe ran to get a jacket and returned with a Shamu poncho.
- Rolling into a hotel that advertised to have free WiFi. Although they neglected to inform me it was the P.O.S. variety. I log on, get a full signal, it doesn't work. I log on, it kicks me off. I get on long enough to post a picture on Facebook, then it kicks me off. "Mexico, you internet tease. Fine. I’ll go to bed at 9:00pm…jerk." (File this complaint under: White Problem)