I want to try to walk off the face of the earth. I wonder when you fall. Logically I would say Antarctica since it's the bottom of the world, but that's too easy. I bet there is some crazy little country that just propells you into space. Probably Guam. Why guam, because everyone always uses it but never really goes there. For example, "My car is parked in Guam." No it's not, it's just far away. So I think Guam is wicked pissed that no one actually visits it. So once some innocent person come by...WHAM! Tossed off the world.

Speaking of the world, the ride It's A Small World in Disney is the most offensive ride in the world. Every race and ethnicity is stereotyped. For instance, chinese people are eating rice and the black people are in the jungle. Young kids go on it and get subliminal messages to make them prejudgice. Conclusion: Disney is the root of all evil and hate.

It's time for Dictionary Tiempo!!
todays word: flowerpot - noun. a pot in which to grow plants. [i.e.-Ms.Jones has a lovely new flowerpot that she keeps her daisy's in, want to break it and destroy her happiness?]

I am VERY excited that I got the chance to chat with a celebrity today. I got to ask him some interesting questions. It was a DELIGHT..


Lactaid Lady: who is you?!
FJive45: billy bob thorton
Lactaid Lady: really?
Lactaid Lady: so whats it like being married to angelina jolie?
FJive45: its scary
FJive45: i think she is scary
Lactaid Lady: are you in love with her...?
FJive45: i love her so much i'm probably going to kill her, and eat her so she'll be with me forever
FJive45: ...or until i digest her
FJive45: .....ew angelina poo
Lactaid Lady: ooh so i see your insane...
FJive45: i'm billy bob thorton
FJive45: so yeah
Lactaid Lady: whats it like to be southern
FJive45: sticky
Lactaid Lady: did you like being in Armegedon
FJive45: armewhatton?
Lactaid Lady: thats what i thought
Lactaid Lady: why did you get into acting?
FJive45: i kind of fell into it, i originally wanted to be a cartoon, but they told me...something....about....
FJive45: hm
FJive45: do you party?
Lactaid Lady: hey i'll do the questions ok
FJive45: :____( m'ok
Lactaid Lady: what is your favorite curse word
FJive45: buck futter!
Lactaid Lady: good choice
Lactaid Lady: if you could be an animal, which one would you be
FJive45: i'd be a vulture. they like to eat dead things like me.
Lactaid Lady: whats your favorite tv show
FJive45: celebrity boxing, if i could face anyone in the ring, i'd face my wife angolina, b/c thatd be a prime chance to kill her, and then eat her and...well ah HA you know my plan!!
Lactaid Lady: i feel awkward.
FJive45: i feel sad.

The End!

If you could do one dance for the rest of your life, what would it be?

The mash potato?
The twist?
The shimmy?
The robot?
The charleston?
The electric slide?
Swing?
Breakdance?
Slow dance?
Tango?
Salsa?
....

Who got a job?
-Col got a job.

Where is the job?
-Ralph's famous italian ices

Who else works there?
-Everyone in 11th grade and their mom.

omg I think the end is near. I just saw a playstation game where you dance as Britney Spears. Confess your sins now! Before it's too late..

I dont like having allergies. They make my contacts blurry. Then I have to blink wierd. People might think this has some sort of innuendo, or even worse...that I'm about to fall asleep. Cuz we all know that once people fall a-sweepies around people who are awake they are fair game.
Draw on the face; beard, unibrow, etc.
Hand in hot water [to make you pee yo'self].
Wedgie.
Atomic Wedgie.

Ouch. Atomic...

I feel like writing something. But alas, writers block!


Would you rather..

be able to fly or turn invisible at will?
teleport or read minds?
live forever or have tomorrow be your last day?
have no front tooth (and you can never get a fake one) or just have your pinky and thumb on one hand?

My answers:

1) invisible: because if I could fly people would see me and then probably turn me into some six flags ride. Either that or I'd be forced to be a superhero...thats too much responsibility
2) teleport: I could go where ever I wanted to like that! And I dont think I'd want to know what someone is thinking.
3) One more day: If I live forever, eventually I'm going to realize that I dont get to experience what everyone else does...death and afterlife. Plus I'd outlive all my friends and be lonely.
4) Pinky and Thumb: I'd feel too much like a hillbilly with one front tooth. And we all know that being a hillbilly isnt much fun.

Sometimes when you look too deep into the little things in life, you think: Who cares, what does it matter? But then when you try to imagine your life without the little things, it's empty.

Now for the funny:

Batteries hate me. The Audi battery is dead, now the Toyota battery refuses to be recharged. Was it something I did? Maybe I didn't love them enough. Maybe I didn't deserve them. They were too good for me. They need someone better. They are destined for great things, things I could never provide them. They're better off without me.
Wait a sec...What about ME?! [gasp] They must have been cheating on me with another car. A whorey foreign one. How dare they do that! How was I so blind not to notice? No matter, I don't need them. I can love again. I'm fine on my own.

I'm no battery killer!! All I am guilty of is loving them...a love above and beyond what anyone will EVER understand.

Key to Life: its just a matter of not being lazy

Phrase O the Week goes to C3P0 from Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. Now as many of you are probably aware I, and several others, went and saw this on Thursday. We all got a kick out of the ridiculous use of his puns in the battle scene. There were two that really touched our hearts and made us say, "oh my god.." in a rather dry tone.

First one: C3P0 is fighting in the battle and his head is taken off the driod's body by R2D2 (Don't ask how it got there, just see the movie) so he's getting his head dragged across the sand and he says: This is such a drag.

Number Two: After getting his head dragged over he is then next to his body and he's also a bit flustered by the surrounding events of good vs. evil...ya know how it is. So he then states: I am quiet beside myself.

Ya see it's funny because he WAS beside himself. Oh the hilariousness!! At the time it actually amused me and made me chuckle just because there was intense fight scenes going on as he's saying all this. But on its own, it's like a big ball of cheese...ah, who am I kidding?! It's STILL funny...right? RIGHT?!

Anywoo-best potential night o tv, for me anyway. One hour season finale of simpsons (7pm) and then a two hour series finale of The X-Files (8-10pm). What could possibly be greater, other than being able to eat junk food and not get fat? If anyone knows please inform me.

Now I must go. I've got an hour and a half to KILL. (dun Dun DUN!!)

I like this song: Sweatness by Jimmy Eat World