Saturday, March 23, 2002

The Phrase O the Week goes out to a very special man...Tony Saccoccio. After seeing the play on Friday, which was freakin awesome, Liz and I began to play in our own little band. She played the shrinking guitar and I played the drums. After a couple sets, Tony came over to join us and became quite the little break dancer kinda thing. And at the end of our hit single he said:

Boom-shimmy-tastic
(He then added a nice little twitch into a pose at the end. It was a DELIGHT)

Can't go wrong with the shimmy.

Wednesday, March 20, 2002

We have all seen the various array of barbie dolls. Barbie, Skipper, Ken. There are culturally diverse dolls and even white trash dolls such as pregnant teen Barbie. But we have yet to see a line of Homeless Barbies. Ripped rags, lazy eye, hunched shoulder, blackened teeth...what's NOT to love?! Sure these dolls won't be pretty, or as I called it in second grade "brity," but they have something more precious than short pink skirts. They got soul, or nasty stank, i'm not sure which. So i propose a new line of homeless dolls and we don't have to worry about the homeless seeing them and being offended cuz they don't have the money to buy one and complain. So rememeber kids homeless=fun!!

If homeless doll doesn't pull throught there is always hope for Obese Betty: she sits, she eats, she watches tv. Is there anything she CAN'T do?!
I think not.

Tuesday, March 19, 2002

Now imagine the future of shoes. Nike already is making crazy lookin shoes so I figure in 20 years they will develop the first invisible shoe. You know all the kids will want it. And the rich kids will make fun of those with those stupid old shoes. And the poor less educated children will figure, well I could always pretend I have invisible shoes on...how could they tell the difference? So the poor kids go to school with their socks on and start showing off their new invisible shoes to the rich kids. But the rich kids know its not real and make him walk on lava to prove it. As a result of his injuries, the poor kid dies. And in conclusion, invisible shoes should not be made. As cool as they would be, they are like satan's panties. Pretty to look at but should never be worn because of their capacity to destroy the world.

Here are some more tips for life:
Don't go to school
Take drugs
Never drink milk
Drinking and driving is ok
Teenage pregnancy is cool

Monday, March 18, 2002

The dangers of senoritis. Ladies and gentlement I am proud to present...Merry's Story.
Starring Cookies4Grandma as Merry and Lactaid Lady as Colleen

Lactaid Lady: crazy merry
Cookies4Grandma: *smacks self in head*
Cookies4Grandma: I is crazy
Cookies4Grandma: NOw I think I may officially go crazy
Cookies4Grandma: *goes crazy ALL over da place*
Cookies4Grandma: Crazy over here *points* crazy over there *points* crazy EVERYWHERE *dances
Cookies4Grandma: *
Lactaid Lady: its the CRAzY monSTA
Cookies4Grandma: THere are monSTAZZZZ all ova the place TOO
Lactaid Lady: (gasp)
Cookies4Grandma: What to do
Cookies4Grandma: Crazy merry
Cookies4Grandma: AND monSTAZZ
Lactaid Lady: AHHH!
Cookies4Grandma: What
Cookies4Grandma: What?!
Cookies4Grandma: *looks around confused*
Lactaid Lady: uh, merry i think you should go to sleep now
Lactaid Lady: nice quiet sleep
Cookies4Grandma: who are you... my MOM?!
Cookies4Grandma: so wait, you want to put me to sleep?
Cookies4Grandma: That's rough
Lactaid Lady: not to sleep, i want you to rest your eyes
Lactaid Lady: the monstas wont get you there
Lactaid Lady: you make the rules
Cookies4Grandma: NO WAY! *opens eyes REALLY wide*
Cookies4Grandma: *looks around with eyes open really wide*
Lactaid Lady: (sigh) there is nothing i can do
Cookies4Grandma: Nope
Cookies4Grandma: Nut-TIN
Cookies4Grandma: Care 'bout nut-TIN

Footnote: Merry was institutionalized after killing Colleen, claiming she had become the "CrAZy MonSTA!"


I've recently discovered the fun in using the word "pants" and incorperating it to make comical last names. First there is John Oldpants: the old man who steals kids nerf toys because he says that nerf is the devil, which it's SO not, it's just foam. Then there is the teachers who all work together at school:

Mr. Slowpants: he drives slow and teaches history
Mr. Snowpants: most people confuse him with Slowpants because the names sound familar. So through that, they became good friends and play a round of poker on Thursdays.
Mr. Tightpants: dispite the common jokes of him being up tight, Mr. Tightpants is a cool guy

But then there is the new teacher. Mr. Jeans. You see, the other teachers dont' like him because he thinks he's better than everyone else just cuz he doesn't have "pants" in his last name, his last name is a type of pant. He's going to have to work for the respect of his peers. Perhaps Ms. Kachi can give him a few pointers...

Tips for Life:
Try to add "Otay" to your vocabulary
Don't eat cereal too fast
Tie your shoes
Avoid killer robots

Sunday, March 17, 2002

A delayed Phrase O the Week for all the good boys and girls:

This week's phrase goes to Jimmy Fallon, he's hot and funny. For those of you who don't know, he does weekend update on SNL. Last night he got kissed by the host (a old guy) who dressed as Dame Maggie Smith (an old actress). Afterwards he had this to say:

Maggie Smith needs to shave.

Crazy men in drag just can't get enough of wee Jimmy Fallon.

The Mighty Thesaurus told me that another word for xanthic is fulvous. Hopefully this will help avoid embarassment when you want to use xanthic in conversation but someone else just used it. Just say hey, that's pretty fulvous. Instant popularity I tell you, INSTANT.

Wise Words:
Flattery is alright - if you don't inhale
--Adlai Stevenson

Good song: Criminal by Fiona Apple