Yesterday I farted on Yvone at least 7 times. I mean, yes, I am pretty gassy but that was unheard of. They just kept coming so I was like...ok share the wealth. Ben told me I was grosser than any of his guy friends. Soon after that I began to burp.

Yvone had this to say about her experience:

"I want to be like you so I can fart on people. It's so beautiful and meaningful. It's like your sharing yourself with other people because you are a very giving person."

"Oh my god, you burped and then you farted. You are amazing. You are God."

Now I know I aint no God, but I think the reason for all my gas is being lactose intolerant. My stomach kinda sucks. And guess what I had yesterday! Ice-cream and I had only one pill with me so I think that one pill took away the pain but didnt stop the flatulance.

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This morning I was eating an english muffin that I put jelly and butter on. At one point I went to take a bit and some of the filling fell out. Hmm..where did it go? Yeah, right on my pants. But not only was it on my pants but it landed on the best spot, right on the crotch. I mean this thing hit the seam. It's crazy. I haven't changed my pants yet.

I think I will make this the Best Line used by a teacher in a handout...It's a detailed award, but oh well this needs to be in a category all it's own. Ready? Otay!

You see, I had to write this 10 page paper for my Courtrooms and Communications class and he gave out this handout of what an analytical paper was. The paper was about an actual court case we observed and the teacher, Mr. Sullivan, gave an example of what not to write. One point was to not describe what you saw.

The example:

The defending attorney asked the witness, "So Ms.Rose, are you a compulsive liar, or just plain stupid?
The witness replied, "Boo Hoo, I hate you."

Let me tell you that as I was typing the lawyer's question I already began to laugh at the answer. I get a visual of these things and it makes stuff 10 times funnier. Oh that Sullivan, he's such a pissa.

And for that he deserves the Phrase O the Week.

Can you believe this guy? Comes from no where and wins to awards in one day, and the one award was made FOR him. Geez, what is with Colleen. I think she has a crush or something...

Hey SHUT UP!

I had to go to work today, that sucked. I hate that dining hall with a passion. I hope that I dont ever have to go back to that dark, dark place. It's evil i tell ya, evil! Last time I went looking for another job the only other opening was as a model for an art class. A nude model. For a second I seriously considered it. But then I was like...ah-No! I mean cmon, I'm not Christina Anguliara...or however it's spelled.

I watched behind the music of Busta Rhymes, this guy is awesome. But I wish they did a behind the music on Ace of Base. Athought that would probably only be about 10 minutes long. Oh well...

Go away!

Today I was walking in the snow and and I noticed the sneaker prints. Some of them had skids from when people would run and slide on the snow. Bur there were like these mini skids on the end. And I was thinking, what the heck? That is such a waste of a skid, because it was obviously not long enough to slide and enjoy the ride. Then this kid in front of me was dragging his feet as he walked and I noticed he was making those same makes. It was then I realize, those mini skids were just proof of people who dont know how to pick up their feet. I hate those people. They piss me off like you would not believe. I kinda wanted to push him. But I didnt.

Today I also saw the closing arguments about a rape case. Yeah that was pretty crazy. Now I have to write a 10 page paper on it...by Friday. YES! I got 2 pages done. So I feel semi-productive. I need to get a robot to do it for me. A crazy 10 page expert writing robot with rose colored cheeks, blue eyes, and a love for ceiling fans.

It's time to guess which present I actually want!

1) Bland CDs
2) Weapons of mass destruction
3) the plague
4) basket full of apples with smily faces on them

the light outside my dorm door is blinking like a mo-fo. I like it though, its a really slow strobe light. It also has this artistic touch. I find it very interesting. The word I'm searching for here is "character."

Sorry that the last comment wasn't really ment to be funny, but if you found humor in it...good for you!

Uh yeah I feel obligated to write something hilarious and I can sense my impending failure of that so I'll probably just ramble. Ok there is opera coming from the hallway...who does that? Who plays opera? I didn't know there was an old lady living next door.

Today after taping a show me and some fellow co workers remembered the good ol' days of Mortal Combat. The blocky digital blood, the repeated leg swipes, the Finish HIm! voice. Those were the days...none of that crazy 3-D things. I think I know how my dad feels, I mean he has pong to compare things to and while I am a fan of pong, I mean cmon. It's kinda, well, dated and and even old school mario can kick pongs ass.

the end.

Hark! An update!

I'm going to mention this in very colleen fashion. Yeah you guessed it, a story about poop.

Ok so last night I was in Sudhanshu's room talking to Kiehl and Douglas when I my bladder was like hey it's time to go. So i go into their single bathroom on their floor, low and behold...no there wasn't poop there, but there were some poop marks. There was one pretty big one and then a couple smaller ones. I do my business and flush, and the little marks get wiped away thus making the marks fresh. I went back to the guys room and told them, I even showed Sudie. Then we discussed how it was made. Kiehl said it had to bounce around when it flushed. In the end we concluded that it was a big floater that bounced when flushed.

As if that weren't enough for ya...check this out!

This morning while talking to Sudie (new nickname for Sudhanshu I just came up with) he told me that when he went to brush his teeth in the single bathroom someone left a HUGE deuce in there and didnt flush. He said, and I believe this will win Phrase O the Week:

It looked like the work of a giant.

Daily Shout out!
To: Jules!
Why: During dinner she told us how last night she actually fell asleep at the computer and her head hit the Z so when she woke up there were 5 pages of Zs.

The following is taken directly from Unkie George's email:

It is hard to imagine that the one little complaint was embellished so lavishly!
Well done! If I had only known all these things about myself I surely would have included them in the e-mail. Next time I will include more detail in my complaint.....

As for your father, there are two ways to look at this...

1) He was just kidding and you are experiencing writers block, so you need SOMETHING to get a little bit of juice flowing since you don't have a phrase o the week yet and besides writing about snow nothing interesting is happening, so you figure that a little controversy between two friends who would exhaust themselves mentally and physically taking on each other in a battle of "wits", not to mention the fact that you would gain great pleasure in your father being involved would give you the impetus for great writing. So I see this as being all about YOU!

OR

2) You father was serious and therefore looking to cause serious strain on our friendship. Although I can't see this happening, nothing is beyond possibility.

So if this scenario is true, I have only one thing to say:
WHINER

Quote of the week:

"Get out of bed, unless you can make money by staying there" - George Burns

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Now I dunno about you, but that stuff about this being all about me was pretty harsh. Although what can I say, I loves ma controversy.