Attention people of Earth! It is REALLY important that you watch this clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFicqklGuB0

I would have provided the link directly on the page except it's too big so now I'm making you work for it. That's right! It may be Friday but that doesn't mean you can get everything your heart desires at a click of the mouse.

However I'd like to say that on most Fridays I feel completely justified in not working out, having a big dinner that makes me feel full to the point of regret, and then going the extra distance with dessert. It's almost like all the additional calories don't count because hey, it's Friday. I EARNED IT.

Now that I'm driving 50 miles a day I realize how much I hate LA drivers. This is nothing new but it's just more apparent to me now. Basically no one should be driving except me and a select group of friends and co-workers. I basically need to run for office to be Queen of the Universe. I'd be an awesome dictator.

Mandatory watching of GOOD tv, see you later dumb reality shows (aka The Hills). Forced midday work naps. Execute Paris Hilton, this character named Snookie, Ryan Seacrest, and Glenn Beck. Re-instate Conan O'Brien. Free chipwich Fridays (ice cream sandwiched between two cookies of your choosing). Disband the Democrates and Republicans and form a new gov't called Awesometown, where we aim to keep it real. Demand flying energy efficient cars, DeLorean or no. Outlaw autotuning of songs. Discontinue air sealed plastic wrapping of products. And have a redo of the Seinfeld finale. I mean, jail? Really? Also while we're on the subject, Lost would need to prove they aren't going to piss me off when they wrap up and I won't allow the season to end until there is a satisfying ending. So get your ish together!

And that's just for my first month! Image what I can do for a few years or at least til I'm bored and don't want to do it anymore. My contract will have a golden parachute clause. I'm kinda fickle; please see above.

As someone who works in Hollywood or H-wood, many would be SHOCKED to hear I didn't see any of the Oscars from last night. But you know what? I'm glad I didn't spend 3 hours of my life watching it. It's much easier to wait til it's over and watch the highlights and read the winners. However I did experience something that only those of us in the H-wood area could witness.

Yesterday I was moving the last of my stuff from my old apartment with a friend of mine. We had to drive through the area and there were a bunch of people standing around on the corner. My friend commented how annoying the protesters are each year and looked to see what it was this year they were complaining about.

One man was in his mid-30s and had two signs. One said: FAG OSCARS. The other said: GOD HATES FAGS. Now the hatred I understand the racist logic in but what exactly does Fag Oscars mean? The Oscars are full of fags or are you suggesting they start the very first Annual Fag Oscars next year? Because that could happen. Also, way to be a 15 year old bully from gym class.

Then not too far from Mr. Hater was a 30s ish woman with two signs as well. One read: GOD HATES JEWS. Which OK, Jesus was a Jew so what the hell are you talking about? Did you get out of a time machine from the 40s because that's some oldschool WWII hatin'. Then the other said: NO PEACE FOR THE WICKED. The whole thing seemed like faulty logic, probably because it's also CRAZY logic. But you are basically implying that you believe in peace and yet you are selective of who gets this peace; clearly the gays and the jews aren't a part of it because they ruin EVERYTHING!

White people are crazy.