And I'm home. I must say it is rather choice to be back. The ride home was quite an ordeal. There was snow and ice and mountains and pistol whiping. When you are going 30 MPH on the LIE at 3am and you can't pass a oil truck because he is weaving all over the road you think, 'yeah i feel safe, I should do this more often.'

At one point I actually had to follow behind a plow truck. And then the lights went out and the moon was swallowed up by a black hole. Thankfully I had my trusty flashlight of truthitude and it doth created a becon in the darkness of my soul. And from hence forth there twas the streets were free from the oppressive snow. I followed a sugar cookie rainbow to the carmel rivers until I made to suburban long island.

In other news I watched Project Runway on Bravo. I thought it was going to be a train wreck but it turned the tables on me and now I want to see more. I've been away from TV for so long, I forgot how much I loved it.

I recently exited the documentary time portal only to find I need to do well on all my finals to try to boost my grades. However, there is a lack in motivation because nothing could compare to the pay off of documentary. Not even thai food.

That's right I said it.

(insert mind explosion here)

Thanksgiving is 'round the corner and that means its time to give thanks to the things we really care about. I know it's cliche and redundent but you know I'm really thankful for christmas sales. God bless you malls of america for keeping consumerism alive. Without the great discounts given to we the people from some divine being like a CEO of marketing, I don't think we'd ever survive as a society or a people.

The isles and racks of moderately affordable supplies such as shirts, toys, and DVDs keep us all sane. God bless the clerks who always know what to do when something goes wrong. God bless all the nice men, women, and children who stand in long lines full of joy in their hearts for the coming feast of christmas. Always patient, always full of dignity. Without you we would forget the true meaning of the holidays...which I know many people pretend to know. They said stuff like, "your family" or "friends." But you know what? I talked directly with G-O-D, or the G-ster and SHE told me this.

The true spirit of the holidays is (inaudible)

She was eating cereal, Apple Jacks, and I didn't quite catch what she said but I nodded and pretended I did. Then we watched Terminator 2 on TBS together.

ProffesorChaos23: so r you unlactosed yet?
Lactaid Lady: no how could that happen?
ProffesorChaos23: pixies
Lactaid Lady: you make a very good point

Word up.

I've recently decided I'mmo put together to "book" of things I've written. This will include many of these posts. I've been going through old posts and have realized that I'm hilarious. And I mean that in the most egotistical way imaginable. I can tell why people come crawling back day after day because they just aren't capable of the comedy that seems to just ooze from my GORGEOUS self. In case you didn't pick up from that last sentence, I'm also aREAL good looking. So good looking that others try to steal my face. It's true! When they do I take out my bible and tell them that it tis a sin to be full of envy and to steal. So I'm also kinda like a saint, preaching the good word n such.

Saint Lady Fantastic. I'd like to see the following things in my stain glass mural:

1. a kitty
2. french toast
3. a hummer
4. tony danza
5. a mullet on either myself or tony danza

Send your art work to the Church of Awesome care of:
Lady Fantastic/Colleen Evanson
Ithaca College - Tallcott 101
Ithaca, NY 14850

So i got back from Indiana today. 10 hour drive that after awhile makes you forget there is a life of civilization beyond winding cement. Anyway, I get back and I'm wicked hungry. Do I get to eat? No. I have improv from 5-7. Good times. Get back and wanted to make some instant thai food. Open up the package and realize it involves boiling water and the veggy sauce. At this point I contimplate ordering it. Then I realize, you know what, you are 20 you should have the skills to do this as well as the patience to do it. I find the pots, pans, and measuring cup. I boil the water, simmer the sauce, add the noodles, and wait. It's done, I strain the noodles, put the sauce on top, dig my fork in....and.....

it totally wasn't good. I didn't quite cook the noodles enough I just assumed it was long enough. After the second attempt at eating it I realized this wasn't going to work. I'm simply not supposed to be cooking. I'm supposed to be supporting our economy and those who work to make food by ordering thai instead.

and it was good.

I would also like to inform everyone that once again Economics is rearing it's ugly head in my direction. Not only is it staring uncomforably at me for an extented period of time which makes it awkward but it's raising it's arm and pointing a strong finger at me. The finger, though lacking a mouth, manages to tell me that I'm "going down." Then the eyes of Economics get wide with anticipation of the kill and it nods its head real slow.

I'm screwed.

I recieved this in my email and thought I would share:


Dear Lady Fantastic,

My name is Dr. Candy Richardson and I am an associate professor at Ithaca College in the Department of Classical Studies. Being that you are one of the Classiest Ladies on the IC Campus, I was wondering if we could possibly sit down for an interview. You, Lady Fantastic, are one the best examples I have ever seen of pure class and dignity embodied in a human being without any training what so ever. We at the DCS have talked to the DCU and apparently you are still at 100% dignity with a 15% bonus. That is almost unheard of. Please Lady Fantastic, grace us with your presence.

We will be in touch,
Candy Richardson PHD

I responded with:

I'm please my reputation has gotten around, I put up some flyers but it looked like most of them were taken down the next day. Why? I am unsure. I would love an interview with you as well as getting involved with the Department of Classical Studies. My schedule is rather busy full of good deeds and prestige. Just let me know where and when suits you and hopefully it will work out.

Lady Fantastic
"May dignity be your grace."
____________________________________________________
I'll keep you posted to see how the interview goes.

A couple of things.

Thank you american for chosing a leader who is really open minded and all for pollution and homophobia, that's awesome. I'm glad that we've really learned from history that oppressing people who are considered "different" has always worked. Second if the Roe vs. Wade court case is over turned I'm so happy that middle aged white men get to decide what I can do to my body as a woman. That's choice.

I'm happy we are all for freedom and individuals because if we weren't, man that'd be hypocritical.

Four more years of the most elequent and educated leadership in a LONG time. Can't wait.

Oh and finally we can get rid of the big threat from Iraq. I was so worried for a bit that gas prices would just continue to rise.

**This post is brought to you by sarcasm****

I told many people this week that Boston would never win the world series for the following reason. The city would burn to the ground and innocent people would be killed at the hand of riot crazed fans. As a Yankees fan I am disappointed in my team. Tis a shame that they were unable to stop the spread of evil. Now I want to clear up, I really don't have a problem with the Red Sox. It's the fans that get me.

They simply cannot handle a win with pride. Even now at 1am in central NY the fans make themselves known by shouting, setting off illegal fireworks, and throwing things at the buildings. This all in a place at least 5 hours away from the actual city. If Boston wins the world series, good for their team, but a horrible apocalpse will bestow itself upon the city. I thought that God wouldn't let that happen. Appearently something went wrong. But there is still hope that a mother with child won't have to cower in fear when they go outside their home.

Maybe the Boston fans are the true terrorists. Ever think of that G.W.?

I had my first economics test last week. Now I studied quite a bit and realized 1 of 2 things would happen.

1) I am actually understanding this and the test might be easy for me, for once economics seemed to click

OR

2) Economics tricked me into thinking I understood it.

The result...
Economics is a tricky bastard. I'll get you, you better watch your back you jackal!

My resident hall cluster known as BRT has a newsletter being put out on a weekly basis. Each one of these sports an editorial by me under the name "Lady Fantastic" which I stole as one of Amy Poehler's poker names from Celebrity Poker (which yes, I made fun of when it came out because it just shows how obsessed with are with watching celebrities do anything...but i couldn't resist when she was on).

So here is this weeks edition:

Over the course of man there have been many inventions. Some are simple devices that help us in everyday life like a can opener. Others are more complicated and involve the culmination of brilliant minds, for instance, the exploration of space or the cure of polio. Then there are those inventions that seem useless or unnecessary such as motion activated paper towel dispensers or even better condoms/birth control. (What's that about?) However, an item you won't find within any of these categories is one that embodies the human spirit. It can blow a piece of your cranium off in extreme amazement or even force you to double over with intense pain. It can make or break you as a person. "What is this item?" you ask as you lean forward with wonderment. It's humankind's greatest achievement aside from ice cream. Like gods we threw down our collective hands from the heavens and behold, there twas Slip N Slide.

It's simply beautiful; a piece of plastic, some water, a running motion. People actually marketed this concept and society bought it. The instructions were easy. As the commercial once stated, "you run, you slide, you hit the bump, and take a dive."

I have but one complaint. As I discovered this summer while buying two in order to create fun for my 20 year old self I noticed the warnings placed on the slide itself. "Warning: not for use by anyone over 12 years of age, over 5' tall, and over 100lbs." Screw that, I was 0 for 3 but that wasn't going to stop me. I have just spent a good 10 dollars on this. I slipped and slid to no avail. I ran at it as if it were a magical land full of kitties, marshmallows, lateral lisps, and Seinfeld reruns on TBS. Those warnings can take themselves and SHOVE IT. All I got were some minor bruises and sore muscles. Surely this must have happened when I was little.

So why is it that 12 and older people are advised against this joyful sport? Are they not people who can have happiness or know what laughter is? If this were true then how to you explain the Golden Girls? Those ladies were at least 50 and they got their laugh on, many times a week with witty comments and hilarious situations they had to get themselves out of. Is Bea Arthur not allowed to use a Slip N Slide?

Well as president of the Bea Arther fan club I say, hell no, not under my watch. She's an independent woman who can do what she pleases. If she pleases to put out a restraining order because she doesn't want me in her house anymore, fine. I'll respect that and keep my distance of a minimum of 30 feet. That's her choice. However, if I were to set up a Slip N Slide for the both of us to enjoy she can come as close to me as she wants. If that happens to be closer than 30 feet than so be it. And if afterwards she would like to hug me because we are having so much fun it makes her feel like a breath of new life, cool. And if after that she decides to adopt me so we will never be apart then you know what, that's just swell. Whatever Bea wants. I'm there for her. And no slip N slide will prevent that from happening.

So ladies and gents write your congressmen and ask who ever made the Slip N Slide because you know I didn't have the decency to look that up before I started typing this. People say you need to check your sources and everything but whatever, I can't even tell you how many times I made up the title of books in my "Work Cited" page of my papers and I'm still in college. Just do whatever you want, because the other greatest invention of humankind was our ability to be violent. And if you think that an emotion doesn't count as an invention you can just shut your fat mouth.

The End.

The past weekend my RA staff and I spent time creating a custom made slip and slide. Was it awesome? Uh...yeah. So if you too are interested in unending fun/joy/happiness feel free to find a target. Once inside head over to the sporting goods section. Check out the camping isle, grab yo'self a tarp or two as well as some stakes to pin it to the ground. Now the tarp will be 8x10 so cut each one in half, duct tape them together and use the stakes.

Simple application of water does just fine, however, for amplified enjoyment get Baby Oil. This may bring up problems later on because you will feel a tad greasy but that's nothing a good couple of showers won't take care of.

Surely this will result in the most of you will experience in your lifetime.

oh, and...
YOU'RE WELCOME.

Today while taking a shower a small moth appeared from behind me and picked out a space on teh shower wall to hang out. The weirder part of that story is that for a good few seconds I actually thought it came out of my butt.

I'd like to share some of my additional notes from economics class. However, first I must say that I'm not the biggest fan of economics. I took it in high school and it's just not my best subject; I didn't bomb it, but I couldn't quite get the hang of it which was frustrating. But my latest teacher goes above and beyond. Why is this?

Well first of all he's exactly what you would think a grown man who loves to punch numbers into a computer would look like. His hair is a grown out bowl cut, topped off with a grey mustach that doesn't match the color of his hair....perhaps he isn't using the combination of hair and mustach dye from Just for Me, because currently, I can tell.
His glasses are still the old fashioned big ones we saw in the 80s. The best part about his is that they have an elastic connector so if he wanted he could take them off and have then hang around his neck.
His attire is rather choice; button up t-shirts with or without the tie, depends on his mood. Every now and then his shirt is buttoned down low enough so I can see his white t-shirt underneath. Other times he's more professional with a button up t-shirt and hand saw clip on the tie.
He stands REAL close to the board when he draws the supply and demand graph. He gets really excited about it too and will cut himself off as he talks about buyers and sellers.

Truely a piece of work.

Now I have noted here that while discussing the price and quantitly demand of lift tickets in Central New York he went on about how he couldn't believe someone would pay 50 dollars to lift weights. We had to inform him the lift tickets were in relation to skiing. He gracefully recovered by stating that made much more sense.

In the middle of lessons he likes to break and tell stories. For example, he told us about his college days which including having to balance his budget. He tended to buy lots of hamburger helper and tuna hamburger helper and now when he sees it he goes into gastro-intestinal spasms. Now a days when he pulls out his bagged PB and J sandwich it's his "real special moment of the day."

Another time he said, "I could give you an assignment but it might get you killed." We inquired why and he revealed the plans: Get sticks of butter in a georcery store, get in the longest line, when they ring it up as $2.79 and the cashier looks at you to pay say you'll give them $1.79 and you gotta hold your ground and make the cashier and supervisor panic.

Today in class we talked about how "Gummy Sharks are pretty cool." Why? Well in his words, "what's special about them is that they are blue at the top and white on the bottom." He knew the number of the bin they were in and how much they were per pound. He also mentioned that Gummy Sneakers were the next bin over and they were cool because they are all different colors with white as the treads.

Now I must say he told these stories to explain points or terms related to economics. I greatly appreciate them. I hope you have as well.

I deem myself responsible and take all the credit for the rebirth of the word "choice."

In about 5 years it will be everywhere. You'll see. And victory will be mine. Now make this a reality and use it when appropriate.

Tell mom the dinner she made was choice.
Tell your teacher their lesson was choice.
Comment on grandpa's attire as choice.
Mention to your friend that their new hair cut is less than choice.
Explain how playing kickball is choice.

Go ahead, make it a CHOICE day.

Wanted:
Documentary Research Class

Crime:
Stealing Colleen Evanson's life away and subjecting her to endless hours on the internet looking up topics.

Reward:
Getting to see Colleen again before winter break.

Good luck, cowboys.

I came to this blog today with the intention of writing about teleporting. You see a long time back in the summer my cousin Pat and I discussed all the complications of it and I wrote them down on the back of a MetroCard. The problem is I can't really read what I wrote and if I can read it, I have no idea what I'm talking about. This is a tragedy of waiting too long to post. A shame. One of my bullet points is "features." Well, Colleen, what are those features? You know self, I dont remember.

I'm all of 20 and I'm beginning to lose my precious memory. So in order to avoid this happening to you I urge you all to write better notes to yourself with details and maybe on an actual piece of paper. And then don't wait 3 months to write about it. It was my greatest mistake. Surely I have become the Hamlet of the blog industry.

Now if you'll excuse me I need to make myself some wonderful toast. I must create in the wake of my self destruction.

While chatting with my brother about spanish teachers we remembered days past in class along with the names we were given in order to really immerse ourselves in the culture.

Shawn said he would be called Samuel
I told him my name was Carolina, to which he replied:

"u totally look like a carolina
if u were spanish
. . .and lived in spanish lands"

to which i replied with a giggle in the form of "lol" and told him his remarks were "well played."

Teleporting will be great once it's invented. My only hope is that it's not created by a mad scientist, because that's just asking for trouble.

Sorry for the servere delay in updates. I have been rather busy with RA stuff, checking rooms, making door tags, making staff shirts, all the while going to sessions from about 9am-5pm....then staff meeting til about 10pm. But its been a lot of fun working with the awesome staff I have.

So now without further hesitation I'd like to add another splendid essay here from Orientation. This one is from the last session (6). And for those who dont know, I wrote several essays over the course of Orientation since I had to proctor the writing placement exam.
Enjoy!

There are over a billion people on this planet we have entitled Earth. Some may think the official number is more like a ba-jillion, but you are wrong my friend. With all those people milling around there are millions, dare I say billions of J-O-Bs. There are po-pos (police), drug dealers, and people who make you pay 10 bucks to see their shorter "radio-active" leg. However, in the town of Ithaca New York, Ithaca College pays 20 students each summer to orientate incoming freshman. These are what on may call Orientation Leaders...I, Colleen Evanson, am on o' dem leaders.
Now there comes a time in each Leaders life when they look back over the past three weeks and think, "damn sloppy joes are REAL good" as well as "what have I done with this life?" Well, self, to answer that I'd say you learned an awful lot about people, like how much you HATE them. IT's actually quite easy to hate another human being. For example, they may be stupid, ugly, no intelligent and/or pretty, or simply not attractive. These unfortunate souls may hopefully approach you and ask a question like, "where is the bathroom?" Where is the bathroom?! Damn, you are DUMB. Usually I make up directions with a smile on my face and then once they turn around I roll my eyes in disgust and if I'm feeling up to it raise my middle finger ever so slowly.
Stupidity doesn't discriminate; parents, students, even other OLs. I might not live in what federal law considers a house, or be able to read above a 4th grade level, or pay for things with I go shopping, but I still have - well ok I'll be frank (but my name is still Colleen) I'm better than you. There I said it. I be you my old speak N spell that if there were some type of way to measure how awesome I am the test or measuring apparatus would 'splode all over because I am so awesome it can't handle all the coolness. You know what, I feel like my last sentence may not be able to convey how amazing and better than you I am and I feel like I'm being judged so how about this...
Once I held my breath under water for like almost 30 seconds. That's half a minute for all of you stupids. Technically it was like 26 seconds but that's cuz Billy didn't start as soon as my head was under water and also Billy counts unfairly slow. Regardless, it was 30 seconds, so suck on that for awhile and if that's too sour them how about this. It will blow your mind. I...I can fly. I usually don't tell most people cuz they dont think it's possible but it is if you are awesome enough, and guess what amigo..I am. In fact if you could fly, which I doubt, I could fly real much higher than you and like fly into the ocean and stay under for about 35 seconds, and I totally will as long as Billy doesn't count cuz I've been practicing in my "bath tub," which the federal government tells me I can't go in since it's appearently a water fountain. But whatever people willingly throw their money out. Just the other day I bought a dime bag with it so HA! MOR-ONs.
In conclusion I wear a black polo with a collar and that deems me officially better than you and if you want to try and stay under water for over 35 seconds, bring it! I'll be at the Ithaca College pool, sucker. Be prepared to like lose and stuff.

The End
I feel the need to express I have never bathed in a fountain nor have I ever bought drugs. Some people, despite knowing me long periods of time will still ask if these stories are true.

Sorry for lack of updates. I wanted to spend me time at home to the fullest eating food, sleeping late, watching DVDs, and finishing the Star Wars computer game...which I did! Then I had to come back to school and start RA stuff. I dont have time right now to write something incredibly witty or profound like most have come to expect. I do have another essay I would like to publish. That is next on the agenda after I get rolling with putting up boards and doortags on my floor.

So just keep it real for now.

Long time no see...

I've decided to share some of my recent work with the world.  I spent time at Ithaca College as an Orientation Leader and one of my jobs was to watch over the writing placement exam.  While there I decided to write my own completely unrelated essays.  This is one of them...

There are many moments in a life that give it quality and meaning.  There are milestones that shape the person we are or who we become.  However, there are also the moments we'd like to turn a blind eye to, forget they happened and if brought up we may lie and say we don't remember.  Embarassment occurs here and there; trip up some stairs, or realizing our fly has been down for at least 20 minutes.  Then there are milestones within milestones full of moments well witnessed that could never be forgotten.  These are what one may call dignity loss.  This action may be defined when a person or persons does something rather taboo in society either willingly or unwillingly.  Not all dignity loss is severe.  Some arent even aware they lost a part of their dignity, only the witness to such an event would know.  For example a man has a cold, there is some nasel drip and he wipes way too much goobers onto his hand.  To him it' no big deal, he knows he has a cold and cannot control the situation, but to an onlooker the man with boogers all over his hang just lost part of his dignity. 
For those who have never seen dignity loss I'd like to direct you towards the recent trend in television...reality tv.  Perhaps the greatest example is Fear Factor.  Once a person willingly participates in eating large insects, cow eyes, or rancid intestinal juice for money, they have not only lost their dignity but they did so on national tv.  This my friends is a severe case. 
I'm going to break it down and get real with you guys right now.  I admit I lost my dignity once.  I was at a dance having a good time.  I was having such a good time that I decided to have a few drinks.  I pounded them back as if I were some machine that only ran on alcohol.  It tasted so good on my taste buds.  Addition over took my judgement.  My speech slurred, the room spun, I think I hit on an older man and while doing so I threw up alittle in my mouth.  I couldnt find the bathroom so I decided maybe I could just swallow it back down.  It worked for about ten seconds before it returned with avenence.  I not only threw up again but threw up onto the older man I had hit on and farted pretty damn loud. 
Was this the end of my life?  Kinda.  There was a person filming the event in order to cherish their neices 6th birthday and so my dignity loss was caught on tape.  I felt like a tragic character from Shakespeare.  I wanted no sun in my life.  Until one day while dealing drugs I passed by a nice suburban home.  They had a hammock.  Liking it immediately I stole it and tied it between two trees in my backyard.  It helped me feel better about my dignity loss until squirrels came and chewed the rope attaching it to the tree.  (Who knew squirrels enjoyed hammocks?) I stole-I mean bought another one, but it happened again.  I damned the squirrels and hated them for all they stood for.  But then while watching Oprah she talked about living the dream so I went out and bought a hammock that is held up on poles so those squirrels couldnt get their dirty, no good, nut loving, booze guzzling hands on it.  Now thanks to Oprah I got to live my dream and got over my dignity loss.  I hold my chin up high and sometimes celebrate with alcohol.  Sometimes.

The end....
The best part is we handed that essay in to be graded as if I were a freshman and that was my actually essay.  They gave me the lowest score, because not once did I refer to the reading AND I appearently have an attiude problem.  They were relieved when told it was  joke.

 

Over the fourth of July weekend I traveled back to Long Island for some fun.

Perhaps the greatest highlight amoung many, was the adventures had with Slip and Slide (although it wasn't the actual slip and slide brand, it was Six Flags). As soon as it was taken out and strategically placed onto the lawn my cousin Pat read alloud the warning.

Not for Adults. Not for anyone over 5 feet tall, not for anyone over 12 years old, or over 110 pounds.

We pondered for a moment. Looked at each other thinking if perhaps it was a mistake, then realized being 0 for 3 wasn't too bad and we were going to Slip and Slide no matter what THE MAN said. And it was glorious.

After sliding stomach, feet, knees, and side first we added an inflatable whale to the mix, placed him at the beginning of the slide and slid like it was nobody's business.

Next we wanted more area to slide on. The slide only lasted about 18 feet and us 20 year olds demanded more fun! We contimplated putting down trash bags but immediately came to the conclusion that it was way too white trash. As such, Pat and I made the truck over to Toys R Us to buy another. We picked the Ninja Turtles one for under 7 dollars. Though we were slightly disappointed that the sliding surface was smaller than the pervious one, we pressed on and joined the two, creating possibly the best invention in the history of mankind and the world.

It was incredible. I feel those of us over 12, over 110 pounds, and over 5 feet tall really accomplished something that day. And it is important to spread the word that you don't have to be a kid to play on slip and slide. Though I bet the damage to your lawn isn't as bad, but its worth it. I encourgage you all to write to the Slip and Slide makers to let them know they'd make a killing selling it to the older audiences. I could say I'd make a bah-jillion dollars making one myself but I know I'm too lazy and besides I already got two of them.

Another Summer Game: Sassy or Fat?

It's a good way to waste time. Since America currently has a plethora of obese people I've decided to make a game of it since after awhile it can be mighty depressing to realize just how many Americans are over weight. Enough of that. Everyone wants to know how to play...
It's simple, go to a public place and watch the way heavier people compose themselves by either sitting, standing, or walking. Personally I prefer walking, it's much easier to assess is this person walks a certain way because they are fat or because they are sassy.

Now does this sounds cruel, of course, but you know that you do it anyway. And don't worry I'm sure I'll become fat for thinking of the game. However, when you see me, know this...I'm fat AND sassy.

Another Summer Game: Sassy or Fat?

It's a good way to waste time. Since America currently has a plethora of obese people I've decided to make a game of it since after awhile it can be mighty depressing to realize just how many Americans are over weight. Enough of that. Everyone wants to know how to play...
It's simple, go to a public place and watch the way heavier people compose themselves by either sitting, standing, or walking. Personally I prefer walking, it's much easier to assess is this person walks a certain way because they are fat or because they are sassy.

Now does this sounds cruel, of course, but you know that you do it anyway. And don't worry I'm sure I'll become fat for thinking of the game. However, when you see me, know this...I'm fat AND sassy.

Session 2 of Orientation=Awesome. I was group B, later known as the Burninators through the inspiration of homestar runner with Trogdor. If you dont understand that, dont worry about it. Just understand what we burninated the other teams with our skit and relays in order to win a free t-shirt. oh yeah.

In other news. I invented a new game! While watching Life as a House with fellow Orientation Leader Laurel, we got into a discussion about hospitals. You know how people in movies will always run into the room of the person they know and then a nurse will be like, "i'm sorry visiting time is over" and then the character will be like, "that's my dad/mom/brother/sister/husband/wife" and get to go inside? Well I thought of a game initially called Find Your Dad, but to include all I'd like to change it to Find Your Family.

Here's how to play:

Go to a hospital...
From here you have two options: either run through the halls until you find a room and claim that person is your dad, make sure to catch the name to verify...

OR

Go up to the desk and ask for a person with a generic last name like Mr.Smith and see if you can pretend to be their family and go inside.

I think it could be a pretty fun game, and it could also help keep kids off the streets. I just hope you can't get arrested for it. That would suck.

orientation has begun. I am the leader of Group H, and we are known as team Homocide and our sketch involves, you guessed it, a homocide. It's rainy n such so relays may not work too good. There are a couple people who think they are really cool and are defacing things which is always fun. It's a wonder what one can accomplish during their first 10 hours at college.

apologies all around, I have been without internet and it seems on my own accord which is the worst part. The jacks tricked me and had pictures of computers making me believe it was a computer jack, but oh no it wasn't. Who knew?

Well for an update. I managed to get a rather nice sunburn on my left arm and a small portion of my left thigh thanks to driving up to ithaca on a nice day with the window down. I had no idea how bad it was but one arm was bright red for a good 2 days before it faded and thus began to peel. The tan on my thigh is rather unfortunate as well because it cuts off as if my shorts was covering my leg but it was like an inch short, so when I do wear shorts there is a definate line for tan and pale. Awesome.

I've been busy listening to information meetings all week from 9am to about 5pm, then practicing introductions and a dance as well as being the understudy/director of a play so I'm really technically at 10pm, but OH WAIT!...there's more. I have to do door tags AND boards as well.

do you pity me yet?

However, the people are super awesome AND i get free meals. Can't beat that.
OK time for a 115AM shower.

And now may I present, the wise words of Mr. Shawn Evanson. (all in one day mind you)

1) While attending a birthday dinner at a restaurant he got the sudden urge to burp and quickly decided to let others present view its effects with a little help from an glass and straw. Proud at this idea he exclaimed:

Check it out, I'm going to burp through this straw.

And he did.

2) Later in the evening after father had opened his gifts. There was one gift in particular that we couldn't wait to see. It was from the wonderful dollar store. You could call them magical pills that when put in warm/hot water open up to become MYSTICAL CREATURES. As such we spent amply time staring at colored pills waiting for the plastic/gooey coating to melt to reveal these sponge creatures; one of which was a Pegasis. It was taking some time revealing itself and Shawn was poking it's leg claiming:

It's leg is retarded.

I reminded him that's not a politically correct statement, to which he replied:

Sorry, it's leg is slow.

Much better Shawn, much better.

3) Continuing on our endever with the sponge creatures in the tupperware container, the water inside began to become less than luke warm. As such Shawn thought he could help matters by adding some body heat into the water. I questioned him about his efforts. He answer was the following (for full effect image statement said with much sass and confidence):

I'm trying to heat the water with my fingers.

A true genius.

I've become addicted to watching my brother play a video game. It would be MUCH better if I was addicted to playing it but unfortunately I dont really know how and it's much easier to just tell my brother what to do. So its like I'm telepathically playing a video game. Yeah that's right, I got super powers fools.

The game that steals hours of my life is Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic. Now I know it sounds nerdy but it's awesome. My brother is playing to be on the dark side so you get the privalge of stealing, kill the innocent, stabbing people in the back, and trying to persuade others to be evil. It's fun. I keep giving my brother advice on what to say to one character. You see his character is a woman and another is a man who has a crush on her so I tell him how to sweet talk this guy into being on the dark side.

horray for manipulation!

Miracle!
(not the disney movie, the event)

I went to go to sleep last night when lo and behold, there twas an alarm clock on my pillow. It read:

"To: Col, Love: Mother Nature"

She really cares about me, it's sweet.

In other news, I recently played the new X Files playstation game and I can confidently say that if zombies ever were to take over my town or even the world, I would not courageously fight them off. Computer generated ones are scary enough, I doubt I could face a real one without fainting. I'd prob become one myself or just hide in an attic somewhere...eating cookies...

So if they do take over, just kill me before they get to me. I want to go out as a human with some dignity still left.

I dont use an alarm clock in the morning because I have been depending on myself to wake up when my body thinks it's time. According to my body I need like 12 hours of sleep. I am way too tired at night. Usually I'm up until 230 - 3am and I've been checking out at 130. Then I wake up at 12 or 1pm. This is no good.

Perhaps I shall find my alarm clock and plug it in, OR I'll ask mother nature to create a mild earthquake at about 10am. That should do the trick. She's pretty cool. Helped me with my math homework back in the day.

I have nothing witty to say. Writers block. Shall return when wit comes back.

"when the hell are you going to update?"
-My Mom

I got back from Virginia today, yeah thats where I went this weekend and why I didnt update, though I'm lazy and prob wouldnt have updated anyway. Conclusions about the South:

they are so slow because it's freakin' hot down there.
it's fun to reinforce stereotypes even if they arent true.
there are too many bugs.
Virginia is not 3 hours away, its like 9.

ok the end.
I'm going to sleep a bunch and not wake up at 5am.

it is DAMN hot outside. Once it gets to the point when having hair is more of a hassle to have, then I begin to question what we did before scizzors. Hair styles must have been atrocious because it's got to be hard to cut things straight with rocks.

Jennifer Aniston would blow the cavewoman's mind.

well office duty is over now.

Didn't have a chance to undate because office assistants needed the computer, or rather, the space behind the desk which had the computer on it. Totally sucked. There was maybe 12 people I helped out in my 8 hours there.

Only good thing, I was engulfed into the world of Harry Potter again. I'm totally jealous of wizards. I'm on chapter 14 now. More that half way done. So it wasn't completely wasteful. However, if it wasn't for that book, I'm sure I would have went insane.

Probably would have spoke in tongues too.

Office Duty Status:

11:35 AM
Been here for an hour and a half. Sleepy, right contact is slightly fuzzy which only adds to the appeal of sleep. Up to chapter 4 in Harry Potter 3. Ate pretzels and lemonade.
Office assistant and manager person left around 10:30. Said they would be back later. There's no way of knowing how long I will have access to this computer. But I'm wasting time by myself: online n such for now.

Occassional checkouts. Current count: 6
God Bless reslife for sticking me here to do checkouts for eight hours. Thank you for robbing me of sleep time, potential hang out with friends, and/or spending money.

Yeah so I dunno how I feel about this new Blog format. It's like I don't even know you anymore, blogger. What happened?

Moving on...
If anyone hasn't read this yet, please do. Conan is the man.
http://www.february-7.com/features/conan.htm
Copy and Paste for good times.

Tomorrow I thought I was on office duty from 10am-2pm, but then the lovely RA Tak pointed out I'm on until 6pm. 8 hours of my life ripped away, and it's in an office that is the opposite of close. Not fun times. As such I might update often. Perhaps seeing the extent of my boredom. I am bringing re-inforcements, aka DVDs and books. Keep me in your prayers.

Oh and today since I had nothing to do I decided to read the script of Eyes Wide Shut...
yeah it doesn't even sound good on paper. Check minus.

dude, I'm totally a junior now. That's just weird. Plus my knee hurts a lot when I exercise or walk around too much. I'm SO old.

I was up last night til 430am talking to residents. I will miss them so much. They are awesome, even if they are loud and I have to tell them to shut up all the time. We asked each other what appliance we would be. I pondered for a great while, and couldnt think of anything else besides a toaster. Toasters can warm many things to make them better, however if you toast for too long, you get burned, AND if you stick a knife in me, you will prob die of electrocution. It's so true in real life too. You don't know how many people I've killed over the years....

seriously..

Compliments of my cousin Pat, I'd like to turn this post over to the news:


Monkey waste from zoo spills onto highway

MILWAUKEE - Some monkey business tied up traffic Tuesday for about three hours when a truck carrying waste from the zoo spilled its contents.

The spill of monkey waste and food, water and algae from a moat at the Milwaukee County Zoo occurred about 10:45 a.m., closing eastbound I-94 and southbound U.S. 45/I-894 until about 2:30 p.m., officials said.

Kim Brooks, a spokeswoman for the Milwaukee County Sheriff's Department, said a latch securing the tank that held the waste broke on the truck.

"It's one of those things," she said. "You certainly don't want to be in the deputy's place" investigating the matter.

Jennifer Diliberti, public relations coordinator for the zoo, said the waste had been removed from the moat at the zoo's Macaque Island, a process done twice each year. It has a consistency of sludge and is dark brown to black in color, she said.

"I think it's comparable to any sort of sewage," she said. "One of the zookeepers said from a scale of one to 10, the smell's a nine."

The material had been "aged" at the zoo for 48 hours before being loaded into a Milwaukee County Parks Department truck for removal, she said.

That destroys any virus that might be in the material, she said.

"It doesn't pose any health problems," Diliberti said.

__________________
I realized while reading that the writer really needs to find a new word for "said." I mean, come on, I know it's a story about poo so you probably got all excited to write it but that doesn't mean you can slack off.

The other day I heard something rather witty:

The weather in Ithaca fluctuates more than Oprah's weight.

Yeah thats right Oprah, I went there.

it has been far too long.

Today was glorious despite my tired, sleepy eyes from going to bed at 4am. And this was no hey let's watcha good move until 4AM, it was a hey I have lots of work to do tomorrow one. However, I am happy to report that it was a wonderful and statisfactory last day of class for me. But the marathon isn't over yet. I still need to write a 15 page case study paper for my propaganda class and three papers for a studio class and a final draft for another class.

YAYE

I can't wait to be done with all this junk. Personally I dont understand finals week. Everyone hates it and it stresses people out WAY too much. I for one feel my sanity is tested. I dont know why we havent come up with a better system. For example, there is a student lottery at the beginning of the year and you can only take a max of three finals. OR perhaps throughout the year the teachers decided who will have to take a final - since I'm a nerd I feel I could avoid being picked so that one is highly biased on my part.

Honestly, I think the teachers make us do tons of work because they went through it too and they want us to suffer. But I believe that the children are the future. Let them lead the way. So to all yall teachers out there, you better hope I dont get elected President one day cuz there will be some changes.

A convo about "lol"

Lactaid Lady: LoL
THATgirl8976: are you really loling or just humoring me?
Lactaid Lady: no i actually did
Lactaid Lady: thats what happens with it goes to caps
Lactaid Lady: i dont lie
THATgirl8976: yeaaaaaaah
THATgirl8976: yeah when i HAHAHA i'm laughing out loud
Lactaid Lady: so now we will know when we actually make each other laugh
THATgirl8976: exactly
Lactaid Lady: and when we're just being polite

May that be a warning to all of you who think you make me laugh when you see plain ol' lower caps "lol"

How did Tina Turner's "What's Love Got to do With it?" get in my head? And does this "love" she speaks of have anything to do with it?

Yep, I'm a nerd.

Seeing that finals are coming up and i have lots of projects I dunno how much this will be updated. But I do know that my addiction to Thai food will not be stopped, that's for damn sure.

New pic and slogan.

Good times.

So last Tues I walked into Culture and Media noticing the teacher was handing out something that looked like a test, but thought it couldnt be bc I totally forgot and wasn't ready to take this test. But it was.

I debated whether or not I should just leave, or try my luck. I tried it. I did well on the 5 mult choice but I dodged many parts to the essay question because I didnt know the difference between a more and a folktale in social terms OR what the word subversive meant. I was embarassed for my sub-par argument which I made up on the spot.

All this week I have been dreading getting the test back with curious anticipation thinking maybe there was a chance I did well on it.

I got it back Thursday. Before the teacher handed it to me I said, "this outta be interesting because I forgot all about this test."

I looked at the grade. Cartoon double take with boing sound. It was the best grade I got so far in this class.

So I study and I get a B, I dont and somehow in my incoherent rambling I get an A.
Say wha?

A 1AM Convo....

EOR1313: it'd have to be something like ah your devil start not being your mom
EOR1313: last night in my trailer
Lactaid Lady: i dont even know what you are talking about anymore
EOR1313: that's cos i'm tripping

Moments Later....

EOR1313: but i decided the opposite of omg (oh my god) is "ah your devil"
EOR1313: so maybe i'll start saying ayd instead of omg
Lactaid Lady: yeah
EOR1313: and then because the opposite of my dad is your mom
EOR1313: it triggered my need to tack on "last night in my trailer"
Lactaid Lady: its too late now to redeem yourself
EOR1313: i'm just attempting to demonstrate a logical progression of thoughts
Lactaid Lady: there is no hope

Yesterday it was decided that my RA staff will start a band called Emotional Round house.

I will play the cow bell and be lead singer.

Remember the days when I had a quote of the week each week? Yeah well that probably won't come back as much as I'd like it to, but every so often a phrase is said that stays with me. This week it came from a tallcott resident who was quoted before about the lack of donuts on campus and this week did it again.

I was coming back to my room and there was Matt outside talking to my neighbor Sandra. The first thing I hear him say is "I will wear pants." I wasted no time, putting it directly onto my wipe board. It has remained there the whole week, warm and safe in my heart, and it shall remain there for all eternity....

or until monday when the week begins yet again.

For whatever reason I got the Cheers theme song in my head.

Sometimes you wanna go
Where everybody knows your name
(bah bah bah)
And they're always glad you came...
(bah bah bah)
(awkward pause as I forget how the song goes)

Oh well.

I also feel I should mention that TJ IMed me recently saying he now knew which celebrity he wanted to fight; it was asked several months ago in his home. He said Kelly and Jack Osbourne. AND he wants to do it with his feet (possibly arms, I forget) tied up, because if it wasn't, lets be honest, it wouldnt be much of a fight.

Update away!

Red Lightning made it through radiator cap replacement surgery. She's already up and at 'em. Thanks for your prayers and inspirational letters!

Moving on...I think a better name for Kidnapping is people stealing. It has a better, more interesting ring to it. Plus not all kids are stolen. Sometimes women who are 30 are taken and I don't consider them to be kids. So just imagine turning on the news and hearing:
"A person was stolen last night outside of Joe's Coffee Hut."

Or perhaps you want to go people stealing so you say to your buddy/accomplice:
"Hey I feel like going people stealin' tonight, are you in?"

Or maybe you are Barbara Walters and are interviewing someone and you ask:
"What was it like to be stolen?"


It's just SO much better than boring old kidnapping.

You know whats fun?

When you are 2 miles away from college and suddenly your car overheats and when you pop the hood your cap to the radiator is gone...and then people stop to help and you drive the next two miles saying really nice things to your car as you go a top speed of 35 mph.

I hope Red Lightning* surives this ordeal.

*the red '91 Toyota Carrola stick shift driven by one Colleen Evanson.

Couple of things.

1) I went to Philly to see Merry at Villanova. Twas great. We discovered new vocab:

J-hole: which I called Merry, she asked me what it meant, and I laughted histerically because I had no idea. It was later suggested it was jelly filling.

Monk-hole: I dunno, same as j-hole, makes no sense.

Ex: shortened version of Excellent

opin: shortened version of opinion, most often used as "in my opin"

Abrase: shortened version of abrasive often used with "in my opin that's abrase"

Fizz Market: a place in which crazy things are sold at. Example: You can't sell that here, take that to the Fizz Market.

Lunch Box: A place in which to put something. "Why don't you stick that in your lunch box"

2) While at Villanova I watched several episodes of The Golden Girls. It is def better than I thought it was. And we made bets on what would happen. I bet a 2 minute massage that Bea Arthur's character Dorithy would go on a date and she TOTALLY did.

3) Pat and I were watching Extreme Makeover, which is one of the most depressing shows I've ever seen...Anyway this guy got plastic surgery and when he revealed his "new" self one of his friends said, "he has lips now!" Needless to say, Pat and I convulsed in laughter on the couch.

As I walked into my brothers room to return the checkered red and black dress he claimed was "moms" which one Merry McOlvin wore last night as her, Lisa, and I pretended we were middle aged women on the way to the church social, my brother Shawn and cousin Patrick were playing a video game. The conversation went as follows:

Colleen: I'm just returning your dress.
Pat: Did you iron it?
Colleen: No.
(she puts the dress into the closet)
Colleen: Are you guys playing that 007 game?
Shawn: Yeah
(all watch the television screen)
Colleen: I didn't know it's a two player.
(she looks carefully at the characters)
Colleen: (to Pat) Are you a woman?
Shawn: We both are. He's Mya and I'm Regina.

(she left the room with the determination to quote the hell out of that)

CURTAIN

I got some complaints about not updating. I won't say from who, but it was my mom. So let's fix that before she cuts me off...

Today I got my boss to laugh so hard she began to cry. In addition, she thinks she may have peed a little. How did I do this? Well let me tell you.

Now I am often fond of saying I will round house someone in the throat. I just think its funnier and more orginal than jokingly telling someone to shut up. Sometimes I even say it randomly and today we got into talking about it. There came a point when I visually demonstrated what I THOUGHT a round house was. I brought my arm up and circled it wide before punching. Meg and several others began to laugh histerically as I stood there perplexed. I didn't realize my puching skills were so funny. But no, they were laughing AT me.
Appearently a round house involves a kick. And it is very complex and difficult to be able to get someone in the throat since you are high kicking and turning at the same time. It's like a Mortal Combat move.

Now I know I learned a valuable lesson today but I still think my punch could be considered a round house. Plus it's easier to accomplish and more functional in society.

Ponder that my friends....ponder that.

Quote o' the day goes to a tallcott resident named Matt who has a fond place in my heart...here is another reason why he rocks:

"Did you guys realize there were no donuts all day on campus?!"

Now this is a man who knows his priorities.

I've been sneezing a lot. And since all my sneezes are crazy big it reminds me of my dear friend Liz's comment to me about the sound and power behind them. She said, "it sounds like your brain is trying to escape."

Perhaps it is. But I've always been good to it, so I dont see why it would want to leave me. But whatever, I'll be fine on my own. Though I'll probably not be able to function in society anymore, but I hear being a vegetable isn't so bad.

However, in the practical world, the sneezes are from one of two things.

1. My room is kinda dusty. And I dunno how to fix that beyond wiping it away with my hand or blowing it off my desk because I don't have the supplies to do anything else. Plus I'm lazy.

2. I gots me a cold. As if the cold that has been lingering around in my body for the past month isn't bad enough, now it invited its friend over to hang out, eat all my hot fries, and drink my Arizona Green Tea, and watch my DVDs while laying in their underwear on the couch.

So it appears I am doomed either way.
(sigh)

Today I had a marvelous idea. Everyone knows about those patches you can buy if you want to quit smoking, well what if you don't have any friends or you got ditched by your friends or they died...whichever.
You are lonely, no one to laugh with, no one to comment on your outfit, or watch tv with. Just head over to a convient store and buy yourself the Friendship patch. It fills you with good thoughts making you feel like you have a purpose to life.

I also think it should be made out of candy. Kinda like a piece of a fruit by the foot. Oh delicious friendship.

At this moment I think I understand the morbidly obesse people of the world and why they ask Maury for help.

I think a great new style would be getting the opposite of bangs. How do you do that? Well I'll tell you, just shave the very front of your head.

Ask your hairdresser about it!

Though some may argue if you don't have bangs then getting the opposite of that would be to GET bangs. But to all of those people....stop ruinging everything. Just shave the front of your head, ok? It'll be cool I swear. I saw Jennifer Aniston do it this weekend.

I finished my Orientation Leader application. For the last part of the question section it allows for addition comments. This is what I wrote:

For the additional comments I would just like to say…
I'm lactose intolerant and proud
Love ice tea and other assorted juices
Jealous of cats since they sleep 16 hours out of a day
Can quote SNL sketches as if it is my job
An active recycler
Am 1/64 Cherokee Indian
Own a blue members only jacket
Coldplay is the soundtrack of my soul
And sneakers are my foot ware of choice

I don't see how they could logically and rationally turn me down.

I'm proud of this joke I wrote for my TV show:

Bryan Singer director of the X-Men films is in talks to direct Fox's untitled drama pilot about a team of doctors who diagnose the toughest medical cases that other doctors have not been able to crack. Many of the plots will center around issues such as cancer, AIDS, and why Judith Light looks like a man.

ZING!

It's been a few days, but I've had lots of work to do. I thought being on duty would make me get my work done on Friday and Saturday, but amazingly that didn't happen.

So my question for all is: How does a crazy person drive?

Do they scream constantly, do they swirve, to they mumble to themselves, do they drive slow thinking this is a new planet that their rocket ship just landed on. Do they throw things? If so why type of things?

Once you have answered all the questions imagine it happening, it's hilarious.

Spike Lee came to Ithaca College. Jealous? He was really cool. Good speaker, down to earth, funny. However, 27,000 dollars for about an hour and a half is kinda ridiculous. That's someone's tuition...almost. As RA Mike says this school costs thirty-two much. I concur.

I think the best part was when Spike went off on a Red Socks fan who claimed using 1918 was not original. Spike told him it's a fact. The sky is blue. And the red sock haven't won since 1918.

I apologize if that date is wrong. It's just been such a long time since they won anything that I can't recall when it was.

Oh Snap!

In the following the SN ProffesorChaos23 plays the part of my brother...


ProffesorChaos23: idky
Lactaid Lady: idky?
ProffesorChaos23: i dont know why
Lactaid Lady: oh boy, now i know how mom feels

"I am sorry if anyone was offended by the wardrobe malfunction during the halftime performance at the Super Bowl," Timberlake said of the incident.

I love that it is referred to as a "wardrobe malfunction," like its this really advanced technology that is difficult to control. The engineers are looking into the incodent to make sure it doesn't happen again. A loose button within the chestal region allowed for the easy departure of the breast material to disapate thus leaving thousands to see Janet Jackson's boob.

the GASP heard 'round the world.

Gloom Doggy: 20 years old. Thats disgusting
Lactaid Lady: i know
Gloom Doggy: eugh, how does it feel?
Lactaid Lady: i'm totally in the majority demographic that the media aims at

Last night I had SO much work and I procrastinated but got it all done at 2am, which aint bad because I would have been up til then anyway. 2 papers and a long ass chapter for field production=Done. And today was so wonderful because I didnt have to worry about anything being due tomorrow since I don't have class.

HA HA SUCK ON THAT SCHOOL!

In a related topic, I'd like to send a special message to my main lady up in Ithaca:

WTF, Mother Nature, WTF?

Its been snowing like it's no ones business in the beginning of the week, and then the wind decides, hey I'm not getting enough play so I'm going to be ALL over the place. I think Wind and Snow are in an alliance to kick off Sun. They are just jealous because everyone likes Sun.

I might look into purchasing some leggings or long johns, whatever they are called because too often while out in the frozen tundra I wish I had some more pants on. It's just too damn cold out.

Perhaps I'll write to my Congress Man.

A recent discussion.


OEEPing: And who wants to read?
Lactaid Lady: exactly
Lactaid Lady: reading is for losers
OEEPing: And nerds. Don't forget about them.
Lactaid Lady: oh i haven't
OEEPing: I'm sure.
Lactaid Lady: being able to read wont get you ANYWHERE in life
Lactaid Lady: picture books are where it's at
OEEPing: Books. Pshaw. Things of the past.
OEEPing: The future is in electromographic gizmos

Curtain

So I took this quiz online when I was bored. It was called, What movie do you belong in? It tells me I belong in Aladdin and naturally I'm very excited because it's my favorite Disney movie. But then it tells me WHY i belong there.

"Lying, cheating, and stealing. You won't stop until you get what you want."

...I think I'm offended. Aladdin is about befriending monkeys, about flying on a magic carpet, about friendship, about tricking people into thinking you are something you are not and then confronting it and setting a genie free and getting to be the Saltin of Agrabah.

So screw you Quizzilla, you don't know WHAT you're talking about!

Well I dropped Personal Essay. No more turtle man. Damn. So now I'm in Culture and Media which, from my understanding, we analyze tv and such. Hopefully it doesnt bite me on the ass and I have to go crawling back to Personal Essay and everyone is all looking at me with squinty mean eyes and they call me Jane and I tell them that's not my name but they call me that anyway. Cuz that would suck.

The Outcast song "Hey Ya" has the constant ability to make me shake it like a polaroid picture.

I'm working right now in the office doing RA stuff for duty. I have my own personal project in here. I fart on the main office persons chair and leave a sign up that just has the number on it so she'll be all like, "what?" And every so often it will go up as I fart more in it. Right now it's at 8 but a few minutes ago it became 9. By the end of the year on the back of the paper I will write that "this is how many times I farted on your chair." And not sign it. So she will feel gross.

I'm so sweet.

First day o' classes are going rather well so far. I get up at 10am M-Th and then get to sleep til 2 on Friday. So I figure I can stay up til at least 2am each night and still get enough sleep for the morning. Super! Or wait, make that...Choice!

My personal writing class I'm not so sure about. The professor is kinda like an old turtle. I think hes got some personality in him but it's hard to tell since all he did was read directly from the syllabus. Thats always fun. However I might replace that class with some Acting IV action. POW!

does everyone enjoy the new opening picture? I say that since the POW took me back to the days of the fox lady and her kick. I enjoy the instructions and the gun that is in mid-air. Hurray for potential violence!

Other news: It's DAMN cold out. And all the salt they put down stains the bottom of my pants white. Which means I have to wash them...or just the bottoms (Yeah Liz). But don't worry I won't allow the salt to take over my life. I do have good news. I believe that I will manage to spend less than 100 on books this semester. Take that, THE MAN!

Appearently I have been working too hard since I strained my left foot muscle. Now I look funny when I walk. And I didn't do anything like run a marathon or lift weights or operate heavy machinary. I dont get it. All I did was walk around. I am falling apart.

Segway!

Feeling slightly annoyed by the wind howling its way into my room from a small crack in my no-so-effecient dorm window, I got up and tried to push it closed some more. No such luck. I then pushed it in and realized that the sounds wasn't unbearable, however, once I let go it was back. So I looked around for something I could stick in the little space and lo and behold I reached down and the Everybody Poops book found its way to my hand. It was just thin enough to hold the window closed. And it did so all night. Thank you Everybody Poops, not only for the wonder of showing fecal matter but for helping out when I needed it most.

At the 80s training dinner/dance party I got online to get some food. I was sporting my blue members only jacket and a fellow RD noticed that it was genuine and exclaimed with excitement, "That's CHOICE!"

This is an excellent 80s word that is often forgotten from the sea of other great words such as "Totally" "Rad" "Bodacious" "Narley" "Wicked" "Bitchin"

As a goal I have set for myself, I plan to include "Choice" into my everyday vocabulary. It's time for a rebirth.

RA training started today. We had our first session which was about Motovation. It was full of cheesy lessons and so I didn't do any of the exercises seriously. For one of the things the woman held up two containers with different amounts of water in them. It was the old..half full or half empty deal. She asked us to take a moment to write down descriptions of the containers. Here is what I wrote.

Half Empty
Half Dollar
H-D
H-Dolla'
Half-D
Hasselhoff
Cookies
Fred is Asian
Molly is hitting on me

The whole rant of Half Dollar is from earlier when our staff had lunch together and they were talking about 50 Cent and I said he should have a sidekick named Half Dolla'....And so I have abandoned my old name "Colleen" and will only respond to any form of Half Dolla' as seen above. The cookies, I just wanted one, and Hasselhoff...I dunno. Fred is an actual person and YES he IS asian. And Molly was winking and licking her lips at me so she indeed was hitting on me.

Basically the lesson from the session is as follows...

Optimism=Life
Pessimism=Death

There you go.

check out ma new pics....scroll down!

First of all I must give a Massive Shout Out to the one and only Sundstroms. Not only was Friday night full of witty banter, but cake as well. And you can never go wrong with that.

They voiced their concerns about my site and the lack of updates. They were worried for Oldschool's health. It appears I haven't spend enough time with it and it's been turning to the streets for comfort. So now I will only go to work for half days and make sure I cook at least one meal a week that isn't instant mac and cheese. And I'll also quit drinking and selling drugs out of the back of my car. It's a real nasty habit.

Also today I discovered the beauty of VH1's Super Secret TV Formulas. It's like so many of VH1's programs...a clip show where comedians say funny things about cheesy/bad/iconic shows. And here they have the wonderful landscape of 70 and 80s sitcoms. I recommend to people of all ages. Although I must say, what is the deal with plugging their website? I was suckered into checking it out and to be honest, it's not THAT great.

VH1's Overall Colleen Rating: Four Sugar Cookies

**Scale based on Five Sugar Cookie Scale**

Sorry old friend. Here's what happens....

I wake up around 12, eat a bagel, watch tv, take a shower, hop online, check my email which is mostly full of excellent morgage deals for me - you know since I have that house n all. Oh and sometimes there is this way for me to loose all that extra holiday weight in a week. Amazing huh? So that stuff gets deleted right away and that process makes me hungry again so I go eat a chipwich, its like a turkey sandwich, only the turkey and bread are replaced by chocolate chip cookies and ice cream. And all that chewing makes me thirsty for some ice tea - Arizona Green Tea that is....

Then I'll go out to one of the following:

Blockbuster
Starbucks
The Mall
A Fast Food Establishment
Dollar/Thrift Store

Speaking of which...My cousin Pat and I were watching "I love the 80s" on VH1 and they were talking about fashions of the decade and we decided we were going to find ourselves some mighty fine Members Only jackets. So we hit up the thrift store and found not only one but TWO and a couple of knock-off brands. So we cleared them out of their Members Only appearal - one blue and one mustard yellow.
Jealous?

So basically the rest of my day is spent watching movies, or going to someone elses house and watching a movie and or TV, then we'll go to starbucks, and then more tv, and then we go home and I go online again...to check out what other amazing deals i'm being offered in my emails, then I top my day off with some tv.

Curtain.