Well, sure. Not a hangnail. Pixies are notorious for not being able to do diddly about digit-related repair.
But when it comes to mending digestive enzyme disorders? They're unmatched. Well, except maybe for the miraculous healing power of an enchanted hangnail. THAT'D be your best bet of fixing lactose intollerance.
What we need to know is if Lactose InTOLLerance is a north south or east west road in pixie land. And those little freaks can't fix anything...If they could there would be no need for big medical companies to spend millions on R&D, the entire health care system would crumble and no one would be worried about the fact that actors and athletes are so extremely overpaid, while the people of this planet who really matter ME suffer in "middle-class" existence...
"Lactose In-Toll-Erance" is in fact short for the Lactose International Toll Entrance, a paid highway that leads not in any cardinal direction, but both circumnavigates and bisects the Land of Imagination in a geometry of illogic that baffles all but the most insane individuals. Even though the pixies are not natives to the LoI, but instead lease it from the water nymphs, they are in sheer fact of overwhelming numbers the current majority voice. Due to this imbalance in relation to other mythological figures in the area, LoI municipal meetings usually turn in the pixies' favor, giving them almost sole dominion over the levying of tolls on Lactose In-Toll-Erance.
This of course is not the best of situations, as the pixies are known not only for their favoritism toward actors, athletes and those in the medical research profession, but also because they sneak into blog entries in the wee hours of the morning and create typos.
As for your own anonymous, middle-class, low-self-esteem cry of "why me," I have only this as an answer: send in a large cash donation to the Pixies' Benevolent Association.
Oh ye of rapier wit...there is no low self-esteem here...only an unending anger at pixies who won't deal with intolerance of any kind. If the Lactaid one would just have a pixie take care of her affliction, we could have spumoni parties in Italy....travel Europe eating sorbet and all other kinds of deserts, maybe even desert in the desert...
The pixies strike again. The old dessert/desert switcheroo.
The lovely thing about our modern medicated world is that she and I are still able to experience dairy delights, so long as we ingest lactase enzyme in pill form. So your European whirlwind tour of gluttony can progress as planned so long as you stop by the local Duane Reade first.
As for the pixies' stance on intolerance, it's somewhat of a double-edged sword. They stand firmly against such narrow-mindedness as that propagated by anti-MacGyver groups. They do, as previously stated, make an occasional attack against lactose intolerance. And they have held several rallies in opposition of those that wish to subvert legalized gambling (though that particular cause might be motivated by the large influx of pixie campaign contributions from Vegas).
But on the other hand, they stand idly by while hatemongering subverts any hope of the successful granting of civil rights to lemurs.
What can we make of this? Pixies are a fickle, opinionated and generally selfish bunch of jerks.
6 comments:
Pixies rock, but they can't fix anything. I showed them my hangnail and they just freaked
Well, sure. Not a hangnail. Pixies are notorious for not being able to do diddly about digit-related repair.
But when it comes to mending digestive enzyme disorders? They're unmatched. Well, except maybe for the miraculous healing power of an enchanted hangnail. THAT'D be your best bet of fixing lactose intollerance.
...
I'm sorry. What were we talking about?
What we need to know is if Lactose InTOLLerance is a north south or east west road in pixie land. And those little freaks can't fix anything...If they could there would be no need for big medical companies to spend millions on R&D, the entire health care system would crumble and no one would be worried about the fact that actors and athletes are so extremely overpaid, while the people of this planet who really matter ME suffer in "middle-class" existence...
"Lactose In-Toll-Erance" is in fact short for the Lactose International Toll Entrance, a paid highway that leads not in any cardinal direction, but both circumnavigates and bisects the Land of Imagination in a geometry of illogic that baffles all but the most insane individuals. Even though the pixies are not natives to the LoI, but instead lease it from the water nymphs, they are in sheer fact of overwhelming numbers the current majority voice. Due to this imbalance in relation to other mythological figures in the area, LoI municipal meetings usually turn in the pixies' favor, giving them almost sole dominion over the levying of tolls on Lactose In-Toll-Erance.
This of course is not the best of situations, as the pixies are known not only for their favoritism toward actors, athletes and those in the medical research profession, but also because they sneak into blog entries in the wee hours of the morning and create typos.
As for your own anonymous, middle-class, low-self-esteem cry of "why me," I have only this as an answer: send in a large cash donation to the Pixies' Benevolent Association.
Oh ye of rapier wit...there is no low self-esteem here...only an unending anger at pixies who won't deal with intolerance of any kind. If the Lactaid one would just have a pixie take care of her affliction, we could have spumoni parties in Italy....travel Europe eating sorbet and all other kinds of deserts, maybe even desert in the desert...
The pixies strike again. The old dessert/desert switcheroo.
The lovely thing about our modern medicated world is that she and I are still able to experience dairy delights, so long as we ingest lactase enzyme in pill form. So your European whirlwind tour of gluttony can progress as planned so long as you stop by the local Duane Reade first.
As for the pixies' stance on intolerance, it's somewhat of a double-edged sword. They stand firmly against such narrow-mindedness as that propagated by anti-MacGyver groups. They do, as previously stated, make an occasional attack against lactose intolerance. And they have held several rallies in opposition of those that wish to subvert legalized gambling (though that particular cause might be motivated by the large influx of pixie campaign contributions from Vegas).
But on the other hand, they stand idly by while hatemongering subverts any hope of the successful granting of civil rights to lemurs.
What can we make of this? Pixies are a fickle, opinionated and generally selfish bunch of jerks.
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