Today I was in the presence of a two year old girl. I taught her many false things such as: frogs eat hamburgers, and elephants eat crystals. After watching Aladdin she began to wave goodbye to the scrolling credits. I got to be specific and said goodbye to certain people on the list. She copied what I said. It then evolved into saying names that weren't there such as: Bea Arthur, Pauly Shore, Estelle Getty, David Hasslehoff, you get the picture.
I realized that I should never have children because I'll just lie to them and make them repeat catch phrases or inside jokes or lame celebrities.
3 comments:
Frogs don't eat hamburger?
Elephants don't eat crystals?
I knew that Bea Arthur was in Aladdin (there were many big creatures in the movie)
The amazing thing about 2 year olds is that they will remember everything that you said to them...and blurt it out at the most interesting time...I'm sure that the childs parents will be forever greatful when trying to watch Aladdin (probably for the 127th time) when the 2 year old starts looking for Bea!!! or when watching Dora the Explorer (the Hunter of the 2 year old set) stating to all that will listen that frogs eat hamburger...
Life lessons well taught, what you did was perfect...it was called grandparenting!!! Give the child whatever they want and then send them home to their parents!!! You only need to figure how to get around the middle stage to advance to your current level of expertise to be a long term grandparenting icon!!!
How about rent-a-child...With the new fabulous feature "NO LATE FEES"
It's true! And it's not just two-year-olds, either. In my experience, up through at least five years of age children absorb everything we say or do around them. Recently, I was rockin' the suburbs with Ben Folds on the way to Target with a four-year-old who asked, "Why does he say, 'Everyone here is fired?'"
Anyway, you needn't feel badly about misleading them. Parents do it all the time -- Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny -- and inevitably the child is ridiculed by older children on the playground or on the bus who have already had their childhood beliefs stomped on. It builds character, I always say.
And let me let you in on a little secret -- the government does it to us too! Global warming? Not real. Holocaust? Never happened. Agent Orange? Safe enough to use on your breakfast cereal instead of milk. The government lies to us; we lie to children; children get laughed at. It's democracy at its finest.
liz says:
i'm pretty sure i've expressed this before, but i've always wanted to do this: teach a kid the wrong alphabet.
ejgutis newrvhfyt urqplw azsm! next time won't you sing with me!
imagine a kid going to school and proudly reciting the alphabet in a ridiculously mixed up routine. picture the students faces! the teachers faces! and above all your own offsprings gleaming smile turn into shock when he/she learns his whole life is a lie! the possibilities are endless.
hilariously cruel.
but such is life.
*disclaimer: i would never actually do this i just like to think about how funny it would be. again, i would never do it...to my own children
Post a Comment