Today I discussed death and heaven with one of my co-workers. It wasn't anything serious. We both agree that once you die Death comes to visit and let's you know if you achieved awesome status in your life - like tickets you win at ski ball. If you rack up enough points you have the option to haunt someone....and also get a friendship bracelet.

Here are your Haunting Level Packages:

- Prankster: misplace objects (socks/keys), weird light in photos. (Next time you can't find something, think to yourself, who did I wrong that recently died?)

- Legit Haunting: ability to whisper, turn rooms cold, one time appearance but animals can see you (dogs bark)

- White Gold: all of the above PLUS ability to shake/move things, enter dreams, repeat appearances.

White Gold is more likely to achieve if you were a good person who was wronged and/or murdered.

If you were murdered there are bonus options such as:

Ultimate revenge: get to cause their death/plan punishment in hell
OR
Sick Karma on them: takes longer but more satisfying vs immediate gratification of haunting.

This whole thing comes with a stack of paperwork including instructions so that way people who are flaky and THINK they want to be a ghost will easily give up and just move on. Death is kinda like a lawyer in that way. Or the guy who talks really fast at the end of drug commercials listing off all the side effects.