Recently I moved and when I did I left a fully furnished apartment. After getting a bed frame off craigslist, the air mattress I was using didn't exactly hold the air like I'd like it to. And it's kind of weird to sleep in the pull out bed downstairs for the long term. As such it was time for me, at the noble age of 27, to pony up and buy a big girl bed. Naturally I looked up places on Yelp and found a few not far from me.

There were a ton of places along this one strip. One place in particular was advertising that they were going out of business. Being the cheapskate I am, of course I went here. The best part was the signs placed everywhere on all the merchandise. Please observe:

Wait, I'm confused. This mattress is NOT 50% off? Do I have to double the price listed or cut it in half? This is too much math! Now I know you are going out of business so good job on that part of the ticket but why is there a "NOT" pre printed? And NOT (get it?) to tell you your business but just because you are going out of business doesn't mean you shouldn't still try. Get some white out on that ish!

But it doesn't end there. You see there were plenty of others to choose from. This one seemed like it could work but upon reading the sign I had to check if it was opposite day. It wasn't.

Let's be honest, I really don't want to be dealing with an angry/mean mattress. It's just not worth the savings. Yet I believe this one was my favorite because it doesn't work either way.

You: "Nice mattress."
Me: Thanks, I got the "yikes" special. And at 238, it was a steal!