Friday, August 10, 2012

Baja Day 8


The one good thing about waking up way too GD early in the morning in Baja is catching the sunrise. We get up at 5:30am for The Poker Run. Don't be fooled, even though the word "run" is in the title, there will be no running. (NOTE: Here in Baja a "run" usually refers to going for a ride in the giant adult go-carts called Sand Rails. This run involves getting some poker cards and then going to MASH-like themed check points along the dirt course). We roll out aka nap in the sand rail despite how loud it is. Any guys who wave back to us are our novios: in a boat, truck, kids on the street. Don’t matter. Todos novios! We wake up for donuts.


Yes, please. We eat a piece of each one at Janice and Chuck’s house, where upon spotting a shake weight, Janice gives us a tutorial. But we know all about it (and the SNL parody - photo below). We try not to laugh as she demonstrates, and fail miserably. 


They start drinking early. 7:50am jello shots? Ouch. We are in for a LOOOONG day.


We get to the beginning checkpoint, 1.5 hours early. Baja Joe, you so crazy. We feel like we should mess with him but never think of anything good to do. Instead, we get a crappy hand at poker, I get nothing, Liz gets a pair of 8s. Spoiler Alert: she doesn't win. Also a lady is giving out deviled eggs for FREE. I’m all over it. She needs help getting rid of them. Oh? We bait her to offer us to take more than one. No dice.


We nap, our crew of people take pictures of the young kids falling asleep in the super not comfortable plastic lawn chairs. I feel my mouth opening as I drift off but don’t care. We clarify that we were out late and up early. The old folks keep drinking. 


There are announcements about police DUI check points. Don’t go too fast. Is this happening? Way to downplay drunk driving. We talk about wanting to ride someone's ATV. Liz and I assure each other we will make it happen: "Totes, gotta, nailed it, slam dunk, ace, own it, check it. Done. Check." 


Clearly we are delirious.

The run starts. I begin to wake up. Liz and I find ways to amuse ourselves. We bait Lindsey into using her default phrase: "I don’t know" Or “haven’t a clue" with her innocent inflection. But to get her to say it we have to find the right question. Liz asks "What’s the furthest planet from us?" She doesn’t take the bait. Instead she asks others. Liz and I sigh. Double fail: she didn’t say it and now we are a part of a convo we have no interest in. We try again, "Hey Linds, what proof is this alcohol?" Without hesitation she answers: " 200."  Damn! I ask her what type of chile is on her handkerchief, she says red pepper. Damn. But then follows up with "I think. I don’t know." YES! We start laughing. She doesn’t get it. Realizes it’s some kind of private joke. We’re punch drunk and keep laughing.

We take pictures of each set up. 



We ask Lindsey "What’s in the jungle juice?" Lindsey: "I don’t know." She shoots and scores! We crack up. She says it again, we convulse into fits of laughter. She’s onto us. "Is that it?" We admit, yes. We love it. We spend the rest of the day baiting her. She even turns it around on me.  Asking me what flavor jello shots were left. Not thinking I say, "I don't know." And she starts to smile. She totally got me. Well played.

More jello shots. 

We make ridiculous noises. "Aw, Squawks! Ey! EYY!" Mumbling crazy shit and cracking each other up. I love the craziness, Liz loves making me feel crazy. Aren't we just a pair? Joe feeds us jello shots. We take stupid pictures with props. You have to go vote on which one was the best. We vote for three: they had snacks. No photo ops, doesn’t matter. Snacks win every time. 

We meet these twins from Chicago who upon us telling them we’re from NY say "Oh yeah I could tell. I could hear it." Oh really? Because literally everyone we meet comments on how we DON'T have an accent. They overuse the word phenomenal. They are throwing a party later that’s "gonna be fucking stupid." They drop F-bombs galore. We eat the last of the jello shot shooters. Doesn’t taste great but eat them anyway. We go to head back. Lindsey says we missed out on cranberry cookies. We ask "Wait. What kind of cookie?" She thinks we’re messing we her. But no, we don’t mess around when it comes to food, especially dessert. Now describe it! Carol says she has some shortbread ones left. SCORE!!


We head back to home base, haplessly sticking our arms out the sand rail - casting shadow puppets and of course the finger. Napping a bit. Get to lunch, they only have burgers advertised as a mix of McDonalds, Burger King, and Jack in the box. Cue my sarcastic: "Great." You get food through a ticket system: 1 cheeseburger or 2 hot dogs for 6 tickets. We have 4 left (we might have spent them on booze) but figure we’re not getting the burger, we’re gonna eat salads and maybe some fries since they ran out of tater tots (#unacceptable). Turns out a salad made of lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, sweet radish, mustard, salt/pepper is surprisingly really good. We BS with people who keep trying to give us their tickets. 

THEM: Get a burger. 
US: We don’t eat meat. 
THEM: Oh. Why not? 

One Minute Later...

THEM: You hungry? You want something? Get a burger. 

Rinse/repeat. Eventually we get food for them in exchange for eating their tater tots. The day is over around 2pm. We head back to Janice and Chuck's place, enjoying the ride along the beach. Lindsey spots a dolphin skull for her collection of dead things. It’s still got teeth and some flesh on it, we’re sure Gabby would love to eat. It also smells aReal bad.


We hang out, decide to walk along the beach. I zone out, walk way down. Reminded of my beach house summers on Lawng Island. I find shells and a seal carcass. Then walk back. 


Tengo hombre (I have hunger). Pee - and my urine is bright yellow. Weird, I've been drinking ALL day and yet somehow I'm dehydrated. There's gotta be some water in those jello shots, right? Joe drives us all back, a little wonky at times. Thankfully there are no DUI checkpoints on the actual roads. Clean up quick at home. Tired. Get veggie pizza which is really damn good. Joe and Lindsey slow dance for a song. Liz and I recount the night before. Bubba says hi.


Head home and fantasize about watching Chopped, doing nails, face masks, basically having a girly night. Talking about boys and novios!! Todos novios! Joe falls asleep right away. We go to the roof to check out the stars and the huge, yellow moon. Making weird noises like a-holes and I wonder what Lindsey thinks as she can probs hear us from a distance as she walks Chewy. I take a shower and comb out my hippy hair (thick, verge of dreads from the dust, in the night light looks kinda grey).

We both wind up rocking a mud mask. 


My skin is so dry. Damn you, desert! I put basically everything Lindsey has in her bathroom drawers labeled "moisturizer" on my face. Then try Liz's coconut oil. We half watch Chopped as we type out our days.  But do pause enough to see judge Alex Guarnaschelli announced: terrible hair, forgettable looks, and an awkward smile. It's like she's trying to trick us into thinking she has a heart. But I'm not buying it. 



 

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