(New Years Resolution: Finish up my Baja adventures before a year goes by. Seriously, now.)
We wake around 9am. Get our fix of PG tips tea with a splash of soy milk. I keep throwing more lotions on my face to avoid looking like a leper. Travis shows up without Sean. He figured he would take us to the pool if we wanted. Liz and I split some oatmeal. Baja Joe rises from his grave. He's finally on his feet again, on the mend from his "vertigo" that had nothing to do with all the jello shots he ate yesterday. We change and go to the pool, but in our haste don’t bring sports bras, which is essential when you have boobs beyond a B cup and plan to jump up and down while playing pool volleyball. It looks like Liz is gonna have to sit this one out (sad face). But wait, Dustin has his mother Dawnett bring a wetsuit top. Liz zips the girls in. The v-ball Gods shine upon us -- She, Travis, and I are all on the same team and get ready to bring the hurt. We own the first game thanks to a guy we call Brick House. Fun facts about Brick House: he's in his 60s, 6 foot tall, probably was once in a biker gang, possibly killed a man while in said hypothetical gang, and has a tattoo of a looney tunes character playing volleyball. Can you say, "Ringer"? Cause his crushing spike can. That's him standing in the corner, all business.
We wake around 9am. Get our fix of PG tips tea with a splash of soy milk. I keep throwing more lotions on my face to avoid looking like a leper. Travis shows up without Sean. He figured he would take us to the pool if we wanted. Liz and I split some oatmeal. Baja Joe rises from his grave. He's finally on his feet again, on the mend from his "vertigo" that had nothing to do with all the jello shots he ate yesterday. We change and go to the pool, but in our haste don’t bring sports bras, which is essential when you have boobs beyond a B cup and plan to jump up and down while playing pool volleyball. It looks like Liz is gonna have to sit this one out (sad face). But wait, Dustin has his mother Dawnett bring a wetsuit top. Liz zips the girls in. The v-ball Gods shine upon us -- She, Travis, and I are all on the same team and get ready to bring the hurt. We own the first game thanks to a guy we call Brick House. Fun facts about Brick House: he's in his 60s, 6 foot tall, probably was once in a biker gang, possibly killed a man while in said hypothetical gang, and has a tattoo of a looney tunes character playing volleyball. Can you say, "Ringer"? Cause his crushing spike can. That's him standing in the corner, all business.
Due to her massive consumption of margaritas throughout the week, Liz boldly states she’s
not having any today. But Dustin’s not having it and Liz has no
will power, so she’s already on her first one. I obsessively add
lotion to my face to prevent it from becoming sandpaper. I rock a hat as well, giving me the sexy air of a mom on vacation. We lose our second game. Win the third. Play
all women for like 10 mins. Despite being a woman I will happily admit they all kinda suck. Liz gets ALL of our 4
points. The boys then get to play for like an hour. We have a couple
more margaritas. Liz keeps herself to two.
She goes to buy a round for
everyone: including Sean and Travis. But I kindly remind her they don’t
drink anything beyond unhealthy amounts of Rock Star. A buzzed Liz retorts: "AW, SQUAWKS!"
We lay out, Liz writes “LIZ” on everyone’s back before rubbing in the sunscreen.
We lay out, Liz writes “LIZ” on everyone’s back before rubbing in the sunscreen.
Later on Travis teaches us cribbage. What's that? You've never heard of it either? Join the party. He attempt to explain it to us but it’s
crazy hard with lots of elaborate rules. We haven't even started a practice hand and I can see Liz is already bored. Somehow, I manage to get
16 points! Whatever that means! Sean and Travis ask Liz to take a picture of them (and not just
food) since they don’t have a camera. Begin photo shoot...
Once we're done posing like idiots, Dustin recalls his first convo with Hollywood Ron who painted Dustin the impression we were super slutty and "down for anything." But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Oh, Hollywood, you so silly. Do these look like the faces of skanks?
I think not. We kill time by allowing Robbie to harmlessly hit on Liz.
He and Dawnette managed to get Travis and Sean a condo to crash in for the night (fo' free 'cause it still needs to be cleaned.) It's condo number: 69-4. Insert sex jokes here. We are tempted to play Frisbee but Liz's stomach Alexis is hungry, and you don't want to deny her or there will be hell to pay. We go to dollar night dinner at the resort restaurant. It takes FOREVER for them to open the line. Travis and Liz get punch drunk and humor an old couple who tells us all about the finer points of playing dominos. I sing along to the DJs easy listening choices wherein Phil Collins makes me think twice about another day in paradise. Once we go to town on the buffet of mostly reheated items, Travis overeats and Dustin kisses a pony in the background.
He and Dawnette managed to get Travis and Sean a condo to crash in for the night (fo' free 'cause it still needs to be cleaned.) It's condo number: 69-4. Insert sex jokes here. We are tempted to play Frisbee but Liz's stomach Alexis is hungry, and you don't want to deny her or there will be hell to pay. We go to dollar night dinner at the resort restaurant. It takes FOREVER for them to open the line. Travis and Liz get punch drunk and humor an old couple who tells us all about the finer points of playing dominos. I sing along to the DJs easy listening choices wherein Phil Collins makes me think twice about another day in paradise. Once we go to town on the buffet of mostly reheated items, Travis overeats and Dustin kisses a pony in the background.
We go back to Baja Joe and Lindsey's with one simple goal: take a shower. When we get there, they gone! So I convince the boys to take showers too. Travis runs in first and takes FOREVER. I believe it was right around here we started to call him Metro as in a metrosexual. If you are unaware of the term - Google it. I shower next, but once I'm done my naked self notices there is no towel. So Liz
follows the sound of my voice and hands me one. We all get ready
together, finding room for all of us to prep in the mirror like a bunch of sorority girls heading out to Sigma Beta Pi's keg party. My face is flaking off - Hot! Thankfully, no one can notice but me. Sean brushes his teeth (none of us are surprised as on more than one of our outtings he has flossed in the car).
We can’t believe we aren’t sick of each other. Especially since Liz, Travis, and I often default into sounding like Bobby’s mom from the popular 90s cartoon Bobby’s World, about good Midwestern values. "Don't cha know!" It’s either that or "AW, SQUAKS!" The larger point being, we’re insane. And whenenver Sean tries to tell a story it takes so long Liz gets bored and interrupts him and/or we make it sound like he’s bragging. He must hate us. But he doesn’t, or he would have murdered us by now. He would know how to get away with it too. He knows everything. Which is why we nicknamed him Wikipedia.
Before we leave Mom & Dad (Travis & Sean) have a mini fight about not wanting to drive into town all in one car because Sean wants to be able to leave whenever he's ready. But Travis thinks the condo people have been so nice to them, it seems rude to turn down the offer to ride with them. Liz and I fear the parents are splitting up and it’s all our fault. In the end, the argument takes so long the condo people left without us, but we managed to run into them at the gas station and were glad we had our own ride cause it looked like the driver might have had a few already.
We can’t believe we aren’t sick of each other. Especially since Liz, Travis, and I often default into sounding like Bobby’s mom from the popular 90s cartoon Bobby’s World, about good Midwestern values. "Don't cha know!" It’s either that or "AW, SQUAKS!" The larger point being, we’re insane. And whenenver Sean tries to tell a story it takes so long Liz gets bored and interrupts him and/or we make it sound like he’s bragging. He must hate us. But he doesn’t, or he would have murdered us by now. He would know how to get away with it too. He knows everything. Which is why we nicknamed him Wikipedia.
Before we leave Mom & Dad (Travis & Sean) have a mini fight about not wanting to drive into town all in one car because Sean wants to be able to leave whenever he's ready. But Travis thinks the condo people have been so nice to them, it seems rude to turn down the offer to ride with them. Liz and I fear the parents are splitting up and it’s all our fault. In the end, the argument takes so long the condo people left without us, but we managed to run into them at the gas station and were glad we had our own ride cause it looked like the driver might have had a few already.
We head to Al’s bar - an eclectic little dive bar whose ceiling is covered in underwear left behind by many drunk women with the sprinkling of the occasional pair of boxer briefs.
We are told hanging up your bra or underwear is a "thing" you have to do. Liz and I decide we should go find that giant pair of underwear we saw the other night being displayed on the street, purchase it, and hang it in the bar with the label, "Hollywood Ron's Girls." We wonder the streets for a good 15 minutes, but don't find it, learning a valuable lesson that when you come upon an impossibly large pair of panties you will never use, buy them on sight. At one point we look lost and a mom with her young son ask if we need help. After explaining our need for huge underwear, she promptly shuffles her son away from us saying, "Okay, thank you, bye."
Fun fact about Al's - when it's your first time there you get a free shot of their homemade tequila. Bonus: it's delish. Liz and I have our fair share of giant goblet drinks and shots.
DJ Bubba shows up. Now it's a party. We realize, Bubba basically has one CD and the best job ever. The same 90s dance party mix we partied to a few nights before starts pumping. Don't worry, "I like Big Butts" is definitely in there.
Then there are talks of doing body shots. Naturally, the boys are ALL about it, the girls are hesitant. To Liz's surprise, I'm game. Baja Colleen has arrived and plans to do baby's first body shot! (Sorry, Mom).
We are told hanging up your bra or underwear is a "thing" you have to do. Liz and I decide we should go find that giant pair of underwear we saw the other night being displayed on the street, purchase it, and hang it in the bar with the label, "Hollywood Ron's Girls." We wonder the streets for a good 15 minutes, but don't find it, learning a valuable lesson that when you come upon an impossibly large pair of panties you will never use, buy them on sight. At one point we look lost and a mom with her young son ask if we need help. After explaining our need for huge underwear, she promptly shuffles her son away from us saying, "Okay, thank you, bye."
Fun fact about Al's - when it's your first time there you get a free shot of their homemade tequila. Bonus: it's delish. Liz and I have our fair share of giant goblet drinks and shots.
Then there are talks of doing body shots. Naturally, the boys are ALL about it, the girls are hesitant. To Liz's surprise, I'm game. Baja Colleen has arrived and plans to do baby's first body shot! (Sorry, Mom).
Then the boys take their shirts off hoping the ladies will take body shots off of them. All us girls revert back to high school dance mentality and stay on the other side of the room away from the bar huddling together for there is safety in numbers. Look how stoked Robbie is for it. Aww....
A few crushed dreams later, the guys put their shirts back on. Travis and Sean are super tired and not drunk. They just want to sleep and not in a small tent outside in the cold like they have been. Can you blame them? But Liz and I can 'cause we're full of liquid happy and don't really want to leave just yet. Instead, I side track the boys into teasing a buzzed Liz everyone is super mad at her for being drunk, since she was comically paranoid about it the day before. How could this plan possibly backfire? And then it happens, the fantastic foursome finally gets a little bit annoyed at each other. Oops. My bad.
But our friendship isn't over enough to turn down an uncomfortably quiet ride home. To break the tension we enjoy watching Dustin drive home drunk alongside us. Did I mention there are no rules in Mexico?
A few crushed dreams later, the guys put their shirts back on. Travis and Sean are super tired and not drunk. They just want to sleep and not in a small tent outside in the cold like they have been. Can you blame them? But Liz and I can 'cause we're full of liquid happy and don't really want to leave just yet. Instead, I side track the boys into teasing a buzzed Liz everyone is super mad at her for being drunk, since she was comically paranoid about it the day before. How could this plan possibly backfire? And then it happens, the fantastic foursome finally gets a little bit annoyed at each other. Oops. My bad.
But our friendship isn't over enough to turn down an uncomfortably quiet ride home. To break the tension we enjoy watching Dustin drive home drunk alongside us. Did I mention there are no rules in Mexico?
Liz and I get home. Silently make our bed and fall asleep. And I hope there's a reboot in friendship by morning.
No comments:
Post a Comment