Baja Day 3

Lazy day. Liz up early, goes on a 6 mile run (way to show off). The sweat evaporates off so fast she doesn't come back sweaty. Check plus, desert! Meanwhile, I drink about 4 cups of tea then attempt to juggle the soccer ball with Liz. But here's the thing: I hurt my knee awhile back and it just doesn't seem to heal. Weird, right? Surprisingly (not surprising at all) my leg fails. In denial, I juggle without the leg while Liz looks on disapprovingly. 

We eat a lil something, perhaps one of our million Cliff bars. Liz gets a call from a man known as "Hollywood." He's one of the “younger” guys, you know in his at late 30s/early 40s, who will be by the pool for volleyball from 12 – 2pm. We don't have a car so we get a ride with Lindsey and her friend Rose who asks what we did this AM. Liz tells her she went for a run. Rose endearingly calls her a little shit. Rose is awesome. Lindsey/designated mom drops us off. We're too late to sign up for pool vball but enjoy watching poolside. 

Liz hides her pale white Irish skin under the towel. 

Hollywood (aka the Commander from Power Rangers!) asks if we want to join for a VIP birthday dinner for some guy named Lopez turning 65. It's a four course meal for 20 bucks and it's a first come first serve list of guests. "Sure!" Then he tells us he has a small piece of a "special" tootsie roll. Liz has tried special items before but never liked it. I've tried some special things here and there but never to any effect. It's my superhero power. But when it Rome… So we split a small piece. He tells us if we’re lucky we might feel a buzz. 

Cut to: an hour later it hits Liz. She pretends she’s tired until I sneak a peek at her eyes behind the glasses. Someone's getting silly. 

I take pictures and video. “It gets real” for a hot minute and she’s about 2 mins behind in our conversation, then laughs histerically fearing she'll never stop, is afraid to get up, and suddenly really hungry. I give her a piece of gum. She can’t get over how good it is. We move to avoid nats that showed up (in our minds?). But they follow us, or rather the cheap plastic chairs, we move again. She goes to the bathroom. Upon her return she admits she thought she might get stuck in here – all by herself, with her brain. But then she didn’t want to overthink it so she left. Good call. Then, concerned she asks "How am I going to remember all this? So much has happened." In her defense, she's right. I mean we moved around like 4 times. Who wants to forget about those treasured moments?

We play a short lived game entitled "Hey that was weird, right?" Starring this chick Nicole. 

Liz doesn’t like her because Nicole is drunk and not making much sense. She pretends her name is Colleen & Liz which upsets Liz because "that's clearly not her name. Why would she say that?" She leaves but then returns much to Liz's annoyance and bitch steals my camera, much to my annoyance. 

Notice Liz blocking her face, quietly mumbling "I hate her." 

A delightful level of paranoia follows. Liz checks in with me as people go by saying "hi" or "have a good one." She’s immediately skeptical – "They know. Why else would they say that?" It couldn’t possibly be them being nice.  I get quiet, mesmerized by the vball game. Turn to find Liz watching people enter and exit the pool area because the vball game is "boring." She'd rather try to figure out what the guy in sunglasses and sweater is doing just standing there. You know, like "What's his deal?" I reply, "I dunno, probably here to pick someone up." Liz doesn't accept it as a viable answer. 

This one super positive guy is by the pool cheering on the teams. He’s in his 30s and Liz thinks he’s from San Diego because he talks like the turtle in Finding Nemo. We are far too amused by his reactions. I video some of it, cause that's not weird AT ALL.

I keep thinking about the small piece we had that made us both loopy, Liz more so than me (remember my super powers). Yet, I'm sure we'd die on a whole piece. Liz is glad she never did it in college because it’s ALL she would do. The buzz wears off for me but Liz gets quiet as Hollywood drops us back off to change into regular clothes. Upon not being in bathing suits Hollywood comments how different we look out of swim wear, aged up by like 20 years. Liz isn't sure if that's a good or bad thing. I mention we seem more age appropriate not realizing it could be taken the wrong way (as in, hey we're not too young for you to hit on us!). Liz returns to us, no longer scared to talk and amazed how long her special little journey lasted. We take a sip of amazing (creme de) tequila in a tall blue bottle to celebrate/just cause. It’s delicious, takes like candy, and depending on where you go is either 15 or 40 dollars.

The bday celebration happens at a restaurant off the beaten path, one of those places you find down a dirt road, and make a left after the tree in the middle of the road, then turn into a small hut/driveway on the right. We're told it's the best food in town. They are only open by reservation and 20 people at a time. That night they opened special for us. 

Upon entering you have a clear view into the chef’s kitchen.

Liz and I realize immediately upon joining this birthday dinner bash that it's less of a come and join us and more of a special occasion for friends who all know each other but don't know us. We later recount how they must have been thinking, "who are these assholes?" Would you like to learn how to be an asshole? I bet you would. Come sit a spell and we'll tell you a tale...

A GUIDE TO BEING AN ASSHOLE 

by Liz Riv and Colleen Evs

First of all, get invited to a VIP closed list birthday dinner and without knowing the guy say yes. Bonus points for bumping off any of the man's real friends, which we did. Sorry, Jorge the vball sign up guy, better luck next time!

Next take a primo seat at the table. May I suggest right next to the birthday boy you have never met? Yes, well done.

Then it's BYOB/Liquor so don't bring any, but do get tipsy off the stuff everyone else brought.

What's that, Chef? It's a fixed menu of steak, lamb, or fish? No, I won't be having that. I'm a vegetarian so you'll need to make me something else OFF the special fixed menu, thanks!

Then when others (who may be drunk or high or both) don't want the appetizer of "cold mash potatoes" aka delicious tuna salad, eat their portion with no reservations.

Next, make sure your special off the fixed menu meal comes out first. But don't eat it. This may appear like you are "waiting" for everyone else to get their food before eating but really you want everyone else, who is hungry, to see. Take pictures. This will peak interest, they will want to know what it is.

It's also clutch if your dish is enormous and you don't offer to share. Instead. Eat it ALL.

Unfortunately I was less of an asshole and ordered the fresh fish from the actual menu.

But I did make up for it by taking a picture of one of the owners who didn't want his picture taken. Sorry buddy, I'm an asshole so this IS happening.

Now if someone else, most likely a skinny girl who doesn't complete her meal and only drinks water, doesn't want her dessert, eat it right in front of her and remark how amazing your second helping of it is. YUM! You sure you don't want any? It's delicious.

Thus ends our lesson. Now back to our regular scheduled program....

While at the table we BS with Devan from the pool she’s 21 and her friends are too scared to come visit. She’s an old soul with a great sense of humor. She's joined by her cool down to earth mom Dawnette and her boyfriend Robbie. More on them later. 

Also – San Diego eats with us, but turns out thats not his name and he’s from Oregon. Damn, 0 for 2. The food is so good Liz kinda wishes she was still high - I mean, special. That's vague, right? For all you know they were homemade from a "special" family recipe. Just like grandma used to make. Don't question it. Jedi mind trick! "These are not the droids you're looking for..."

Anyway, turns out Hollywood has a call back in LA so he reluctantly drops of off early. It’s for the best as we are scheduled for an early morning adventure the next day. He gives us the tequila to finish since he can’t drive with an open container. We pretend we could never accept such a - ok fine, we'll take one for the team. He was bummed he couldn’t "party with us" and promises a rain check. We had a great time, but hope he’s not really hitting on us, though we’ll happily accept gifts.

Liz is so full she walks up and down the stairs to the roof to help settle the gallon of veggies in her stomach as I type stuff I hope isn’t too much that I forget it all.