Baja Day 1

I recently ran away to Mexico again. Baja Mexico, not the main land part that immediately makes anyone over 30 say, "it's not safe/be careful you could get kidnapped." Don't worry, this time I brought a friend (twice as hard to get kidnapped). 

My BFF Liz came to LA on a one way ticket so we could have adventures in Mexico. This is part of our tale... 

CAST LIST:

2nd time around American - Colleen

1st time in Baja - Liz

2nd cousin who is 71 - Joe aka Baja Joe

2nd cousin's British wife - Lindsey

DAY 1

Wake up at 6:35am to leave the apartment around 7:15am. Used hand drawn map and discovered the short cut road was closed. Then drove down a dirt road with a lagoon running along side it. Constantly wondering, is this a road? We get to a road closed sign. I make a pretty difficult U-turn.

We find concrete again and the smallest freest parking for your car there err was. Thanks El Centro Airport! 

Go to Costco, buy a million Cliff bars. Thanks, bulk! Pee stop. Go to another Costco, this time in Mexico – get a GIANT berry sundae for 2 bucks. There was some debate about who was getting the chocolate (liz), the swirl of vanilla and chocolate (me), and just classic vanilla (Lindsey). Joe makes jokes in Spanglish that Liz and I are his moms. The clerk laughs, but it's mostly out of confusion. 

Arrive by 3pm, go directly to happy hour, do not unpack or stop at the house. But don’t worry "We’re only staying for an hour."

We’re early but there’s a bday celebration happening for (according to the sign) Paul. He’s turning 80 but according to our new/drunk friend Shelly you’d never know it. Liz then tells others about Paul, prompting them to ask if she knows him. "Nope." Turns out Paul has quite a spread of food happening. It's in our eye line, what are we supposed to do? NOT stare at it longingly?

More people show up. We keep drinking. Another pitcher of margaritas is served, or is this the third one? Liz is tired and easily drunk. I’m right behind her. Chewy is sleeping under the table waiting for us to take him home – like the sober DD who is over it. An hour in we already extend our stay another Day to attend Boots’ party. We HAVE to go. Will you be there? OK, Sure. Twist my arm.

We spot Shelly off to the side smoking a cigar. We decide to go over and tell her that’s awesome. We meet her friend Kathy.

We decide to make friends with Paul so we can eat his food. He’s awesome and you would never know he’s turning 80! We’re young and he doesn’t want to let go from shaking our hands. His daughter, the party organizer, is there. She’s a little less awesome. Probs cause she’s not drunk and totally onto our food stealing plan. Proceed to go to town on crackers, cheese, and carrots. Best not forget about the pickles.

People notice my Betty White shirt that looks a lil sometin like a dis:

We talk about how awesome she is. All of us want to be her when we grow up. Square dancing starts to happen. Liz and I join and do a piss poor job at it but the drunk lady with us thinks we picked it up fast. Shenia Twain gets it going, we sing/dance about the best thing about being a woman. Circle is formed, we all take turns busting a move. Including Shelly. AND Kathy. Liz comments we are the youngest and drunkest there. 

Liz and I spy Paul's birthday cake in the fridge. Paul, what’s going on? Why are we not eating that right now!? Happy Birthday is sung, we linger and get HUGE pieces of cake. Vanilla and chocolate with cream in the middle, strawberries on top. Ice cream for lunch. Cake for dinner. Drunk by 4pm. Welcome to Baja! Sorry, body.

We start taking pictures, they are blurry. The perfect representation of what’s happening in our brains. No reservations, we spot a quad parked out front. I tell Liz to get on it. She goes.

And here's the one where she’s telling a bystander, don’t worry this is definitely my ride.

We leave happy hour by 8pm. Somehow we managed to drink 5 pitchers. Sharing IS caring. We meet Cody. He actually owns a quad. He’ll be here this week. We plan to see him later. ((Spoiler alert: We don't)). We’re told downtown is crazy and no one leaves their house. Liz and I plan to leave and join the insanity of it all.

We get in the car and dance to 70s super hits. What's that? The photo is blurry? Weird. We drop off our stuff at the house and Chewy finally gets fed/released from the drunk people. We aren’t hungry but should probs get real dinner, right? Ok Mexican it is! Liz realizes her glasses are missing. We go back. No dice. She dumps out her bag. No dice. Well, they’ll turn up. She rocks her prescription sunglasses – at night. Hardcore.

We arrive at Andres. I eat the free chips I told myself I wasn’t going to eat. Damn you, Tequila! Joe orders margaritas for the whole table.

They are STRONG. None of us finish them. We stuff our drunk bocas (spanish for mouths) in silence. Liz and I take turns mumbling, "OMG I’m so drunk." I get my fish tacos to go. Ordered without beer batter and on corn tortillas but that didn’t happen. Liz then asks the server, Max, "Como se dice 'Hammered' en espanol?" He’s not sure what hammered means, she motions drinking a lot and stumbling. He goes, "Oh – Borracho." "Si! Muy borracho! (make that borracha, for the ladies) Gracias!"

Time for bed. Liz falls face first onto the pull out bed. She doesn’t move after that.

Sorry teeth, tonight you will not be brushed.