Hey kids quess what? Today I went over to Target for my interview and I had not one, but two...count 'em two interviews in one sitting and boy and I excited. Why is this? Cuz tomorrow I get to pee in a cup so they can see if I've been hanging out with Mary Jane. So that means I pass and they'll give me a call in like a week or less. Hopefully I get hired. Everything went well. Only thing was afterwards while doing my hw I realized I put down I'd like to work 28-30 hours a week. Thats a whole lot of hours. Surely I'll lose my entire social life...no one will call anymore [on the brink of tears]. But I figure let me work my bum off for like a week and then I'll start to work like 25 hours a week. They said they were flexable, so I want to see a cartwheel.

Speaking of cartwheels I think its time for some General Food Bashing:
Soup is stupid
Lettuce is dirty
Ice cream...well I like ice cream
but I HATE bananas they think their better than everyone else...what-ever!

As many of you know, I am a closet fan of rap and I totally love the new Eminem song "Without me." It so great, yo!

Anyway, today I hung out with Liz and Merry at Port Jeff. Now an interesting/extremely creepy thing happened to us on the drive there. Liz was sitting in the back and this guy pulled up about 40yrs old and was looking at her so she waved being all nice, thinking he was a nice dad and would casually wave back. Only she was wrong, DEAD wrong. He in return did a sly smile-nod as if he was trying to pick her up. She got freaked and told us, we looked at him and he was still smiling so we basically laughed at him. And as we pulled up to the light he decides that even though he has plenty of room ahead of him in his lane, he is going to stay next to us. He stayed a bit too long and we all got skeeved out. He had this crazy look in his eye like he wanted to F us; but I mean who doesnt?! We are some fine ladies.

In addition to this we also had some Crack flavored ice-cream, or at least imagined that we did. Then we shared some food...not a shower!! I just wanted to clear that up. Thank you.

Naturally the song O the day is: Eminem-Without Me also Foo Fighters - Aurora

I apologize for all of those who live to read blogspots. I know how annoying it is when people dont update. Plus I mean I'm sure you're addicted to my hilarious antics so going through a drought of funny must have had some negative side effects like murder.

Now I have held out on you long enough, here it comes, The Phrase Of The Week [echo]
I dont even know the girls name who said the phrase, lets call her Mertle. Mertle was playing against my soccer team on a late Sunday afternoon, when one of my teammates, who will remain anonymous, "accidentally" knocked her down. Mertle is kinda dirtbagish...and proof of this is found when she said:

She is SO lucky I'm still on probation.

Our only question was, probation for what?! Obviously not being good at soccer...oh snap. If she read that I'm sure she'd hunt me down cuz Mertle is crazy like that, or so I assume.

To Ms.Slip:
I wuv woo
From Mr. Skid [with the shoes]

By popular request I've decided to present a true story of what happens when life throws you a curve and knocks your bum off.
Ladies and gentlemen, behold, a Lifetime Movie presentation of : Shake what the donor gave you.

After a grueling week of school Liz Rivalskin decided to have a talk with her friend Colleen Evanstone. It was a fairly breezy friday afternoon and Liz Rivalskin wondered how Colleen Evanstone would fair.
So she went up to Colleen Evanstone and asked, "What's baking, booty shakin?"
Colleen Evanstone's face instantly became grim. "Not much."
Liz Rivalskin was curious and asked, "Aww nothin to shake?"
Ms. Evanstone replied, "nope...." A single tear steamed down her almost unbearably beautiful face. She then continued adding, "I shook my booty too hard that it fell off."
Liz Rivalskin was shocked at these words and in a light whisper proclaimed, "oh deaaaar." She secretly wondered if this could happen to her and what she would do. Surely living with no bum would scar her for life!
Colleen Evanstone then began to tell her story. "i know. It was tragic.."
But Liz Rivalskin had to get a word in because in addition to loving the current statis of her bum, she also loved to hear the sound of her radiant voice. To get her fix she said, "I bet it was gross too."
Ignoring this comment, Colleen Evanstone pushed on with her story. She struggled to repress the need to cry out for something. Anything. Anyone to identify with the pain she had endured. Building up all the courage within she began to tell her story once again, "The doctor said there is a chance that I can find a donor, and get a new, firm bum. But then I can't technically shake what MY mom gave me."
Her eyes began to water at the thought. But Liz Rivalskin wasn't touched as she had thought she would be. Instead she needed to hear her voice once more. She tried to hide it as much as possible and emitted a light, "Hmmm." As if she were thinking of how to solve this puzzle. And what a curious puzzle it was.
Colleen Evanstone continued with her rant. "You'd have to say, "shake what the donors mama gave you. And then everyone will stop dancing and stare at my butt."
In Liz Rivalskin's mind she envisioned a horrible scene and said, "..And then itd fall off again, from embarasment."
It was as if Colleen Evanstone had somehow tapped into Liz Rivalskin's mind. They had made a mental connection like they so often did to understand one another. It was as if they left their bodies and became one. And in that case their name would be Lizeen Stoneskin.
Their next statements molded into each other as if they both held onto the paintbrush as it drew a tree.
Colleen Evanstone said, "and i'd never be able to show my face in this town again, because of embarassment."
And Liz Rivalskin said, "and then you'd live the rest of your life as a bumless hermit, due to embarasment."
And Colleen Evanstone rebutted with, "now I have to find the right cave for me you know how many available caves there are now a days that are even halfway decent?...none."
And Liz Rivalskin replied, " no one ever says i wanna be bumless when i grow up...but you ARE."
A heavy silence filled the room. Colleen Evanstone stared hard at the ground as if it would give her the answers she so desperately needed. And then by some miracle it did! Colleen Evanstone's eyes light up as she proclaimed with all her being, "i didnt plan it. Life threw me a curve. And it knocked my bum off."
As yes, the message was so clear now. Liz Rivalskin had reached deep within her soul and found the very meaning of existance didn't have to be listening to your own voice. It was the listen to others. To their stories filled with hopes, fears, and bums falling off. She was touched. And through newly shed tears she whimpered, "that's beautiful..."
At the point Colleen Evanstone put her arm around Liz Rivalskin to comfort her in her new revelation of life as she searched for her wise next words.
" Its a limerick," she said as they walked together into the sunset. Only they existed tonight. The rest of the world was calmly waiting outside for Liz Rivalskin and Colleen Evanstone to return when they were ready.

The End

This story was dedicated to Liz Rivalsi and her baby borl. God Bless!

Song o the day: Jump by Criss Cross...they worse their pants backwards, cuz they were ghetto, not to meantion 12

I found this just now and would like to share

Relationships are math problems to me
There are different ways to go about it
Certain topics I am good at
But if I don't pay attention - I'm screwed
There is only one right answer
The longer problems are always more difficult,
but worth more points
When I have a question,
I ask the teacher
Sometimes it's fun
Sometimes I hate it
When it comes to a test, I go blank
Not enough studying
I don't remember the equation
But then again...
I was never good at math.

Note: Yes, I am single. Stupid Math!

Writing a ten page short story is alot harder than I anticipated. If only it were a 10 sentence story or a kitten. Then I would definitely get a 100. I loves ma kitties!

Sometimes I try to be different a little too much. I get annoyed when I fall into the norms of emotions and the times that "everyone goes through." I dont want to go through what everyone else does. I want to be super human. Being a perfectionest is really starting to wear me away. How can I have perfection when there is nothing left?

[Shakes fist at Life]

Anyway, I woke up this morning in total confusion. I had no idea why my alarm was set. And then the realization sunk in, with a growl...school! Freakin mondays. If only I went to bed before eleven something, the whole tired issue wouldnt be an issue. I would have wonderful bounds of sleep and wake up refreshed. But you see there are these things called TV and internet. These things call to me and I always answer (it would be rude not to) and then I have problems leaving. But I can't get rid of it cuz I can't live without it. There is no life without entertaining technology. I think it's taking over my brain and eventually I'll never want to sleep. How terrible.

I love this song: Baba O'Reilly by The Who
You might remember this little ditty from the American Beauty Movie Trailer or not depending on your memory...

Happy belated Phrase O the Week. This week's is from the talented Liz. You see, I was doing what basically all 13-30 year olds do at 8 on a Sunday..watch the Simpsons. I quoted a line from the show [i just cant live without rage-a-hol] to Liz who was online at the time thinking she was watching. But Liz fo-dot that Simpsons were on: a crime punishable by death if caught by the po-po. I told her she was a failure. To which she replied:

i accept my failureism

Congrads to Liz and her ability to do EVERYTHING wrong. [thumbs up]

If a conversation occured between two people who had short term memory loss and were prone to lying I think it would sound something like this:
-Lactaid Lady=Me
-Cookies4Grandma=Merry

Lactaid Lady: what is up
Cookies4Grandma: nm u
Lactaid Lady: not much
Lactaid Lady: u
Cookies4Grandma: not much, you?
Lactaid Lady: nothing really
Lactaid Lady: u?
Cookies4Grandma: Meh.. you know, nothing much. You?
Lactaid Lady: i'm alright, same ol same ol...how about yourself?
Cookies4Grandma: You konw, pretty good, nothing relaly though. How about you?
Lactaid Lady: you know i was wondering how i was doing so i asked myself and i answered...ya know, i'm doing Otay...you?
Cookies4Grandma: You konw, I did something rather similar. But I answered, pretty good, can't complain - you
Lactaid Lady: I was thinking of traveling the world but then i decided to do nothing instead...y tu?
Cookies4Grandma: I was thinking of running for president, but than I decided to be lazy instead, you?
Lactaid Lady: I got a bad case of road rage and planned out this old lady's death but then i fell asleep...you?
Cookies4Grandma: I got really really hungry and since ther eis no food in my house decided to turn to cannibalism, than I found a sandwich. You?
Lactaid Lady: my neighbors dog keeps dumping on my lawn so I was about to got out to their lawn and drop a duce onto it...but then i saw their dog get hit by a car...what happened on your end?
Cookies4Grandma: Well, the house next door was set ablaze, and I was thinking of trying to save the burning victims, than I saw a little kitty playing iwth a ball of yarn, and decided to snatch it. So I took the kitty home and played with it. How about you, anythign exciting?
Lactaid Lady: i played a game of checkers against this homeless guy but it turns out he was cheating so i was about to set his box on fire when out of no where comes this little monkey with a red ballon walks out and talks abotu keeping the peace so i put my arm around the homeless bum and walked in to my house...and killed him there and hid the body...hows life treating you?
Cookies4Grandma: You know, life is pretty good. I set my neighbors house ablaze and stole their kitten. I was going to save them.... but they wouldn't have let me keep the kitten. So I left them in the fire. But, how can life get much better? I mean, c'mon, I have a kitten! How about you?
Cookies4Grandma: I guess nothing with you.
Lactaid Lady: well i was walking around my neighborhood when i see this bright light out of no where...and it turns out it was a flying saucer. Parked itself over my house and abducted my WHOLE family...and i just sat there..smoking a ciggy-but
Lactaid Lady: there was nothing i could do ya know
Lactaid Lady: but what abotu you?
Cookies4Grandma: You know. Absolutely nothing. Besides the fact that I stole a tank from the US Army, ran it into the side of a bank and stole all the money. Now I'm on the run from the fuzz, avoiding the po-po, and running from the cops. My family supports me though. So... y'know.

The End

Random Tings:

1) I need a haircut
2) TV is good
3) My cat is sitting on my lap
4) India is overpopulated
5) Does soda cause cancer?
6) Ketchup was a good invention
7) I hate spiders but kinda like spiderman from what I've seen

Dictionary Tiempo!! [randomly looked up]

tortoni: ice cream made of heavy cream often with minced almonds and chopped cherries and flavored with rum.
i.e.- After the ice cream man said he doesn't sell tortoni to kids, I followed him home and burn his house down.

Todays Word of the Day is:
Diaper...Have you changed a diaper today?

I must introduce you all to someone VERY close to my heart...

Mr. Skid. Full name: Mr. Skid with the shoes. He's married to Ms. Slip with the grip. They are in love and together created a being. Some call him the Slip-Skid Kid. They call him Johnny. Johnny wears his shoes with the grip everywhere he goes: school, the mall, the movies, his grandma's house, strip clubs...

Now Mr. Skid with the shoes was in trouble, he almost lost his j-o-b because the lining on his shoes gave way. He just loved those shoes so much he didnt want to replace them, but he almost killed Joe Pudding. We all know how important Joe Pudding is...without him who would eat all that pudding made by Bill Cosby? So Mr. Skid with his flimsy shoes skids right into Joe Pudding as he was taking a giant spoon full of, you guessed it...pudding. He starts to choke and thankfully Sally No-choke just punched into work, rounded the corner in an all out dash (cuz she can sense the choking) and saves Joe Puddings life.

Needless to say, Mr. Skid got himself a new pair of shoes the next day.

Hey you, listen to this: All Over Again by Phantom Planet...its crazy

"My dad says that childhood is the happiest time of my life, but I think he's wrong. My mom's right she says, "Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. Thats what mama used to say. She said, 'Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. You need to remember that when you find yourself at the beginning. Just give hope the chance to float up, and it will.'"

--Hope Floats; yeah it was a cute movie. We all need some southern twang thrown in there, even if you are from NY

I'm sitting here singing and groovin' to Kate by Ben Folds Five and I start to think about the awesome talk I had with a certain KATE! This Kate being of course, the one and only, Katie Woz. We haven't hung out much but whenever we do we have such real conversations about life and people and peanut butter...well not yet, we dont get THAT serious. I realize how much I value her friendship. Its cool meeting someone new; sharing stories and ideas and beliefs. Thats what life is really all about. Even though people in general suck, but individuals are so worth the time. Thanks to Katie. You had me at hello....

Its sad to say but I can't wait to go away to college now. I need a change. I need to grow up and write the next chapter of my life. I'm getting antsy. I'm tired of having to wait around. Things get boring and decay. Senior year is not what its cracked up to be. Yeah the work load is pretty easy but its the most emotionally draining year of your life. Right now I'm just searching for something. And I value the simple things I always took for granted; the sound of rain, dinner with my family, the trees, the flowers, watching Everybody Loves Raymond with my mom. There really is so much beauty in the world. It sounds trite but you just have to see it. Gotta have the "magic eye." I see these things and I think, I'll be ok. I'm getting closer to finding my Peace of Mind. You should try it sometime.

Oh snap guess who won Phrase O the Week? Uh, yeah ME! That's right, I say funny things...

So Liz wanted to know how many eyes ants have. I sadly had to break the news to her that they indeed had none. Now she didnt just ask this for no reason, ya see she has to make a children's book..equipped with drawings. So I told her she could still draw eyes on these ants and totally mess with the childs education by showing them a picture of a lie. She then said, "thats what i'm thinking itd be stupid if it didnt have no eyes." To which I replied:

Yeah...just like blind people

Thats right, blind people are stupid. I don't care. They won't read what I have to say. And you know why? Because they can't see. HA HA!!

*I then lost my vision for the next hour*

I find this humorus, hopefully you will too. I call it, Love of a Lifetime:
Snape143=Me
FJive45=Liz
Parker=my dog

Snape143: do you like the puppy
Snape143: mr.parker
FJive45: is he asking
FJive45: man hes so insecure
Snape143: i know
Snape143: he wants to know
Snape143: he wants to take you to the prom
FJive45: he does?...
FJive45: i...dont even know how to respond
FJive45: wait yes i do...
FJive45: NO
FJive45: HE'S A DOG YOU FREAK!!!
FJive45: stop hiding behind your dog and ask me yourself!
Snape143: no parker wants to know
Snape143: not me..
Snape143: i swear!
Snape143: i-i have a date
FJive45: ...
FJive45: umm
FJive45: you WOULD!
Snape143: your just jealous!
Snape143: and I love you!
FJive45: your just a slut!
FJive45: and i love sluts!
Snape143: [gasp]
Snape143: well then we must marry
FJive45: what happens now
FJive45: AH!
FJive45: of couuuurse
Snape143: who wants to be the man?
FJive45: hmm
FJive45: shotty woman!
Snape143: damn
Snape143: but i'm the slut
Snape143: how does that work?
Snape143: you have to be slutty then
FJive45: why do you make our relationship so complicated we JUST want to get married
FJive45: you're alllways diong this!
FJive45: i'm going to beat you y'hear me!
Snape143: i want out of this relationship, you are suffocating me!
FJive45: fine!
Snape143: you never let me be the lady!
Snape143: you BITCH!
FJive45: there isnt a smiley in the smily box for what i am feeling right now!
Snape143: oh boo woo! :'(
FJive45: ooloo
FJive45: HA!
FJive45: figure that ouy!
Snape143: you are SO difficult
Snape143: i dunno why i fell for you
FJive45: its the BIRD!!
Snape143: i coulda been a dancer!
FJive45: i let you be a stripper
FJive45: nothing is ever enough for you
Snape143: i dont wanna strip no mo
Snape143: i feel iky
FJive45: what are you a nun or something
Snape143: no your the nun
Snape143: and a disturbed one since you made me strip
Snape143: made me get up there and dance for cash
FJive45: you were always hocked up on coke! what was i suppose to do!
Snape143: hey you leave the coke out of this
FJive45: i hata youa
Snape143: i hate you
Snape143: its OVER!
FJive45: :-*pssssh whatev
Snape143: [hands you divorce papers]
FJive45: ::pees on divorce papers::
Snape143: GROSS!
Snape143: [drops a duce on your carpet]
FJive45: EVEN GROSSER!
FJive45: if a duce is what i think it is!
Snape143: yeah thats right!
FJive45: i cant belieeeeve i even thought about names for our ten thousand babies

Don't worry I didnt have ten thousand babies, only nine thousand nine hundred and thirty four.

I was given the opportunity to speak with one of the most established and dare I say, exotic people of our time. Our time meaning my age and my friends. My friends being invista-ble...I asked a random stranger and totally made up those first couple sentences. Anyhoo I asked this "stranger" (cough) Merry Mc (cough) many insightful questions:

Question: Would you ever eat a booger?
Answer: If I was starving to death and the only thing in the world left to eat was boogers, sure. I mean, I did it when I was a kid, cant be that bad

Question: Now how much boogers did you eat as a child?
Answer: I dont know

Question: A ton?
Answer: Nah. I didnt do it much.

Question: How about ten pounds?
Answer: (no response)

Question: Did you ever order a pound of boogers instead of a pound of turkey at the supermarket?
Answer: Nah, I'd feel silly. [I never order turkey]

Question: Did you ever go on a date with a booger, to a movie perhaps?
Answer: Nope. Never.

Question: Are you prejudice against boogers?
Answer: A little. Green isn't that great of a color to me. Does nothing for me.

Question: If Brad Pitt was made of boogers, would he still be attractive?
Answer: Probably not. Too slimy for my tastes.

Question: Do you like beef?
Answer: Not particularly.

Question: Do you like kittens?
Answer: Absolutely

Question: Do you like kittens with boogers?
Answer: Meh. You could clean the boogers. If it's a kitten made out of boogers, I'd rather a soft non booger one.

Question: What if your mom told you that you were adopted and you were actually a booger. How would you react?
Answer: I'd probably frown. Than learn to accept it.

Question: What would life as a booger be like?
Answer: Gooey.

Question: What would your hobbies include?
Answer: Same as a normal person. And avoiding being picked.

Question: Whats it like to be picked?
Answer: A piece of pie

THe EnD

Todays Random Fact O the Day is from Ms. Liz Rivalsi

"air is sold in mexico city for $1.15 a minute by sidewalk vendors."

She knows so much about other cultures. I think its cuz she watches The Learning Channel...that or porn. I'm not sure which...

Ladies and gentlemen:

aoyiu otuaso fhaoyou oauistoijhaslookoaijfdl rtaelikeoaisejwif jaapenislkmpaoitj'aeinf
quote from nerdroid...super nerd, super hero

to quote Billy Madison: I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!

Yeah thats right, I just won the 2nd grade spelling bee! What now fool?!

Now for the real deal. I noticed that my posts were getting annoying to read. You had to scroll over to read the whole thing. I dunno about you but i find this agitating. Agitating enough to find a way to fix it. Now in case it still appears the same way...allz you gotta do it click on the [+] thing after my name. Yaye! all fixed!

Ithaca or Marymount? Where is my destiny? I think if I flip a coin it would be easier.

[goes on a search for a quarter. naturally i bring a shovel with me on this journy. it's just not a journey without a shovel. thankful i find a quarter and hold it up victoriously.]

Heads its Marymount, Tales its Ithaca...

[tosses future. it tumlbes. its shines. it lands in my palm. deep breath.]

Outcome: Tales