Did you know?:

Oysters can change from one gender to another and back again.

It's too bad I can't do that. I wonder what kind of boy I would be. Would I be hot? or cold? Would I be able to regulate my body temperature or would it fluckuate...did i spell that right? I bet not. Maybe if I were a boy I could spell words right. You know, if I did become a boy I wonder which side I would tend to keep my "package" on. Left or right? I think i'd be a right kinda person.
Oh boy junk...

A quiet evening with friends is the best tonic for a long day....in bed (giggles)

I apologize to all those who are fans of the Oldschool and like to kick it. I tried to write my Phrase o the Week yesterday but Mr.Server was just "too busy" for me. Whatever! He always makes time for everybody else. I think he doesnt know how to love me...

Anyway Last weeks Phrase O the Week is brought to you by the comedic genius that is Conan O'Brien. While doing his skit of In The Year 2000..(no it wasnt a rerun, he still does it now) he often takes a glimpse of what the future holds. This is one of the things he had to say:

Instead of saying 'Thank you' when someone tells you that you have something in your teeth, the new response will be: 'I can't believe I ate all those old people.'

Thank you Conan. We all need alittle old people in our diet. They are high in fiber.

A song for you: Hanging 'round by Counting Crows..oh they be hanging 'round

Todays Longest Website Address goes to...
(Drum roll)

Mapquest!!
(hardcore Mapquest fans cheer and huge each other in victory)

Here it is:
http://www.mapquest.com/directions/main.adp?go=1&do=nw&ct=NA&1ah=&1a=9+elm+st.&1p=&1c=Lake+Grove&1s=NY&1z=11775&1y=US&2ah=hrpu3pOULp306kwc3WYPJgtEjbEyetVNTNmR%252fxTO%252fCnpc4z6UdZk9Pyf7lNdbiTxV311LTnIEi5W%252b%252b3BC2NvRg%253d%253d&2a=74+Glen+Summer+Rd&2p=&2c=Holbrook&2s=NY&2z=11741&2y=US&lr=2&x=33&y=16

Its simply beautiful...

A conversation for all the Mr.T lovers out there:

ISmellNY: Mr. T is so threatening.
ISmellNY: I wish he wasn't so T'ish
Lactaid Lady: wha?
Lactaid Lady: you crazy
ISmellNY: Your icon thingy.
ISmellNY: It's givin me the crreeeeep
ISmellNY: (s
ISmellNY: _
ISmellNY: )
Lactaid Lady: i know you are talkin bout my icon
Lactaid Lady: but its all jibba jabba
Lactaid Lady: i pity da foo that dont like T
ISmellNY: I pity da fool dat like Col.
Lactaid Lady: oh no you didnt...
Lactaid Lady: T dont like that
ISmellNY: T don't like this either.
Lactaid Lady: nope
ISmellNY: *punches Col in the mouth*
Lactaid Lady: You=dead
ISmellNY: Me=God's Son
Lactaid Lady: (checks with god) Nope
Lactaid Lady: he says you aint nut-ting
ISmellNY: Awwwwwwwww shit.
ISmellNY: It's on now!
Lactaid Lady: bring it!
ISmellNY: *Punches col in the shouler and kicks her in the thigh*
Lactaid Lady: you cant hurt me
Lactaid Lady: (col grows into the incredible hulk)
Lactaid Lady: (growls)
Lactaid Lady: ROAAAR!
ISmellNY: AHhhhhhhhh
ISmellNY: *runs*
ISmellNY signed off at 7:46:18 PM.
Lactaid Lady: ya damn right

For awhile I've been building this sandcastle. My own little kingdom. But this week an obnoxious bully keeps showing up. Continually knocking it down. Til all that's left is a pile of sand. You know how he reacts? He smiles and laughs at my misfortune. A gleam in his eye as he does it.

Just STOP god damn it! KNOCK IT OFF!

I just want to build a sandcastle. Tears of frustration. My efforts go to waste. Constant destruction of my dream. My life.
A pile of sand.

At least I have sand.

Come with me to a journey around...Question Corner!

Would you rather be a prostitute or a nun?
My answer: nun
Reason: I wouldnt be able to deal with having multiple partners in return for money. I'd feel skeevy

Who would you rather "do," Jay Leno or Dave Letterman?
My answer: Letterman
Reason: Well its mainly because I find him funnier and that he's from NY...otherwise the thought of it is pretty gross

Which would you chose: a bitter genie OR a cheese sandwich?
My answer: Cheese sandwich
Reason: Uhh...cheese RULES!

What's more awkward: walking in on someone in the bathroom OR giving an old person a sponge bath?
My answer: sponge bath
Reason: well, there are many. First of all I dont want to even go near the old genitalia. Second, there is a better chance to have eye contact more than once. Third, what if the old person has no shame...((Shiver))

Now that you are all disturbed at the thought of an old person naked in a tub of water...I will leave you.

Honesty time!!
Senior year is like an oxymoron. The beginning is so much fun. Then college rears its ugly head. We freak out. For me it's like I've been in this long hallway with a nice red door at the end that says College. You start to walk down this hallway once school begins. You pass kindergarden. Elementary school. Junior High...oh awkwardness. Then your a freshman. Oh the seniors are so cool! No, they just don't care. They act obnoxious cuz they can. They are leaving. So why care? All of a sudden this HUGE red door is right in my face. But there is black hole posted on the wall beside it. Like the ones cartoons use to escape. Escape. Escape reality. Cmon. Jump inside. So many fall apart at the end of this hallway. I look. I see it. I sigh and shake my head. What are you doing? I just look ahead. The knob is shiny and gold. I grab it. Turn...

Ben Folds Five = Good time Music

hmmm...dis what I'm tinkin' bout:

1. I need a hair cut soon. Will you do it?
2. I need to get a job. Would you hire me?
3. Holy Crap I'm actually going to california. Bonus: with my 2 best friends!
4. Aretha Franklin can really bring the house down
5. It's nice outside; I'll probably stay indoors with Mr.Television
6. (points finger up) To the Shower!!

Question O the Day:
Would you rather own a UFO or a Nimbus 2001 (for those who dont read Harry Potter, it's the brooms they fly on)?

Note: The last post deals with something that upset me, hence some of the irrational thoughts mentioned in my poem. It was pure emotion and it was how I felt/feel. Hopefully people don't take offense to it and realize it was a way of venting my reaction.

Plus: Did you know that I slept with Britney Spears and we're in love, lesbian love. We're going to adopt a baby!

Reality Check: April Fools!! Oh Man, you SO believe that was true!

"Sometimes there is so much beauty in the world, I feel I can't take it. And my heart is just going to cave in."
---Ricky Fitts from American Beauty

Last night I had a lot of fun. Thank you to all the people who are my friends. I love you guys. But last night was also filled with a disheartening discovery. I didn't even see the scene, I wasnt ment to. I hear a voice that sounded like Liz tell me "Col...Dan" and I didnt want to follow them all onto the beach. I already knew. So I stood there alone in the cold. Disappointed. Annoyed. Confused.

Sad

Liz later told me that she didnt say anything to me. Someone didn't want me to see it, so I thank that guardian angel. But afterwards I kept thinging: So this is what it's come to. Yes, I know people change. Yes, I realize now there will only be a handful of people I will keep in touch with. But No, I dont understand you Dan. I'm starting to wonder if it was all a lie. That you played the part you needed to and now you moved on. I don't know the truth. The whole thing makes me want to cry. If you read this. This is for you:

The Great Actor

The great actor fooled us all
Vanishing line
Fact or Fiction
I thought you cared
Tricked me
Was it deception,
of the ugliest kind?

Lover of lies
Fake
Trained smile and charm
Did you really mean it,
or was it all for show?
When did your endurance faulter?
Was I attracted to a character?
Was it all make believe?
Is it possible,
that this monster is really you
Maybe I just never saw it
A gradual decay

Your complicated mind consumed you
But you barely put up a fight
Pick a personality
Even you belived the lies

Disappointment and Violation
Naive little me was dooped
The cover was perfect
The pages were blank

What a performance!
Congradulations,
You've won your Oscar
On to the next role
Don't worry
I'll be fine
No matter who you become
I'll always remember
The Great Actor...you were

Oh kids gather 'round, it's time for the PHRASE O THE WEEK!!

This week's phrase is brought to you by Jesse Goldman, aka J-Go! (not many know this but he's actually related to J-Lo! He helped her with her remix cd. Is there anything he can't do?!) So this phrase escaped Jesse's lips just after having participated in a mosh pit compliments of the artistic talents of The Realistics. He did have a nice oldschool pair of cop sunglasses in his pocket before he entered, but once he exited they were found on the floor; battered and missing a lense. He decided to still wear them and once he bent them back to fit his face he shouted:

Out of da way! I AM DA COOLEST!

And indeed, he was the "coolest" one there.

Funny thing about mosh pits is the unexpected politeness you find. People flail their arms and legs around with the goal of knocking into you, thus causing many bumps and bruises. But once someone falls down, they rush to pick you up and ask if you're ok. Then the choas continues. Amazing ting I tell ya, amazing...

Phantom Planet RULES!

"You're old enough now to learn the most important lesson in life. You can not count on anyone except yourself. You know, it's sad but true. And the sooner you learn it the better."
---Carolyn Burnham from American Beauty

It's been awhile but Random Dictionary Word is back! (aka Dictionary Tiempo)

Todays word is brought to you by Shopping Cart.
For the Homeless Man on the go

nevus: (plural-nevi) a unusally pigmented birthmark (i.e.- When his nevus actually starting talking to me, I had a feeling this wasn't your ordinary birthmark.)

Things that are Cool:
1. Vacations
2. No homework
3. Root Beer Floats
4. Passover Meals (Yeah Jesse!!)
5. Skippin' Rocks

American Beauty + Convo with Holly at 2 am = Amazing Ideas

I had no idea that we have all of next week off. I thought it was only til Monday...but oh no I was terribly wrong. Imagine I actually went to get up at 615 on monday because the whole world thought I knew but I didnt. And I drive to school and no one is in the parking lot and I think that I made them all disappear like in Home Alone. And then I get chased by a Trex like in Jurassic Park. And then I get attacked by a shark like in Jaws. And then I get abducted by aliens like in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. And then I go into their mother ship and upload a virus so their shields are down and the humans destroy them so they cant take over the world like in Independence Day. And then I get a life like in uh...(mumbles under breath and walks away)

Thesaurus Time!
Another word for poverty is: inpecuniousness. Now to use it in sentence form...
When he took me for a ride in his "car" aka a shopping cart, I knew he was in a state of inpecuniousness.

I like how the weather is so consistant now. Yeah it makes sense that it was crazy warm in the winter, and now its freakin freezing when its spring. I'm telling you man, Mother Nature is losing her mind. Ever since Jack Frost left her she has been doing some heavy drinking. At first she would just have a couple with the "girls" but now she is going home early from work to drink all alone and cry as she watches Soups in her jammies. I never knew you could stoop so low. I feel really bad for her, I do. But she needs to get her act together before she takes us all down with her. Next thing you know it will start to snow in June. The will come the sulfer rain, then naturally the end of the world as we know it will follow.

See kids, thats what happens when you bask your sorrows in alkie-hall. 'Tis a shame...She was So good at what she did.

Time for some FUN! And it comes in the form of General Food Bashing:
1. Beans fart ALL the time
2. Coffee doesn't shower
3. Apples are nasty
4. Egg is a total drunk
5. Dirtbag=Crackers

The comment that started the following rant/idea comes from the mouth of Piampiano. During lunch we were discussing people of low intelligence and how that gets them anywhere in life. So Pimp asks to herself (as to create a situation): What do you want to do when you get older?
To which she replies in a higher tone of voice: I want to be stuu-pid.

Now from this spawned the idea of Stupid University. Here you can acheive any rank of stupidity. Start off will Moronology, move on to Idiotism, then study the Putz Therom, and finally a masters degree will get you to the highest rank: Schmuckery. You can study abroad in Europe. And if you are stupid enough you can try for our Tootsie Roll, much like the honor roll or honors programs except this time the stupider you are, the more candy you get. It's quite the college.

So if people are constantly saying what a moron, idiot, putz, or schmuck you are...Why not make it your life? You're obviously good at it. Come to Stupid University to be eternally stupid. As Forest Gump says, "stupid is what stupid does."

I listen to this song a lot: Losing Lisa by Bens Fold Five (thanks liz!)
*Speaking O Liz....You go with that busted up knee. It might hurt but the limp is totally worth it.

The Phrase O the Week goes out to a very special man...Tony Saccoccio. After seeing the play on Friday, which was freakin awesome, Liz and I began to play in our own little band. She played the shrinking guitar and I played the drums. After a couple sets, Tony came over to join us and became quite the little break dancer kinda thing. And at the end of our hit single he said:

Boom-shimmy-tastic
(He then added a nice little twitch into a pose at the end. It was a DELIGHT)

Can't go wrong with the shimmy.

We have all seen the various array of barbie dolls. Barbie, Skipper, Ken. There are culturally diverse dolls and even white trash dolls such as pregnant teen Barbie. But we have yet to see a line of Homeless Barbies. Ripped rags, lazy eye, hunched shoulder, blackened teeth...what's NOT to love?! Sure these dolls won't be pretty, or as I called it in second grade "brity," but they have something more precious than short pink skirts. They got soul, or nasty stank, i'm not sure which. So i propose a new line of homeless dolls and we don't have to worry about the homeless seeing them and being offended cuz they don't have the money to buy one and complain. So rememeber kids homeless=fun!!

If homeless doll doesn't pull throught there is always hope for Obese Betty: she sits, she eats, she watches tv. Is there anything she CAN'T do?!
I think not.

Now imagine the future of shoes. Nike already is making crazy lookin shoes so I figure in 20 years they will develop the first invisible shoe. You know all the kids will want it. And the rich kids will make fun of those with those stupid old shoes. And the poor less educated children will figure, well I could always pretend I have invisible shoes on...how could they tell the difference? So the poor kids go to school with their socks on and start showing off their new invisible shoes to the rich kids. But the rich kids know its not real and make him walk on lava to prove it. As a result of his injuries, the poor kid dies. And in conclusion, invisible shoes should not be made. As cool as they would be, they are like satan's panties. Pretty to look at but should never be worn because of their capacity to destroy the world.

Here are some more tips for life:
Don't go to school
Take drugs
Never drink milk
Drinking and driving is ok
Teenage pregnancy is cool

The dangers of senoritis. Ladies and gentlement I am proud to present...Merry's Story.
Starring Cookies4Grandma as Merry and Lactaid Lady as Colleen

Lactaid Lady: crazy merry
Cookies4Grandma: *smacks self in head*
Cookies4Grandma: I is crazy
Cookies4Grandma: NOw I think I may officially go crazy
Cookies4Grandma: *goes crazy ALL over da place*
Cookies4Grandma: Crazy over here *points* crazy over there *points* crazy EVERYWHERE *dances
Cookies4Grandma: *
Lactaid Lady: its the CRAzY monSTA
Cookies4Grandma: THere are monSTAZZZZ all ova the place TOO
Lactaid Lady: (gasp)
Cookies4Grandma: What to do
Cookies4Grandma: Crazy merry
Cookies4Grandma: AND monSTAZZ
Lactaid Lady: AHHH!
Cookies4Grandma: What
Cookies4Grandma: What?!
Cookies4Grandma: *looks around confused*
Lactaid Lady: uh, merry i think you should go to sleep now
Lactaid Lady: nice quiet sleep
Cookies4Grandma: who are you... my MOM?!
Cookies4Grandma: so wait, you want to put me to sleep?
Cookies4Grandma: That's rough
Lactaid Lady: not to sleep, i want you to rest your eyes
Lactaid Lady: the monstas wont get you there
Lactaid Lady: you make the rules
Cookies4Grandma: NO WAY! *opens eyes REALLY wide*
Cookies4Grandma: *looks around with eyes open really wide*
Lactaid Lady: (sigh) there is nothing i can do
Cookies4Grandma: Nope
Cookies4Grandma: Nut-TIN
Cookies4Grandma: Care 'bout nut-TIN

Footnote: Merry was institutionalized after killing Colleen, claiming she had become the "CrAZy MonSTA!"

I've recently discovered the fun in using the word "pants" and incorperating it to make comical last names. First there is John Oldpants: the old man who steals kids nerf toys because he says that nerf is the devil, which it's SO not, it's just foam. Then there is the teachers who all work together at school:

Mr. Slowpants: he drives slow and teaches history
Mr. Snowpants: most people confuse him with Slowpants because the names sound familar. So through that, they became good friends and play a round of poker on Thursdays.
Mr. Tightpants: dispite the common jokes of him being up tight, Mr. Tightpants is a cool guy

But then there is the new teacher. Mr. Jeans. You see, the other teachers dont' like him because he thinks he's better than everyone else just cuz he doesn't have "pants" in his last name, his last name is a type of pant. He's going to have to work for the respect of his peers. Perhaps Ms. Kachi can give him a few pointers...

Tips for Life:
Try to add "Otay" to your vocabulary
Don't eat cereal too fast
Tie your shoes
Avoid killer robots

A delayed Phrase O the Week for all the good boys and girls:

This week's phrase goes to Jimmy Fallon, he's hot and funny. For those of you who don't know, he does weekend update on SNL. Last night he got kissed by the host (a old guy) who dressed as Dame Maggie Smith (an old actress). Afterwards he had this to say:

Maggie Smith needs to shave.

Crazy men in drag just can't get enough of wee Jimmy Fallon.

The Mighty Thesaurus told me that another word for xanthic is fulvous. Hopefully this will help avoid embarassment when you want to use xanthic in conversation but someone else just used it. Just say hey, that's pretty fulvous. Instant popularity I tell you, INSTANT.

Wise Words:
Flattery is alright - if you don't inhale
--Adlai Stevenson

Good song: Criminal by Fiona Apple

I just danced around my kitchen because I am going to California this summer for a week. I love my Aunt Donna, she RULES!! I of course have to pay for this but now i am so motivated to complete my application for FYE.

oh snap

Today myself and a friend who can only be called Pimp, decided to take into consideration this week of multicultures. Now we are both fairly decent human beings, we know from right and wrong, but today we danced near that line. I thought it would be rather funny if you went up to people who were not just in general ugly in appearance but ugly as a person (I.E.- sluts, annoying people, dirtbags, morons, mean people...etc) and went "EWW!" out loud to them but they wouldnt realize it was directed at them, they would simply think it was part of a conversation you were having with a friend, in this case that's Pimp. So we preceeded to shout various types of EW!'s at people we found to be ugly people (again this was not based on looks...thats just mean).

I encourage you all to try it. Especially during Multicultural week when we are taught to not judge people and give them all a chance. Chance Shance, I say. You see someone you don't like shout EWWW! If they ask if you did it at them, say "no, I was thinking about the time my friend ate poo."

EWW!!

Let's define exactly what it is to "Kick it Oldschool" as seen by the Webster's Dictionary.

Kick: a blow or thrust with the foot; esp. a propelling of a ball with the foot.
it: that one---used of a lifeless thing, a plant, a person or animal, or an abstract entity. used as an anticipatory subject or object (ex. It's good to see you)
Old: 1.having existed for a specified period of time. 2.of or relating to an era. 3. advanced in years 4. showing the effects of age or use
school: 1. an institution for teaching and learning. 2.a body of persons of like opinions or beliefs.

So clearly to "Kick it Oldschool" means to thrust with the foot at a lifeless thing, a plant, a person or animal, or an abstract entity that existed for a specified period of time and that pretains to another era within an institution for teaching and learning. See, you learn something new every day.

If thats not enough for you, oldster is a word. It sounds like something from the copy guy from SNL. The Oldster, Olderinie, Older-rama, making copies.

note: neither words "olderinie" or "older-rama" appear in the dictionary or in everyday conversations.

Note: Tony wasnt even 18 for a day and he already runs into trouble with the law..

Danielle: It's the Po-po!!

For more details, ask me. Oh, and po-po=police.

Phrase O the Week goes to Karen from Will and Grace, of the Thursday night line-up on NBC. I dunno how many watched it but Karen's mom was a con artist and needed Karen's help to get this dying guy to give her all his money. So the mother had told the man that her daughter was poor and slow. And for comedic antics, Karen had to dress for the part. She had a side pony tail, and got to wear a pink T-shirt reading the following:

I LOVES ME KITTY (equiped with a drawing of a kitty)

I only wish I had a shirt like that.

Today I attempted to walk in the hallways for a minute without touching anyone else. It's impossible. Even if you are totally aware of your own space, the bump from behind will get ya. (shakes fist) See if you can walk in the hallways of your school without getting touched. Report back if there is a successful mission.

I'm sure some of you are aware of the recent increase of monsters. They have been in hybernation for quite awhile. Now they have awakened and are hunting again. Thankfully I have a list of the top 3 recently spotted monsters..or monstas as they are often referred as:

1. Back Slappa
2. Bum Smacka
3. Car Eata

Car Eata does emit a warning sound before it attacks the unsuspecting car. It sounds like this, "NYUM!" You hear that, and you need to get outta there. Jump, run, shimmy. Whatever you need to do. I don't wanna read about any Car Eata attacks in the paper.

I am listening to dis: Wu-Tang - M.E.T.H.O.D. Man
oh rap...

Ghetto Songs for when you need to biz-ounce:

1. Q-Tip - Breathe and Stop
2. Eminem - Kill You
3. Method Man and Redman - Da Rockwilder
4. Raphael Saadiq and Q-Tip - Get Involved
5. Garth Brooks - I sing Da Country Mu-sak

It's the S. A double D.I.Q, yo he want to get involved wit chu.
There is nothing else to say, besides that sometimes things work out better than you expected. Crazy lil ting called Life.

I feel like throwing up on something...(ponders what this lucky "something" will be, light bulb goes off)

BLAH ON THE DIRTY PENNIES!

Colleen was here

But then she moved out to the country to eat a lot of peaches.
Millions of peaches
Peaches for her
Millions of peaches
Peaches for free
(look out!)

Sometimes cool people can really suck.


And remember the wise words of Kelly: Old people smell like spaghetti

Oh and Shakespeare is the devil, I'm not reading him right now this is just a general statement. Speaking of general statements..

General Food Bashing:
Peaches are dumb
Butter is a fatso
Peas have no friends

I'd like to introduce a new addition to the site. (Bill Cosby walks out) No, not him. (He hangs his head in disappointment and mumbles about pudding under his breath). This new lil dingy came about when Liz and I went to see John Q - good movie. Before the previews come up they always show some triva and pictures of Coca-Cola, but this time they decided to BASH general food by claiming: Cookie Dough Bites. To which I said, Cmon its not that bad, a lot of people like it. So we realized this cinema enjoyed labeling types of food. So Liz and I figured...why not?
Without Further Aduo...

General Food Bashing:
Coca-Cola Sucks
Bread is Gay

Thats it for today. Now I would like to share quite possibly the funniest rap verse ever heard. It is from the context of Purple Pills by Eminem and D12:

Shut your mouth you dirty slut,
you know you want it in your butt

Its just like the rhythm of Smooth Jazz.

Phrase O the Week. This weeks comes from the ever so masterful SNL. As their best commerical deals with the subject matter of insurance against robot attacks, an old woman first thinks that she's surely too old to get insurance-but she does want it since the robots come at night and steal her meds for fuel. Another old woman leans in and says:

I don't know why the scientist make them.

As Liz would say, Crazy scientists..always good for a laugh.

Liz and I had an interesting conversation this afternoon about the devil having online:

FJive45: speak o da devil
Lactaid Lady: i didnt know they got internet in hell
FJive45: of course! i think thats where was invented
Lactaid Lady: did you read that somwhere?
FJive45: oh yeah the, Devil Times, i believe
Lactaid Lady: I only get Newsday
FJive45: sheltered child
Lactaid Lady: Have you ever met him...
Lactaid Lady: Lucifer
FJive45: i've never had the pleasure actually, you?
Lactaid Lady: once I passed him in the hall
Lactaid Lady: we made eye contact
FJive45: you didnt!
Lactaid Lady: I did!
FJive45: !!
FJive45: omg you're such a whore!
Lactaid Lady: (blushes)
Lactaid Lady: You know me

My mind=blank. My creative juices have been sucked out by those obese vampires. Damn them! Stupid vampires with the sharp teeth (shakes fist). If you ask me, they should have to get a license for using those. It's absolute chaos I tell ya. Flying around at night, drinking blood of humans (and sometimes cows). It is SO illegal, but not written down in the Vampire Restriction Parers created by the French. Vampires got it made easy. Smooth criminals, all of them...except Bob, he's alright. Lent me money for soda one time.

Hey! Hey! Look at this! (points to old man eating a sam-mitch)
Yum

Ask yourself this:
If I were to become an animal, which would I be?

I'd probably become a chinchilla. Those crazy rabbit/squirrel looking things. They are in pet stores but mostly in the wild so I wouldnt have to worry to much about sitting in a cage my whole life. I could live in the jungles of South America. Be named Jose. Run around in the trees with the monkeys and scavange for grape nuts. What a great life...

I'd renamed the Random Word Looked Up in the Dictionary to Dictionario Tiempo (translation: Dictionary Time)

yoyo: a thick grooved double disk with a string attached to its center which is made to fall and rise to the hand by unwinding and rewinding on the string; leading cause of insanity

Ozma: Rock...
I will never skip a rock
I will never skip a rock
I will never skip a rock, again

Each vacation expands my capacity to become a dirtbag.

I get so used to lounging around, watchin' tv, sleeping. It's a bitter sweet break from the norm. I am envious of people who don't care [bout nut-tin]. No matter how easy it seems to just NOT do an assignment I would feel so bad to disappoint a teacher but at the same time I have a current attitude of 'ska-rew dis.' I just don't have the ability to become a dirtbag. Potential is there, but I can't pull it off.

Random thoughts:
-Life cereal is tastey goodness in a box
-I could go for some lemonade (minute-maid)
-Desks are restricking, we need recliners
-What's up with the Sachem Boys Wrestling poster?
-The GAP sucks
-The Candy Heart told me "it's love." But I don't like grape

De End

Now that I am forced to accept the reunion with school is coming tomorrow, I realize I really SHOULD finish up any hw i totally ditched to PAR-TAY. But alas, I am a slacker and dont wanna. The english research report calls out and I'm like "Yes, you shouldn't" so I watch tv instead. School is SO dumb, I aint never gonna...(too lazy to complete thought). Wow, senoritis is a crazy disease that effects millions of High School seniors worldwide.

Funny Ghetto Song Lyrics:
I F for free
Got HIV
So pee on me

Today I put corn on my teeth so they looked yellow and such. And merry talked about getting lots of corn in her poo in front of the waitress. Danielle Fs for free.

Down with School! Damn Communists. Where is McCarthy when you need him?

If, for one reason or another, you are STILL uninformed....Alan Rickman is DA Coolest! AND as if that's not enough, he's British too. How insane?!
Is that even legal?
It is in every state except North Dakota, but who wants to go there anyway..?

Alan Rickman Quote O the Day: He goes out once a month and indulges. Doesnt tell anyone where he is. And gives all his points away to neighborhood children..isnt that sweet?

Long time no see. That's what happens when you can sleep for long amounts of time...thats all you do. My vacation has been very relaxing: sleep, eat, watch tv, hang out in over passes...you know the usual. Now lets discuss some of these things that are all over NBC. I believe they are called "The Olympics." Now today I watched the Woman's Curling game of USA vs. Canada (for the bronze) along with Dan. Now, after a careful analysis of this game I still had NO CLUE what the hell was going on. Dan shared my confusion when he said: they just keep knocking them right out of the freakin way.

If anyone can solve this mystery please call me. Miso curious.

Ok Random Word in the Dictionary Time:

excrement (I swear I didnt choose it): waste discharged from the body and especially from the alimentary canal. (The alimentary canal was of course man made by Theodore Roosevelt in Panama)

Thanks to Webster's Dictionary.

Yo kid, I'll be gone til November. (throws peace sign at YA)

Ok I know there was no Phrase O the Week there was something even better. What's that you ask? Oh, it was a Rant O the Day. And this rant it brought to you by Jesse and Me, sounds like a tv show. Now i will explain it.

This began with thinking of other things Bob Dole could sell besides Viagra cuz thats nasty n such. So I was like hey, what about Dole fruit. Then I crossed the line saying he could sell bananas. Now after this line is crossed there is no turning back we just keep going til it gets old...to us. So then jesse said that Bob Dole would only sell fallic-like objects. Here is a list: Bananas, Broom Handles, Lead Pipes, Really Long Branches, Occastional Bong (for the holidays like Xmas), Tube of Cookie Dough. He would then retire cuz they would run out of stuff to sell, but then they'd bring him back to sell Logs O Wood, and I just thought of this one: Flashlights. And the rant ends here.

Now I must say that Jesse and Me (primeres Tuesday, 8pm on ABC) always have entertaining rants that go on for at least 5 mins at a time. It's the simple things in life you treasure...

"It's good to be Kings"
Said By: Dan after we totally outdid Jesse, Merry and Tony.

I'm in creative writing and WOW does this computer suck. But the keyboard makes up for it, its curved outward. Anyway I thought it was kinda funny that whenever I tried to go to a site this info box would come up asking if I wanted to allow the cookie to be set. Yes I would like a cookie, but not chocolate chip, I prefer sugar or oreos.

Food for thought:

Everday is a resurrection.

I have nothing funny to say, so I wont say anything...except for

Random Word Looked Up in the Dictionary:

extra: 1 something added 2 a special edition of a newspaper 3 an additional worker or performer (i.e.: After hiring the one stripper Joe decided to get another and tipped her with a lil something.)

Song for the Day-Special V-Day Edition: Love Stinks the Wedding Singer Version

So yesterday I was helping myself to some figure skating on good ol' NBC, but this wasnt just ANY figure skating this was Xtreme skating. How could it be Xtreme? Oh I'll let you in on alittle secret...(leans in and whispers) allz ya gotta do is play some hardcore punk or rap while they skate. Trust me, its amusing - especially when they seem to be skating along to the song YOU choose. I suggest trying System of a Down or They Might Be Giants and then for rap Eminem's masterpiece entitled "Kill You." Some may find the lyrics offensive but I find the violence and cursing hilarious for some reason cuz its just THAT ghetto. So I propose to make Ice Skating more popular that they actually do skate to modern songs, out with the classical crap.

I told dan about this new sport and he had this to say:

"it would spark a giant surge of popularity in figure skating everyone would be like...'oh man, that's a crazy song...oh man, they're dancing on ice to it,' 'i wish i could dance on ice to that' and everyone would become figure skaters and the world would be a more beautiful place think about it...we would have ice instead of roads cause everyone would ice skate to their ice skating involved jobs. Zamboni's would become the car of choice. I think we need to build a time travel device that allows us to go to this super happy ice skating future."

The future generations always have it better...until the sun explodes.

I am having a massive Dashboard Confessional session right now. They have such great songs to sing. I wish I was on stage playing the guitar singing my heart out. I'd love to do that one day, if I get a good voice. Do you know where I can find one?

Today I was going through my agenda and I realized the little quotes on the side. Some of them are pretty clever and funny, I was in shock. I'd like to share some with you. It'll be like your daily affrimation (10 bucks says I spelled that wrong)

Famous last words:
That's odd.

There there is this...
Chickens: the only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

And now I'd like to share an Ad I made up for everyday things:
Garbage Can...If you live in one of these you're probably homeless.

Hurray for TV!!

If there is one thing I learned from Mice and Men besides the fun of pretending to be Lenny, its that the best laid plans of mice and men often fall apart. The more I try to plan out my life the more room there is for error, and I noticed it yesterday. I'm starting to wonder how the hell I'm gonna do this. I know its not supposed to be easy, especially with Show Biz stuff, but I guess I got a taste of the future. Now I'm having a teenage mid-life crisis. Do I got to school for a BA in Theatre OR go for Communications and work my way up?

Such is life. Filled with questions. I just hope I pick the right answer.

I am singing this: The Best Deceptions by Dashboard Confessional...they rule so much.

Mr.T Saying to Remember: Quit da jibba jabba foo!

Today I have a nice story for yall about the Phrase O the Week (various cheers from studio audience). Ok here we go...
Yesterday while riding in Dan's backseat with the ever so elegant Liz I spotted the word "Yum" that was placed on the ash tray thing with 3 seperate letter stickers. I looked at it, then ran my eyes up and down liz and said "yum" as if to pick her up. We shared a laugh about it after she did the same to me after seeing the "one way" sign. Then I made an EXCELLENT whole explaination to "yum" which went alittle something like this:

Guy(awkwardly): Can I taste...test...your...cake? I dont mean that YOU are a fatting cake, your low fat. And I would like just a piece not the whole thing..

To this Liz added:

So in conclusion, (hand motion as if bringing the word to you) "YUM."

Congrats to Liz and her ability to make my abs get a work out. Good for you.

And to top off this lovely Friday, even though it doesnt feel like a friday, let's do something crazy like a Random Word Looked Up in the Dictionary (there must be a shorter thing to call that):

furrier: one who prepares or deals in fur (i.e.: the cops just arrested a fur dealer)
**I assume fur dealin' is illegal**

righjt now i am ttyping w2ioth glopvbes on, hence qa;ll; tghe crzy bad tpy./ But at lewasty my uhaqnsdsw qare wqarm,...(tosses off the gloves) Translation: But at least my hands are warm.
Gloves wont due at a time like this. If i were to continue it would totally destroy my life. I would never be able to successful use computer like activities and we all know that soon computers will take over the world. I'd probably get kicked out of the world, me and people who have fat fingers. Then I'd have to hang around in outer space with a sign that says "Any where but STUPID Computer Earth." And when a UFO stops to pick me up I imagine a convo something like this would occur:

Alien: What happened to you?
Me: I got kicked out of earth.
Alien: How come?
Me: (shows hands which are totally covered by dark blue fleece gloves)
Alien: Oh I see, fingers too big for the keyboard?
Me: Yep

**Then we would proceed to discuss the politics of having computer and technology dominate society. And he would tell me all about how he wants to Fight the System, and that Macs suck.**

Activity O the Day: Belching. (You see I'm sick with some kind of tummy bug so i belch even after eating crackers and hot tea.)

Blah!!

I decided to add a new feature to the site (bits lip trying to hold back excitement).
Chris Farley: Y-You remember when you looked up a random word in the dictionary..?
Myself: Yes, Chris. I remember
Chris: (showing signs of glee) That...that was awesome.

Yes it was "awesome" so I though to myself, "Hey, why not do this each week?" So I will. Here's todays word.

prophylactic: 1 preventing or guarding from disease 2 PREVENTIVE (i.e.: Hand me that prophylactic cuz I dont want no nasty germs all up on me)

I apologize for the site acting up yesterday, it wouldnt allow me to post the following. It gets moody sometimes. Here it is:

My brother once asked why pigeons walk the way they do, with the bobbing heads as they walk and such.
I replied: "Cuz they got rhythm"

Pigeons are down with the mad-phat beats. They prob wear mini headphones that we cant see so they have a constant supply of beats to biz-ounce to. They are all pimps. But then there is that one seagull who thinks hes a pigeon....(shakes head in shame)

I like to sing dis song: Secret Agent Man by da RX Bandits

Random Word Looked Up in the Dictionary:
Ice 1: frozen water 2: a state of coldness 3: bling-bling (i.e.- You are wearing so much ice you could freeze New York)

I'd like to share a convo from this afternoon between myself and Merry.

Cookies4Grandma: Look over there!
Cookies4Grandma: *steals your soul as you look*
Lactaid Lady: is there a draft in here
Lactaid Lady: i'm suddenly feeling chilly
Cookies4Grandma: Maybe you should shut the window
Cookies4Grandma: ...or beg for your soul back...
Lactaid Lady: (shuts window)
Lactaid Lady: nope i'm still cold
Cookies4Grandma: Very good
Lactaid Lady: what was it you said...
Cookies4Grandma: Well, maybe the heat isn't on
Lactaid Lady: i couldnt hear you it was almost as if you muffled it
Cookies4Grandma: ...or I have control over your soul...
Lactaid Lady: there it is again
Lactaid Lady: what do you keep mummbling to yourself
Cookies4Grandma: You must be hearing things
Lactaid Lady: i guess so
Cookies4Grandma: ...or you are deaf without your soul...
Lactaid Lady: did you hear that?!
Lactaid Lady: something about a bowl
Cookies4Grandma: Maybe your brother is messing iwth you
Cookies4Grandma: ...or you can't concentrate without your soul...
Lactaid Lady: huh
Lactaid Lady: blah
Cookies4Grandma: Are you getting sick?
Cookies4Grandma: ...sick without your SOUL...
Lactaid Lady: (shakes out of baby talk)
Lactaid Lady: i think i got the flu
Cookies4Grandma: Oh the flu?
Lactaid Lady: ok i def heard you
Cookies4Grandma: ...how dumb can you be...
Lactaid Lady: you said like coal
Lactaid Lady: or something
Cookies4Grandma: Sorry, sometimes I think outloud to myself about coal mines
Cookies4Grandma: ...or about the souls I have under my power...
Lactaid Lady: what abotu flowers?
Cookies4Grandma: I was thinking of getting you flowers
Cookies4Grandma: ...or you can never retrieve your soul back from my power...
Lactaid Lady: nah i dont like milk thats sour
Cookies4Grandma: Yeah no one really does
Lactaid Lady: so hows the soul stealing grandma
Cookies4Grandma: ...stealing souls = loads o' fun...
Cookies4Grandma: Pretty good
Lactaid Lady: i'm onto you
Lactaid Lady: your under arrest
Cookies4Grandma: ...got yours too...
Cookies4Grandma: You can't arrest me, you have no proof
Lactaid Lady: (flips out Protection against Soul Stealin badge)
Cookies4Grandma: ...I got your should under the roof...
Lactaid Lady: oh really...
Cookies4Grandma: That's nut-tin
Lactaid Lady: thats a fake soul of mine you got there
Cookies4Grandma: lol
Cookies4Grandma: Can't be fake
Lactaid Lady: oh it is
Cookies4Grandma: *sees the made in Tawian sticker*
Cookies4Grandma: DRAT!
Lactaid Lady: (slaps on the cuffs)
Lactaid Lady: come with me grandma
Cookies4Grandma: *takes off the cuffs*
Lactaid Lady: (slaps them off harder this time)
Lactaid Lady: *on lol
Cookies4Grandma: You po-po ain't got nothing on me
Lactaid Lady: yeah tell it to the judge
Cookies4Grandma: (po-po = police)
Cookies4Grandma: *slips hands out of cuffs agian*
Lactaid Lady: i know how youve been stealin souls to stay alive
Lactaid Lady: ok thats it (shoots you in the leg)
Cookies4Grandma: I'm so old that menopause has deteriorated all my bones.
Cookies4Grandma: Your cuffs can't hold me
Lactaid Lady: i know thats why i just shot you
Cookies4Grandma: Ehh, I've been shot before. Ain't nothing I cna't sew back together.
Lactaid Lady: jeez i knew you were old but i didnt think you'd forget you were just shot
Lactaid Lady: i know that you need souls to stay alove
Lactaid Lady: alive
Cookies4Grandma: I didn't forget, I was getting my sewing needles.
Cookies4Grandma: I do need souls to love.
Lactaid Lady: yeah ok (shoves you into the back of a cop car)
Cookies4Grandma: *walks out the other door*
Lactaid Lady: i know but you arent alive enough to love
Lactaid Lady: (theres another cop there)
Cookies4Grandma: *ducks through his legs*
Lactaid Lady: (better yet Lactaid Lady gets you)
Cookies4Grandma: No bones = limber gammah
Lactaid Lady: (shooting you with the pill gun you are trapped inside without escape)
Cookies4Grandma: *squirts milk in face*
Cookies4Grandma: *before being stuck in pill*
Cookies4Grandma: *pill falls to ground*
Lactaid Lady: (rasc backs me up with radioactive cakes, freezing you in place)
Cookies4Grandma: *rolls into gutter*
Cookies4Grandma: *than says* haha just kidding
Lactaid Lady: thats right you're done
Lactaid Lady: time to get a better job
Lactaid Lady: like being a lunch lady
Lactaid Lady: its so rewarding
Cookies4Grandma: otay
Lactaid Lady: (THE END)
Cookies4Grandma: Consider it done
Lactaid Lady: Remember kids, only you can prevent forest fires
Cookies4Grandma: And light matches
Lactaid Lady: so if the forest burns down its your fault

Guys, as of Wed. I turned 18. That's right now i can buy porn and cigarettes...not cuz I want to, but because I CAN. What a marvelous age it is.

Today I had school pizza bagels...How great is that? It was a total flashback to 6th grade. I didnt stay in the cafe. of course cuz I'm a senior and seniors just dont do that. So i bought school lunch and walked out with my tray. Most delicious school food ever. I dont care that it was luke warm..auhncaehr bout nut-ting.

I almost didnt have a Phrase O the Week, then i created a master plan with Liz to get one. We both sent IMs to "Cookies4Grandma" aka Merry McDonalds and this was the outcome.

First Liz:
FJive45: hey gamma whats with having no pants on huh
Cookies4Grandma: I need freedom
FJive45: hm
FJive45: i'll take it
Cookies4Grandma: don't take my pants!
**Liz then had this to say about the situation: she isss crazy**

Now for mine:
Lactaid Lady: OMG grandma you forgot to take your meds!
Cookies4Grandma: AHHH!
Cookies4Grandma: *dies*
Lactaid Lady: your gonna di...e
Lactaid Lady: oh i see you already have
Cookies4Grandma: I beat you to the punch
Lactaid Lady: (shrugs)
**My Conclusion: Grandma, although she may be old, is on top of her game**

Thanks to Kelly for the cool CD how could it NOT be cool when it has MC Hammer's Can't Touch This on it. How?!

Oh and Mr.Sheehan is the COOLEST guy in the WORLD

Realization O the Day: Acceptance Letters RULE!

I just had myself a bowl o iced cream with some chocolate power on top. I'm gonna have to work off those calories otherwise I might have a heart attack.

Jerry Seinfeld moment: Whats the deal with the weather? Its hot, its cold. It's winter and yet the temp. is 60. Mother Nature must be really lonely seeing how she's doing alot of solo drinkin.

My hands always get cold when I go online. I would wear gloves but then you wouldnt know what I was tryin to say cuz my fingers would be too fat and it would look like this askldiua aisdj nvieu sad;f....we dont want that. Jeez i need like a hot air vent to keep these bad boys on the warm side. Either that or move to a more tropical climate. Those are my ONLY options.

I finally got my Emerson essay done today. The application is only due on Friday, whats the rush? I also got a bunch o my notecards done for english. I feel so productive.

Cats are good animals. You dont have to take them for walks, they go in the litter - not your floor, they purr, and they dont eat much. It's much easier to take care of a cat than a dog cuz cats would rather sleep than run around. Now thats my kind of animal.

I just listened to dis song: Hash Pipe by Weezer

I realized that yesterday was Friday so there was supposed to be a Phrase O the Week. But hey, when you dont have school for more than half of the week, you tend to lose track of the days. So today I will allow an amazing unpresidented..thing to occur. There will be not one, not two, but three - yes three, Phrases O the Week. Settle down people...

1) Goes to Liz, while seeing Harry Potter (my 4th time, her 2nd), in the wand shop we allowed the owner to have some humor in his job knowing he must be lonely so we figure instead of him saying 'I wonder,' he would say: I WANDer...(laugh to self, notice Harry isn't laughing) cmon, i said it like three times..

2) This one is Kelly's first win for Phrase O the Week, very exciting. It's simple yet profound: Love is crap.

3) And last and least...j/k. Number three is from Dan. When we realized his wallpaper trim in his kitchen was upside-down he told us about his family doing that and how when they call him up for dinner he says: NO WAY backwards wallpaper family!
Ah, disfunctional family..that is backwards..?

Any-woo, I'm off to da city today. I'll catch you kids later. No mud wrestling, i'm not kidding...

This was from last week. It's called "Typin' bout Nut-ting"

typie typie blah blah ha ha ha monkey poop fart boobs mouse dog cat Liz is a tree. Look at her flow in the wind. So calm in the light. Merry is on a cruise. Dan is at his house, most likely. I sit at the computer and typie typie, no squeeky squeeky on the board like the teachers do. I talk to Kelly. Danielle is a nerd, and is probably studying or reading like the nerds do. Lactaid Lady is helping fight crime with RASC. Tony is online. The stars are out, like always, but I don’t know if you can see them. I just farted. (giggles). Bibliotec-AH! Lisa is still in Drama. Dave doesn’t have a car of his own, he rents from his rents. Troop 47 in da house. “Woo-hoo!” says Homer. Lights help us see. The sea is near the beach. The beach is sandy. Sandy is a girl’s name. Mr. T is a crazy mo-fo. Remote control controls my brain. TV so good, work bad! Homework is on the phone….oops, I hung up. Shall I brake your freakin neck boy, like Busta.

Liz's Theory that I share: Everyone needs a little ghetto every now and then.

Oregon Trail is FUN, especially when your friends die...

Disease O the Day: F.A.R.D. (also known as F.R.D.)

Inside Joke: No way backwards wallpaper family!

Did you know that Town House Crackers are the BEST Crackers in the WORLD?!

Evidence:
1) Kings eat them
2) God eats on the weekends and made up the story about the snake who tricked Adam and Eve. The truth is that they chose the apples over the crackers...we cant have that.
3) Lincoln was shot cuz he ate popcorn at the theatre instead of Town House Crackers
4) You know why Alan Rickman is so great? No not from the Great Juice or Fanastic Steak....its cuz o' the Town Hiz-ous Crack-azz, son!

Best thing for beginning 2002: Alan Rickman eating Town House Crackers with Cream cheese while feeding his pet bat a bowl of wax fruit as he watches Trading Spaces and listening to Dashboard Confessional.

Can do. Will do. DONE!
-Jack Stone (lego legend)

I like to avoid doing non-humor type things on this site but I have something I would like to share, just to show that you can't always be funny.

Untitled

Destiny of conscience make me a hermit
Deeper within lies the answer
but it's out of order
Come back later
I'm out of time

I want to hug my knees,
cry in the closet,
run away
from the confusion of myself
Click my heels three times
I haven't moved

The asylum of my mind
I'm in a straight jacket
I thought I was a visitor
I fear it's my home
Absent drawings,
mumbling to self,
rock back and forth
I hate this place
A colorless confinement
Surrounded by mirrors
Forced reflection
I cracked the walls
I dont want to see.

I'm torn in half
I dont know where to begin
So hand me the glue
Paste on the armor
There are too many layers,
so it all gives way

I'm trapped inside myself
Every door is locked
I've lost the key
So hand me the flashlight
Wander aimlessly
I dont want to find my fears

There's no gold here
Only the epiphany,
of pain.

DA END!

Today in lunch I was talking to Tony and Elias while the others got their calorie filled Wendy's..I usually dont go to lunch with them but today was like Cut Day so it happens. We got into this convo about the Lost Boys in Never Never Land, you know with Peter Pan and Hook. So here is what I was thinking, you know how they imagined their food and it would appear? Well what if it was all in their head that they were eating all this food, when in reality they are starving to death....? Hmm...It would make for a bad movie then when The Lost Boys fight Hook. It would be like watching old people eat applesauce. Dont get my wrong, I like applesauce, just not when its being mashed by some 70 year old toothless gums. Thats a nice image for ya.

Inside Joke with Liz: I WANDer...cmon I said it like 3 times.
It was the funniest thing of the day. Go Liz. And if you see her online first tell her I love her, then try to figure out what her profile is cuz i have no clue. I bet the Japanese couldnt even figure it out.

See you later homes

There is this thing called a uh...what-cha-ma-call-it, a Math Midterm. And I kinda should study for it seeing that I totally BOMBED the first part and eventually I will study but its hard when you have NO motivation. I hate wasting my time with math. After 6th grade its totally useless. I think they ran out of subjects to teach back in the day so they kept going with Math. We need a new subject. How about Mind Control, nah that could end bad. What about Space Travel...eh, it would be like semi interesting physics...Oh I got it, they'll let us watch tv! Excellent.

Danielle's Words: Oh God, please save me from suburban motherhood...

I had the words to dis song in my head: Again I go Unnoticed by Dashboard Confessional

OH SNAP!

I'm back...from the dead. Nah just kidding, stop screaming in terror the neighbors will think awful things.

I almost didnt have a Phrase O the Week. (GASP!)..I know, its crazy. But after Dan informed me of his, Jesse, and Tony's performance at Liz's lacrosse game, I knew who would win. This weeks is brought to you by Tony (applause). They went to Liz's game with signs and his just took the cake. It read: It's falsi that rivalsi is bad.
I can only wish my last name was Rivalsi...

I missed listening to dis song: The Places You Fear the Most:Dashboard Confessional

Welcome Back Mer

I must away to England...
-Alan Rickman as Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility

I must away to Emerson. (Points out yonder, guestimating where Emerson is) To Boston!

P.S.- Ding Dong the witch is dead...witch = economics

REALLY GOOD Song: Saints and Sailors by Dashboard Confessional

I took the test of Jesse's site to see what Super Mario character I am...

You are... Yoshi, the cool dinosaur!
You are a hip critter. You showed up fasionably late with Super Mario World and have started launching your own career since then. In maybe 10-15 years, your popularity will rival Mario's. Not that you're competing with him. He's your bud. You're good at getting and keeping friends, and they value you for that. After all, who else would carry them on their back through ice, fire, and rain? Sometimes you think you're taken for granted, but you know that your friends have your back. Of course they do. Who would screw over Yoshi?

(I apologize for the absence of the picture that came with it, I dont know how to get it on the site)

Oregon Trail is SUCH a good game. Not the new versions those are too complex. The orginial kicks arse. You watch your journey through a little box. See the oxen take you across the U.S. I recommend being a Doctor when you start out. You get a decent amount of money and the satisfaction of helping the sick.
Hunting is always the best. Once I shot a bird and it landed in a stream with an amusing splash. I always feel guilty shooting the deer until I have like no food at all, then I shoot them like it's my job. If a buffalo or bear wonders over I only shoot one, since you can only take about 200lbs back, and most of it would go bad if you gots too much. The squirrels are fun. I wind up wasting 30 bullets on one before I give up. Stupid squirrels...only one pound of meat. How can one survive on that?!
Might I also say that the sounds are great. There's the bad noise: Bam-bah-dah, which occurs when someone is sick, you get lost, there's bad water, you're carriage catches fire, you lose food, a thief steal stuff, etc. But there is also a good noise: Do-do-dah-do, this one is heard mostly when you find fruit or someone is better. Come to think of it, you get GYPT on the good sounds.
Oh and it's always the best when someone dies cuz they play that sad southern-like music and you can write crazy tings on the headstone.

Shout out to Jessica DeMarie, she likes to kick it oldschool whenever possible. In her honor I will say the following: Right now I am eating an Oreo and I think my dog just farted...

Thank God I have a teacher like Mr.Mazzei, its so great when he's absent once a week. Soon I'm gonna forget I even have a creative writing class.

So today I go to leave school and I notice that my rearview mirror is crooked. After I fixed it I noticed my parking sticker was gone. I then went back over to where Dan, Jesse and Danielle were and they tell me that my back door was slightly open. Some genius broke into my car and stole my parking sticker. Now I call this person a genius because they will be caught in a matter of days. They did such a crappy job at covering their tracks it's almost insulting. Obviously it must be a first timer, I mean cmon, they left the back door open AND didnt even bother to fix my rearview mirror. Who ever it was they are SO screwed its not even funny. I went to Mr.Cruz and he's more than happy to catch this kid and he could even arrest him/her cuz they broke into my car and stole something. I am honored in a way because Mr.Cruz told me this is a new one. To think, I was the first person in sachem to have someone steal my parking sticker right out of my car. But our school is so filled with dirtbags I thought this would have already happened. The desperation of these kids is amazing. I can't wait til Mr.Cruz screams at this kid, it's gonna be great, I wish I could watch. I love Mr.Cruz.

"Mad props" to Liz for recommending Ozma, in her own words, "they're like weezer but happier."

Cutting class is So addictive. Before last week I cut class a total of once, maybe twice. The last week occurred and I think I cut at least 3 times or more, I dont remember, it's all a blur. It's so easy to leave when the teacher doesnt show up. The glory of a substitute's face. Then the party ends, the teacher returns. You spend time day dreaming about how you could not be doing work. I cant wait for college. All those nice brakes in the day.
Going back to cutting, I find it so odd when you cut and go somewhere when school is in session. Every place seems so empty, except for moms. I've always been a fan of spotting out new moms and their attire; the Keds, the messy hair, the sweatpants. So casual it could kill.

I have this immense desire to write something amazing, perhaps I'll have the chance now that I quit Drama with all that Jesus Christ Superstar Biz. I have my reasons...so do Dan and Jesse! Yeah us. (Visions all three of us running out from around a corner in a run)

Sound O the Day: Pouring of Ice Tea into a glass....ah Ice Tea..

It's funny...your worst nightmare always seems so far away. But then all of a sudden, there it is. Like a monsterous titlewave. You try to escape, but you can't. You struggle, you struggle, and you struggle. Your Desperate cries unheard. Then something strangle happens. You stop struggling. Your Cries take flight. You forget you're drowning.
-Dark Harbor

Stupid Emerson essay. It has to get done, but all I want to do is watch movies and listen to music. I wish I didn't have to apply to college. Stupid conventional world.

Friday night while looking at the stars with Tony (before Katie Woz came to join us), he said something that is so interesting. That night I just felt like watching the star and thinking about stuff. So i did. Talking with Tony, he said that when he was younger he thought we were all inside some kids shoe box and the stars in the sky were holes he poked in the top. We were his bugs in a way. And if his mom ever opened the top, we were all screwed. It's such a cool thing to think about. Tony is a genius...of sorts.

Third Eye Blind: Motorcycle Driveby
I'm back on a Third Eye Blind kick

Hey kids its that time...cookies? NO fool! Phrase O the Week (trumpits are heard in the backround). This week's happened today in good ol' drama with that ever so talented John Langdon, more like John Fiddle Faddle. (FYE-Fiddle Faddle=SUCK!) But the winning phrase escaped Cara Alousio's lips. After she said "hey guys watch this," we all turned giving her our full attention...and she jumps. A totally random jump. We look at her, unimpressed. She says: I jump for fun, cuz I'm on drugs.

Congrats to Cara and her drugs. We all salute you with the mating dance.

Other announcements: Tonight if your not doing anything come to the North Cafeteria for Dave Lagmana's Eagle Scout FUN-draiser. Come for the spagetti, come for the improv, come for punch and pie. It will be fun times OR ELSE (dun Dun DUN). The "hotness" starts at 7.

Note: No gurantee of punch or pie.

I'm out like an obese boy playing a strenuous activity that involves throwing a rubber ball at others.

Holy Crap I hate technology!! The other day this POS wouldnt let me update, then today it had what i wrote, but didnt publish cuz it wouldnt let me, saved..and then i thought i published that, then went and updated with what you see below. Thinking I did a double publish...BUT NO. When i updated it erased the other days! Then i went to rewrite it and I'm stupid and got that erased as well. Now i want to punch the wall.

(Counts backward from 10) Anyway, here is what i can remember

And Memory Says:

Aint nothing cooler than lunges. You're not cool unless you lunge.
(The following was said by Merry McEvanson while lunging to the mad-phat beats in Old Navy, the only place to go to get down)

Merry later on asked if she could hold in her farts til she got to my car where upon getting inside she would repeatedly rip em til we passed out in a type of "gas coma."

*The past statement was partially a fabracation, its a take on reality. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FART YOURSELF INTO A COMA.

That is all

Random things on my mind:

1) I have a Harry Potter scarf (giggles)
2) Dark Harbor was a crazy flick.
3) I dont wanna do my homework...what else is new
4) I could go for some cornbread
5) I own a mouse, Milo is the name
6) My last three statements have started with "I" probably because I'm an egomaniac and such
7) Mariah Carey is on the tv right now and I'm having these incredible urges to punch it
8) (blank stare)
9) Fanny Pinchin (ask Maggie Devito why she writes that on her papers)
10) Video Killed the Radio Star.....and he walked cause they jury said there was "lack of evidence," so wrong...

Today, both Lisa and I came to the conclusion that librarians are funny. The I went a leap further and realized a more appropriate name would be Book Elves. Think about it. All librarians are small, have glasses, like books...no real HUMAN has all those qualities. The book elves live in the inchanted woods of literature, near the stream of knowledge. All you need to do is enter through the golden arch of the "library gates." Obviously they disguise themselves as "librarians" to avoid attention at their real identity. It would most likely create mass panic if people were told the truth behind what is to be found in the deepest vaults of these Library's....(pause for dramatic effect)...Elf Gold. But shhhh! Don't let them know I told you the truth. I doubt they will go online and discover this, because they dont like the computers, they like the books better.

Galaxy Quest Quote: Give him a big hand, he's British!

Simplicity is Genius

I love to procrastinate. I got so much homework that I should be doing at this moment, but I'm not. It's so much easier to just hang around, watch tv, listen to music, play with my dog, eat a bagel, poop...I mean (looks away).

I just want this unnecessary High School work to end. Go on the college and be able to fully focus on what I actually WANT to do work for: Custodial Arts. You have no idea of the glory that emulates from the magical flush of a toilet, or the art of sweeping the floors. It's the most beautiful thing in the world (bits lip to hold back the tears).

Song I am listening to at this VERY moment: Where's my mind?-Pixies
Next song: Talk show host-Radiohead
People I want to be hanging out with: You (naturally), Alan Rickman, and Gillian Anderson

Day dreamer

Movie of the week: Dogma

Yeah Alan Rickman!

Rickman as the Voice of God: I'm pissed off is what i am.

So on the second of Jan. I titled it as the 3rd, good thing i know how to count. It only took me the whole school day before I realized. I just wanted it to be Thursday so bad I thought by writing it was would allow me to think it actually WAS Thursday. Which means the 3rd would become the 4th, as such, I wouldnt attend school on Friday cuz i would think it was Saturday. Then for the rest of my life I would be off by a day. Be a day late to parties and all. But maybe I was the only one on REAL time. Maybe today really is Sunday...which means everything is a lie! Christmas is really on the 24th, holidays, birthdays, anniversary's are all celebrated late. Man, that sucks.

Phrase O da Week time!!! "Yaye" says all the children. This weeks episode is brought to you by Merry McEvanson. Like so many random and insane things, this occured during Economics this morning. After I sang about Runs House, Merry semi-sang/soul sistered out: Pup-pies!
Congrats to you Merry, may your animals always be widdle, cuddly, and cute.

Song O the Day: Run DMC- Runs house

2002 and I'm starting off the new year more lethargic than ever! I was hoping that all the teachers would make class optional OR just say "I'm going to continue to talk but you can put your heads down." Only thing is I was on the verdge of sleepin when I was supposed to be listening. I need to create a hollogram of myself sitting down and looking very much awake, meanwhile, behind this deceptive image it's sleepy time. I'll have to sit toward the back so the teacher can't look behind the picture. It would be disasterous, not because I'd get busted but because everyone will want one. Freaking greed! Then eventually no one will really learn. The education system will become a training program that helps children adapt to sleeping on uncomfortable surfaces. I bet the universe would even implode and a hollogram one would take it's place.
The consequences of Lazy.

2001 will perish today when Father Time stikes midnight. And now...A Year In Review.

Favorite Tings O 2001:

Animal: Monkey
Excetion: All variations of poop (i.e.-poo, poopie, po2p, da poopsie)
Craze: Harry Potter...yea Snape!
Holiday: SYAG jersey week
Group Activity: Box People
Best way to eat a Jelly Bean: From my bellybutton
Substitute Teacher: Meatball
Boyfriend: Dan (but you better watch out for Alan Rickman)
Show: Temptation Island 2...oh the trash
Class: Economics with Mr.E and Spelmenator; its just all about the graphs
Hangout: Tony's
Accent: high pitch, well i guess it's Swedish..? (i.e.- zee kitty, un beanies)
Song: Inspector Gadget Techno Remix
Ting to do to Friends: TP their cars
Late Night Activity: Gnoming
Way to Fall Asleep: While watching a Disney movie
Rebel thing: Dropping off Liz in the middle of her block at 2 am with the lights off and as she suddles to the house with a dress on,her mom waits at the door
Gift: Fart Machine

And my favorite thing..is having an amazing group of friends. Kisses to all.

I havent been able to update for a while, so hopefully this goes threw. I did have a phrase o the week BUT it didnt post it and yesterday there was a better phrase. While driving back to Sang's house, Dan's car ran into some trouble, but thankfully some Russian men at the gas station were able to "fix carrrr" (like they do is Russia). Jen Akenback (last name is def spelled wrong, I just used the Sound It Out Method) was with us last night, and the Phrase O the Week goes to her and her use of a Russian accent when she said: Oh, you are So Rebel!

Hopefully she'll hang out with us agian so her chances of being awarded Phrase O the Week increase. And thank you crazy Russian men who like to fix cars....how would we laugh without you? I dunno.

As Mayor of this town, I declare this day....(dramatic pause for effect) "Fun with Faces Day" (expression goes from happy to sad to blushing to angry to big happy face with sunglasses)

That is all.

So it's Christmas eve and what does Colleen's brain think? - "It don't feel like christmas"

I have never not felt so apathetic about christmas before, and i can't tell why, although it might be the developing cold i received this morning...jee I wonder who i got that from (cough) Merry (cough). But it's ok I won't hold a grudge (turns around and angrily mutters to self) ANYWAY...There must be an unbalance in the cosmos. Its been "cold" for a total of about 5 days this whole "winter." Mother nature is pullin a fast one on us. She's all...ha ha it's all warm n such, and we're all...whaaaaa? But i did see Die Hard for the first time today, i am very deprived in the classic movie section, for I am yet to see Braveheart. (many of you prob just went WHAT! or gasped/winced at the thought...but alas it is true) But we can cross Die Hard off the list now. And i must say i didn't watch it just cuz i hadn't seen it. There is a subplot here, I watched it to see my buddy Alan Rickman. He's so cool. I want to shake his hand.

-Your mission if you choose to accept it is to download the Drunken Christmas Carol that has been played on the radio station of Z100. Upon downloading it, listen to the masterful lyrics. Superb and Fantastically Fruity (just how i like my men). On behalf of the "drunken singer" I'd like to say: Merry Gimmas!

**Your computer will self destruct in Five, Four, Three, (run!) Two, (are you insane, still sitting there!) One...**

You didnt think I'd really have the ability to rig explosives to your computer now did you?

KA-BOOM!

Lots of creativity this week. 2 reinventions of well known songs, and one creation of a new magical character of sorts.

1st song was in Economics where we must fight to keep from going insane. Merry and I were getting quiet bored and as such started to say things to entertain ourselves. Upon realizing Mr.Spelmen was a true economist i said: Ya'll can't deny it, he's an economist.
(then mer chimed in) You don't wanna (noise of letter F) with him.

Then in Digital Media Jesse and I created the Sarcastic Dry Comment Fairy. She appears in an instant, says something like, "hey, thats a real nice shirt you got there." Then enthusiastically vanishes. Instead of been cheerful and saying nice things, she's sarcastic and saves all her energy for when she disappears.

And lastly on the way back from Senior Wills, there was a radio in there and the last song we heard was "little did she know she kissed a hero." So on the way to the car i think I changed the words and then Liz sang them with such grace..."Little did she know she kissed her poopsie." And that line awards her the Phrase O da Week. Congrats Liz.

Speakin o poopsie, i really dont have a definition for it. Its not poop and it's not sie...I really need to define it. Cuz right now it could be considered junk (the vaguest word in the english language)

For the honor of Ms.Hance (who may visit this very site tonight, if she can unlock the mystery of technology) I shall tell you about the ever exciting Magical Elves.

Did ya'll hear 'bout dem Magical Elves yet? Well, all you gots to do is find a picture of one (your best bet is to have a friend draw a picture, you can't draw your own, it doesnt work that way). So once you got yourself a picture, place it in front of you. Stare into the eyes for a moment (to capture the magic). Then you must WILL the elf off the paper. This procedure can become long and tedious if you don't know what you're doing. To will them out, think of Elf Land and the type of things your elf has, or would like to have. Each elf is different though, so if your friend gets his/hers to come out, dont try to cheat and do what they did. Once you guess right....POOF! Out he comes to grant all the wishes your lil heart desires.
(no gaurantee that you're eld won't turn evil. Life expectency: 6months-3yrs)

First and formost Alan Rickman rules (for those of you who don't know, hes an actor)

I am getting progressively lazy..
Yousay: You? Lazy?
I reply: I know! It's crazy
..Half way throught the week in which i am controlling my fate...my fate of waking up that is. My alarm clock is normally set for 6:15, BUT I denied the Gods and turned it to 6:21, as such, giving my more time to sleepy. Then, tuesday morning a sound went off indicating it was time to get up, this time at 6:21. Again, I rebelled, setting it for 6:30 I then re-engaged sleepy time. At this rate, by Friday I won't get to school on time. I defy you stars!!
Speakin o which, the remake of Romeo + Juliet is SUCH a great movie. The style, setting, colors, the raspberry flavored drink that Juliet complains about, cuz she'd rather any other flavor except that (rumors on the street is that she fancies cherry)

Quick shout out to Passions. Quality crap. Once you watch...well, nothing happens.

On behalf of "Our Family," I'd like to say we are all happy to hear about this lady who has wondered into Tony's life. You deserve it T-sac.

Now it's saturday and I wasn't home on Friday cuz I have a life (wink wink) but here is the phrase o the week. It's brought to all of y'all from the ancient talking turtle from The Never Ending Story. While discussing "the nothing" with Atreau (thats prob spelled wrong..but he's the worrier kid), he said:
--We don't care so much that we don't care.
Now thats a whole lot of Not caring going on.

I have so much junk to write and do this weekend, it's times like this when I wish I had a time machine so I could just skip ahead of doing all that work. That, and I have always wanted to jump in a time machine when i had 20 bucks in my pocket so when i arrived in the 1800s i would be the richest kid in town.

Man I want a time machine...

And now...

What do the rich folk do,
When they've lost a stock-share or two?
..eh screw it, it's too hard to write a song that matches the magic found in "What do the simple folk do?" \
Billy Joel dropped a coal in a stocking, Are you mocking..me? Pop pop fizz fizz oh what a relief it's not. For my stomach remains in a knot. Watch out for that Robot..it'll get ya. Apples are green, you know what I mean, Mr. Clean?
Monkey see, monkey do, monkey eats stew.
Yuck...stew.

Enough of that, back to stuff that makes sense, like airbound rocks, and exploding fish.

I decided to look up some words today...you know expand my vocabulary.

pantie/panty- pl.panties: a woman's or child's undergarment covering the lower trunk and made with closed crotch

pimp: a man who solicits clients for a prostitute

poop(1): an eclosed superstructure at the stern of a ship
poop(2): slang: information
**these definitions are SO wrong

monkey: a primate mammal other than man; one of the smaller, longer-tailed, and usually more arboreal primates as contrasted with the apes

flatulence: the release of gas from the body

booby- plu-boobies: an awkward ineffective person: dope

**Zee Poopsie** Thats right, you'll be seeing that in the yearbook, i'm getting my 16 cents worth.

Song o the week: Chinese Rappa's Delight-Tai Mai Shu

Take a glimpse, if you dare, into a misty conversation in the night.

Lactaid Lady: i wish i could be like Hamlet and pretend to be crazy
Cookies4Grandma: you can...
Cookies4Grandma: but i don't know where that would get you... your not seeking revenge on your uncle for killing your father
Lactaid Lady: rats!
Cookies4Grandma: i mean, unless there is something i don't konw about
(dun Dun DUN)

Are you starting to question my past? If i have any skeletons in my closet? If you shouldnt have eaten that (insert food product hea)?
--Ah hA! I thought so...For there is method to my madness, or is there?

I started the third Harry Potter book today. Let's see how long it takes to read dis one.

There are taxes on everything now a days, cept air...and poop. Can you imagine a poop tax? Every time you go to poop you have to pay a nickel, maybe more depending on the economy. And what happens to those who can't afford this tax, you ask? Well...it's a horrible way to die, Poop Implosion. The poop has no where else to go, like a wondering bum, so it simply explodes. Many don't know this but poop is actually explosive. When it's inside of your body for too long, it travels upward and once it hits some organs..BAM!! It seems harmless when it's outside of the body, because the air neutralizes it, but inside, its a time bomb. So if you can't afford to poop, you better pray they inforce an air tax first....

There is a product in the market known as the Monkey Bike, I am like "Wow!, I don't believe!"

AHH I have delays on this site like it's my job or something. Before I start I would like to tell all that Thursday, Dec 6, 2001 is a day that shall live in infamy forever in my life. IT was the greatest day o my life. I actually got to go on a braodway stage and preform a monologue. It was the greatest feeling in the world making all those people laugh. Without a doubt it's what I want to do for the rest of my life.

But back to business, I noticed Friday has passes and I left you all out in the cold with no Phrase O the Week. So here it comes now.
This week's phrase is from the ever so talented, Liz Rivalsi. There is no use in explaining it cuz it really makes no sense.
--(As she raises her hand and draws it across her face she says) "Ah, cancer. (Then goes to sleep)
Thank you Liz.

Everyone is getting a big box o Love for Xmas, for it is all i can afford. (insert sad face hea)

...Grandma has figured out how to use the internet..and she even has a site going. All hell is breaking loose!

I apologize for all who are close to me this week as I find myself not wanting to be around people at times so far this week, even my good friends. I don't know why. So i'm sorry if I come off "cold" I dont want to be. I'm starting to get annoyed at myself, cuz I'm aware of this "problem" but it seems I don't know how to get out of this mood. Maybe if I pet Zee Kitty, on Zee Place Mat I will feel Zee Better.

FightClub is the craziest movie ever. Pixies: Where's my mind?

I am deepy sorry for my lack of phrase o the week for y'all, I twas so busy chiz-illin wit my homes. But alas! no more excuses. I will make it up to you right now, by announcing an unpresidented event in the history of Kickin it Oldschool. I am giving you a triple Phrase o da week!!

Merry has not been given the honor of this but now gets two! Due to her hilarious week of crazy talk. The first came on Sunday, while discussing ghetto phrases where her mom didnt believe "holla!" was one of them. Her mom said guys at work told her new things and one of them was how pounding someone instead of high fiving, and Ms.Marie (her mom) held out her fist for mer and mer says:
--Mom, I will NOT pound you.

Then on Wed I went over there agian to say Happy B-Day to Ms.Marie, and Mer and I were watching it and i wouldnt give her the remote unless she took off her pants, but she wouldnt do it unless the world was watching. So I invited the world into her room and she said:
--But then i wont have any PANTS on!! (in some crazy accent)

The Last night Mr. Jesse Goldman was talkin to me about the SAT circles that you answer the questions with, he said the following:
--You have to fill then in full and black. Just like I'd like my women.

Personally I like my men, Fantasically Fruity...like ice pops.

Oh and I enjoy dancing to the Mad Phat Beats whenever possible, (makes vulgar hand motion)

Sorry for the lack O updates...it's Harry Potter's fault. He made me read (bites lip, trying to hold back the tears)...and see the movie. GASP

Oh the mystery of the rubber pencil and/or pen. A shake o the wrist and you can change its composition. I saw Tony do it the other day in economics, working his magic. I think people want to think its an optical illusion, they cant accept the fact that it really turns to rubber...trust me, i know. I bet if I was big and strong enough to pick up a car and shake it around, it would turn to rubber. I could become a superhero...rename myself the Rubber Bandit. I could have the ability to change everyday things to rubber. It would be very safe for the kiddies....can't hurt yo'self with rubber.

Alan Rickman as Professor Snape...amazing. (Harry Potter character, for those of you who dont know...::raises eyebrow::)

You know what my name means? Colleen: Definition-Girl. How undescriptive. I'm jealous of people whose names actually mean something which is like...oh let's see...everyone! My name should just be Blank. I'm empty. Well not empty...just you know, girl. Which is pretty ironic for me. Good job parents. I'm So not your typical girl, never have been. Played with Ninja Turtles (the heros in a half shell...turtle power!) instead of Barbies, always wear sneakers (that i steal from my friends..mu-haha), perfected the one handed fart noise-thanks cousin Adam and Eric, and I rate my burps...YEP, I'm a girl. (Sits back in the chair all proud-like)

And now like the rest of the nation I am caught in this Harry Potter deal. Started reading the book last night, read some in creative writing, and then for 2 hours when I got home. I've never been so into a book since Goosebumps...remember those. Hmm..I'm starting to question my reading level...

Writing college essays is a challenge to make fun. I try to make boring things into fun things so I want to do them. Right now this challenge is being heavily procrastinated. This Emerson one is killing me, "write about your history." I'm trying to creatively involve some life aspects, and achievements to make my life sound adventurous. Mayby I'll just pretend I am Indiana Jones on my way to the Temple of Doom. Talk about my trustly whip and ability to always pick up a fetchin young lady while fighting off possessed mummies. It's not as easy as it sounds so stop rolling your eyes. You think I like having to save people all the time, like I'm a superhero or something. I'm only human, and this world asks too much of me....so i declare upon this day, the 25th of November, my retirement from the Jones Family Business. (Guy is heard saying WHA?!)

-No Doubt: Tragic Kingdom. Such a good CD. It was reborn yesterday for a car ride, and now I want to listen to it but cannot, for it is inside of Merry's CD player. RATS!