I am VERY excited that I got the chance to chat with a celebrity today. I got to ask him some interesting questions. It was a DELIGHT..


Lactaid Lady: who is you?!
FJive45: billy bob thorton
Lactaid Lady: really?
Lactaid Lady: so whats it like being married to angelina jolie?
FJive45: its scary
FJive45: i think she is scary
Lactaid Lady: are you in love with her...?
FJive45: i love her so much i'm probably going to kill her, and eat her so she'll be with me forever
FJive45: ...or until i digest her
FJive45: .....ew angelina poo
Lactaid Lady: ooh so i see your insane...
FJive45: i'm billy bob thorton
FJive45: so yeah
Lactaid Lady: whats it like to be southern
FJive45: sticky
Lactaid Lady: did you like being in Armegedon
FJive45: armewhatton?
Lactaid Lady: thats what i thought
Lactaid Lady: why did you get into acting?
FJive45: i kind of fell into it, i originally wanted to be a cartoon, but they told me...something....about....
FJive45: hm
FJive45: do you party?
Lactaid Lady: hey i'll do the questions ok
FJive45: :____( m'ok
Lactaid Lady: what is your favorite curse word
FJive45: buck futter!
Lactaid Lady: good choice
Lactaid Lady: if you could be an animal, which one would you be
FJive45: i'd be a vulture. they like to eat dead things like me.
Lactaid Lady: whats your favorite tv show
FJive45: celebrity boxing, if i could face anyone in the ring, i'd face my wife angolina, b/c thatd be a prime chance to kill her, and then eat her and...well ah HA you know my plan!!
Lactaid Lady: i feel awkward.
FJive45: i feel sad.

The End!

If you could do one dance for the rest of your life, what would it be?

The mash potato?
The twist?
The shimmy?
The robot?
The charleston?
The electric slide?
Swing?
Breakdance?
Slow dance?
Tango?
Salsa?
....

Who got a job?
-Col got a job.

Where is the job?
-Ralph's famous italian ices

Who else works there?
-Everyone in 11th grade and their mom.

omg I think the end is near. I just saw a playstation game where you dance as Britney Spears. Confess your sins now! Before it's too late..

I dont like having allergies. They make my contacts blurry. Then I have to blink wierd. People might think this has some sort of innuendo, or even worse...that I'm about to fall asleep. Cuz we all know that once people fall a-sweepies around people who are awake they are fair game.
Draw on the face; beard, unibrow, etc.
Hand in hot water [to make you pee yo'self].
Wedgie.
Atomic Wedgie.

Ouch. Atomic...

I feel like writing something. But alas, writers block!


Would you rather..

be able to fly or turn invisible at will?
teleport or read minds?
live forever or have tomorrow be your last day?
have no front tooth (and you can never get a fake one) or just have your pinky and thumb on one hand?

My answers:

1) invisible: because if I could fly people would see me and then probably turn me into some six flags ride. Either that or I'd be forced to be a superhero...thats too much responsibility
2) teleport: I could go where ever I wanted to like that! And I dont think I'd want to know what someone is thinking.
3) One more day: If I live forever, eventually I'm going to realize that I dont get to experience what everyone else does...death and afterlife. Plus I'd outlive all my friends and be lonely.
4) Pinky and Thumb: I'd feel too much like a hillbilly with one front tooth. And we all know that being a hillbilly isnt much fun.

Sometimes when you look too deep into the little things in life, you think: Who cares, what does it matter? But then when you try to imagine your life without the little things, it's empty.

Now for the funny:

Batteries hate me. The Audi battery is dead, now the Toyota battery refuses to be recharged. Was it something I did? Maybe I didn't love them enough. Maybe I didn't deserve them. They were too good for me. They need someone better. They are destined for great things, things I could never provide them. They're better off without me.
Wait a sec...What about ME?! [gasp] They must have been cheating on me with another car. A whorey foreign one. How dare they do that! How was I so blind not to notice? No matter, I don't need them. I can love again. I'm fine on my own.

I'm no battery killer!! All I am guilty of is loving them...a love above and beyond what anyone will EVER understand.

Key to Life: its just a matter of not being lazy

Phrase O the Week goes to C3P0 from Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. Now as many of you are probably aware I, and several others, went and saw this on Thursday. We all got a kick out of the ridiculous use of his puns in the battle scene. There were two that really touched our hearts and made us say, "oh my god.." in a rather dry tone.

First one: C3P0 is fighting in the battle and his head is taken off the driod's body by R2D2 (Don't ask how it got there, just see the movie) so he's getting his head dragged across the sand and he says: This is such a drag.

Number Two: After getting his head dragged over he is then next to his body and he's also a bit flustered by the surrounding events of good vs. evil...ya know how it is. So he then states: I am quiet beside myself.

Ya see it's funny because he WAS beside himself. Oh the hilariousness!! At the time it actually amused me and made me chuckle just because there was intense fight scenes going on as he's saying all this. But on its own, it's like a big ball of cheese...ah, who am I kidding?! It's STILL funny...right? RIGHT?!

Anywoo-best potential night o tv, for me anyway. One hour season finale of simpsons (7pm) and then a two hour series finale of The X-Files (8-10pm). What could possibly be greater, other than being able to eat junk food and not get fat? If anyone knows please inform me.

Now I must go. I've got an hour and a half to KILL. (dun Dun DUN!!)

I like this song: Sweatness by Jimmy Eat World

Stupid site! I wrote this whole cool thing yesterday and went to post it and it didnt and now i need to do it again.. Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. Nobody knows my sorrow.

You know what's annoying? When you think one of your friends is an all-out, fully-blown spy and you are so wrong. For years I thought Liz was a spy and then yesterday and today her profile stated, "i'm not a total spy." Well she still must be alittle bit of a spy so there is some hope. But i guess I need to cancle out all the extreme spy pranks I had set, and the spy cake, and the spy socks, and the spy car....it's all going back to the CIA. (sigh)

Uh yeah, Star Wars was great. Although not going to school kinda messed up my sense of routine and what day it was. Crazy school.

Oh and mad props to Tony for selling that ticket when the rest of us were too scared. 15 dollars yall. And it wasnt an undercover cop either. How impressive.

This is for Merry: This doth blow

Bring Sally up
Bring Sally down
something something, mumble yeah...
(clap, clap, clap, etc.)

Days like this I wish somehow music would play freely from the sky, and not like crappy music. Good time music. Life would be so much cooler if music was set to everything. If you were running around playing a sport it would energize you, if something bad was gonna happen if would warn you, after a cheesy joke you'd hear the ba-dump-bump of a drum, when you found love there would be that usual love music...that way you'd know. But no. Life can't be cool like that. All i'm asking is for some background music. Is that so much to ask?

I need something new. I've been tasting it, and I like it.

Oh and guess who isn't going to school tomorrow to see Star Wars...go ahead guess...How did you know? I can't wait to not be in school for a day. How nice, and brity. Speaking of Star Wars today in gym we did flying squirrel and Philly Pip pretended to be Bubba Fett. I'm kinda afraid of his open love for SW. Personally I went for the Peter Pan pose while flying.

Lastly I am going to introduce a new segment. Its called Examples of Sarcasm:
Scenerio: girl comes into school with a neon flowered dress
Sarcasm to her: Hey, uh, nice dress...very subtle.

Thank you!
I'll be here all week.

"I realized then that a man who lived only one day could easily live for 100 years in prison. He would have enough memories to keep him from being bored. In a way, it was an advantage."
-The Stranger [pg 79]

I read that this morning in english and I thought it was pretty cool. I read it now and it doesnt really make sense to anyone but me. So good luck, unless you can read my mind. You can do it if you try real hard. It's kinda like bringing tinker bell back to life, you just have to believe. That probably doesnt make sense either. Oh well...I tried

So I have discovered the greatness of Ben Folds Five. I just love those mad-phat beats. Rock on!

I feel like I'm a part of a tv show thats seen its better days and now I'm waiting for the season finale.

Its rainin' men outside. It's horrible. All those poor men are falling from the sky to their doom. It's going to take the gov't a couple of days to clean up all the bodies. I wish it never rained men. Why not buckets? Those aren't alive. It's all that song's fault, you know the one that the Weather Sisters sing: It's raining men. If it wasn't for them all those innocent beautiful men wouldn't be smashed against the pavement. Plus it never actually rains anymore so we're in a severe drought.

I hate sellouts.
But I do like puddling!

Happy Monkey Day!! Don't fo-det to hug your monkey and say you love it.

This is cool: "And my aim in my life is to make pictures and drawings, as many and as well as I can; then, at the end of my life, I hope to pass away, looking back with love and tender regret, and thinking, 'Oh, the pictures I might have made!'"
--Vincent van Gogh--

Thats what happens when you have to do a suicide report on Van Gogh...you find cool quotes from him, even if he was insane.

Phrase O the Week goes to ME!! [evil laughter] I win. You losed. Anyway, today merry's computer decided to suck and she said that, "This computer = CRAP" to which I, being of supreme humor, wittingly retorted with:

get out? An actual comPOOder.

Of course my quote would include poo. But I mean, what else would you expect. If it was about puppies or candy canes you'd be like, 'oh Col is becoming such a softly, she never talks about that poop anymore. Shes so boring without it.' Well NO I AINT! Shut your mouth! You don't know me....or maybe you do?

Anyway, time to cut and paste my report together...shhh, don't tell the teacher.

Hey kids quess what? Today I went over to Target for my interview and I had not one, but two...count 'em two interviews in one sitting and boy and I excited. Why is this? Cuz tomorrow I get to pee in a cup so they can see if I've been hanging out with Mary Jane. So that means I pass and they'll give me a call in like a week or less. Hopefully I get hired. Everything went well. Only thing was afterwards while doing my hw I realized I put down I'd like to work 28-30 hours a week. Thats a whole lot of hours. Surely I'll lose my entire social life...no one will call anymore [on the brink of tears]. But I figure let me work my bum off for like a week and then I'll start to work like 25 hours a week. They said they were flexable, so I want to see a cartwheel.

Speaking of cartwheels I think its time for some General Food Bashing:
Soup is stupid
Lettuce is dirty
Ice cream...well I like ice cream
but I HATE bananas they think their better than everyone else...what-ever!

As many of you know, I am a closet fan of rap and I totally love the new Eminem song "Without me." It so great, yo!

Anyway, today I hung out with Liz and Merry at Port Jeff. Now an interesting/extremely creepy thing happened to us on the drive there. Liz was sitting in the back and this guy pulled up about 40yrs old and was looking at her so she waved being all nice, thinking he was a nice dad and would casually wave back. Only she was wrong, DEAD wrong. He in return did a sly smile-nod as if he was trying to pick her up. She got freaked and told us, we looked at him and he was still smiling so we basically laughed at him. And as we pulled up to the light he decides that even though he has plenty of room ahead of him in his lane, he is going to stay next to us. He stayed a bit too long and we all got skeeved out. He had this crazy look in his eye like he wanted to F us; but I mean who doesnt?! We are some fine ladies.

In addition to this we also had some Crack flavored ice-cream, or at least imagined that we did. Then we shared some food...not a shower!! I just wanted to clear that up. Thank you.

Naturally the song O the day is: Eminem-Without Me also Foo Fighters - Aurora

I apologize for all of those who live to read blogspots. I know how annoying it is when people dont update. Plus I mean I'm sure you're addicted to my hilarious antics so going through a drought of funny must have had some negative side effects like murder.

Now I have held out on you long enough, here it comes, The Phrase Of The Week [echo]
I dont even know the girls name who said the phrase, lets call her Mertle. Mertle was playing against my soccer team on a late Sunday afternoon, when one of my teammates, who will remain anonymous, "accidentally" knocked her down. Mertle is kinda dirtbagish...and proof of this is found when she said:

She is SO lucky I'm still on probation.

Our only question was, probation for what?! Obviously not being good at soccer...oh snap. If she read that I'm sure she'd hunt me down cuz Mertle is crazy like that, or so I assume.

To Ms.Slip:
I wuv woo
From Mr. Skid [with the shoes]

By popular request I've decided to present a true story of what happens when life throws you a curve and knocks your bum off.
Ladies and gentlemen, behold, a Lifetime Movie presentation of : Shake what the donor gave you.

After a grueling week of school Liz Rivalskin decided to have a talk with her friend Colleen Evanstone. It was a fairly breezy friday afternoon and Liz Rivalskin wondered how Colleen Evanstone would fair.
So she went up to Colleen Evanstone and asked, "What's baking, booty shakin?"
Colleen Evanstone's face instantly became grim. "Not much."
Liz Rivalskin was curious and asked, "Aww nothin to shake?"
Ms. Evanstone replied, "nope...." A single tear steamed down her almost unbearably beautiful face. She then continued adding, "I shook my booty too hard that it fell off."
Liz Rivalskin was shocked at these words and in a light whisper proclaimed, "oh deaaaar." She secretly wondered if this could happen to her and what she would do. Surely living with no bum would scar her for life!
Colleen Evanstone then began to tell her story. "i know. It was tragic.."
But Liz Rivalskin had to get a word in because in addition to loving the current statis of her bum, she also loved to hear the sound of her radiant voice. To get her fix she said, "I bet it was gross too."
Ignoring this comment, Colleen Evanstone pushed on with her story. She struggled to repress the need to cry out for something. Anything. Anyone to identify with the pain she had endured. Building up all the courage within she began to tell her story once again, "The doctor said there is a chance that I can find a donor, and get a new, firm bum. But then I can't technically shake what MY mom gave me."
Her eyes began to water at the thought. But Liz Rivalskin wasn't touched as she had thought she would be. Instead she needed to hear her voice once more. She tried to hide it as much as possible and emitted a light, "Hmmm." As if she were thinking of how to solve this puzzle. And what a curious puzzle it was.
Colleen Evanstone continued with her rant. "You'd have to say, "shake what the donors mama gave you. And then everyone will stop dancing and stare at my butt."
In Liz Rivalskin's mind she envisioned a horrible scene and said, "..And then itd fall off again, from embarasment."
It was as if Colleen Evanstone had somehow tapped into Liz Rivalskin's mind. They had made a mental connection like they so often did to understand one another. It was as if they left their bodies and became one. And in that case their name would be Lizeen Stoneskin.
Their next statements molded into each other as if they both held onto the paintbrush as it drew a tree.
Colleen Evanstone said, "and i'd never be able to show my face in this town again, because of embarassment."
And Liz Rivalskin said, "and then you'd live the rest of your life as a bumless hermit, due to embarasment."
And Colleen Evanstone rebutted with, "now I have to find the right cave for me you know how many available caves there are now a days that are even halfway decent?...none."
And Liz Rivalskin replied, " no one ever says i wanna be bumless when i grow up...but you ARE."
A heavy silence filled the room. Colleen Evanstone stared hard at the ground as if it would give her the answers she so desperately needed. And then by some miracle it did! Colleen Evanstone's eyes light up as she proclaimed with all her being, "i didnt plan it. Life threw me a curve. And it knocked my bum off."
As yes, the message was so clear now. Liz Rivalskin had reached deep within her soul and found the very meaning of existance didn't have to be listening to your own voice. It was the listen to others. To their stories filled with hopes, fears, and bums falling off. She was touched. And through newly shed tears she whimpered, "that's beautiful..."
At the point Colleen Evanstone put her arm around Liz Rivalskin to comfort her in her new revelation of life as she searched for her wise next words.
" Its a limerick," she said as they walked together into the sunset. Only they existed tonight. The rest of the world was calmly waiting outside for Liz Rivalskin and Colleen Evanstone to return when they were ready.

The End

This story was dedicated to Liz Rivalsi and her baby borl. God Bless!

Song o the day: Jump by Criss Cross...they worse their pants backwards, cuz they were ghetto, not to meantion 12

I found this just now and would like to share

Relationships are math problems to me
There are different ways to go about it
Certain topics I am good at
But if I don't pay attention - I'm screwed
There is only one right answer
The longer problems are always more difficult,
but worth more points
When I have a question,
I ask the teacher
Sometimes it's fun
Sometimes I hate it
When it comes to a test, I go blank
Not enough studying
I don't remember the equation
But then again...
I was never good at math.

Note: Yes, I am single. Stupid Math!

Writing a ten page short story is alot harder than I anticipated. If only it were a 10 sentence story or a kitten. Then I would definitely get a 100. I loves ma kitties!

Sometimes I try to be different a little too much. I get annoyed when I fall into the norms of emotions and the times that "everyone goes through." I dont want to go through what everyone else does. I want to be super human. Being a perfectionest is really starting to wear me away. How can I have perfection when there is nothing left?

[Shakes fist at Life]

Anyway, I woke up this morning in total confusion. I had no idea why my alarm was set. And then the realization sunk in, with a growl...school! Freakin mondays. If only I went to bed before eleven something, the whole tired issue wouldnt be an issue. I would have wonderful bounds of sleep and wake up refreshed. But you see there are these things called TV and internet. These things call to me and I always answer (it would be rude not to) and then I have problems leaving. But I can't get rid of it cuz I can't live without it. There is no life without entertaining technology. I think it's taking over my brain and eventually I'll never want to sleep. How terrible.

I love this song: Baba O'Reilly by The Who
You might remember this little ditty from the American Beauty Movie Trailer or not depending on your memory...

Happy belated Phrase O the Week. This week's is from the talented Liz. You see, I was doing what basically all 13-30 year olds do at 8 on a Sunday..watch the Simpsons. I quoted a line from the show [i just cant live without rage-a-hol] to Liz who was online at the time thinking she was watching. But Liz fo-dot that Simpsons were on: a crime punishable by death if caught by the po-po. I told her she was a failure. To which she replied:

i accept my failureism

Congrads to Liz and her ability to do EVERYTHING wrong. [thumbs up]

If a conversation occured between two people who had short term memory loss and were prone to lying I think it would sound something like this:
-Lactaid Lady=Me
-Cookies4Grandma=Merry

Lactaid Lady: what is up
Cookies4Grandma: nm u
Lactaid Lady: not much
Lactaid Lady: u
Cookies4Grandma: not much, you?
Lactaid Lady: nothing really
Lactaid Lady: u?
Cookies4Grandma: Meh.. you know, nothing much. You?
Lactaid Lady: i'm alright, same ol same ol...how about yourself?
Cookies4Grandma: You konw, pretty good, nothing relaly though. How about you?
Lactaid Lady: you know i was wondering how i was doing so i asked myself and i answered...ya know, i'm doing Otay...you?
Cookies4Grandma: You konw, I did something rather similar. But I answered, pretty good, can't complain - you
Lactaid Lady: I was thinking of traveling the world but then i decided to do nothing instead...y tu?
Cookies4Grandma: I was thinking of running for president, but than I decided to be lazy instead, you?
Lactaid Lady: I got a bad case of road rage and planned out this old lady's death but then i fell asleep...you?
Cookies4Grandma: I got really really hungry and since ther eis no food in my house decided to turn to cannibalism, than I found a sandwich. You?
Lactaid Lady: my neighbors dog keeps dumping on my lawn so I was about to got out to their lawn and drop a duce onto it...but then i saw their dog get hit by a car...what happened on your end?
Cookies4Grandma: Well, the house next door was set ablaze, and I was thinking of trying to save the burning victims, than I saw a little kitty playing iwth a ball of yarn, and decided to snatch it. So I took the kitty home and played with it. How about you, anythign exciting?
Lactaid Lady: i played a game of checkers against this homeless guy but it turns out he was cheating so i was about to set his box on fire when out of no where comes this little monkey with a red ballon walks out and talks abotu keeping the peace so i put my arm around the homeless bum and walked in to my house...and killed him there and hid the body...hows life treating you?
Cookies4Grandma: You know, life is pretty good. I set my neighbors house ablaze and stole their kitten. I was going to save them.... but they wouldn't have let me keep the kitten. So I left them in the fire. But, how can life get much better? I mean, c'mon, I have a kitten! How about you?
Cookies4Grandma: I guess nothing with you.
Lactaid Lady: well i was walking around my neighborhood when i see this bright light out of no where...and it turns out it was a flying saucer. Parked itself over my house and abducted my WHOLE family...and i just sat there..smoking a ciggy-but
Lactaid Lady: there was nothing i could do ya know
Lactaid Lady: but what abotu you?
Cookies4Grandma: You know. Absolutely nothing. Besides the fact that I stole a tank from the US Army, ran it into the side of a bank and stole all the money. Now I'm on the run from the fuzz, avoiding the po-po, and running from the cops. My family supports me though. So... y'know.

The End

Random Tings:

1) I need a haircut
2) TV is good
3) My cat is sitting on my lap
4) India is overpopulated
5) Does soda cause cancer?
6) Ketchup was a good invention
7) I hate spiders but kinda like spiderman from what I've seen

Dictionary Tiempo!! [randomly looked up]

tortoni: ice cream made of heavy cream often with minced almonds and chopped cherries and flavored with rum.
i.e.- After the ice cream man said he doesn't sell tortoni to kids, I followed him home and burn his house down.

Todays Word of the Day is:
Diaper...Have you changed a diaper today?

I must introduce you all to someone VERY close to my heart...

Mr. Skid. Full name: Mr. Skid with the shoes. He's married to Ms. Slip with the grip. They are in love and together created a being. Some call him the Slip-Skid Kid. They call him Johnny. Johnny wears his shoes with the grip everywhere he goes: school, the mall, the movies, his grandma's house, strip clubs...

Now Mr. Skid with the shoes was in trouble, he almost lost his j-o-b because the lining on his shoes gave way. He just loved those shoes so much he didnt want to replace them, but he almost killed Joe Pudding. We all know how important Joe Pudding is...without him who would eat all that pudding made by Bill Cosby? So Mr. Skid with his flimsy shoes skids right into Joe Pudding as he was taking a giant spoon full of, you guessed it...pudding. He starts to choke and thankfully Sally No-choke just punched into work, rounded the corner in an all out dash (cuz she can sense the choking) and saves Joe Puddings life.

Needless to say, Mr. Skid got himself a new pair of shoes the next day.

Hey you, listen to this: All Over Again by Phantom Planet...its crazy

"My dad says that childhood is the happiest time of my life, but I think he's wrong. My mom's right she says, "Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. Thats what mama used to say. She said, 'Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. You need to remember that when you find yourself at the beginning. Just give hope the chance to float up, and it will.'"

--Hope Floats; yeah it was a cute movie. We all need some southern twang thrown in there, even if you are from NY

I'm sitting here singing and groovin' to Kate by Ben Folds Five and I start to think about the awesome talk I had with a certain KATE! This Kate being of course, the one and only, Katie Woz. We haven't hung out much but whenever we do we have such real conversations about life and people and peanut butter...well not yet, we dont get THAT serious. I realize how much I value her friendship. Its cool meeting someone new; sharing stories and ideas and beliefs. Thats what life is really all about. Even though people in general suck, but individuals are so worth the time. Thanks to Katie. You had me at hello....

Its sad to say but I can't wait to go away to college now. I need a change. I need to grow up and write the next chapter of my life. I'm getting antsy. I'm tired of having to wait around. Things get boring and decay. Senior year is not what its cracked up to be. Yeah the work load is pretty easy but its the most emotionally draining year of your life. Right now I'm just searching for something. And I value the simple things I always took for granted; the sound of rain, dinner with my family, the trees, the flowers, watching Everybody Loves Raymond with my mom. There really is so much beauty in the world. It sounds trite but you just have to see it. Gotta have the "magic eye." I see these things and I think, I'll be ok. I'm getting closer to finding my Peace of Mind. You should try it sometime.

Oh snap guess who won Phrase O the Week? Uh, yeah ME! That's right, I say funny things...

So Liz wanted to know how many eyes ants have. I sadly had to break the news to her that they indeed had none. Now she didnt just ask this for no reason, ya see she has to make a children's book..equipped with drawings. So I told her she could still draw eyes on these ants and totally mess with the childs education by showing them a picture of a lie. She then said, "thats what i'm thinking itd be stupid if it didnt have no eyes." To which I replied:

Yeah...just like blind people

Thats right, blind people are stupid. I don't care. They won't read what I have to say. And you know why? Because they can't see. HA HA!!

*I then lost my vision for the next hour*

I find this humorus, hopefully you will too. I call it, Love of a Lifetime:
Snape143=Me
FJive45=Liz
Parker=my dog

Snape143: do you like the puppy
Snape143: mr.parker
FJive45: is he asking
FJive45: man hes so insecure
Snape143: i know
Snape143: he wants to know
Snape143: he wants to take you to the prom
FJive45: he does?...
FJive45: i...dont even know how to respond
FJive45: wait yes i do...
FJive45: NO
FJive45: HE'S A DOG YOU FREAK!!!
FJive45: stop hiding behind your dog and ask me yourself!
Snape143: no parker wants to know
Snape143: not me..
Snape143: i swear!
Snape143: i-i have a date
FJive45: ...
FJive45: umm
FJive45: you WOULD!
Snape143: your just jealous!
Snape143: and I love you!
FJive45: your just a slut!
FJive45: and i love sluts!
Snape143: [gasp]
Snape143: well then we must marry
FJive45: what happens now
FJive45: AH!
FJive45: of couuuurse
Snape143: who wants to be the man?
FJive45: hmm
FJive45: shotty woman!
Snape143: damn
Snape143: but i'm the slut
Snape143: how does that work?
Snape143: you have to be slutty then
FJive45: why do you make our relationship so complicated we JUST want to get married
FJive45: you're alllways diong this!
FJive45: i'm going to beat you y'hear me!
Snape143: i want out of this relationship, you are suffocating me!
FJive45: fine!
Snape143: you never let me be the lady!
Snape143: you BITCH!
FJive45: there isnt a smiley in the smily box for what i am feeling right now!
Snape143: oh boo woo! :'(
FJive45: ooloo
FJive45: HA!
FJive45: figure that ouy!
Snape143: you are SO difficult
Snape143: i dunno why i fell for you
FJive45: its the BIRD!!
Snape143: i coulda been a dancer!
FJive45: i let you be a stripper
FJive45: nothing is ever enough for you
Snape143: i dont wanna strip no mo
Snape143: i feel iky
FJive45: what are you a nun or something
Snape143: no your the nun
Snape143: and a disturbed one since you made me strip
Snape143: made me get up there and dance for cash
FJive45: you were always hocked up on coke! what was i suppose to do!
Snape143: hey you leave the coke out of this
FJive45: i hata youa
Snape143: i hate you
Snape143: its OVER!
FJive45: :-*pssssh whatev
Snape143: [hands you divorce papers]
FJive45: ::pees on divorce papers::
Snape143: GROSS!
Snape143: [drops a duce on your carpet]
FJive45: EVEN GROSSER!
FJive45: if a duce is what i think it is!
Snape143: yeah thats right!
FJive45: i cant belieeeeve i even thought about names for our ten thousand babies

Don't worry I didnt have ten thousand babies, only nine thousand nine hundred and thirty four.

I was given the opportunity to speak with one of the most established and dare I say, exotic people of our time. Our time meaning my age and my friends. My friends being invista-ble...I asked a random stranger and totally made up those first couple sentences. Anyhoo I asked this "stranger" (cough) Merry Mc (cough) many insightful questions:

Question: Would you ever eat a booger?
Answer: If I was starving to death and the only thing in the world left to eat was boogers, sure. I mean, I did it when I was a kid, cant be that bad

Question: Now how much boogers did you eat as a child?
Answer: I dont know

Question: A ton?
Answer: Nah. I didnt do it much.

Question: How about ten pounds?
Answer: (no response)

Question: Did you ever order a pound of boogers instead of a pound of turkey at the supermarket?
Answer: Nah, I'd feel silly. [I never order turkey]

Question: Did you ever go on a date with a booger, to a movie perhaps?
Answer: Nope. Never.

Question: Are you prejudice against boogers?
Answer: A little. Green isn't that great of a color to me. Does nothing for me.

Question: If Brad Pitt was made of boogers, would he still be attractive?
Answer: Probably not. Too slimy for my tastes.

Question: Do you like beef?
Answer: Not particularly.

Question: Do you like kittens?
Answer: Absolutely

Question: Do you like kittens with boogers?
Answer: Meh. You could clean the boogers. If it's a kitten made out of boogers, I'd rather a soft non booger one.

Question: What if your mom told you that you were adopted and you were actually a booger. How would you react?
Answer: I'd probably frown. Than learn to accept it.

Question: What would life as a booger be like?
Answer: Gooey.

Question: What would your hobbies include?
Answer: Same as a normal person. And avoiding being picked.

Question: Whats it like to be picked?
Answer: A piece of pie

THe EnD

Todays Random Fact O the Day is from Ms. Liz Rivalsi

"air is sold in mexico city for $1.15 a minute by sidewalk vendors."

She knows so much about other cultures. I think its cuz she watches The Learning Channel...that or porn. I'm not sure which...

Ladies and gentlemen:

aoyiu otuaso fhaoyou oauistoijhaslookoaijfdl rtaelikeoaisejwif jaapenislkmpaoitj'aeinf
quote from nerdroid...super nerd, super hero

to quote Billy Madison: I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!

Yeah thats right, I just won the 2nd grade spelling bee! What now fool?!

Now for the real deal. I noticed that my posts were getting annoying to read. You had to scroll over to read the whole thing. I dunno about you but i find this agitating. Agitating enough to find a way to fix it. Now in case it still appears the same way...allz you gotta do it click on the [+] thing after my name. Yaye! all fixed!

Ithaca or Marymount? Where is my destiny? I think if I flip a coin it would be easier.

[goes on a search for a quarter. naturally i bring a shovel with me on this journy. it's just not a journey without a shovel. thankful i find a quarter and hold it up victoriously.]

Heads its Marymount, Tales its Ithaca...

[tosses future. it tumlbes. its shines. it lands in my palm. deep breath.]

Outcome: Tales

Hurray I is sick. Bronchitis and sinus infection are throwing a HUGE party in my body. And they thought they would get away with it..D.C. is the Devil! Stupid senior trip almost negated itself. Lots O fun, but nasty disease all over da place. But this party is starting to crash. Mr.Sinus is hung over. Bronchitis is passed out on the couch. They are SO going to be kicked out. No one uses me and gets to throw parties in...me. (awkward pause) Yeah. Ok. So...uh, how was your day? (forced smile)

Oh and I know why guys like golf. I analyzed the game. Ok check this out. Now they hit a ball with a stick and hope it goes in a hole. And the hole seems unattainable. The object of the game is to get the ball in the hole with the least amount of hits. Hmmm...get the ball in the hole with the least amount of trying...what ever could that mean??

Saying O the Senior Trip: anything that dealt with F-ing like a Banshee. For example, as Merry stated oh so calmly: Oh I F like a banshee.

Today I got some feedback to the post made on 4/9. Appearently the following line troubled the mind of one Elizabeth Mary Rivalsi: You know, if I did become a boy I wonder which side I would tend to keep my "package" on. Left or right?

We here at Kickin' it Oldschool would like to apologize to her and all those offended by boy junk. But hey its not my fault cuz I have a gine.

Seeing that I am a senior I will be attending the Senior Trip to D.C. I expect fun and good times to be had by all. Knowing that I will not be around this weekend I will give you the Phrase O the Week. This weeks goes to Tony. He said it about 10 minutes ago while breaking into his house. He managed to lock himself outside his house and had to go in threw a window. Unfortunately the only window open had a dresser blocking half of it so he had to squeeze inside. Once inside he had this to say about the experience:

It's like being born.

Congratulations its a boy! I also have an extra special treat for you guys. There was a Song and Dance O the Week performed by Mr. Jesse Goldman and myself. This MASTER PIECE was born in our video class. Jesse kept crossing his feet to each side and on the spot I came up with a beautiful song to go with it. It goes a lil something like a-dis:

It's so pretty
It's so pretty
It's so pretty
I love it

Even if you see it, I bet you still will have no idea what's going on. Don't worry. It's ok to be confused. And speaking of confused you bet I will be totally out of it tomorrow when I have to be at the school at 4am for the trip. I'm telling you right now, if anyone is awake on my bus and being a total jackass, I WILL kill them. Don't even go out searching for the murderer, it will be me. No one talks...or else! (narrows eyes and slowly beats hand with fist)

Now I'm off to pack. Happy weekend to all, and to all a good night...

Mad-Phat Beat: Sugar Ray-Live and Direct

(Leans in and whispers) Hey uh..check this out: http://members.aol.com/johnk0/godkills.jpg

It will make you think...sorta

Did you know?:

Oysters can change from one gender to another and back again.

It's too bad I can't do that. I wonder what kind of boy I would be. Would I be hot? or cold? Would I be able to regulate my body temperature or would it fluckuate...did i spell that right? I bet not. Maybe if I were a boy I could spell words right. You know, if I did become a boy I wonder which side I would tend to keep my "package" on. Left or right? I think i'd be a right kinda person.
Oh boy junk...

A quiet evening with friends is the best tonic for a long day....in bed (giggles)

I apologize to all those who are fans of the Oldschool and like to kick it. I tried to write my Phrase o the Week yesterday but Mr.Server was just "too busy" for me. Whatever! He always makes time for everybody else. I think he doesnt know how to love me...

Anyway Last weeks Phrase O the Week is brought to you by the comedic genius that is Conan O'Brien. While doing his skit of In The Year 2000..(no it wasnt a rerun, he still does it now) he often takes a glimpse of what the future holds. This is one of the things he had to say:

Instead of saying 'Thank you' when someone tells you that you have something in your teeth, the new response will be: 'I can't believe I ate all those old people.'

Thank you Conan. We all need alittle old people in our diet. They are high in fiber.

A song for you: Hanging 'round by Counting Crows..oh they be hanging 'round

Todays Longest Website Address goes to...
(Drum roll)

Mapquest!!
(hardcore Mapquest fans cheer and huge each other in victory)

Here it is:
http://www.mapquest.com/directions/main.adp?go=1&do=nw&ct=NA&1ah=&1a=9+elm+st.&1p=&1c=Lake+Grove&1s=NY&1z=11775&1y=US&2ah=hrpu3pOULp306kwc3WYPJgtEjbEyetVNTNmR%252fxTO%252fCnpc4z6UdZk9Pyf7lNdbiTxV311LTnIEi5W%252b%252b3BC2NvRg%253d%253d&2a=74+Glen+Summer+Rd&2p=&2c=Holbrook&2s=NY&2z=11741&2y=US&lr=2&x=33&y=16

Its simply beautiful...

A conversation for all the Mr.T lovers out there:

ISmellNY: Mr. T is so threatening.
ISmellNY: I wish he wasn't so T'ish
Lactaid Lady: wha?
Lactaid Lady: you crazy
ISmellNY: Your icon thingy.
ISmellNY: It's givin me the crreeeeep
ISmellNY: (s
ISmellNY: _
ISmellNY: )
Lactaid Lady: i know you are talkin bout my icon
Lactaid Lady: but its all jibba jabba
Lactaid Lady: i pity da foo that dont like T
ISmellNY: I pity da fool dat like Col.
Lactaid Lady: oh no you didnt...
Lactaid Lady: T dont like that
ISmellNY: T don't like this either.
Lactaid Lady: nope
ISmellNY: *punches Col in the mouth*
Lactaid Lady: You=dead
ISmellNY: Me=God's Son
Lactaid Lady: (checks with god) Nope
Lactaid Lady: he says you aint nut-ting
ISmellNY: Awwwwwwwww shit.
ISmellNY: It's on now!
Lactaid Lady: bring it!
ISmellNY: *Punches col in the shouler and kicks her in the thigh*
Lactaid Lady: you cant hurt me
Lactaid Lady: (col grows into the incredible hulk)
Lactaid Lady: (growls)
Lactaid Lady: ROAAAR!
ISmellNY: AHhhhhhhhh
ISmellNY: *runs*
ISmellNY signed off at 7:46:18 PM.
Lactaid Lady: ya damn right

For awhile I've been building this sandcastle. My own little kingdom. But this week an obnoxious bully keeps showing up. Continually knocking it down. Til all that's left is a pile of sand. You know how he reacts? He smiles and laughs at my misfortune. A gleam in his eye as he does it.

Just STOP god damn it! KNOCK IT OFF!

I just want to build a sandcastle. Tears of frustration. My efforts go to waste. Constant destruction of my dream. My life.
A pile of sand.

At least I have sand.

Come with me to a journey around...Question Corner!

Would you rather be a prostitute or a nun?
My answer: nun
Reason: I wouldnt be able to deal with having multiple partners in return for money. I'd feel skeevy

Who would you rather "do," Jay Leno or Dave Letterman?
My answer: Letterman
Reason: Well its mainly because I find him funnier and that he's from NY...otherwise the thought of it is pretty gross

Which would you chose: a bitter genie OR a cheese sandwich?
My answer: Cheese sandwich
Reason: Uhh...cheese RULES!

What's more awkward: walking in on someone in the bathroom OR giving an old person a sponge bath?
My answer: sponge bath
Reason: well, there are many. First of all I dont want to even go near the old genitalia. Second, there is a better chance to have eye contact more than once. Third, what if the old person has no shame...((Shiver))

Now that you are all disturbed at the thought of an old person naked in a tub of water...I will leave you.

Honesty time!!
Senior year is like an oxymoron. The beginning is so much fun. Then college rears its ugly head. We freak out. For me it's like I've been in this long hallway with a nice red door at the end that says College. You start to walk down this hallway once school begins. You pass kindergarden. Elementary school. Junior High...oh awkwardness. Then your a freshman. Oh the seniors are so cool! No, they just don't care. They act obnoxious cuz they can. They are leaving. So why care? All of a sudden this HUGE red door is right in my face. But there is black hole posted on the wall beside it. Like the ones cartoons use to escape. Escape. Escape reality. Cmon. Jump inside. So many fall apart at the end of this hallway. I look. I see it. I sigh and shake my head. What are you doing? I just look ahead. The knob is shiny and gold. I grab it. Turn...

Ben Folds Five = Good time Music

hmmm...dis what I'm tinkin' bout:

1. I need a hair cut soon. Will you do it?
2. I need to get a job. Would you hire me?
3. Holy Crap I'm actually going to california. Bonus: with my 2 best friends!
4. Aretha Franklin can really bring the house down
5. It's nice outside; I'll probably stay indoors with Mr.Television
6. (points finger up) To the Shower!!

Question O the Day:
Would you rather own a UFO or a Nimbus 2001 (for those who dont read Harry Potter, it's the brooms they fly on)?

Note: The last post deals with something that upset me, hence some of the irrational thoughts mentioned in my poem. It was pure emotion and it was how I felt/feel. Hopefully people don't take offense to it and realize it was a way of venting my reaction.

Plus: Did you know that I slept with Britney Spears and we're in love, lesbian love. We're going to adopt a baby!

Reality Check: April Fools!! Oh Man, you SO believe that was true!

"Sometimes there is so much beauty in the world, I feel I can't take it. And my heart is just going to cave in."
---Ricky Fitts from American Beauty

Last night I had a lot of fun. Thank you to all the people who are my friends. I love you guys. But last night was also filled with a disheartening discovery. I didn't even see the scene, I wasnt ment to. I hear a voice that sounded like Liz tell me "Col...Dan" and I didnt want to follow them all onto the beach. I already knew. So I stood there alone in the cold. Disappointed. Annoyed. Confused.

Sad

Liz later told me that she didnt say anything to me. Someone didn't want me to see it, so I thank that guardian angel. But afterwards I kept thinging: So this is what it's come to. Yes, I know people change. Yes, I realize now there will only be a handful of people I will keep in touch with. But No, I dont understand you Dan. I'm starting to wonder if it was all a lie. That you played the part you needed to and now you moved on. I don't know the truth. The whole thing makes me want to cry. If you read this. This is for you:

The Great Actor

The great actor fooled us all
Vanishing line
Fact or Fiction
I thought you cared
Tricked me
Was it deception,
of the ugliest kind?

Lover of lies
Fake
Trained smile and charm
Did you really mean it,
or was it all for show?
When did your endurance faulter?
Was I attracted to a character?
Was it all make believe?
Is it possible,
that this monster is really you
Maybe I just never saw it
A gradual decay

Your complicated mind consumed you
But you barely put up a fight
Pick a personality
Even you belived the lies

Disappointment and Violation
Naive little me was dooped
The cover was perfect
The pages were blank

What a performance!
Congradulations,
You've won your Oscar
On to the next role
Don't worry
I'll be fine
No matter who you become
I'll always remember
The Great Actor...you were

Oh kids gather 'round, it's time for the PHRASE O THE WEEK!!

This week's phrase is brought to you by Jesse Goldman, aka J-Go! (not many know this but he's actually related to J-Lo! He helped her with her remix cd. Is there anything he can't do?!) So this phrase escaped Jesse's lips just after having participated in a mosh pit compliments of the artistic talents of The Realistics. He did have a nice oldschool pair of cop sunglasses in his pocket before he entered, but once he exited they were found on the floor; battered and missing a lense. He decided to still wear them and once he bent them back to fit his face he shouted:

Out of da way! I AM DA COOLEST!

And indeed, he was the "coolest" one there.

Funny thing about mosh pits is the unexpected politeness you find. People flail their arms and legs around with the goal of knocking into you, thus causing many bumps and bruises. But once someone falls down, they rush to pick you up and ask if you're ok. Then the choas continues. Amazing ting I tell ya, amazing...

Phantom Planet RULES!

"You're old enough now to learn the most important lesson in life. You can not count on anyone except yourself. You know, it's sad but true. And the sooner you learn it the better."
---Carolyn Burnham from American Beauty

It's been awhile but Random Dictionary Word is back! (aka Dictionary Tiempo)

Todays word is brought to you by Shopping Cart.
For the Homeless Man on the go

nevus: (plural-nevi) a unusally pigmented birthmark (i.e.- When his nevus actually starting talking to me, I had a feeling this wasn't your ordinary birthmark.)

Things that are Cool:
1. Vacations
2. No homework
3. Root Beer Floats
4. Passover Meals (Yeah Jesse!!)
5. Skippin' Rocks

American Beauty + Convo with Holly at 2 am = Amazing Ideas

I had no idea that we have all of next week off. I thought it was only til Monday...but oh no I was terribly wrong. Imagine I actually went to get up at 615 on monday because the whole world thought I knew but I didnt. And I drive to school and no one is in the parking lot and I think that I made them all disappear like in Home Alone. And then I get chased by a Trex like in Jurassic Park. And then I get attacked by a shark like in Jaws. And then I get abducted by aliens like in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. And then I go into their mother ship and upload a virus so their shields are down and the humans destroy them so they cant take over the world like in Independence Day. And then I get a life like in uh...(mumbles under breath and walks away)

Thesaurus Time!
Another word for poverty is: inpecuniousness. Now to use it in sentence form...
When he took me for a ride in his "car" aka a shopping cart, I knew he was in a state of inpecuniousness.

I like how the weather is so consistant now. Yeah it makes sense that it was crazy warm in the winter, and now its freakin freezing when its spring. I'm telling you man, Mother Nature is losing her mind. Ever since Jack Frost left her she has been doing some heavy drinking. At first she would just have a couple with the "girls" but now she is going home early from work to drink all alone and cry as she watches Soups in her jammies. I never knew you could stoop so low. I feel really bad for her, I do. But she needs to get her act together before she takes us all down with her. Next thing you know it will start to snow in June. The will come the sulfer rain, then naturally the end of the world as we know it will follow.

See kids, thats what happens when you bask your sorrows in alkie-hall. 'Tis a shame...She was So good at what she did.

Time for some FUN! And it comes in the form of General Food Bashing:
1. Beans fart ALL the time
2. Coffee doesn't shower
3. Apples are nasty
4. Egg is a total drunk
5. Dirtbag=Crackers

The comment that started the following rant/idea comes from the mouth of Piampiano. During lunch we were discussing people of low intelligence and how that gets them anywhere in life. So Pimp asks to herself (as to create a situation): What do you want to do when you get older?
To which she replies in a higher tone of voice: I want to be stuu-pid.

Now from this spawned the idea of Stupid University. Here you can acheive any rank of stupidity. Start off will Moronology, move on to Idiotism, then study the Putz Therom, and finally a masters degree will get you to the highest rank: Schmuckery. You can study abroad in Europe. And if you are stupid enough you can try for our Tootsie Roll, much like the honor roll or honors programs except this time the stupider you are, the more candy you get. It's quite the college.

So if people are constantly saying what a moron, idiot, putz, or schmuck you are...Why not make it your life? You're obviously good at it. Come to Stupid University to be eternally stupid. As Forest Gump says, "stupid is what stupid does."

I listen to this song a lot: Losing Lisa by Bens Fold Five (thanks liz!)
*Speaking O Liz....You go with that busted up knee. It might hurt but the limp is totally worth it.

The Phrase O the Week goes out to a very special man...Tony Saccoccio. After seeing the play on Friday, which was freakin awesome, Liz and I began to play in our own little band. She played the shrinking guitar and I played the drums. After a couple sets, Tony came over to join us and became quite the little break dancer kinda thing. And at the end of our hit single he said:

Boom-shimmy-tastic
(He then added a nice little twitch into a pose at the end. It was a DELIGHT)

Can't go wrong with the shimmy.

We have all seen the various array of barbie dolls. Barbie, Skipper, Ken. There are culturally diverse dolls and even white trash dolls such as pregnant teen Barbie. But we have yet to see a line of Homeless Barbies. Ripped rags, lazy eye, hunched shoulder, blackened teeth...what's NOT to love?! Sure these dolls won't be pretty, or as I called it in second grade "brity," but they have something more precious than short pink skirts. They got soul, or nasty stank, i'm not sure which. So i propose a new line of homeless dolls and we don't have to worry about the homeless seeing them and being offended cuz they don't have the money to buy one and complain. So rememeber kids homeless=fun!!

If homeless doll doesn't pull throught there is always hope for Obese Betty: she sits, she eats, she watches tv. Is there anything she CAN'T do?!
I think not.

Now imagine the future of shoes. Nike already is making crazy lookin shoes so I figure in 20 years they will develop the first invisible shoe. You know all the kids will want it. And the rich kids will make fun of those with those stupid old shoes. And the poor less educated children will figure, well I could always pretend I have invisible shoes on...how could they tell the difference? So the poor kids go to school with their socks on and start showing off their new invisible shoes to the rich kids. But the rich kids know its not real and make him walk on lava to prove it. As a result of his injuries, the poor kid dies. And in conclusion, invisible shoes should not be made. As cool as they would be, they are like satan's panties. Pretty to look at but should never be worn because of their capacity to destroy the world.

Here are some more tips for life:
Don't go to school
Take drugs
Never drink milk
Drinking and driving is ok
Teenage pregnancy is cool

The dangers of senoritis. Ladies and gentlement I am proud to present...Merry's Story.
Starring Cookies4Grandma as Merry and Lactaid Lady as Colleen

Lactaid Lady: crazy merry
Cookies4Grandma: *smacks self in head*
Cookies4Grandma: I is crazy
Cookies4Grandma: NOw I think I may officially go crazy
Cookies4Grandma: *goes crazy ALL over da place*
Cookies4Grandma: Crazy over here *points* crazy over there *points* crazy EVERYWHERE *dances
Cookies4Grandma: *
Lactaid Lady: its the CRAzY monSTA
Cookies4Grandma: THere are monSTAZZZZ all ova the place TOO
Lactaid Lady: (gasp)
Cookies4Grandma: What to do
Cookies4Grandma: Crazy merry
Cookies4Grandma: AND monSTAZZ
Lactaid Lady: AHHH!
Cookies4Grandma: What
Cookies4Grandma: What?!
Cookies4Grandma: *looks around confused*
Lactaid Lady: uh, merry i think you should go to sleep now
Lactaid Lady: nice quiet sleep
Cookies4Grandma: who are you... my MOM?!
Cookies4Grandma: so wait, you want to put me to sleep?
Cookies4Grandma: That's rough
Lactaid Lady: not to sleep, i want you to rest your eyes
Lactaid Lady: the monstas wont get you there
Lactaid Lady: you make the rules
Cookies4Grandma: NO WAY! *opens eyes REALLY wide*
Cookies4Grandma: *looks around with eyes open really wide*
Lactaid Lady: (sigh) there is nothing i can do
Cookies4Grandma: Nope
Cookies4Grandma: Nut-TIN
Cookies4Grandma: Care 'bout nut-TIN

Footnote: Merry was institutionalized after killing Colleen, claiming she had become the "CrAZy MonSTA!"

I've recently discovered the fun in using the word "pants" and incorperating it to make comical last names. First there is John Oldpants: the old man who steals kids nerf toys because he says that nerf is the devil, which it's SO not, it's just foam. Then there is the teachers who all work together at school:

Mr. Slowpants: he drives slow and teaches history
Mr. Snowpants: most people confuse him with Slowpants because the names sound familar. So through that, they became good friends and play a round of poker on Thursdays.
Mr. Tightpants: dispite the common jokes of him being up tight, Mr. Tightpants is a cool guy

But then there is the new teacher. Mr. Jeans. You see, the other teachers dont' like him because he thinks he's better than everyone else just cuz he doesn't have "pants" in his last name, his last name is a type of pant. He's going to have to work for the respect of his peers. Perhaps Ms. Kachi can give him a few pointers...

Tips for Life:
Try to add "Otay" to your vocabulary
Don't eat cereal too fast
Tie your shoes
Avoid killer robots

A delayed Phrase O the Week for all the good boys and girls:

This week's phrase goes to Jimmy Fallon, he's hot and funny. For those of you who don't know, he does weekend update on SNL. Last night he got kissed by the host (a old guy) who dressed as Dame Maggie Smith (an old actress). Afterwards he had this to say:

Maggie Smith needs to shave.

Crazy men in drag just can't get enough of wee Jimmy Fallon.

The Mighty Thesaurus told me that another word for xanthic is fulvous. Hopefully this will help avoid embarassment when you want to use xanthic in conversation but someone else just used it. Just say hey, that's pretty fulvous. Instant popularity I tell you, INSTANT.

Wise Words:
Flattery is alright - if you don't inhale
--Adlai Stevenson

Good song: Criminal by Fiona Apple

I just danced around my kitchen because I am going to California this summer for a week. I love my Aunt Donna, she RULES!! I of course have to pay for this but now i am so motivated to complete my application for FYE.

oh snap

Today myself and a friend who can only be called Pimp, decided to take into consideration this week of multicultures. Now we are both fairly decent human beings, we know from right and wrong, but today we danced near that line. I thought it would be rather funny if you went up to people who were not just in general ugly in appearance but ugly as a person (I.E.- sluts, annoying people, dirtbags, morons, mean people...etc) and went "EWW!" out loud to them but they wouldnt realize it was directed at them, they would simply think it was part of a conversation you were having with a friend, in this case that's Pimp. So we preceeded to shout various types of EW!'s at people we found to be ugly people (again this was not based on looks...thats just mean).

I encourage you all to try it. Especially during Multicultural week when we are taught to not judge people and give them all a chance. Chance Shance, I say. You see someone you don't like shout EWWW! If they ask if you did it at them, say "no, I was thinking about the time my friend ate poo."

EWW!!

Let's define exactly what it is to "Kick it Oldschool" as seen by the Webster's Dictionary.

Kick: a blow or thrust with the foot; esp. a propelling of a ball with the foot.
it: that one---used of a lifeless thing, a plant, a person or animal, or an abstract entity. used as an anticipatory subject or object (ex. It's good to see you)
Old: 1.having existed for a specified period of time. 2.of or relating to an era. 3. advanced in years 4. showing the effects of age or use
school: 1. an institution for teaching and learning. 2.a body of persons of like opinions or beliefs.

So clearly to "Kick it Oldschool" means to thrust with the foot at a lifeless thing, a plant, a person or animal, or an abstract entity that existed for a specified period of time and that pretains to another era within an institution for teaching and learning. See, you learn something new every day.

If thats not enough for you, oldster is a word. It sounds like something from the copy guy from SNL. The Oldster, Olderinie, Older-rama, making copies.

note: neither words "olderinie" or "older-rama" appear in the dictionary or in everyday conversations.

Note: Tony wasnt even 18 for a day and he already runs into trouble with the law..

Danielle: It's the Po-po!!

For more details, ask me. Oh, and po-po=police.

Phrase O the Week goes to Karen from Will and Grace, of the Thursday night line-up on NBC. I dunno how many watched it but Karen's mom was a con artist and needed Karen's help to get this dying guy to give her all his money. So the mother had told the man that her daughter was poor and slow. And for comedic antics, Karen had to dress for the part. She had a side pony tail, and got to wear a pink T-shirt reading the following:

I LOVES ME KITTY (equiped with a drawing of a kitty)

I only wish I had a shirt like that.

Today I attempted to walk in the hallways for a minute without touching anyone else. It's impossible. Even if you are totally aware of your own space, the bump from behind will get ya. (shakes fist) See if you can walk in the hallways of your school without getting touched. Report back if there is a successful mission.

I'm sure some of you are aware of the recent increase of monsters. They have been in hybernation for quite awhile. Now they have awakened and are hunting again. Thankfully I have a list of the top 3 recently spotted monsters..or monstas as they are often referred as:

1. Back Slappa
2. Bum Smacka
3. Car Eata

Car Eata does emit a warning sound before it attacks the unsuspecting car. It sounds like this, "NYUM!" You hear that, and you need to get outta there. Jump, run, shimmy. Whatever you need to do. I don't wanna read about any Car Eata attacks in the paper.

I am listening to dis: Wu-Tang - M.E.T.H.O.D. Man
oh rap...

Ghetto Songs for when you need to biz-ounce:

1. Q-Tip - Breathe and Stop
2. Eminem - Kill You
3. Method Man and Redman - Da Rockwilder
4. Raphael Saadiq and Q-Tip - Get Involved
5. Garth Brooks - I sing Da Country Mu-sak

It's the S. A double D.I.Q, yo he want to get involved wit chu.
There is nothing else to say, besides that sometimes things work out better than you expected. Crazy lil ting called Life.

I feel like throwing up on something...(ponders what this lucky "something" will be, light bulb goes off)

BLAH ON THE DIRTY PENNIES!

Colleen was here

But then she moved out to the country to eat a lot of peaches.
Millions of peaches
Peaches for her
Millions of peaches
Peaches for free
(look out!)

Sometimes cool people can really suck.


And remember the wise words of Kelly: Old people smell like spaghetti

Oh and Shakespeare is the devil, I'm not reading him right now this is just a general statement. Speaking of general statements..

General Food Bashing:
Peaches are dumb
Butter is a fatso
Peas have no friends

I'd like to introduce a new addition to the site. (Bill Cosby walks out) No, not him. (He hangs his head in disappointment and mumbles about pudding under his breath). This new lil dingy came about when Liz and I went to see John Q - good movie. Before the previews come up they always show some triva and pictures of Coca-Cola, but this time they decided to BASH general food by claiming: Cookie Dough Bites. To which I said, Cmon its not that bad, a lot of people like it. So we realized this cinema enjoyed labeling types of food. So Liz and I figured...why not?
Without Further Aduo...

General Food Bashing:
Coca-Cola Sucks
Bread is Gay

Thats it for today. Now I would like to share quite possibly the funniest rap verse ever heard. It is from the context of Purple Pills by Eminem and D12:

Shut your mouth you dirty slut,
you know you want it in your butt

Its just like the rhythm of Smooth Jazz.

Phrase O the Week. This weeks comes from the ever so masterful SNL. As their best commerical deals with the subject matter of insurance against robot attacks, an old woman first thinks that she's surely too old to get insurance-but she does want it since the robots come at night and steal her meds for fuel. Another old woman leans in and says:

I don't know why the scientist make them.

As Liz would say, Crazy scientists..always good for a laugh.

Liz and I had an interesting conversation this afternoon about the devil having online:

FJive45: speak o da devil
Lactaid Lady: i didnt know they got internet in hell
FJive45: of course! i think thats where was invented
Lactaid Lady: did you read that somwhere?
FJive45: oh yeah the, Devil Times, i believe
Lactaid Lady: I only get Newsday
FJive45: sheltered child
Lactaid Lady: Have you ever met him...
Lactaid Lady: Lucifer
FJive45: i've never had the pleasure actually, you?
Lactaid Lady: once I passed him in the hall
Lactaid Lady: we made eye contact
FJive45: you didnt!
Lactaid Lady: I did!
FJive45: !!
FJive45: omg you're such a whore!
Lactaid Lady: (blushes)
Lactaid Lady: You know me

My mind=blank. My creative juices have been sucked out by those obese vampires. Damn them! Stupid vampires with the sharp teeth (shakes fist). If you ask me, they should have to get a license for using those. It's absolute chaos I tell ya. Flying around at night, drinking blood of humans (and sometimes cows). It is SO illegal, but not written down in the Vampire Restriction Parers created by the French. Vampires got it made easy. Smooth criminals, all of them...except Bob, he's alright. Lent me money for soda one time.

Hey! Hey! Look at this! (points to old man eating a sam-mitch)
Yum

Ask yourself this:
If I were to become an animal, which would I be?

I'd probably become a chinchilla. Those crazy rabbit/squirrel looking things. They are in pet stores but mostly in the wild so I wouldnt have to worry to much about sitting in a cage my whole life. I could live in the jungles of South America. Be named Jose. Run around in the trees with the monkeys and scavange for grape nuts. What a great life...

I'd renamed the Random Word Looked Up in the Dictionary to Dictionario Tiempo (translation: Dictionary Time)

yoyo: a thick grooved double disk with a string attached to its center which is made to fall and rise to the hand by unwinding and rewinding on the string; leading cause of insanity

Ozma: Rock...
I will never skip a rock
I will never skip a rock
I will never skip a rock, again

Each vacation expands my capacity to become a dirtbag.

I get so used to lounging around, watchin' tv, sleeping. It's a bitter sweet break from the norm. I am envious of people who don't care [bout nut-tin]. No matter how easy it seems to just NOT do an assignment I would feel so bad to disappoint a teacher but at the same time I have a current attitude of 'ska-rew dis.' I just don't have the ability to become a dirtbag. Potential is there, but I can't pull it off.

Random thoughts:
-Life cereal is tastey goodness in a box
-I could go for some lemonade (minute-maid)
-Desks are restricking, we need recliners
-What's up with the Sachem Boys Wrestling poster?
-The GAP sucks
-The Candy Heart told me "it's love." But I don't like grape

De End

Now that I am forced to accept the reunion with school is coming tomorrow, I realize I really SHOULD finish up any hw i totally ditched to PAR-TAY. But alas, I am a slacker and dont wanna. The english research report calls out and I'm like "Yes, you shouldn't" so I watch tv instead. School is SO dumb, I aint never gonna...(too lazy to complete thought). Wow, senoritis is a crazy disease that effects millions of High School seniors worldwide.

Funny Ghetto Song Lyrics:
I F for free
Got HIV
So pee on me

Today I put corn on my teeth so they looked yellow and such. And merry talked about getting lots of corn in her poo in front of the waitress. Danielle Fs for free.

Down with School! Damn Communists. Where is McCarthy when you need him?

If, for one reason or another, you are STILL uninformed....Alan Rickman is DA Coolest! AND as if that's not enough, he's British too. How insane?!
Is that even legal?
It is in every state except North Dakota, but who wants to go there anyway..?

Alan Rickman Quote O the Day: He goes out once a month and indulges. Doesnt tell anyone where he is. And gives all his points away to neighborhood children..isnt that sweet?

Long time no see. That's what happens when you can sleep for long amounts of time...thats all you do. My vacation has been very relaxing: sleep, eat, watch tv, hang out in over passes...you know the usual. Now lets discuss some of these things that are all over NBC. I believe they are called "The Olympics." Now today I watched the Woman's Curling game of USA vs. Canada (for the bronze) along with Dan. Now, after a careful analysis of this game I still had NO CLUE what the hell was going on. Dan shared my confusion when he said: they just keep knocking them right out of the freakin way.

If anyone can solve this mystery please call me. Miso curious.

Ok Random Word in the Dictionary Time:

excrement (I swear I didnt choose it): waste discharged from the body and especially from the alimentary canal. (The alimentary canal was of course man made by Theodore Roosevelt in Panama)

Thanks to Webster's Dictionary.

Yo kid, I'll be gone til November. (throws peace sign at YA)

Ok I know there was no Phrase O the Week there was something even better. What's that you ask? Oh, it was a Rant O the Day. And this rant it brought to you by Jesse and Me, sounds like a tv show. Now i will explain it.

This began with thinking of other things Bob Dole could sell besides Viagra cuz thats nasty n such. So I was like hey, what about Dole fruit. Then I crossed the line saying he could sell bananas. Now after this line is crossed there is no turning back we just keep going til it gets old...to us. So then jesse said that Bob Dole would only sell fallic-like objects. Here is a list: Bananas, Broom Handles, Lead Pipes, Really Long Branches, Occastional Bong (for the holidays like Xmas), Tube of Cookie Dough. He would then retire cuz they would run out of stuff to sell, but then they'd bring him back to sell Logs O Wood, and I just thought of this one: Flashlights. And the rant ends here.

Now I must say that Jesse and Me (primeres Tuesday, 8pm on ABC) always have entertaining rants that go on for at least 5 mins at a time. It's the simple things in life you treasure...

"It's good to be Kings"
Said By: Dan after we totally outdid Jesse, Merry and Tony.

I'm in creative writing and WOW does this computer suck. But the keyboard makes up for it, its curved outward. Anyway I thought it was kinda funny that whenever I tried to go to a site this info box would come up asking if I wanted to allow the cookie to be set. Yes I would like a cookie, but not chocolate chip, I prefer sugar or oreos.

Food for thought:

Everday is a resurrection.

I have nothing funny to say, so I wont say anything...except for

Random Word Looked Up in the Dictionary:

extra: 1 something added 2 a special edition of a newspaper 3 an additional worker or performer (i.e.: After hiring the one stripper Joe decided to get another and tipped her with a lil something.)

Song for the Day-Special V-Day Edition: Love Stinks the Wedding Singer Version

So yesterday I was helping myself to some figure skating on good ol' NBC, but this wasnt just ANY figure skating this was Xtreme skating. How could it be Xtreme? Oh I'll let you in on alittle secret...(leans in and whispers) allz ya gotta do is play some hardcore punk or rap while they skate. Trust me, its amusing - especially when they seem to be skating along to the song YOU choose. I suggest trying System of a Down or They Might Be Giants and then for rap Eminem's masterpiece entitled "Kill You." Some may find the lyrics offensive but I find the violence and cursing hilarious for some reason cuz its just THAT ghetto. So I propose to make Ice Skating more popular that they actually do skate to modern songs, out with the classical crap.

I told dan about this new sport and he had this to say:

"it would spark a giant surge of popularity in figure skating everyone would be like...'oh man, that's a crazy song...oh man, they're dancing on ice to it,' 'i wish i could dance on ice to that' and everyone would become figure skaters and the world would be a more beautiful place think about it...we would have ice instead of roads cause everyone would ice skate to their ice skating involved jobs. Zamboni's would become the car of choice. I think we need to build a time travel device that allows us to go to this super happy ice skating future."

The future generations always have it better...until the sun explodes.

I am having a massive Dashboard Confessional session right now. They have such great songs to sing. I wish I was on stage playing the guitar singing my heart out. I'd love to do that one day, if I get a good voice. Do you know where I can find one?

Today I was going through my agenda and I realized the little quotes on the side. Some of them are pretty clever and funny, I was in shock. I'd like to share some with you. It'll be like your daily affrimation (10 bucks says I spelled that wrong)

Famous last words:
That's odd.

There there is this...
Chickens: the only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

And now I'd like to share an Ad I made up for everyday things:
Garbage Can...If you live in one of these you're probably homeless.

Hurray for TV!!

If there is one thing I learned from Mice and Men besides the fun of pretending to be Lenny, its that the best laid plans of mice and men often fall apart. The more I try to plan out my life the more room there is for error, and I noticed it yesterday. I'm starting to wonder how the hell I'm gonna do this. I know its not supposed to be easy, especially with Show Biz stuff, but I guess I got a taste of the future. Now I'm having a teenage mid-life crisis. Do I got to school for a BA in Theatre OR go for Communications and work my way up?

Such is life. Filled with questions. I just hope I pick the right answer.

I am singing this: The Best Deceptions by Dashboard Confessional...they rule so much.

Mr.T Saying to Remember: Quit da jibba jabba foo!

Today I have a nice story for yall about the Phrase O the Week (various cheers from studio audience). Ok here we go...
Yesterday while riding in Dan's backseat with the ever so elegant Liz I spotted the word "Yum" that was placed on the ash tray thing with 3 seperate letter stickers. I looked at it, then ran my eyes up and down liz and said "yum" as if to pick her up. We shared a laugh about it after she did the same to me after seeing the "one way" sign. Then I made an EXCELLENT whole explaination to "yum" which went alittle something like this:

Guy(awkwardly): Can I taste...test...your...cake? I dont mean that YOU are a fatting cake, your low fat. And I would like just a piece not the whole thing..

To this Liz added:

So in conclusion, (hand motion as if bringing the word to you) "YUM."

Congrats to Liz and her ability to make my abs get a work out. Good for you.

And to top off this lovely Friday, even though it doesnt feel like a friday, let's do something crazy like a Random Word Looked Up in the Dictionary (there must be a shorter thing to call that):

furrier: one who prepares or deals in fur (i.e.: the cops just arrested a fur dealer)
**I assume fur dealin' is illegal**

righjt now i am ttyping w2ioth glopvbes on, hence qa;ll; tghe crzy bad tpy./ But at lewasty my uhaqnsdsw qare wqarm,...(tosses off the gloves) Translation: But at least my hands are warm.
Gloves wont due at a time like this. If i were to continue it would totally destroy my life. I would never be able to successful use computer like activities and we all know that soon computers will take over the world. I'd probably get kicked out of the world, me and people who have fat fingers. Then I'd have to hang around in outer space with a sign that says "Any where but STUPID Computer Earth." And when a UFO stops to pick me up I imagine a convo something like this would occur:

Alien: What happened to you?
Me: I got kicked out of earth.
Alien: How come?
Me: (shows hands which are totally covered by dark blue fleece gloves)
Alien: Oh I see, fingers too big for the keyboard?
Me: Yep

**Then we would proceed to discuss the politics of having computer and technology dominate society. And he would tell me all about how he wants to Fight the System, and that Macs suck.**

Activity O the Day: Belching. (You see I'm sick with some kind of tummy bug so i belch even after eating crackers and hot tea.)

Blah!!

I decided to add a new feature to the site (bits lip trying to hold back excitement).
Chris Farley: Y-You remember when you looked up a random word in the dictionary..?
Myself: Yes, Chris. I remember
Chris: (showing signs of glee) That...that was awesome.

Yes it was "awesome" so I though to myself, "Hey, why not do this each week?" So I will. Here's todays word.

prophylactic: 1 preventing or guarding from disease 2 PREVENTIVE (i.e.: Hand me that prophylactic cuz I dont want no nasty germs all up on me)

I apologize for the site acting up yesterday, it wouldnt allow me to post the following. It gets moody sometimes. Here it is:

My brother once asked why pigeons walk the way they do, with the bobbing heads as they walk and such.
I replied: "Cuz they got rhythm"

Pigeons are down with the mad-phat beats. They prob wear mini headphones that we cant see so they have a constant supply of beats to biz-ounce to. They are all pimps. But then there is that one seagull who thinks hes a pigeon....(shakes head in shame)

I like to sing dis song: Secret Agent Man by da RX Bandits

Random Word Looked Up in the Dictionary:
Ice 1: frozen water 2: a state of coldness 3: bling-bling (i.e.- You are wearing so much ice you could freeze New York)

I'd like to share a convo from this afternoon between myself and Merry.

Cookies4Grandma: Look over there!
Cookies4Grandma: *steals your soul as you look*
Lactaid Lady: is there a draft in here
Lactaid Lady: i'm suddenly feeling chilly
Cookies4Grandma: Maybe you should shut the window
Cookies4Grandma: ...or beg for your soul back...
Lactaid Lady: (shuts window)
Lactaid Lady: nope i'm still cold
Cookies4Grandma: Very good
Lactaid Lady: what was it you said...
Cookies4Grandma: Well, maybe the heat isn't on
Lactaid Lady: i couldnt hear you it was almost as if you muffled it
Cookies4Grandma: ...or I have control over your soul...
Lactaid Lady: there it is again
Lactaid Lady: what do you keep mummbling to yourself
Cookies4Grandma: You must be hearing things
Lactaid Lady: i guess so
Cookies4Grandma: ...or you are deaf without your soul...
Lactaid Lady: did you hear that?!
Lactaid Lady: something about a bowl
Cookies4Grandma: Maybe your brother is messing iwth you
Cookies4Grandma: ...or you can't concentrate without your soul...
Lactaid Lady: huh
Lactaid Lady: blah
Cookies4Grandma: Are you getting sick?
Cookies4Grandma: ...sick without your SOUL...
Lactaid Lady: (shakes out of baby talk)
Lactaid Lady: i think i got the flu
Cookies4Grandma: Oh the flu?
Lactaid Lady: ok i def heard you
Cookies4Grandma: ...how dumb can you be...
Lactaid Lady: you said like coal
Lactaid Lady: or something
Cookies4Grandma: Sorry, sometimes I think outloud to myself about coal mines
Cookies4Grandma: ...or about the souls I have under my power...
Lactaid Lady: what abotu flowers?
Cookies4Grandma: I was thinking of getting you flowers
Cookies4Grandma: ...or you can never retrieve your soul back from my power...
Lactaid Lady: nah i dont like milk thats sour
Cookies4Grandma: Yeah no one really does
Lactaid Lady: so hows the soul stealing grandma
Cookies4Grandma: ...stealing souls = loads o' fun...
Cookies4Grandma: Pretty good
Lactaid Lady: i'm onto you
Lactaid Lady: your under arrest
Cookies4Grandma: ...got yours too...
Cookies4Grandma: You can't arrest me, you have no proof
Lactaid Lady: (flips out Protection against Soul Stealin badge)
Cookies4Grandma: ...I got your should under the roof...
Lactaid Lady: oh really...
Cookies4Grandma: That's nut-tin
Lactaid Lady: thats a fake soul of mine you got there
Cookies4Grandma: lol
Cookies4Grandma: Can't be fake
Lactaid Lady: oh it is
Cookies4Grandma: *sees the made in Tawian sticker*
Cookies4Grandma: DRAT!
Lactaid Lady: (slaps on the cuffs)
Lactaid Lady: come with me grandma
Cookies4Grandma: *takes off the cuffs*
Lactaid Lady: (slaps them off harder this time)
Lactaid Lady: *on lol
Cookies4Grandma: You po-po ain't got nothing on me
Lactaid Lady: yeah tell it to the judge
Cookies4Grandma: (po-po = police)
Cookies4Grandma: *slips hands out of cuffs agian*
Lactaid Lady: i know how youve been stealin souls to stay alive
Lactaid Lady: ok thats it (shoots you in the leg)
Cookies4Grandma: I'm so old that menopause has deteriorated all my bones.
Cookies4Grandma: Your cuffs can't hold me
Lactaid Lady: i know thats why i just shot you
Cookies4Grandma: Ehh, I've been shot before. Ain't nothing I cna't sew back together.
Lactaid Lady: jeez i knew you were old but i didnt think you'd forget you were just shot
Lactaid Lady: i know that you need souls to stay alove
Lactaid Lady: alive
Cookies4Grandma: I didn't forget, I was getting my sewing needles.
Cookies4Grandma: I do need souls to love.
Lactaid Lady: yeah ok (shoves you into the back of a cop car)
Cookies4Grandma: *walks out the other door*
Lactaid Lady: i know but you arent alive enough to love
Lactaid Lady: (theres another cop there)
Cookies4Grandma: *ducks through his legs*
Lactaid Lady: (better yet Lactaid Lady gets you)
Cookies4Grandma: No bones = limber gammah
Lactaid Lady: (shooting you with the pill gun you are trapped inside without escape)
Cookies4Grandma: *squirts milk in face*
Cookies4Grandma: *before being stuck in pill*
Cookies4Grandma: *pill falls to ground*
Lactaid Lady: (rasc backs me up with radioactive cakes, freezing you in place)
Cookies4Grandma: *rolls into gutter*
Cookies4Grandma: *than says* haha just kidding
Lactaid Lady: thats right you're done
Lactaid Lady: time to get a better job
Lactaid Lady: like being a lunch lady
Lactaid Lady: its so rewarding
Cookies4Grandma: otay
Lactaid Lady: (THE END)
Cookies4Grandma: Consider it done
Lactaid Lady: Remember kids, only you can prevent forest fires
Cookies4Grandma: And light matches
Lactaid Lady: so if the forest burns down its your fault

Guys, as of Wed. I turned 18. That's right now i can buy porn and cigarettes...not cuz I want to, but because I CAN. What a marvelous age it is.

Today I had school pizza bagels...How great is that? It was a total flashback to 6th grade. I didnt stay in the cafe. of course cuz I'm a senior and seniors just dont do that. So i bought school lunch and walked out with my tray. Most delicious school food ever. I dont care that it was luke warm..auhncaehr bout nut-ting.

I almost didnt have a Phrase O the Week, then i created a master plan with Liz to get one. We both sent IMs to "Cookies4Grandma" aka Merry McDonalds and this was the outcome.

First Liz:
FJive45: hey gamma whats with having no pants on huh
Cookies4Grandma: I need freedom
FJive45: hm
FJive45: i'll take it
Cookies4Grandma: don't take my pants!
**Liz then had this to say about the situation: she isss crazy**

Now for mine:
Lactaid Lady: OMG grandma you forgot to take your meds!
Cookies4Grandma: AHHH!
Cookies4Grandma: *dies*
Lactaid Lady: your gonna di...e
Lactaid Lady: oh i see you already have
Cookies4Grandma: I beat you to the punch
Lactaid Lady: (shrugs)
**My Conclusion: Grandma, although she may be old, is on top of her game**

Thanks to Kelly for the cool CD how could it NOT be cool when it has MC Hammer's Can't Touch This on it. How?!

Oh and Mr.Sheehan is the COOLEST guy in the WORLD

Realization O the Day: Acceptance Letters RULE!

I just had myself a bowl o iced cream with some chocolate power on top. I'm gonna have to work off those calories otherwise I might have a heart attack.

Jerry Seinfeld moment: Whats the deal with the weather? Its hot, its cold. It's winter and yet the temp. is 60. Mother Nature must be really lonely seeing how she's doing alot of solo drinkin.

My hands always get cold when I go online. I would wear gloves but then you wouldnt know what I was tryin to say cuz my fingers would be too fat and it would look like this askldiua aisdj nvieu sad;f....we dont want that. Jeez i need like a hot air vent to keep these bad boys on the warm side. Either that or move to a more tropical climate. Those are my ONLY options.

I finally got my Emerson essay done today. The application is only due on Friday, whats the rush? I also got a bunch o my notecards done for english. I feel so productive.

Cats are good animals. You dont have to take them for walks, they go in the litter - not your floor, they purr, and they dont eat much. It's much easier to take care of a cat than a dog cuz cats would rather sleep than run around. Now thats my kind of animal.

I just listened to dis song: Hash Pipe by Weezer

I realized that yesterday was Friday so there was supposed to be a Phrase O the Week. But hey, when you dont have school for more than half of the week, you tend to lose track of the days. So today I will allow an amazing unpresidented..thing to occur. There will be not one, not two, but three - yes three, Phrases O the Week. Settle down people...

1) Goes to Liz, while seeing Harry Potter (my 4th time, her 2nd), in the wand shop we allowed the owner to have some humor in his job knowing he must be lonely so we figure instead of him saying 'I wonder,' he would say: I WANDer...(laugh to self, notice Harry isn't laughing) cmon, i said it like three times..

2) This one is Kelly's first win for Phrase O the Week, very exciting. It's simple yet profound: Love is crap.

3) And last and least...j/k. Number three is from Dan. When we realized his wallpaper trim in his kitchen was upside-down he told us about his family doing that and how when they call him up for dinner he says: NO WAY backwards wallpaper family!
Ah, disfunctional family..that is backwards..?

Any-woo, I'm off to da city today. I'll catch you kids later. No mud wrestling, i'm not kidding...

This was from last week. It's called "Typin' bout Nut-ting"

typie typie blah blah ha ha ha monkey poop fart boobs mouse dog cat Liz is a tree. Look at her flow in the wind. So calm in the light. Merry is on a cruise. Dan is at his house, most likely. I sit at the computer and typie typie, no squeeky squeeky on the board like the teachers do. I talk to Kelly. Danielle is a nerd, and is probably studying or reading like the nerds do. Lactaid Lady is helping fight crime with RASC. Tony is online. The stars are out, like always, but I don’t know if you can see them. I just farted. (giggles). Bibliotec-AH! Lisa is still in Drama. Dave doesn’t have a car of his own, he rents from his rents. Troop 47 in da house. “Woo-hoo!” says Homer. Lights help us see. The sea is near the beach. The beach is sandy. Sandy is a girl’s name. Mr. T is a crazy mo-fo. Remote control controls my brain. TV so good, work bad! Homework is on the phone….oops, I hung up. Shall I brake your freakin neck boy, like Busta.

Liz's Theory that I share: Everyone needs a little ghetto every now and then.

Oregon Trail is FUN, especially when your friends die...

Disease O the Day: F.A.R.D. (also known as F.R.D.)

Inside Joke: No way backwards wallpaper family!

Did you know that Town House Crackers are the BEST Crackers in the WORLD?!

Evidence:
1) Kings eat them
2) God eats on the weekends and made up the story about the snake who tricked Adam and Eve. The truth is that they chose the apples over the crackers...we cant have that.
3) Lincoln was shot cuz he ate popcorn at the theatre instead of Town House Crackers
4) You know why Alan Rickman is so great? No not from the Great Juice or Fanastic Steak....its cuz o' the Town Hiz-ous Crack-azz, son!

Best thing for beginning 2002: Alan Rickman eating Town House Crackers with Cream cheese while feeding his pet bat a bowl of wax fruit as he watches Trading Spaces and listening to Dashboard Confessional.

Can do. Will do. DONE!
-Jack Stone (lego legend)

I like to avoid doing non-humor type things on this site but I have something I would like to share, just to show that you can't always be funny.

Untitled

Destiny of conscience make me a hermit
Deeper within lies the answer
but it's out of order
Come back later
I'm out of time

I want to hug my knees,
cry in the closet,
run away
from the confusion of myself
Click my heels three times
I haven't moved

The asylum of my mind
I'm in a straight jacket
I thought I was a visitor
I fear it's my home
Absent drawings,
mumbling to self,
rock back and forth
I hate this place
A colorless confinement
Surrounded by mirrors
Forced reflection
I cracked the walls
I dont want to see.

I'm torn in half
I dont know where to begin
So hand me the glue
Paste on the armor
There are too many layers,
so it all gives way

I'm trapped inside myself
Every door is locked
I've lost the key
So hand me the flashlight
Wander aimlessly
I dont want to find my fears

There's no gold here
Only the epiphany,
of pain.

DA END!

Today in lunch I was talking to Tony and Elias while the others got their calorie filled Wendy's..I usually dont go to lunch with them but today was like Cut Day so it happens. We got into this convo about the Lost Boys in Never Never Land, you know with Peter Pan and Hook. So here is what I was thinking, you know how they imagined their food and it would appear? Well what if it was all in their head that they were eating all this food, when in reality they are starving to death....? Hmm...It would make for a bad movie then when The Lost Boys fight Hook. It would be like watching old people eat applesauce. Dont get my wrong, I like applesauce, just not when its being mashed by some 70 year old toothless gums. Thats a nice image for ya.

Inside Joke with Liz: I WANDer...cmon I said it like 3 times.
It was the funniest thing of the day. Go Liz. And if you see her online first tell her I love her, then try to figure out what her profile is cuz i have no clue. I bet the Japanese couldnt even figure it out.

See you later homes

There is this thing called a uh...what-cha-ma-call-it, a Math Midterm. And I kinda should study for it seeing that I totally BOMBED the first part and eventually I will study but its hard when you have NO motivation. I hate wasting my time with math. After 6th grade its totally useless. I think they ran out of subjects to teach back in the day so they kept going with Math. We need a new subject. How about Mind Control, nah that could end bad. What about Space Travel...eh, it would be like semi interesting physics...Oh I got it, they'll let us watch tv! Excellent.

Danielle's Words: Oh God, please save me from suburban motherhood...

I had the words to dis song in my head: Again I go Unnoticed by Dashboard Confessional

OH SNAP!