I'm watching tv and this commercial comes on Ultimate Kenny G.
I guess his sales arent doing so good so he needs to go out and promote it. You can check out the website to see is this truely is the ULTIMATE in Kenny G. www.ultimatekennyg.com

Best part was him walking on the beach, the sun and wind blowing his curls, and his clarinet over his shoulder.
I GOT to see him in concert. I bet he rocks so hard.

Today I bought two shirts from American Eagle. 18 bucks total. One says China and the other says California. The Cali one is so comfy. I love it. And the China one...hello! China! and it has a panda bear. You cant beat that.

Late at night I turn on Channel 41 and lo and behold American Gladiators was on. Oh my gasp! So I'm all watching it and talking to Liz when I asked what her gladiator name would be, because as soon as I saw Laser getting ready for the Joust and his name sparkling on his elastic suit I wanted to know what I would call myself.
My conclusion...
THE JUICE

when I get angry I'd be like...You Spilled THE JUICE!
and then when i beat them I'm like....OOOH DRINK YOUR JUICE!

and i could endorse several refreshing beverages.
then THE JUICE could get a sweet ass house and it would be on Cribs.

I saw Conan O'Brien today
JEALOUS?!

You should be. Check it out tonight Friday June 6th, or Comedy Central Monday when they re-run it at 7. I am the person who yells "I Love You!" near the end of the monologue. Also I got Seth Green to wave at me while we breaked for a commercial AND when he mentions Dr.Phil in the interview I said "YES!" a lot louder than I thought, everyone else was silent. I expected people to give it up for the Dr.Phil mention but no. I did actively contribute to the WOO!'s YEAH's and OWW's. So listen up!

This is for Yvone.

I was telling a friend of mine, Jess Rouge, about you. That you were Korean and from Brazil. She thought I called you Bonnie. And from that a sitcom was born in which the whole premise is that you are BONNIE (cartoon letters) and you are Korean and from Brazil but you find yourself in crazy situation in the US. Oh that Bonnie.

In other news yesterday was really nice, I worked, came home, watched tv, played soccer with my dog, played tennis with my dad, ate, talked with Jess. I feel so productive! It was nice and I ACTUALLY went outside. But I didnt get a tan cuz I am irish, english, and german so I have a zero percent chance of that happening. But I am ok with that. For I shall never die from skin cancer. Take THAT tan people! I will live longer than you!
Well...unless I get hit by a bus, or you have like anti-cancer skin.

Word of the day looked up randomly: Nonperson
meaning: unperson, a person having no social or legal status.
My clone is an unperson and shall never vote.

I got home today and very random conversational my dad says the following:

At dinner mom said she could hear the cat peeing in the liter box.

Later:

(While walking the dog) Parker took a dumb on a newspaper.

Right after I heard this I went straight here and wrote it down. Nothing but the best.

As for the last post, I was later informed that it wasnt an apricott, but a tangerine. But I bet apricotts have bums too.

today I ate an apricott and I have to let everyone know that parts of that fruit look like a butt. There is an area where the two sides of the fruit collide and form an ass. And I know you could say, Hey its round, how are there two sides?
Don't question me. Just see for yourself. Head over to your local grocery store and find the apricotts and look at their bums.

Also: it was kind of weird to eat the butt. Tastey...but weird.

106.1 WBLI is the most annoying radio station on long island. This is why:

They claim to be the most listened to radio station, but thats because it comes in EVERYWHERE so you are forced to listen to it.
They play the same songs over and over again
I have heard 50 Cent 6 times in 5 hours (while at work)
Yesterday after they played Busta Rhymes I said the next song will be 50 Cent of Avril Lavine. What came on next? Avril. I felt like a King.
They suck

I think that about sums it up. The people of LI need to come together, pool about 5 bucks each, we'll start our own station that has VARIETY and then rock out to the beats.

Send your cash/checks/money order/traveler's checks to me.

For all those who have seen the T3 trailer (Terminator 3), what is Clair Danes character? I think she plays the girl who screams, runs away, gets herself in a pickle, and looks hot.

Such depth....

proof that it is summer

While reading another blog spot I looked at the top to see the day it was entered, Thurs. May 22. I looked at my watch, which has the date and said, "wow, it's thursday?!"

Evidence that I am already losing track of time.

Behold, one of our games has been christened today:

BlackHwk10: I broke my tv
Lactaid Lady: oh thats horrible
Lactaid Lady: you could play Howd it Break
BlackHwk10: hehe.......how do you play?
Lactaid Lady: well you have something thats broken
Lactaid Lady: so i have to guess how it was broken
BlackHwk10: ah
BlackHwk10: ok
Lactaid Lady: did it fall?
BlackHwk10: nope
Lactaid Lady: is it really old
BlackHwk10: nope
Lactaid Lady: did you punch it
BlackHwk10: ill give you a hint........I broke it
BlackHwk10: nope didnt punch it
Lactaid Lady: threw something at it
BlackHwk10: nope
Lactaid Lady: hmmm
BlackHwk10: out of guesses?
Lactaid Lady: no just pondering
BlackHwk10: pondering the dubiousness of our existence
Lactaid Lady: indeed
Lactaid Lady: spill something on it?
BlackHwk10: nope
BlackHwk10: need another hint?
Lactaid Lady: yeah
BlackHwk10: i was moving it when it happend
BlackHwk10: so i was carrying it
BlackHwk10: i didnt drop it though
Lactaid Lady: hit it too hard
BlackHwk10: nope
BlackHwk10: its gonna be really hard to guess it
Lactaid Lady: you stepped on the cord and tripped
BlackHwk10: nope
BlackHwk10: new hint
Lactaid Lady: yeah
BlackHwk10: it was still plugged in
Lactaid Lady: you pulled the cord out, the part that goes into the tv
BlackHwk10: ding ding ding!!!!
Lactaid Lady: YES!
Lactaid Lady: I won!

And thats how we play How'd It Break?

Yesterday at work (Ralph's Famous Italian Ices) many people wanted Banana Fudge. This ice is a cream ice, which means there is some milk in it. (The milk reference has nothing to do with me being lactose intolerant in case you thought it attacked me or something). And there is fudge in it,hence the name, as such when i go to scoop it I get some on my arm because some of the fudge is alone the wall of the container. Hence, I had fudge on my arm. Pat, my boss, suggested we have Arm Fudge as a flavor. I then tired to think of what arm would taste like. I settled with Pork.

Pork and Fudge. I smell a hit!

Sorry for delay. Travel and being home take up time and unfortunately, blog, we just can't hang out like we used too. Don't worry I'll take you out for ice cream later.

In other words, I think the weather has amnesia. It doesnt remember that it's supposed to be nice outside and not cold or rainy. Poor ol' weather hasn't been herself. Fell down and hit her head on a rock, she did. Now she done fordot all 'bout herself. Shame, aint it?
(spits tabacci into the dirt)

And now, A Haiku

Oh, Miso Tired
The feet did too much today
I will eat dinner.

It's almost time to go home and I refuse to really think about it, because when I do it makes me sad to leave all the great people here. I want to keep my summer busy and start off running. Speaking of running, guess who hasn't been to the gym? Yeah it's me. But I'll play tennis tomorrow so that should make up for it.

Now for the fun. Yesterday I exposed Jess to late night television. And I realized how random Letterman is, and how great it is to see it on tv. I want to work for him.
So he plays these games like 'Is This Anything,' 'What's Your Problem,' 'Will it Float.' And so Jess thought about others that could be in the genre. The Gems include:

Guess My Injury
What's in my pocket
What's that machine
How'd it Break - my fave
Can you believe it
Hi or Bye (a person waves and you figure out if it's Hi or Bye)
Is that fun
Would you touch that

And I have a show next year that you get sponsor for stuff like food. Well Jess wants to make a Random Club where people get together and do random things like watch squirrels, talk to ducks, throw pudding, sharpen pencils etc. We pick the activity at random from a hat. But not everything is fun, sometimes you gotta do stuff like clean toilets, or take a math test. So I think to help promote the club I'll have them sponsor the show so we can play these games listed above. It's going to be awesome.

Kim say: You smell like old cheese and dirty apple.

Funny little fact AJ is running for Secretary...NOT VP. Hence, speech shall be interesting.

Walking into Abbys room I realize that I have the same fan she does. I tell her. She says, "Wow..we're like the same person." Only she said it rather dry. I think she was being sarcastic. Oh that Abby!

You know what's a great feeling. Selling back your books to the bookstore for money and getting 50 cents for a book you paid 13 bucks on.
Priceless.

So yeah I haven't gone 24 hours without seeing X2 since it came out. I spent a total of 20 bucks. I'm helping fill in the quota. I will prob see it again, but I need a little break. I spend about 3 hours online yesterday looking up the history of the comics and the character stuff. Yes, I am a dork. It's my new obsession.

Hmmm whatever shall I write? Well last night I wrote a speech for AJ - he is running for Vice President next year. Not for the United States, but for Sachem High School. Last year I wrote his and he won. The secret is to write about stuff totally unrelated to the election. Don't talk about what you have done, what you plan on doing. Talk about random things. People like to be entertained. Razzle dazzle 'em, and they'll make you a star.

So here it is:
Vice President.
Some are unaware what that phrase even means. Let’s begin the educational process.

Vice
Vice rhymes with Dice (slicin’ and dicin’), Rice (a delicious food and good source of protein), Nice (a characteristic), Lice (a parasite), and Ice (a form of water).

Water
Has the ability to quench thirst.
Scene:
Harry: Boy, am I thirsty.
Sara: Let’s drink water.
Harry: What a swell idea.
End Scene

In addition water takes on different forms such as Lakes, Rivers (Rio in espanol), Ocean, Puddle from rain.
Rain – form of precipitation from the atmosphere.
There is a 70% chance of rain tomorrow, shattered showers throughout the day, low of 60. Winds NNW.

Moving on to President. Let’s break this three syllable word up. Pres-i-dent.
Pres
Presents. Gifts. Birthdays. Holidays. Happiness. Cake.
Yum…cake.

I – me, myself.
Used in a sentence – I am AJ.
Spoken in the first person allows the reader/listener to connect on a personal level.

You – Second person. Often times used to project a feeling onto the person.
You should wear pants.

Third person: He/She gives a distant feeling
Ex. Sally ate an apple.
That’s all we know about Sally. She ate an apple. Does she like apples? Who knows.

Now to the last part of the word: Dent
Dent (noun) a slight hollow made in a surface by a blow.
If you make a strong guy angry he will dent your face in.
I say No to Fighting.
But I say Yes to Vice. Yes to Presidents. Yes to Vice’s of Presidents. Yes to you. Yes to Me. Yes (dramatic pause) To AJ.
Thank You.

I saw X-Men 2 this afternoon. Oh boy, I'll be seeing that again. Afterwards we had to take a bus back to town and we wasted time by figuring out what our mutant powers would be. Except you had five seconds to think of it so it would be something pretty stupid; no flying or invisibility. I immediately thought of Gas because I am always burpin' n such. So I throw my burps and they can capture bad guys for a certain amount of time depending on the burp power. Also inside the bubble it smells like whatever I just ate and if its powerful enough they pass out. Plus, I can go inside my own burp bubbles and it will protect me. However, no gassy food or someone slips me some Bean-o and I aint got no pow-ah.
I am really excited about this actually and I hope somehow I get this power. However, since I am not a mutant yet, I think it can happen in my dreams.

It's SO nice outside today. And where am I? Inside my room, looking out the window and wishing I was just laying on the grass outside. Only my building in on the roof of the dining hall so I couldnt lay on grass, I'd lay on rocks. Walking to the grass involves...well, walking. So I stay indoor like a good irish person. No sunburn for me. Yay for no skin cancer!

There were two things I was going to write about, but I can only remember one. And of course it has to do with poop. However, this time I wasnt talking I over heard it.
I'm in my storytelling class when this kid says, "Why do people say 'Taking a shower or taking a sh*t? You don't take anything. You leave it. It should be that you are leaving a sh*t." Well put.

Today on the way to lunch Dana and I thought that since this college cost mucho dinero ($) to go here that they need to give us a perk. Dana suggested a magic flying carpet. I agreed excitedly. I think it would be perfect. She then said or a monkey. Now here is the problem, you would prob have to feed the monkey, it could throw poop at you, what if they gave you a big gorilla instead of a cute little one? There is far more room to be disappointed with a monkey. And you could say well, what if the magic flying carpet didn't fly? I say, at least you got a nice rug. Assuming it's nice. But it's practical still.

Again my contacts were not being cool. I dunno what happened. We were all cool and then suddenly not. Maybe the new one read my last blog post and got mad and told the other one about it. Then the new one twisted my words and made it sound like I was saying the other contact was fat and that I was only using it so I could use it's pool. Its not true other contact, I swear. You are slim and you look great in those low riding jeans. Please be my friend again.

(Studio audience goes, "Awww...")

My left contact is acting up. First it's being annoyingly blurry so I can see but it's slightly hazy and no matter how much or hard you blink it doesnt change. So I tried to put some drops in my eye figuring it was a little dry. Nope, not good enough. So I take it out, rub it a bit with solution. Nope contant wants more. So I go ok "Screw you!" take it out and throw it in the trash. I get a new one, put it in. Everything is going great, we're getting along, sharing stories, laughing. Then...WAM! Contact says, "Hey I want to be annoying too! I'm going to make you think there is something in your eye."

Not cool Mr. New Contact...not cool.

New Phrase!

I was taking this stupid online quiz and the last question said, "This is the last question" then you had to choose a list of words or phrases that you'd say in response to that such as Yay, good, finally...etc. The one I chose was the last one: Well hum. I think this is a great phrase and can work into many situations.

Person A: Hey, your arm is gone.
Person B: Well hum.

Guy 1: Would you like a piece of cheesecake?
Guy 2: Well hum, I'd love to eat some o' dat!

Billy: If a guy has five oranges in one hand, and ten oranges in the other, then what does he have?
Jean: 15 oranges.
Billy: NO! Big Hands! (laughs heartily at self)
Jean: Well hum...(awkward moment)

SEE! Use this phrase with friends, co-workers, and people without limbs! Fun for ALL ages.

It snowed today. That is not cool. It was windy and didnt really stick, except to my face as FREEZING cold rain. I think Mother Nature is pissed off at us for polluting the planet and running over animals with our cars. So please, Recycle and watch out for Squirrels. With everyone's help we can make this a better place where the weather makes sense and doesnt ruin peoples days. It's like living in Seattle here.

I had a smoothe today that I rather enjoyed.

The holidays=distracted and lack of updates

A couple days ago I went out to eat with Kiehl, Suds, Jess, and Kate. While paying for the check by the cashier I noticed a sign that said, "Please Seat Yourself" it was right by this waiting area. I turned to Jess and told her I wanted a sign like that in my living room. That would be great. I'd also want a seat that was a toilet.

My house is gonna be awesome.

It's raining outside, just rain...not men.

Daily Shout Out:
(you know that's like...a lie. Cuz they havent been very daily. It should be Every-So-Often Daily Shout Out..or maybe PIE that way people would think I was feeding them and they would look forward to getting some pie.)
TO: Shawn, ma bro
Why?: Burning me a new copy of the Chicago sountrack that said, "Do not scratch this one"

Wise Words from a Wise Teenager with a squeeky voice.
Oh ZING!

Thank Chef for sunny days - that was written on my wipe board the other day.

Life Lesson:

Today after eating a fine lunch with Dana, where we discussed old ladies. Tangent-there is this one old lady who works there and she keeps walking by all the time, so I was saying how the thrill of her walking by was ruining the fun of us seeing her, then we said we'd like to see her dressed up, I suggested an Easter Bonnet. Dana said that would be adorable.
Anyway, I get back from eating and I'm pretty full. I have my door open and I hear Vogue by Modonna coming from somewhere down the hallway. I go searching for it and find it's coming from Alice's room. I start to dance around and lip sync. Then I grab my side and say, "Oh, I think I'm getting a cramp." 30 seconds later I confirm, "Yeah I got a cramp." I stop. Appearently in addition to not going swimming after you eat, dancing is out of the question as well.

I got packages from Miss Marie and my Mom. Good job with food! Hot Fries are much appreciated. Hurray for easter!

In addition to Life Lesson...
What a Deal!

Yvone needed me to scan something for her and sent it electronically, it was a drawing for an advertising campaign and she didnt want to have to color it manually, instead she plans to use Microsoft Paint. In me scanning it I "saved her life." She said, "I love you." Then she said, "If I have 3 asian babies...you can have one."
SCORE!

On Sunday Suds, Kiehl, Jess, and I went outside near a big waterfall thing. I would put the name of it but I cant even try to spell it, it's named after an Indian so imagine it. After hiking and taking pics and walking in some water, we decided to leave and go into town for some food instead of eating dining hall. So we went to get Thai food at this pretty expensive but REALLy good place...here's my plug- Eat at Taste of Thai. YUM!
Ok so we order food and wait to get it. An asian guy comes and we are all really hungie, so Suds says Thank God. The asian says you should thank me not god. Then we thought well we should really thank the Chef. So we then replaced Thank God to thank Chef. Then it became, Holy Chef?! I'm not sure how or why we moved from replacing the higher power being to an explitive for fecal matter. Oh My Chef! Then it evolved further to..What the Kitchen are you doing?!

Fun with Words!
Kitchen YOU!

PS. I think Weather got my letter and shaped up.

I was wondering today what I would write about since I havent updated and nothing happened...until din din. I ate too much food and I looked at Yvone who was across the table from me. In a serious tone and voice I said, "I could become bulimic." She looked concerned and asked why, and thought it was because I could induce throwing up. I said it was because I ate too much and I feel all heavy, but I couldnt ever really become bulimic because I hate throwing up. Then she brought to my attention that I poop twice a day. As such, I am kinda bulimic....reverse bulimic....well reverse area that food comes out of.

Also Yvone's "penguin" walk...sucks. Nothing like a penguin at all.

Dear weather,

Uh...You SUCK!

Love,
Col

Today I watched infomercials to analyze them for my next project in Media Production. Yeah there are way too many happy audience members. This one I saw about the Gazelle with Tony Little was AMAZING. I've seen it before but this guy is about 35, long curly hair and def wears make up. Best part was to ensure that this was all real he took a polygraph test. Wow. But along the bottom it said re-enactment of real polygraph. So what does that mean? It was pretend real...isnt that like...unpossible?

If I had an informerical I would sell sarcasm tapes. One exercise would be on clothes. Here's how it would go...
If you see a person with an ugly shirt, go up to them and ask,"Hey, where did you get that shirt, I would REALLY like to go buy one."

I recieved this is my email today:

dear colleen,

this is a hard one. now i'm partially to blame for your heritage. all i can say is , sorry. do you want to try changing your name? how about chan, its easy to spell which is to your benefit. remember you are relatively short so you could fake it. try walking around without contacts. all that squinting should convince people. and driving without any glasses should certify you as another crazy oriental on the road. perhaps carrying a eggroll around will help. i am expecting that you can handle the accent. well, i'm all out of prejudicial observations.

Love, Dad

Last night Yvone decided to rub the fact that I can't have asian babies in my face several times over. You see I randomly stated that I don't like being white, and I would like an asian baby. Yvone yelled that she could have them. I yelled that I would steal hers. She yelled that she would have more. I yelled that I'd eat her babies. She was distraught. I took back my statement cuz I can't eat babies that's just wrong. Then I asked if I couldnt have babies if she would give me her ova so I could have an asian baby. She said yes. I then said I was going to steal her ova. I will stop at nothing.

Dana wants to have a disclaimer that states, "Hey at least I didn't eat any babies." That way no matter what you REALLY did, it won't be that bad.

Also Dana and I would like to make up a new weather system that never tells you the temperature outside, we just use phrases that make NO sense. For example, "The plausibility is high for today." And people will pretend they know what it is cuz they don't want to seem dumb. Then I'll show a picture of a rock and say, look out kids here comes santa!

Today I shall call Congratulations Day for it tis the day in which I recieved 4 cards.
One - The Family including Stars
Two - Miss Marie and Mr.Tom
Three - Miss Marie and Mr.Tom
Four - Miss Marie and Mr.Tom

Appearently Miss Marie can't make up her mind on a card so she gave me ALL of them. So Mad Props to Ms.Marie and her indecisiveness. Woo!

Dear Weather,

Hi, it's Colleen. I don't mean to be mean but uh, what is your deal? I mean honestly, where do you get off. We all come back from spring break back to this fine area known as Ithaca and you tease us with some spring. Just when I'm getting used to it and getting all happy, you go and ruin it. There is like 4 inches of snow out there, did you fall asleep on the J-O-B?! Now I feel like those nice days didnt exist and you are F-ing with my head. I don't appreciate it at all. Now if you are upset the Julie got kicked off of American Idol this is no way to show it. If you want me to bake you a cake or something that's cool I'll do it, I just want the nice sun to come back outside.

Your human being,
Colleen Evanson

PS-Get yourself to the gym, you are getting a spare tire.

Weekend in Review:

Friday - after shooting a student film for four hours which consisted mostly of standing/sitting around in a crowded room of people progressively getting drunker (it was a party scene and there was a real party going on), I got back to my room and ate leftover food since I didnt eat dinner. I brought a sandwich wrap, applesauce, and a cookie back into Yvone's room. When I got to the sugar cookie I took it out of it's plastic cover and said, "cookie!" Yvone laughed and said that if I was a fattie she would be histerical. I discovered she loves fatties.
We came up with a new insult.
Johnny: Do you have self esteem?
Patty: (no response)
Johnny: Cuz you shouldn't.

Saturday: We hung out in the hallway..we have a lounge with chairs but its all the way down the hall, so the floor and walls will do. We asked a series of questions. Here you try!

1) Hypothetically if you were in a bathing suit and you passed by a pool full of drained cooked macaroni and there was no one else around, would you swim in it?
if yes cont. if not you are no fun
2) Now you finished swimming and you are hungry, would you eat some? (in all fairness there is no way you would have been able to touch every piece of macaroni)
if yes cont.
3) Now you have this big pool full of macaroni that you dont want to go to waste, would you send it to a third world country?
4) Would you tell them people swam in it? Would it be wrong not to tell them people swam in it?
5) Don't you think at some point the Kraft macaroni factory had "Swim in the Macaroni" Day?

Conclusion: We have all probably eaten macaroni that someone else has swam in. And you know what, I'm ok with that.

Sunday: I will never again eat the eggs served at brunch...they are waging war on my estomago (stomach). To Hell with you eggs!

If there is reincarnation, which I think there is cuz, I mean, then there are WAY too many souls hanging out and it must be so crowded and annoying to commute, plus the whole "Hmm...I feel like I've known you before" deal. But anyway, if we could choose an animal to become I would totally go with a cat.
Why?
Because then I could sleep for 16 hours a day and that would be normal. Plus claws, and night vision, and the ablility to fly. I mean hello!

No one is going to beat this so it might as well be given Phrase O the Week. Guess what Yvone and I talked about? Well read the quotes and you'll find out.

Yvone: I poop every other day...if I'm lucky. But when I poop I am so happy cuz...it's poop. I get a sense of relief.

Wow, she makes it harder for me not to be gay.

I was watching some tv when this commercial comes on for a law firm called Shapiro and Shapiro and not only do they claim to get you money if you are in a car accident but they claim in bold letters that, "We Hate DRUNKS." I mean I dont care for drunks either, but hey man...give them a chance.

I changed some pictures around so scroll down for some fun!

They should make a different kind of soap on a rope where they replace the soap with candy.

Hello Mr.Blog. I was recently informed that every second of laughing burns 1 calorie. Since Yvone and I are too lazy to go to the gym anymore, I think we subconsciouly have been laughing more often. We are like Cheech and Jong but without the weed.

I realized I needed to find a character for improv tomorrow when we do Storytelling - you tell a story as this character - complicated, ey? So I was like DAMN I keep forgetting, and then it came to me...
A person who really has to poop.
I just have to clench my bum and tip toe around, instand hilarity.

OK ok i know it's been awhile. I just needed some space Blog, you're all up in ma fiz-ace. You need to back down otherwise I'll run away cuz I'll feel smothered and you won't understand cuz I'll feel bad for telling you that so I'll just pretend that I'm really sick or I'm just too busy or I died. Yeah, yeah...I'll fake my death. I'll tell you to meet me somewhere that has a good view of some stairs, then I'll walk near them, and really quickly toss a dummy that looks like me down the stairs, and you'll see it and say...OMG! Then I'll run down the stairs, put ketchup on my face, throw the dummy away and lay down pretending to be dead. I'm going to bank on your inability to check my pulse and see that I'm breathing and just assume I have some massive trama to the head and I died. You'll yell to the heavens, "NOOOO!" Then after like 3 mins you'll leave cuz it would be awkward for you to stay. And then I'll print up a fake obituary and I'm all set. YA-HOO!

*that YA-HOO, wasnt just a form of expression, it was also some product placement. Yahoo, the finest search engine around.

Yvone is once again on top with the amusing sayings. Ben had asked her why she was loud and she said:

I'm loud because...God is in my heart.

It doesnt make sense, and I dont even think she KNOWS God...and why would he be living in her heart when he could get a nice summer cottage along the east coast, or live in Puerto Rico, or a wooden cabin. These things I dont get.

Also she was arguing with Kiehl when she told him to go to hell. Shortly after he stated that he didn't believe in hell. She then proceeded to pick up a cup and tell her that THIS is what Hell is. And can you really argue with her? Who would want to live in an empty plastic cup with flower print on it? Not me, I'd rather spend eternity stuck in a sippy cup. A soul damned, but hard to spill....oooh snap!

Last night I realized my inner mantra is: Kitty

I apologize I havent updated. I know how annoying that can get. The past week has been great. I have no obligation except hanging around the house, sleeping, eating, watching conan with friends. I think I have to award Merry with the phrase of the week. You see we had a lot of people over the house when we were filming for Jesse's project and then afterwards we'd hang around and after awhile if someone said something Merry didn't agree with she'd say:

Get out of my house.

It's funny cuz its not true, this aint her house...although I never objected I just said, Yeah get out of her house. I believe once she said it to my mom, crazy Merry.

Also while home I discovered the BEST mug in the world. I didnt even know we owned such an amazing drinking device but alas there in the cabinet stands a mug stating, "Sun your Buns." It's from Florida. I will make sure whenever i drink hot cocoa, I use that mug for it tis beautiful.

There was lots of filming last night for Jesse's freshman film project. Lighting is such a bitch, its the thing you def take for granted and it seems like it would be no problem but it always takes longer than you think. But I really had fun, I mean how could I not? This is basically what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. Jesse had brought a couple of his SVA friends to help him out and after the shoot we went to a diner. There Matt told us that his voice was changing in the third grade. "Everyone thought I had a cold. They would ask all the time and I would say 'No...I'm fine.'" We then discussed giant checks. Tony said he would get a big one, write it out to himself and carry it around.

Also Josh and I created a new improv training game while on set. It's meant to train you not to laugh. It involves two people standing face to face. One person hits the other with a foam bat while they both attempt to appear dignified. You have to try and find your not funny place. We pretended to be Officers, Senators, and Kevin Spacey. It's a lot harder than you think. Nevertheless, I think everyone should make it a hobby. We both thought it would be extremely amusing if someone was to walk in on us doing this. We would yell at them to get out and a single tear would fall from Josh's eye as I continued to hit him with a foam bat. They would think we were insane, and they would be right.

Yesterday my dad is all, you need to update. Only thing is, my brain doesnt want to work anymore or be very creative or report on humorous things. As such, I feel I have failed my people who look forward to my antics. Perhaps I'm getting too old for this town. I am all of 19 now. I just dont have the memory or motivation since spring break hit some 2 days ago. Tis hard times. The economic system is in shambles. The kids are out of control. The gadgets are all imported from them Japanese who are secretly planning to steal all our American hot dogs. I have evidence...yesterday on the Food Network they showed a hot dog eating contest and these Japanese PUNK ate 50 hot dogs. I would say he exploded afterward all over a hello kitty purse, but that would be a lie.

Quote of the Day

So today Yvone and I are walking back to the dorm and she says:

You know when pretend to be paying attention to someone while your really thinking about ice cream or something?

Yes, I do it all the time.

Fun with IM Conversations.

matt knife fight: hey hey hey
Lactaid Lady: hey yo
matt knife fight: guess what
Lactaid Lady: you met John Tesh?
matt knife fight: yea and we're engaged
Lactaid Lady: WOW!
matt knife fight: i know, he makes me so happy.
matt knife fight: no, not really. i'm in VT!!
Lactaid Lady: really
Lactaid Lady: so you really are going to get married

The John Tesh mention was for Dana, she like...loves to use his name and that love is starting to wear off on me.
and I hope people get the joke of him actually getting married cuz Vermont is like the only state where gay people can get married. I for one thought that comment I made was extremely clever of me.

So I find out today that Tony isnt going home for break...yeah my ride plans are screwed now. Hurray!

In other news: In my acting class we have to do this thing called Rock Star where you pick a rock star, lip sing, and imitate them. Our teacher wanted us to pick someone that was a challenge for them, someone unlike themselves. So who does Colleen pick? Well, Christina Anguilera of course! I have an outfit that is staggering to anyone who knows me. It includes fishnet stockings, high heels, short mini skirt that has shorts built in (thank god), a tacky camaflogue green/blue top and a nice red bra. There clothes arent mine....its mostly Dana. I dunno why she has all these whore clothes but God Bless her! I'm also going to do some makeup, put these blond extentions in and maybe add a stick on nose ring. I do this tomorrow at 11 am. I will become what I hate and shake it like it's nobody's biz. It's very entertaining though I must say.

I can't even imagine what my father is thinking at this moment.

This was written on my wipeboard last night:

This is the story of Conan. He smells like grapenuts. Sometimes he hangs out by the Junior High and scouts for ass. This is gross. Regardless, Conan went on to become a junior member in the republic of Conania (I think that's what it says) and currently is married with four hundred children whom he does not fully appreciate. I like corn dogs and soda.

-Mr. Hamb(scribble scribble - I think its supposed to be Hamburger)

Under this I wrote: Someone is drunk and likes to write.

So I had this piece of paper that I wrote funny things down on and now I can't find it. This is very annoying. But I guess I could tell you about this show idea Dana and I came up with, it's called Baby Killer. Its about this guy who kills baby's and to steal their things like pacifier, crib, osh kosh bagosh overalls, their mini shoes, and the car seat. The theme song will be sung my an heavy metal hair band like Poison. Baby Kill-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Foreigner confusion:

Yesturday Yvone was telling me her confusion over some girl and said, "I dunno if she's human, alien...or a guy."

It's mostly in the face. Aliens have slimy grey skin and big black eyes, girls are pretty..and guys are rugged. That should clear things up.

F bomb!

stop being a bastard post section!

The last o the last:

Just then Joan Rivers turned around and noticed the bomb was dead. She screamed and her face cracked. She was so angry that her plan failed that she began to melt, until all that was left was a puddle of Botox.

They all rejoiced. But Tori Spelling was frozen still. She was mesmerized by all the paparazzi taking pictures.
Then out of no where, Charles in Charge’s star Scoot Baio showed up. He had been looking all over for Tori Spelling so they could be together the way only early 90s television stars could. He kissed her out of her daze and they instantly fell in love and wanted to get married.

Inspired by their affection, MC Hammer suggested that Michael Bolton “turn this mutha out” with a song, and he did. He sang ‘Love is a Wonderful Thing.’ (enter music here)

But this happily ever after didn’t last very long: The seven washed up stars got their second chance when they were offered a sitcom on the WB, but only the pilot was shot and then it was pulled before it could be aired. Tori Spelling and Scott Baio stayed married for a solid 2 months and then divorced faster than J-Lo could ever imagine.

D End.

Mo' Story:

So finally when the day arrived they all got into Mr. T’s A-Team van and drove to Hollywood. Mr. T had an AT&T commercial to shoot so it was on the way. The whole ride he kept giving Tori advice to stay in school, drink her milk, and don’t take drugs.

When they arrived, Macgyver escorted her out and down the red carpet. He was there not just as a friend, but as a bodyguard. The whole time he kept a look out for any danger. The he noticed that her snap bracelet was keeping time. But when he looked closer he saw that it was counting down. He had seen this before on his self titled action packed show - Macgyver. He had to stop the bomb, where ever it was. And he had less than three minutes to do it.

He scouted around, and listened for a tic of a bomb. He looked over to where Joan Rivers was standing; she was getting her finishing touches on her make up. It was then that he noticed a tic and he followed the sound. He ran through the crowd of stars and to Joan Rivers’ camera crew. It was there, by the microphones, that he saw the bomb. It was attached to the bottom of the microphone labeled, “Tori Spelling’s microphone.”

At this point he had a minute left. He didn’t come prepared so he did what he does best – use random objects to save the day. So he used his wrist watch, a complimentary mint toothpick, and the chewy caramel center of a milk dud. With seconds remaining he diffused the bomb and saved the day.

End Part 4

Story Cont.:

Why a snap bracelet? Joan figured, it’s tacky and anyone who tries to bring back a trend from the ‘80s should be blown up.

Joan was extremely pleased with her plan and she would have laughed manically but all the plastic surgery prevented her from doing anything else but smile and constantly look surprised.

Back at the cottage Tori was helping Alf memorize his lines for his next 1-800-Collect commercial when Macgyver came back from his daily walk with the mail. He noticed the invitation for Tori and called her over.

“WOAH!” cried Joey Lawrance, “You got invited to the Golden Globes!”

“Oh my God!” she exclaimed, “I guess they don’t hate me after all. But whatever shall I wear?”

MC Hammer came over and offered her his beautifully glistening blue jumpsuit. As much as Tori loved shinny objects, she knew it wouldn’t fit.

“Quit your jibba jabba! She’s got a package too” said Mr. T.

Tori opened the package and saw a wonderful dress just for her with a matching snap bracelet. “Goodie, I love snap bracelets!” she exclaimed.

“Who sent it to you?” asked Angela Lansbury.
“Joan Rivers. Aw, how nice of her, I’ll have to make sure to go and see her when I arrive,” said Tori.

But this whole thing seemed suspicious to Angela. “How curious? Why would Joan Rivers send you a package the same day your invitation arrived?” Her work on Murder She Wrote was making her want to get to the bottom of this mystery, but no one else listened to her, for she was old.

End Part 3

Meanwhile, in the forest Tori Spelling was losing hope until at last she arrived in a clearing where a lone house stood. She went up to the door and could hear the song “Can’t Touch This” playing inside. It was one of her favorite songs so she opened the door to hear it better and she found seven pairs of eyes on her.
“What’s going on here?” she asked.

Mr. T stepped forward and with all this gold chains replied, “We are the seven washed up celebrities, fool!”
She looked around and noticed who was there; Mr.T, MC Hammer, Angela Lansbury, Macgyver, Alf, Michael Bolton, and Joey Lawerance who noticed who she was and exclaimed, “WOAH!” in pure Blossom fashion.

She told them her story about being shunned away and they all nodded in agreement, for they knew her story all too well. They were all surprised she held out so long.

Back in Hollywood (after getting another face lift), Joan Rivers searched far and wide for a way to kill Tori Spelling. In the end she decided to print up a fake invitation to the Golden Globes that stated Tori was being acknowledged for her work in the 1987 classic, Troop Beverly Hills. With the letter she would include a dress for her to wear, along with a snap bracelet that was the triggering device to a bomb. Once Tori arrived on the red carpet, Joan Rivers would call her over and the bomb would go off.

End Part 2

Everybody who loves Mr.T go here http://www.angelfire.com/weird/monkeys/mrt.html (sorry I couldnt make it a link, it wasnt working so copy and paste it)
its this crazy sound board, he says sucka so much! Oh and nobody drives the van but him.

ok I have decided to post my storytelling fairtale for all o' yall. But I know people dont' like to read too much, so it will be in pieces. Like an HBO special with the voice of Tom Hanks!

The Hollywood Version: Snow White and the Seven Celebrities

Once upon a time in the magical kingdom of Hollywood there lived a producer who had a daughter. Her name was Tori Spelling. She was attractive and had no acting skills at all, but because she was his daughter he put her in everything he ever made. But one day, he died and the rest of the people in Hollywood hated her so much for all her terrible acting that they wanted to cast her away. This time her daddy couldn’t save her. So she was banished to never act again and sent to Northern California.

Soon after the most shallow and annoying fashion expert in all the land went up to her mirror and asked, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, whose hated most of all?”
The mirror replied, “Why you Joan Rivers, but there is another. Tori Spelling is hated still for what she did on Beverly Hills 90210. She was cast away up north and is wandering through the woods there.”

“Then she MUST die! For only I shall be the most hated in all the land!” said Joan Rivers. But before she whisked herself off to conjure up a plan to destroy Tori Spelling and broadcast the whole thing as a television special on E!, she asked, “Who is she wearing?” Then she proceeded to make bad jokes about K-Mart having a sale.

End Part 1

Random Quote: I like babies - Yvone

Then later on Dana and I hugged Yvone to make an asian sandwich. Then we cornered her and proceeded to see if we could pick her up cuz she is small. We took turns. We could both pick her up. Hurray!

GASP! My first fan email!

TJ writes: What do you think about the movie Old School and its stealing of your website name?

Well, I was in the movie theatre when I saw the trailer and thought it was the most amazing trailer, simply because of the name. Initially I thought, it was pretty cool that they shared my name. Then after awhile, I thought about it - alone in a meadow, and it started to annoy me. I mean, if that movie sucks they could systematically destroy all the things that old school is associated with. I am worried for my future. I fear the worst. And as such, I am putting out a Red Alert for the readers of my site. Please read as much of the archives as you can and buy lots of duct tape and put it around your computer. If there arent many updates for about a week...fear the worst. But otherwise, Will Ferrel could make that whole thing worth seeing.

More emails are appreciated.

Ok today I was thinking how I have a high tolerance for the cold. Often times when others feel it is really cold I am standing around in a t shirt saying its so hot. But here in Ithaca my tolerance is gone. It is so ridiculously cold out here you have no idea. My nose hairs freeze, I curse as I walk around and the wind attempts to blow me into a snow pile. So not cool. And I find it very disappointing that I am so damn cold. (shakes fist at Jack Frost)

Also, as I got onto the elevator I was thinking how awkward it is when you are with one other person who you dont know...in the elevator of course. And you could say well it only lasts for about a minute until you get to your floor, but still...I feel the need to address the uncomfortableness but instead I lean against the wall and pretend to be in deep thought or fuss with my jacket, anything to not think about the other person there. But if we just opened up, do you know how many elevator friends you could make?! So then I got onto the second elevator - because I was avoiding being outside - and we stop on one of the floor...low and behold, Dana walks in...and so does this other chick. So Dana and I exchange witty banter and then we all start to complain how the elevator stops of floors and no one is there and how it wastes a good 3 seconds of time. This girl is proof that elevator friends really can happen.

I checked my Ithaca webmail and I got an email from the Asian Club. I'm not asian....silly mailing list.

Ok addition to last post. As Yvone and I were reading the last post about her being swallowed by the gates of hell we began to elaborate on what it would look like. Each time I got a visual of her yelling and flailing her arms as she is being sucked down into this spiralling abyss. And she yells out, "This BLOWS!"
She then acted it out and I proceeded to piss my pants.

She then had this to say, "What?! That is what I would say, that does blow."

Yaye!

Yvone wants to be in the website and I have thought of quoting her several times but then I forget what she says or its too offensive. But today, I will not censor it. That's right. Get ready. Hide the kids and get ready to pray after reading this.

So she comes into my room and I asked how her night was and she says, "a lot of sex and drugs."
And I ask, "with who?"
she answers, "with God." Then she apologized to him but it was too late, the gates of hell opened and swallowed her whole.

And last week she said "whore" in church. She is totally doomed. For sure!

oh and also: Sheryl Crow rules.
I say this as I bizounce to the mad phat beats.
peace out.

Oh and belated Shout Out:
To: Ms.Marie
Why: The "H." Brownies and Barry White CDs for ma Bday.

After Creative Writing I went into the small grocery type store to get more of my Lactaid Milk. I left without a bag, I wanted to boldly show that I am Lactose Intolerant. And as I am walking back to the dorm I notice this grey wool glove with this red thing on it that looked like a cloth tongue or mouth. I figured hey! sock puppet or crazy animal mitten. I was SO right. There stood a lone frozen whale mitten. I picked it up, looked at it, then put it back down. As I walked away I said, "that sucks. Poor Mr. Whale." Then I felt bad for leaving him but I figured there was a reason he was there. Maybe if he's still around in like a week I'll take him in.

Then as if that wasnt enough - I just realized how anti climactic this is - I saw a lady standing outside by the dining hall smoking and wearing a plaid/flannel jacket with big stitched orange pattern on it. I mummbled, "oh boy thats ugly."
And it was.

Wanna hear my PSA for Media Production? Well you don't have a choice. Realize how lucky you are you spoiled brat, when I was your age we lived in a due-plex and walked barefoot with nails in our heels because the doctors said it would make us taller. Anyway...

It's been said that milk does a body good, but to some its deadly.
As many as 50 million Americans are lactose intolerant. Dairy products like cheese, ice cream and milk can send them to an early grave. Lactose Intolerance is the most common disorder in the world. So let's stop the bloating before it starts and outlaw milk.
Do it for the children.

Paid for by PAM; People Against Milk.

Oh man I TOTALLY Rocked the gym. What now? What? My 8am professor never showed up and for the duration of the 15 mins we all wait I heard many people talk about how long they should wait til they leave. We always did that in HS, saying ok 5 mins. 5 mins up. Ok ten mins, thats all. Once we get the courage to go, the teacher walks in, only I never really got out of my seat. I would just act all bad ass like I didnt want to be there, but yeah, I'm a geek and I like to learn. SO?! You're just jealous.

Last night Yvone said: I learned english through Magic.
Freakin cheater.

My Storytelling class is killing me. I mean, its cool and very interesting and keeps me on my toes but I read like a crazy mo-fo. I have to read about 100 pages by Wed and I still have to see The Pianist for it, thats a movie by the way. Oy, look at that. There is so much work, I've become jewish.

I have to wake up at 730AM tomorrow, that will be fun, hopefully I will get up for it...unlike last time. Silly ol' alarm clock pulled a fast one on me. Then I'm saying I'll go to the gym, we'll see how that pans out. A lot of times I kid myself while awake and the sleepy part of me says...screw that I want more sleep!

In other news, there is way too much stuff I need to do I'll be happy when the weekend comes. I mean I like being busy and all but sometimes its too much and I hope I dont splode. Spontanious Human Combustion has to be such a crappy way to die. I mean one minute you're all hey I'm gonna walk over there and the next BOOM you are a ring of black ashes on the floor...but I bet your shoes would be intact, especially if you got on Adidas. (wink)

I better get free shoes now.

Wanna hear a sentence that makes no sense?
Ok here you go: Hello, want to go to the flowers and pick some potatoes?

Guess who got hyper last night and said that to Ben? It was really the hat I put on that made me do it.

Oh and I saw Octopus 2: River of Fear last night. Wow, that was astounding. The actors were SO good and the special effects blew my mind. I wish I was in it.

I've begun to wear my blue doctor scrubs around as PJs. This morning I didnt have much time to get ready for breakfast, and to be honest I wouldnt have changed anyway, so I wore my scurbs. While at the table Ben was saying how I could be forced to operate on someone because of the scrubs. I said, "Screw you!" and kicked him in the head. No no, thats a lie.

Anyhoot, we then discussed my practice. You see, I would give free exams on the side of the highway and I would be drunk because as Ben pointed out, I'm irish so that means I have beer flowing through my veins. (Don't worry, everyone hates Ben so we are used to his ignorance and jackass personality.) Then after awhile I would move into the bathrooms of Mobile stations and the owner would get mad because I would never give him back his key that had a wooden block on the keychain. Dr.Col, it's free because well....I'm a drunked Irish girl who is only 19 and has never gone to med school. Come by sometime. And if you dont want brain surgery, then I'll just pump gas into your car.

Yeah so I missed my first class today. I wake up and I'm all, oh man I gotta pee. I squint my eyes to see the clock because I am blind without my contacts. And it looks like the first number is a 9. I think, hey thats not right, I'm supposed to wake up at 7:35am. Unsure of my eyes, I squint again and say....OH NO. Check the alarm, yeah the common mistake of setting it on PM. DAMN YOU 8AM CLASS! And I was gonna go to the gym afterwards...now its just too far away and I can't believe I slept through the WHOLE class. SO annoying, but maybe it was fate's bday gift to me.

In honor of true Colleen spirit I give you, a poop story:


Lactaid Lady: so i walk into the bathroom that has 2 stalls
Lactaid Lady: now I had to take a crap
Cookies4Grandma: ha okay
Lactaid Lady: and BAM there is the RA tweezing her eyebrows
Cookies4Grandma: haha ofcourse
Lactaid Lady: so i linger, and she notices me so i continue
Cookies4Grandma: continue to linger? or to poo?
Lactaid Lady: and i was like...well i hope i have to pee too
Cookies4Grandma: haha okay
Cookies4Grandma: I see now
Lactaid Lady: i found myself in the stall
Cookies4Grandma: alright
Lactaid Lady: so i wait a minute and i was like...ok if i dont pee this will be weird...cuz i'll like sit in silence and then flush..
Lactaid Lady: and pretend i peed
Lactaid Lady: but she'll prob know
Lactaid Lady: but alas...I peed and avoided such a situation
Lactaid Lady: but it was scary for a sec....and i still have to poop
Lactaid Lady: lol
Cookies4Grandma: lol okay
Cookies4Grandma: ohh you didn't poop yet!
Cookies4Grandma: that just happened!
Lactaid Lady: lol yeah
Cookies4Grandma: oh MAN
Cookies4Grandma: that's great
Lactaid Lady: oh yeah
Lactaid Lady: i'll brb...you know why
Cookies4Grandma: I mean it stinks (literally) but it's great nontheless
Cookies4Grandma: ha okay
Cookies4Grandma: bombs away!
Lactaid Lady: lol back
Cookies4Grandma: what happened this time
Cookies4Grandma: you cnanot be that quick of a pooper
Lactaid Lady: smooth landing
Cookies4Grandma: no way!
Lactaid Lady: ooh i am
Cookies4Grandma: I'm freaking impressed
Lactaid Lady: thanks
Cookies4Grandma: wow I reallyam though
Lactaid Lady: LoL
Cookies4Grandma: that was really I mean really quick@
Lactaid Lady: well i mean I had to go
Cookies4Grandma: still
Lactaid Lady: eh...well I do pee fast too
Cookies4Grandma: it doesn't take a little time? I mean it's just hey there it is
Lactaid Lady: i guess
Cookies4Grandma: I pee fast too, but I think I take a little longer than a milisecond to poop
Lactaid Lady: what can i say
Lactaid Lady: its a gift
Cookies4Grandma: you are super pooper
Cookies4Grandma: haha!
Lactaid Lady: oh man!
Lactaid Lady: I totally am!
Cookies4Grandma: I'm on to you SP
Lactaid Lady: what are you gonna do journalist woman
Cookies4Grandma: you have the whole superman get-up, but the only 2 differences are the S on the suit now says SP and there is a butt flap
Cookies4Grandma: cause you can't be waisting time taking off the tights
Cookies4Grandma: nothing, I am content with the victory of figuring you ouy.
Cookies4Grandma: *out
Cookies4Grandma: and with that thought fresh in your head
Cookies4Grandma: I must depart

DE End

I just read about blogger for my Mass Media class. Oh man I am so cool cuz I know what they were talking about. It twas so unnecessary for me to read cuz like...I know everything about the world.

In other news: Today I was at some auditions for Trailer Park because they want to get some more people. I am already a Field Producer for those who dont know, and think I was there for talent. No sir. I sat in the control room, put on some headphones, and talked about whatever to the people working the camera. You see these people couldnt see me cuz I was in the...i dunno...room with lots of buttons and technical stuff. So I had no problem saying random things and BSing with whoever answered when I said hello? or breathed like Darth Vader, or rapped with the director about how the telepromter wasnt working and they should use the script, or when I quoted several lines from Missy Elliot's Work It. Man I love that song.

Oh and more RA stuff. I was outside talking to Kim and Dana my common mischief lets-say-things-that-sound-racist-while-the-RA-is-near-by bunch. So I walk out of my room and one of them tells me I should be a part of the KKK...for no reason. I dunno. So I say, ok I guess I'll start hating blacks. Lo and Behold, they begin to laugh and look past me...I turn around...yeah the RAs door was closing. EXCELLENT! I dont really think she heard, but now I'm the top dog for worst thing said.

The other day I got a new tray at the dining hall. This bad boy wasn't all cracked and gray from being washed too many times. It was black and smooth. It was the Jaguar of dining hall trays. Jules just missed getting it. Instead she had to deal with a crappy Ford POS. Sucks for her. She was SO jealous. I told Sara about it and she asked if I put it in my website. I thought about it. Then I did.

Oh and now I'm a part of 4 shows. Another improv comedy is added to the list. It's much like Curb Your Enthusiasm on HBO. There is a basic plot but the dialogue is made up on the spot. I wasn't sure if I would get it cuz I only did one scene before I had to leave. And we kinda went off topic a bit which the guy pointed out but as I left he said, Thanks Colleen. Then low and behold an email shows up saying I got it. Oh and I might take over Quabble next year and be THE Producer. How cool is that?! We'll see.

**I am aware that a couple posts ago I have the same story about 3 times. Don't feel the need to read all three. Unless you are really bored or have short term memory**

I went sledding last night with Tony and Rob Flack. It was great. I hit some serious air on the snow ramp, ma brotha. I got to get my sled on with a one man blow up raft, a boogie board with a plastic bottom-hello speed, your classic long plastic sled which sucks, and the ever so classy dining hall tray. The tray is fun cuz you lay on it with your stomach and then arch the rest of your body so you dont hit the snow. You are so close to the snow its like your flying or something.

At one point we were going down this hill near a house and the guy came home. He goes outside with his dog and Flack and I were waiting til he left...well I wanted to cuz I didnt want to be attacked by some dog. So we waited, and waited, and this dog seemed to want to stay outside and we couldnt see where it was so we moved over like 10 feet or so and were going for one of our last runs. I was on the faster sled so one we went down I got a bit further than Flack did. I heard chains gingling and was like Oh my God I'm going to be attacked by a dog now. I had an instinct to over my neck, but instead I got up to see where the dog was. Boom hes like 2 feet away, freaking HUGE German Shepard. His hair was sticking up and he was growling a little. The owner told me not to worry.

I look to see Flack, hes like 6-7 feet away and not moving at all. So I start to move back and the dog doesnt want me to and Flack tells me to follow him and, "don't move." The dog listened to its owner and left. Walking back Flack told me that he saw the dog coming over to me and thought Colleen is going to be attacked and there is nothing I can do.

Needless to say, the fun overpowered my fear of being eaten by man's best friend.

hello

Oh man last night was hilarious. You see we got this new RA this semester who is from Jamacia as well. Only she doesnt know how crazy I am yet. However, she keeps hearing and seeing some things that are revealing my character in truely sitcom antics of all the wrong things.

Two days ago: Around 930 Dana, Kim, and I were hanging outside my room as I blasted Rap music and we danced full out. There was booty shaking and some bandanas worn. At one point we were showing each other moves outside my dorm when the RA came out. Naturally we all stopped and stood against the wall. Silence. She looked at us, we looked at each other. Laughter. She was confused. We didnt know what to say. But it looked like we were up to something. She later asked us to lower the music.

Yesterday night: Dana is outside my door, Kim and I are inside. Dana drops the F-bomb right as the RA passes.

Later on: I was attempting to read for Media class and Kim steps out of the room, Dana leave and goes to the water fountain just outside my door. I can hear her talking to me but I'm half listening. She says, "I love talking ghetto and being white." Then there is a silence and I thought she went back to her room or something. Then Dana head appears as she leans over and looks at my desktop, half laughing she says, "oh my god."
I ask, "what?"
Then I figure it out. "Oh no! She heard the ghetto thing?!"
Dana falls to the floor with laughter.

Later she wishes she heard her say, "I like bunnies cuz they're sweet and cuddly."

We joke about how much the RA must hate us and want to write us up for hate crimes. Then once again I start playing some Rap and R&B when a black guy Courtney walks by and sees us bouncin' our heads. He knows Kim better than Dana and I...and Kim as she told us is "mixed." So he stops to look then gives the peace sign. Kim shouts, "What are all the black folk out tonight?!"

We later thought of how much worse it could get. Basically we ended up with the RA walking in and we're watching the Rodney King beating.

I am not a racist.
I laughted so hard. Especially when Dana spent most of her time on my floor wedging herself between my wall and dresser. She had this to say about her appearence, "I'm like a crack hoe sedated in da alley." My wall how says "Dana's Alley."

We were in fine character last night. We need our own HBO show. It would KILL, I'm telling ya!

I had some trouble posting, so you dont really have to read the same thing 3 times. Just read which ever one you want.

Rats! I totally wrote something and its not here now. WhatEVER computer! Anyway, last night was hilarious. You see we got this new RA on the floor and she is from Jamacia as well. She doesnt know yet how crazy I am. Unfortunely pieces of info, and the wrong info have been leaking out in sitcom fashion. Mostly it's my friend Dana who has it the worst. Here is among the things done and heard:

Two days ago: Around 930 Dana, Kim, and I were hanging outside my room as I blasted Rap music and we danced full out. There was booty shaking and some bandanas worn. At one point we were showing each other moves outside my dorm when the RA came out. Naturally we all stopped and stood against the wall. Silence. She looked at us, we looked at each other. Laughter. She was confused. We didnt know what to say. But it looked like we were up to something. She later asked us to lower the music.

Yesterday night: Dana is outside my door, Kim and I are inside. Dana drops the F-bomb right as the RA passes.

Later on: I was attempting to read for Media class and Kim steps out of the room, Dana leave and goes to the water fountain just outside my door. I can hear her talking to me but I'm half listening. She says, "I love talking ghetto and being white." Then there is a silence and I thought she went back to her room or something. Then Dana head appears as she leans over and looks at my desktop, half laughing she says, "oh my god."
I ask, "what?"
Then I figure it out. "Oh no! She heard the ghetto thing?!"
Dana falls to the floor with laughter.

Later she wishes she heard her say, "I like bunnies cuz they're sweet and cuddly."

We joke about how much the RA must hate us and want to write us up for hate crimes. Then once again I start playing some Rap and R&B when a black guy Courtney walks by and sees us bouncin' our heads. He knows Kim better than Dana and I...and Kim as she told us is "mixed." So he stops to look then gives the peace sign. Kim shouts, "What are all the black folk out tonight?!"

We later thought of how much worse it could get. Basically we ended up with the RA walking in and we're watching the Rodney King beating.

I am not a racist.
I laughted so hard. Especially when Dana spent most of her time on my floor wedging herself between my wall and dresser. She had this to say about her appearence, "I'm like a crack hoe sedated in da alley." My wall how says "Dana's Alley."

We were in fine character last night. We need our own HBO show. It would KILL, I'm telling ya!

I have a Quote of the Day for you. Well actually its a quote of yesterday. I dont want to lie to you. Let's keep a healthy relationship, ok? So anyway, after some serious booty shaking with some friends we stopped and pondered things in life. That's when this happened:

Dana: Remember Don Delouise? Whatever happened to him?
(laughter)
Me: Who is Don Delouise?
Dana: He was that big fat guy. He was like 2K.

I guess its not really a quote as it is a section of some dialogue from the previous day.

So check this out:

I get back up to Ithaca College and turn on my computer and WHAM on the desktop is Kazaa. Now you might think, ok big whoop. If you do then you dont understand Colleen's desktop. It doesnt have Kazaa for two reasons; it messed up a computer at home, and the its not worth it here cuz it takes FOREVER to download songs.

Now I know you could say, well hey..someone probably put it there. No no you see I put a towel over my computer so robbers couldnt see it and it wasnt moved. Therefore, no one touched my computer and Kazaa put itself into my computer. My analysis is that Kazaa can't get over me. I mean I totally broke it off with him and thought he understood I didnt really want to be friends cuz it would be too hard but NO he comes and brings himself all up in my business. He is trippin'. I think I need a restraining order or something.

DAMN YOU KAZAA
...................Kazaa
...................kazaa

That ladies and gentlemen was an echo.

Today I got engaged. It was so romantic. Jon and I were going into the very fancy King Kullen to get Rice Krispies and marshmellows to make..you guessed it...Rice Krispies Treats! So we go on line and buy it. Afterwards Jon had a quarter so I told him he should buy something. We got over to the machines and then he said I'm going to buy you a ring. I asked if he was going to ask me to marry him and he told me to close my eyes. So I did, I wasnt going to be rude. My eyes were being all closed n such and when I opened them Jon was on one knee. He asked me to marry him and I said Ok. All the check out clerks were looking, they were so jealous. So he goes to put the ring on my ring finger and it didnt fit. You'd think he would have shopped for one that was MY size, but no. Once it didnt fit I was all...I guess we can't get married now. But he was in denial and thought it would still happen even though I knew it wasnt a real diamond. Cheapskate. Then we got back to my house and we got into a fight and he wanted an annullment. I gave it to him. But then we thought we could work stuff out, but if he hits me...it's over.

Married life is tough.

I know I have been slacking off with Phrase O the Week but i mean its not my fault if people dont say funny things. Or that they do and then I forget them cuz off all the drugs and devil worshiping that I do. You know I bet I actually could do all those things. Because everytime my mom asks what I'm going to do when I'm about to go out with my friends I tell her we're going to get high/sell drugs to kids/worship the devil. So I mean, I could totally do it and even tell my mom and she would think I was joking. Finally I get to become the dirtbag I have always dreamed of.

Hark! An epic story about a child in search of inner meaning and the 50 little people who helped her pull a giant airplane on Fox's new show...Man Vs. Animal. Read away:

Lactaid Lady: but i am a cold hearted bitch
FJive45: at least you you're facing your true identity
Lactaid Lady: its about time...you know maybe I should go on Dr.Phil
FJive45: ooooh
FJive45: he'd set ya straight
FJive45: get in yo face
Lactaid Lady: thats right...he'd tell me, "you know sometimes its hard to see your own face without a mirror"
Lactaid Lady: he is SO full of wisdom
FJive45: i dont know how he does it sometimes
FJive45: takes my breath away
Lactaid Lady: hes a giant among men
FJive45: a floater among sinkers
Lactaid Lady: there is no faster way to my heart then through poo references...

I think I mention poo way too much. I mean my life consists of other things, but I constantly mention poo. It's just funny. But sometimes I scare myself.

I'd like to address the issue of a certain Mail Man. Now there is this light near me known as Five Corners, this light blows because it takes for-ev to get a green light so I take a side street to avoid any road rage. When I take this street every so often there is this Mail Truck around and the Mail Man goes around on foot with his bag full o letters and he goes door to door; he's pretty oldschool. So whenever I drive past him, he waves. The first time I gave a confused wave back figuring that he mistook me for someone else. I see him again, and yeah, he waves. At this point I'm thinking, What is with this guy? My analysis is that he is "going postal" and he doesnt really care who he waves to, he just waves. There I am thinking I was all special...and then I see him waving to someone else in another car. I knew he couldn't be trusted. We are SO over! I dont need him!

WhatEVER

I saw Upright Citizens Brigade and it was amazing! Special thanks to Jesse for allowing me to stay at his "crib" and for all the crazy new inside jokes and of course giving up his bed so I could go sleepy. I saw Racheal Dratch go into the theatre and was so starstruck it was crazy. I was all...OMG! That's Racheal Dratch. Now I know many ppl are freaked out by her on SNL cuz she plays these not so pretty characters but I think she's hilarious. Jesse and I made a goal for this summer: take the UCB Class together. I really hope we do it.

On the train ride back I sank into my own little word as I listened to the American Beauty soundtrack and Fiona Apple mix. This guy sat next to me for awhile and at one point I looked over and saw his ear. This was no regular ear people. The outer rim...i dunno what it's really called, but he totally had hair growing there. I was like WHOA! That's gross! And then I realized he probably didnt like it when people looked at his abnormal hair growth on his outer ear. Gee, I hope he doesnt read this...

Where the F is everyone?!

Daily Shout Out:
To: Horatio Sanz
Why come?: Cuz he incorperated "I'm just jenny from the block" into the improv. Well done my friend. Jesse and I were really hoping to hear a line from Missy Elliot's "work it" but JLo was a good replacement.

Last night I was all, "I'll get up semi-early around 11ish and work out for a bit."

The reality: I woke up and forced myself out of bed at 12 and then ate cocoa puffs.

Yesterday a telemarketer called but I had already said hello...so that kinda ruined the whole breathing heavy thing. Really is a shame cuz I would really like to do that. David Letterman was talking about them the same day I wrote about that and he was saying to pretend that you think you won a big screen tv and say how excited you are and you knew you would win, that way they feel bad when they say no no you didnt win anything. You could be all depressed and hang up, or they wont even try to sell you anything cuz they feel bad. If they do still try, then it is my medical opinion that they are mean people with no hearts.

Yesterday while at the Ben Folds concert which was AMAZING. 3rd time seeing him and it was so worth the 40 bucks. But before he came out I was putting my feet up on the seats ahead of me and then I would wedge my feet inbetween the two seats. At some point I stretched them out by the floor you know just leaning back n such. Next thing I know I have this purple sticky crap on my sneakers. I'm all, what the F?! I have no clue where it came from but it totally invaded my personal space and sabotaged my sneakers. So not cool purple stuff.

I have been thinking about telemarketers lately. You see I know when they call because there is that 5 second delay and then somehoew they pronounce Evanson wrong, how that is possible? I dunno. So I feel bad being flat out mean to them because I mean it's their job and they probaby get a lot of mean people and hate their job and I dont wanna add to that. Now a problem arises. How do I get them to stop calling without resorting to anger? I have the answer. Next time one calls I really really want to pull this off.

This is what I want to do: Wait for them to start selling something and then start to yell at other people who arent really there. I have this situation in my head that I start yellin at my pretend raging ex-boyfriend who has come to the house to seek revenge since I denied him my love. This way I get to have a fake screaming match with myself. I get to be his voice and I'll pretend to struggle for the phone and ask if its that punk Tom. Then threaten "tom" on the other line, saying "you're dead pal, I know where you live." Then hang up. The telemarketer will be so confused and shocked they wont ever call back. But they will have a story to tell all their friends.

Another thing I could do is just not answer and breathe heavy into the phone. That would be easier to pull off then my planned out soap opera. I'd prefer to do that one with someone else so that way there could be overlapping yelling n such. Plus it will be so much more compelling.

Peace out.

I watched Back to the Future 2 tonight. That is such a great movie. I thought the future would have flying cars and plastic clothes and hover boards. I found out that takes place in 2015 so we still have time. But while we sat in my den and watched it there were many comments that it wasnt really the future, it was just the 80s version of what they thought was to come. Now that sounds obvious but all it really showed was the 80s with more plastic and rubber and metal clothes, still bright obnoxious colors, and attempts at advanced technology...top of the line graphics which was like bulky 3D stuff.

I think I failed at describing it. Just rent the movie, you'll know what I'm talking about.

yeah i have nothing else to really say. adios

After watching Fightclub I was thinking I would ask some of my friends the following, "What would you do if I slapped you in the face?" I asked this thinking if the answer was, "I'd slap you back," I would accept that consequence with a shrug and proceed to slap the crap outta their cheek. However, no one said they would slap back. Sudie was indifferent and Liz said she'd get boogers all over my hand cuz she has a cold. DRAT!

Later that night as I got out of Dave's car Sudie and me got into an all out fight. It was amazing. Liz and Dave sat in the car and watched as we struggled to knock each other to the ground into the snow. He got my hands a bunch of times but I got myself out of it until he wrapped my arms around myself and I hooked my foot behind his, locking his leg and falling back. Needless to say he broke my fall. I lost my hairband but it was worth it.

Oh yeah and the city rules! We went into the St.Patrick Cathedral and as we were walking around in total awe of the architecture there was this homeless man asleep in the pews (sp?). Sudie said, "picture."

Lactaid Lady: josh would you ever take a dump, catch it in a bag on the way into the toilet and then shake it out onto someone's lawn?
ISmellNY: maybe
ISmellNY: depends
Lactaid Lady: on what?
Lactaid Lady: if it was ziplock...
ISmellNY: i'd like paper more
Lactaid Lady: ok so you'd crouch in your bathroom and dump on some newspaper
ISmellNY: sure
Lactaid Lady: then throw it on someone's lawn
ISmellNY: sure
ISmellNY: why?
Lactaid Lady: i dunno i think it would be hilarious if someone actually did that
Lactaid Lady: i mean, what a great story to tell my kids

Yeah so I think I'm addicted to Hot Fries. It all starts with one fry, then I'm all eating the whole damn bag. The other day I bought 2 big bags of them and that same day I ate one whole bag by myself. I then waited til later this night to eat the rest of the hot fries that my brother opened. And I think tomorrow I'll go out and buy s'mo. I hope they make a patch and I can get myself out of this potential road to disaster ASAP. First its just one bag a day, then suddenly I blow all my money on it, and I'm selling my parents bed for cash to buy up all the bags at 7-11. Then I'm living on the streets dancing on a box to make ends meat...so I can buy bags. Then I'm heating the fries on a spoon and shooting it up.

And so today's lesson is not to throw carrots at old people.

I apologize for no updates in the past days. I have totally forgotten about the Phrase O the Week. I've decided who it will go to.

This week it goes to Merry. You see in the beginning of the week...or was it last week? Eh, whatev. She wanted to go to a diner. But there were some conditions of going. You see Merry doesnt like to take these things called "showers" very often and won't deny that. One fine day she asked me to go to the diner with her wearing pjs cuz she hadn't showered OR changed even though it was about 3pm. I said ok fine, I'll change back for you. After that Sudhanshu was saying how great it would be if him and I didnt change and Merry had. He couldnt wait to see her face, because he's the devil. Then as we were discussing her reaction if we showed up wearing regular clothes Merry said:

if you show up without pjs on I will cut your face off with a knife

Aw, Mer...that's SO sweet. You'd do that, just for me? Wow. We are special friends. Nothing says lovin' like a slash to the face.

Note: Her statement single handedly scared me into at least wearing PJ pants instead of not changing at all as Sudie had wanted.